decade

Traditionally, my female owner doesn’t really know what to do with her birthday or new year’s eve or new year’s day. The reflective nature in her thinks that it is a great idea to consolidate the year’s happenings (u know, like do a year review) and when this part is done, to start the new year with some goal-setting. But the unstructured (and lazy) part of her usually treats these days as ordinary (holi)days.

But I guess, this year is kinda different, since… erm… she is going to hit a new decade of her life soon. So anyway, in order to gain inspiration for her reflection, my female owner turned to things that I had written in the past one year as a means to see how things have changed or progressed.

Compared to her previous break in Singapore, my female owner has mellowed. She is no longer obsessed with going out all the time and has become comfortable with staying home by herself. By the same token, she values her family more and would rather spend time with them than to fill her days with social appointments. In addition, my female owner has also relinquished her obsession with favourite foods like fried food (too disgusting), kaya toast (too sweet), carbs like rice and noodles (but a necessary evil), chocolates and cakes (too sweet and fattening). This is not in response to any dieting attempts but somehow, her tastebuds have changed and she finds herself getting full with smaller quantities too.

My female owner thinks that as a person, she has become more calm and more easy-going. While her natural tendency is to be easily triggered by anxiety and worry, my female owner believes she is better able to keep these emotions in check – in short, more self-awareness of her internal state. Socially, she definitely made more friends (but also lost some along the way). She still subscribes to her peculiar manner of categorising friends and has unintentionally misled several people into thinking that she is warmer and more extroverted than she actually is.

As a wandering Christian, my female owner has gained a firmer foundation in God. At a slow but steady pace she says. My female owner still retains a certain level of cynicism towards things she observes, but she testifies without any doubt, of God’s love and faithfulness for His children. She reckons that she has a long way to go and is still vulnerable to being derailed. Hence, she probably needs to be more disciplined, keep herself in check and connect deeper with Christians.
Methinks her decision making is still very questionable and her passivity and commitment phobia are major issues. But I must give her credit for being more involved in people’s lives and for venturing out of her comfort zone on many occasions. As they say, there’s always room for improvement.

Cheers to a year well-travelled!

denial!

Happie Birthday female owner! Thought I better send her us turtles' birthday greetings before the night is over (Singapore time of course!).

My female owner says that she had a comfortable birthday this year. She actually started the first hour of her birthday wondering what would be a meaningful thing to do. She asked a couple of frens and Librarian Fren suggested that she draw up a wish list and ask God to fulfill all of them. While my female owner thought that it was a brilliant idea, she was shortly but sufficiently distracted by Therapist Fren (their maiden chat on MSN, memorable for all the wrong reasons!) and never really drew up that list.

A stretcher of time and resources, my female owner packed in a brekkie with Librarian Fren before rushing off to the movies with Onli Fren (been years since they watched a movie together, and definitely a first-time being in the couple's seat together) and high tea with Onli Frens. My female owner fell for the old trick in the book ("I need to go toilet") and Onli Fren came back from the "toilet" with a healthy cupcake masquerading as a birthday cake (who says cupcakes can't dream big). Prophetically (from my female owner's perspective), the candle was colour-coordinated with her top - yellow with white strips.

Happily, my female owner spent the evening with her parents - dinner and shopping! Back to basics! Anyway, this is one of my female owner's favourite presents, given by Librarian Fren and Functional Fren. It is so them to chance upon something like that and get it for her and erm... it is so her...to be like a turtle living in a bubble of her own. On a random note, the turtle walks comically too!

faq2

Another FAQ my female owner encounters is “so, what are your plans after you graduate – will you look for a job in Australia or come back to Singapore?”

“err…. I don’t know leh”

“should i? what do you think?” – this response often stuns her friends (as if they can make such a big decision on her behalf). Anyway, most people either say “its up to you” or “don’t come back lah, stay there, better prospects”.

Recently, there was some possibility that my female owner might return to Singapore to work. She told a few people in her bible study group about it and weeks later passed a prayer request through one of them to ask the group to pray that God’s will be shown clearly to her. My female owner later learnt that the group ended up praying that she would NOT leave Brisbane and that rumours that she was leaving end of 2009 started to abound. What a mega big miscommunication!

So erm... what do you think? Should she return to Sunny Singapore?

faq1

One FAQ posted to my female owner in recent weeks is, “so, what do you want to do after you graduate?”

The default answer is “eh…I don’t know leh”. Certainly a highly disappointing answer from a doctorate student. A more elaborate answer (if she is in a sharing mood) would be “I don’t mind starting work in a hospital but eventually, I want to work in private practice and lecture in a polytechnic or university”.

If she’s more chatty, she would add “I want to work somewhere with great earning power, I’m tired of being poor”.

Then someone asked an insightful question, “what would you choose, if you can only be one and being a lecturer pays more?”

A scenario which my female owner never thought about. She paused for a while and answered “then I would be a clinician, coz after all I’m trained to be one, and I want to do individual work to help people directly”.

(there goes her earning power)

charmed

My female owner finally allowed us to come out for a walk around the house today! Credit goes to my brother, Dona, who singlehandedly charmed my female owner into releasing the wire mash for us to climb into the living room. This was the first time he did something like that and his (maiden) persistence moved my female owner.

I must say that his charm is really overpowering coz when Dodo and Nanook did a joint attempt a few afternoons back, my female owner didn’t pay much attention and their efforts were in vain.

Okay, in case you are wondering, I never tried to break through the wire mash, coz erm... I was too lazy to attempt to charm my female owner (and what if my fat neck gets stuck in one of the grids?).

secure base

Now that my female owner has been back in Singapore for about three weeks (so fast!), she can’t envision going back to Brisbane and restarting her engine again. The prospect… is a little depressing, although she suspects that she would get over it pretty quickly once she establishes a routine. For now, her Brisbane friends are largely out of sight and out of mind.

Maybe there’s really no place like the country you grew up in. Tacit knowledge about the country that has accumulated over the years and stays with you wherever you are. Being able to move around freely, with a sense of security and quiet confidence. Knowing that you are never really lost (this stems from her experience in Brisbane where travelling to new places, albeit nearby is highly stressful coz while she might be able to make it there, she might not be able to make it back, due to the confusing transport system and schedule). Having friends from different walks of life, adding to the richness of her life. Of course, family and pets.

Some of her friends have started analysing whether my female owner would stay in Brisbane after graduation or whether she would return to Singapore. A few of them sound confident of her likely decision. How that is so, my female owner has not figured out. Her adventurous spirit (yes, she has one) says not to return (doesn’t mean to stay in Brisbane), to explore possibilities but her logic says to return to the secure base, i.e. Singapore.

family group

My female owner is experiencing “party fatigue”. Over the past week, she had been to so many gatherings and appointments that she is feeling the strain on her energy level. It didn’t help that she hasn’t been sleeping enough and her nose is giving her problems.

I-Fren says that she should be more selective about her parties. My female owner’s counter argument is that each party is made up of people from different segments of her life and there is no better chance to meet up with them but at these parties. So it sounds as if she would keep attending parties and appointments!

Anyway, one such party was with her Family Group frens (newly coined!). This group is made up of four couples. Two couples are her direct friends (e.g. Couple Frens) whereas the other two are her friends’ friends. Anyway, before u get bored with who’s who, just know that three couples are married and one is dating. There are two babies in the group – 6mths and 18 mths. And yes, my female owner has the honour of being the only single in the group.

My female owner says that the dynamics in a “family group” is really different from what she is used to (most of her groups are made up of singles or just dating couples). The topics and focus tend to revolve around in vivo hyperactive babies/ toddlers who keep their parents busy by walking around (my female owner appreciates us turtles in this aspect, coz she can leave us to our own devices for hours and we wont get into any accidents). Somemore she really don’t like babies (even though babies tend to like her coz of her round face). She can’t decide which is worse – entertaining random babies or making small talk with adult strangers. To her, they are two sides of the same coin.

My female owner wonders if there will come a time when she will find it difficult to fit into family groups...

Christmas

Many Christmases ago (I can’t quite remember how many), my female owner started a relationship with her previous boyfriend. That marked a change of trajectory in her otherwise sleepy life. I suppose for this reason and some others (e.g. aging and over commercialisation), Christmas has slowly lost its intended significance for my female owner.

Is it just another Friday? Or is there a deeper meaning of Christmas?

oblivious

My female owner had her first car accident today as the driver. She says that it was an accident that shouldn’t even have happened. She was just trying to park her father’s car in a tight spot and paid so much attention to the back of her car (trying not to hit the taxi in the next lot) that she forgot to notice the diminishing space between the wall and the front of her car. She ended up scrapping the paint and denting the right bumper. But the best part was, she did not feel any impact with the wall and found out about the damage only long afterwards when she came back from one party and wanted to know the license plate number of her car in order to get security clearance for her next party.

I think she wins the award for the most oblivious driver who gets into a self-created accident.

Although it was a minor incident, my female owner kinda lost confidence in her decision-making ability and road-awareness. She never felt dumber for thinking that she would be able to squeeze her father’s car into such an awkward spot. The good part was, she made a conscious effort to reach home early to apologise to her father. So we got to see her early!

nut

During the strange dinner recently, my female owner’s aikido instructor impromptuly organised a Christmas Day dinner at his house. My female owner was invited and she gave a vague verbal commitment to the party. She thought nothing much of it, until her aikido instructor called her up a few days later to confirm her attendance and even then, she remained ambivalent because she felt it was weird spending Christmas with him and his family! However, his sincerity during the conversation touched her heart and she ended up giving a firm yes to him. Her aikido instructor even went on to make transport arrangements for her.

My female owner says that her aikido instructor is one of the most sincere and proactive persons around, much needed qualities in maintaining contact with an ultra-passive person like her (in fact, i think in all her close friendships, her friends had been the ones who persisted in engaging her before she finally broke the shy barrier and responded on her own accord. A really tough nut to crack, I must say. Kudos to their patience). Remember I said that she didn’t feel comfortable during her first lesson? Her aikido instructor actually called her a few days later to ask how she is and noted her absence from post-lesson drinks which she normally joined. He also soothed her anxieties about training with so many unknown people.

If my female owner stays on in aikido, it would be largely because of her aikido instructor who never gave up on her as a teacher, and as a friend.

burden

My female owner wonders what it means for a friendship when one person finds that he does do things just to avoid conflict, as an obligation or worse, out of fear. All relationships require sacrifice. What happens when the giving becomes a burden and not out of the willingness of one’s heart. It’s akin to staying in a (dying) romantic relationship so that the partner would be not devastated or because you feel indebted to the partner for the nice things he had previously done. Staying on for sentimental memories? How healthy is that?

What depressing thoughts she has, on Christmas Eve.

overdrive

My female owner just came home from a full-day of meeting people. She was hosting (or baby-sitting) I-Fren and had earlier planned a day of meeting up with friends for him.

The day started with meeting I-Fren and Therapist Fren at an unearthly time of 0830hr at Bishan MRT. For the first time since she returned home, she woke up at 0700hr. Having slept at 0200hr the night before, my female owner couldn’t help but wonder what insanity caused her to set such an early time.

Turns out that both Frens were late. Nonetheless, they ended up having a comfortable time: Yakun for brekkie, Tu Tu Kueh for morning tea, famous Chicken Rice + po piah for lunch. The Frens even managed to get some quirky pressies from various shops. Fruitful indeed!

Afternoon was spent with Onli Frens and baby at Clarke Quay. They ended up back at Yakun, proving the point that Yakun is “not just a breakfast thing”. They also went on the Hippo River Cruise, with compliments from Second Onli Fren. Because I-Fren was around, they managed to get some really good shots of their afternoon.

Evening to night was spent with Impromptu Frens. My female owner was appreciative that all who were available after work, took time to meet I-Fren (it also turned out to be a welcome back dinner for another friend from US). My female owner was gleeful too, that she could have her Macho Margarita. Looking at the size of the glass, she was amazed at how Librarian Fren and her could previously order two glasses within the space of 1.5hrs. She was further amazed at I-Fren’s high energy level. At the same time, she was perplexed at some stuff she observed around the dinner table.

Night ended later than she expected. While I-Fren and her had a mini-chat on the way back to his house, my female owner wished she had more time to talk to him about some stuff. And when you thought she would come home to rest after a power-packed day of meeting so many people at close-range, my female owner extended her night by going for supper with other friends. Hmmm, I wonder if her introverted and shy genes would protest given that overdrive.

matrimonial

My female owner had an insightful discussion with Functional Fren regarding the concept of a matrimonial home. Actually, my female owner never really thought of a home within the context of “matrimonial”. To her, setting up a house is a natural (and practical) step for married couples… and the big benefit is being able to set it up the way you really want (and get those yummy furnishings).

She never realised that a matrimonial home is supposed to be a safe haven for the couple. A place where the couple can return to, at the end of a long day, and find comfort and solace in something they set up jointly. Until recently, my female owner never reflected about the psychological and emotional significance of a matrimonial home (she's so functional at times).

If she were to set up a matrimonial home, my female owner would guard it jealously. Not possessively, but jealously, setting clear boundaries on what would be accessible to family and friends and what would remain as sacred between her husband and her. And well, if she doesn’t get married, she will get a house… and make it her own nonetheless.

havoc

My female owner went for a strange dinner gathering today. It was organised by her aikido senior and she didn’t know half the people who were in the email list. However she turned up coz she wanted to reconnect with this senior and her aikido instructor.

Dinner was at Hog’s Breath, an Australian restaurant! She realised that she knew everyone but mostly “by face”. However, my female owner says that it was not difficult to bond with them, given their common interest. One particular lady (of dan belt) stood out. She was a very happening mother (of a tertiary student) who practically arm-twisted the table of 9 to drink beer. In fact, she got annoyed at people who did not want to drink. My female owner meekly obeyed.

By the end of dinner, my female owner was persuaded to join them for a drinking session (where no one is allowed to drive, for obvious reasons) at trendy mama's house around New Year’s Day. She tried (in vain) to wriggle her way out of it coz she’s not familiar with this group who are obviously havoc drinkers. This trendy mother even said she could open up her house for them to sleepover. Sounds like something my much younger female owner would do!

shopping

It’s Christmas time and heaps of people have descended into the shopping malls in a bid to get presents for their loved ones. Over the weekend, my female owner joined the statistics. She had to get stuff for her family (what about us turtles?!), a few frens (really, maybe just 2?) and erm… for a gift exchange. Perhaps a sign of increasing affluence among her friends, the budget for gift exchange was set at $20. It used to be $10 not so long ago.

My female owner thinks that Christmas gifts should not be given for the sake of giving or as a token. If you don’t have a good gift to give, then don’t give. Save money, time and the earth. She gets really pissed with people who buy thoughtless items. Number one on her most-hated list is random shower gift sets, whether it is cheap or branded. Number two would be random chocolates and sweets.

My female owner’s personal take on gifts is that they should be tailored to the individual, something that will bless the individual or make the individual feel special. Even some funny cutesy item that brings a cheer is much more appreciated than some mass-produced and packed shower gift sets that have been categorised as “for family, “for colleagues”.

I think my female owner just hates Christmas shopping.

pet for life

My yearly reminder to all human beings: A pet is for life!

overheard

Overheard: True friends stab you in the front, not the back.

My female owner wonders how many true friends she has. Or even, what does it mean to be a true friend? Or, is there such a thing as a true friend?

She ruffled a few feathers recently when she kept insisting that she has "few friends". Many hearers rolled their eyes in disbelief. A parallel vein of discussion involved others who urged her to find more friends (not to be anti-social etc).

My female owner generally invests a lot in her friendships. Hence, she is selective and protective of her friendships. With such intensity, it is not surprising that she has time, energy and resources for only a small number of people. Yet, she likes it this way. She says that quality is more important than quantity. Idealist? Maybe. Her fren once asked her, what happens if your friends do not reciprocrate your actions? Won't you be hurt?

victory

I saw my female owner cry on MSN again. She was chatting with a fren whom she hardly spoke to this year and the topic was on self-acceptance. She was also chatting with someone else regarding some friendship issues and a third person, KJK, whom she saw for the first time since he returned to his home country. These three simultaneous conversations (which in my opinion, is a bad idea) interwined like a potent cocktail of alcohol to send her on an emo roller-coaster.

The trigger seemed to be the conversation on self-acceptance. This year was a breakthrough of sorts for her. In her words, this year is the year when she really could accept herself for who she is. And love herself. Her fren would probably not realise how apt her words were, when she said that my female owner is on a journey to being whole. My female owner teared, because she realised that she had come so far since the start of Brisbane09.

No one would be able to understand the victory she is celebrating from or the significance of the victory. Because no one can really understand, no one has celebrated it with her. But then, it doesn’t really matter, coz she knows the difference and celebrates a new life. Everyone, she has moved on. Her psychological clutter has been cleared.

garbage

World War III kinda erupted at home today. It all stemmed from my female owner’s boredom. Her distant conscience reminds her that she has lotsa housekeeping things to do… but her earthly flesh says “later lah… still got so much time”.

Anyway, so she’s really bored. And she’s really irritated by the clutter she sees around the house. Her mother is a well-known hoarder who keeps random useless things “just in case”. It boggles my female owner’s mind to see how two persons living in a 5-room flat can end up with so much junk that even the corridor leading to the rooms is clogged. Why, my female owner asks, do her elderly parents (or maybe just her mother) need to use 5 shoe-racks?

My female owner couldn’t tolerate the disorganisation any longer and started clearing the fridge and freezer of expired food. Just imagine, the longest expired food was 1996. It was some dodgy looking medicine. Other food items included chocolates from all over the world, unopened tim tams and Darrell Lea, bottles of sauces, dried fruits, breads, cheese, nuts, unidentifiable bits of food, biscuits, alcohol, hardened sweets etc.

My female owner pretty much ignored her mother’s protests and generated three bags of garbage. I must say that the experience, though bearable for her mother, was highly stressful and anxiety-provoking. Naturally, my female owner found it therapeutic and refreshing.

out

My female owner chose to stay home today because her mother is on leave. Her decision was further cemented when she realised that her father only had to work after lunch. Hence, she nuaed at home, entertaining herself with a movie “White Oleander” and helping her mother to make chicken pies. On a side note, my female owner observed that some things do not appear to be genetic, e.g. culinary skills, nursing skills (from mother) and driving skills, intellectual curiosity (from father). Or maybe, she mused for the umpteen time, she might have been adopted.

Anyway, her father obviously couldn’t believe his eyes that his gallivanting daughter is at home, dutifully helping out with chores. So he raised the subject.

“There can be only two reasons why you are home”

“One, you ran out of friends. Two, you ran out of money”.

Wahaha. Maybe my female owner ran out of both friends and money!

dojo

On Tuesday, my female owner did something which she had not done for ten months at least. She went for aikido lessons. This time round, things were different from previous times. Her beloved aikido sensei had resigned from the former school and started his own dojo. Many of his students left the former school to join this new dojo. Coincidentally, Tuesday was the first lesson for this dojo.

Ah, such a novel experience. Training under a void deck. Opening up new tatami mats (my female owner says it’s like fresh bread from the oven). Being in a class full of senior belts (strangely, they were mostly guys; my female owner was still one of the most senior females around, despite not training for so long).

Ten months of non-training showed. Her arms, once ultra-flexible at the joints, were stiff. Her techniques, runny like a wet nose. I won’t even touch on her stamina. It didn’t help that her brown-gold grading partner is now a black belt. The sense of being left behind!

While my female owner enjoyed the class, she felt something within her change. It could be the length of time apart or change in class dynamics, but my female owner didn’t feel as passionate and onz about aikido as previously. It was as if this season of her life is over.

dull

Opps, I’ve been getting lazier at updating my Turtle Pad. My female owner threatened me with a “use it or lose it” warning. Her lazy bug is really contagious I must say. Although many people say that she still sounds the same/ looks the same/ behave the same (18+++??), in my opinion, she has become slower and more relaxed.

For instance, she decided not to take on the free-lance interviewing job this time round, because she couldn’t bear to go through the torture of 3-hour long interviews, followed by intense report writing and incessant micro-criticism of her reports. Not worth the money, she says. It’s her holidays and she wanna be chillaxing in her own time and own style. This, she says, is the aussie way of life. Work is work. Rest is rest. No blurring of boundaries.

Next, her sleeping patterns. She sleeps for more than 8 hours a day and still looks as if she is deprived of sleep. Even her speech and behaviour seem dull and disorganised (just asked I-fren who happened to be at the receiving end of her bimbo moments a few days ago).

Hmm… Dodo says that it is not such a good idea to update my Turtle Pad after three days of absence with a critique of my female owner. I think so too. Cannot bite the hand that feeds me.

towel

My female owner, how can you say she is a cold fish? Well, that’s what her ex described her as. Last night, I saw her slowly collapsing into tears while on the MSN. Okay, collapsing is an exaggeration. Maybe sniffing is a more apt word.

It all started with a random topic with Korean Jogging Kaki on beach bags. Then my female owner suddenly remembered that his beach towel is still in her cupboard and there was no way she could return it to him before he leaves Brisbane permanently.

KJK had once offered to give her one of his beach towels as she needed one. But now, my female owner says that she cannot bear to keep any of his towels because the sight of it would just stir up memories of good times spent (with no more in sight). KJK insisted that the towel had to stay in Brisbane (coz she offered to DHL it back to him) as that’s where the sun, sand and sea are.

Just thinking about it made my female owner tear. KJK didn’t help matters coz he went on to say that he would give her other towels if he could find them (ah! Adding fuel to the flame. Pure evilness!). So my poor female owner was sniffing her way through the conversation while KJK kept talking about how she should use the towel in a functional way, for the purpose it was made for. My female owner’s retort was that the towel was no longer a functional object as she had subscribed meaning to it (camping and beaching with good friends). And so, he insisted that my female owner had to unsubscribe those meanings.

So the ping-pong exchange continued for a while… and my head was swirling, trying to reconcile the differences between a girl’s brain and a guy’s brain. Headache. Seeing how easily she cries... how can she be described as a cold fish?

turtle life

I saw the turtle side of my female owner today. In fact, I was amused, seeing how she was morphing into one of us turtles. It all started when she came home at about 0500hr, after a whisky party at a friend’s house. She tried to wake up for church but didn’t manage to. The next time I saw her, it was about 12noon, when she came out to the living room to use the internet.

She chatted online for a while and had lunch. Did some research on Cambodia but got frustrated/ bored and decided to pop onto the sofa for a nap. This was about 1400hr. She napped till about 1700hr plus. Was awakened intermittently by smses. Then she stoned at the computer trying to sort out accommodations for Cambodia. Feeling sleepy and nua. And she had dinner.

Sounds pretty much like a turtle life doesn’t it? Not moving much, sleeping, eating, a bit of cursory movements to convince people that she is still contributing to society, sleeping, eating and not moving much.

bug

My female owner reckons she caught a Brisbane bug. The bug where she would rather stay at home and rot than to go out to a venue that is inaccessible or unfamiliar. This stems from her highly blessed (or pampered) life in Brisbane where her driving friends would offer lifts to bring her around to places. This is apparently normal in Brisbane because of the inadequate transport system which makes it hard for non-car owners to move around.

So anyway, my female owner had a BBQ to attend this evening. She was hesitant to attend for many reasons, among which are that the place is inaccessible by public transport and she had another appointment in the night. Onli Fren sent a few smses to her cajoling her to attend, coz this BBQ was organised for their former bible study leader who is currently based in Cambodia as a missionary and is back for a short holiday. Finally, being in the area and sensing her reluctance, Onli Fren offered to pick her up… and my female owner agreed to go (not before she had to sacrifice the night appointment to make it for this BBQ).

Ah… that lazy, unproductive bug. Whatever happened to her independent streak? I have more examples.

Earlier yesterday, she had a badminton session with Impromptu Frens. Out of the blue, Clever Fren asked if she needed a lift to the venue, which is accessible by a direct bus (about 50mins). My female owner initially rejected the offer, saying that she would take it only if he happens to be in the area, which is unlikely coz he actually stays quite near to the venue. His reply to this was that it was up to my female owner to accept and she finally did, after her friends convinced her that since he offered to do it, then he’s really ok with going out of his way. In the past, she would have rejected such offers coz it would be inconvenient and she didn’t want to be unnecessarily indebted to anyone.

She hanged around with some of her Impromptu Frens until the wee hours of Sunday morning and again, she accepted a lift home from Clever Fren. Again, in the past, this would be unheard of (unless she is intoxicated and stripped of decision-making power). But now, because she cannot really afford to take cabs, she had little choice but to graciously accept his kindness.

dynamics

Don’t get me wrong when I said that my female owner’s top priority is her family. This doesn’t mean that she has forgotten about her friends. My female owner is still occupied with meeting ups. So far, the group she has been meeting up most with is (surprise surprise), her Impromptu Frens. I’ve lost count of the number of people in this group. Maybe 5 girls and 4 guys (5, if you include Potahto’s partner)? There is a new girl in the group whom my female owner has not met but this girl marks the first female who is not from her previous organisation.

Over the past 10 months, the group’s dynamics has changed dramatically. Like what my female owner said, the group she came back to is not the same group which she left in Feb 09. Sentiments have changed, perceptions altered, priorities shifted. One of her closer friends commented that this was a group that my female owner had worked hard to bring together its members and later bind together (e.g. through sports) and when things were stable, had to leave (my female owner’s take differs slightly in that she worked hard to bind the group together so that things would continue after she left). Some people had said that my female owner was the glue that binds the group together. My female owner doesn’t think she has such powers, especially since she is not particularly close to a few people. Rather, she sees these changes as a natural progression in group dynamics, where relationships mature and with any big group, mini cliques form.

Despite some weird dynamics, my female owner had the chance to meet up with most of them in a big group (yah, they gave her face!) and in smaller groups over the course of the week. My female owner really lavished in this intimate fellowship with her friends. After all, her love languages are quality time (impromptu jios and suppers) and acts of service (fixing her belt, driving her around).

priority

My female owner has been back for about five days. So far, I get no sense that she has been aussified. Her manner of speech is still largely the same. Her lifestyle, still the envy of people around her. Wake up, wonder what to do, find a friend to entertain her, go out, get entertained (and often blessed), come home, MSN, eat, read newspaper, not watch TV, drink coffee, respond to impromptu jios, meet parents for meals… and the cycle repeats itself.

According to the declarations of my female owner, her top priority for this holiday is spending more time with her family (that technically should include us turtles right??). Her conscience was greatly heightened by her Functional Fren, who confronted her on Tuesday about making time to spend time with her family. That was followed by his daily reminders (or checks via MSN – see the power of technology – “today not going out?”). So far so good. Save for Tuesday when she had her major pigout, my female owner has had at least one meal per day with her family. The converse is true for us turtles. Since Monday, she only fed us once! It’s Saturday already! Boo hoo hoo. Was this how she lost weight? By skipping meals?

Day 1

This was how my female owner spent her first day in Singapore.

An impromptu jio for lunch by a fren. Wonders of technology. In the absence of a mobile line, the jio was made through MSN. Lunch was, erm, McDonalds! A place where she hardly patronised in Brisbane became her first lunch in Singapore. Lunch was good, as her fren took great pains to update her on the latest happenings and she even discovered more mysteries about him.

Then it was off to City Hall for a pre-arranged meet-up with one of her former gals. Within the space of four hours, they visited three eateries. A Japanese restaurant, a Chinese bakery and Starbucks. Goodness me. She also shopped around for a pre-paid card, finally establishing contact with her social network.

Her gigantic tea left my female owner little stomach space for dinner (and beer) with her Impromptu Frens. Yes, they actually organised (and committed to) a pre-arranged welcome back dinner. My female owner ended up with wings and beer. Just like the good old days. None of them believed that she had quit drinking (“only ghost will believe”), although one of them did harbour hope that she really did.

Took a little while for my female owner to get used to her friends again. You know, like after 10 months of being away, she had become accustomed to a different way of speaking and relating to people. Now, she has to recalibrate to her Singaporean neurons. Some people said she did sound a little aussie (?? Her aussie friends said she had a strong accent). Happily, a few people mentioned (or expressed shock) that she had lost weight (my female owner was gleeful about this coz she didn’t really do much exercise in recent months). My female owner (and I) is sure that she would put on weight after this holiday. Just look at how Day 1 panned out.

us

Finally saw my female owner again. A wave of familiarity washed over me as I heard her voice, saw her face and felt her touch again. This is the person who took care of us turtles through our formative years as baby turtles (when we would often overturn in our zest to conquer our world and be able to flip ourselves back up again) through to where we are now, juveniles. Big, heavy but nonetheless still shy and bashful. This is also the person who saw me through my different (impromptu) operations and stuck with me through visits to the pet clinic, even when she was facing enormous work stress and time constraints.

So good to have her back again.

We turtles of course rejoiced at her return. Dodo as usual, was the curious and proactive one. He responded immediately to her call and tried to snuggle up close and personal.

Dona, shy and avoidant, ran away at the slightest threat of human contact but secretly happy to see her again.

Nanook, oblivious and oblivious, wondered if this is the same female owner as before (she’s really in a world of her own!).

And me! Happily observing her from under the shade, crossing my fingers and toes that she would not make any comments about how fat I’ve become. Thankfully I was spared her nagging.

review

My female owner enjoyed her second placement at the private school tremendously. She had her end-placement review last week and her clinical supervisor played the role of a mirror, helping her to reflect objectively and accurately, her qualities as a therapist.

For a long time, my female owner had looked at the qualities she appreciated in her numerous helping friends and wished she had those qualities as well. She realised now that she had those strengths she yearned for and it was more of a matter of being confident in her abilities. Some aspects of therapy came naturally for my female owner that she had dismissed it as things that anyone could do. Her supervisor ended up saying that she hopes that my female owner would begin to realise what she knows. Even something which my female owner felt was a weakness, her tendency to self-reflect, her supervisor wrote it down as one of her unique strengths and something to keep doing, as part of her professional development.

Sometimes, it felt for my female owner, as if she was going though therapy herself. Those weekly sessions of CBT, changing her perfectionist thinking (which her supervisor said it was stronger than other students she had met) and addressing her low sense of self-competency. At the end of “therapy”, my female owner was able to let go of some of her unrelenting high standards (as Young would put it) and make them more adaptable for herself. In fact, her supervisor was glad that my female owner was taking time to explore Queensland and not be too stuck with work. Obviously she also grew in her sense of competency as a therapist.

yucky

There’s two yucky aftermaths that my female owner hates. One is the aftermath of a drink-binge. The other, the aftermath of crying.

My female owner is NOT an alcoholic and is highly selective with whom she drinks with (I’m referring to more than one standard drink kind of drinking). She drinks for two reasons: coz she’s emo or coz she likes the company. She hates it that the time between getting high and passing out is so quick for her, that often, she ends up missing out of the conversation and activities.

According to her (un)fortunate and often traumatised frens (esp Functional Fren, whom she apparently hugged (this, she denies it but his winning statement was, “I was sober, you were drunk”) and laid on his lap during one of her first few binges), she tended to do dodgy things when she is high (the most recent was to wander off by herself, which my female owner insisted was perfectly safe, coz she was able to navigate slopes even in her stupor). Anyway, my female owner often has remnants of the happenings of the previous night, plus even if she didn’t remember, her gleeful friends never fail to remind her of her unrepeatable antics and always, my female owner end up with a “oh shit” feeling of having gone beyond her limits and embarrassing herself in the process.

The second, crying. Crying flattens her physically, spiritually and emotionally. She takes a long while to get over it. Just like drinking too much, she ends up needing to sleep to get over the fatigue caused by crying. Her eyes become sore and puffy, her mind blank and her emotions, numbed, as if trying to prevent her from feeling anything, to protect her from breaking down again.

Thankfully, those aftermaths happen less than 10 times a year.

unplanned

My female owner is coming back to an unplanned holiday. She had not really made plans about what she wants to achieve/ do/ experience during her 6 weeks in Singapore. As she ages, she notices that her organisational skills is left wanting. She tends to live in bliss, without much planning or structure, thinking that things will work out in the end. Maybe it’s called mellowing. At the same time, she gets distressed over this lack of planning and entertains a high level of anxiety and what-ifs.

She was feeling very bored and restless during church yesterday. It was like a kaleidoscope of emotions for her. Elation at the end of another school year, excitement about going home, ambivalence about how Brisbane would be when she returns, sadness at having to say goodbye to Korean Jogging Kaki for good, sense of “this is the end” for Bris09 etc.

My female owner started entertaining herself. She wrote down a list of friends she wanted to meet over the next 6 weeks. She came up with a list of about 30 people (some were categories though). Having done that, she wrote down the food she wanted to eat. For some reason, she struggled to come up with a long list. Perhaps she had already forgotten those yummy foods that once titillated her taste buds. She moved on to places she wanted to visit before leaving Singapore. Sadly, she only came up with about 10 places. Well… looks like people mean the most to her, followed distantly by food… and well… places. This is consistent to one of her mantras of life: doesn’t matter where to go or what to do, it’s the company that matters.

surprise

If you see how my female owner cried today, you would think she is leaving Brisbane for good.

It all started when Korean Jogging Kaki sent an sms to say that I-Fren (they are staying together) had just left his house to go over to her house to fetch her to the airport. This led my female owner to think that Korean Jogging Kaki was not coming to send her off. Between the sms and I-Fren’s arrival, my female owner got distracted by her missing laptop case (which she never found in the end). I-Fren finally arrived and helped to carry out her luggage to the car. With his hands full, he requested her to open the car boot.

Distracted by her missing laptop case and the previous night’s emo outburst, my female owner dutifully opened the car boot, and out sprang Korean Jogging Kaki. And of course, my easily startled female owner screamed in shock. Wahaha. Such a heart-warming send-off.

In the car to the airport, my female owner started tearing, those kind that she had to try her hardest to stop by deliberating distracting herself. The emotions that washed over her were familiar. Those tears, she shed too, the day she left for Brisbane for the first time. Those tears, uncontrollable, kept flowing as she sat in her father’s car. This time round, she managed to stop herself coz the guys started talking random things and she shifted her focus.

Saying goodbye again, for the second time, was no easier than the night before. It didn’t help that the goodbye was abrupt and she was left drowning in her own salty tears. A friend called and my female owner started crying over the phone. SMSes came and the tears started again. Yes, once she starts, it’s hard to stop. It’s like intermittent rain. Start stop start stop. Easily triggered by any random moving cloud. When she thought she finally got over it, yet another phone call from Therapist Fren opened the flood gates. But as usual, Therapist Fren was able to calm her down and soothe her distress (that’s why she’s called Therapist Fren).

Therapist Fren noted that my female owner had been spending a lot more time with Korean Jogging Kaki (and the rest of the camping gang) in recent weeks. She joked that it was the “urgency of a deadline”, the knowing that such times are coming to an end. Isn’t that how one should live one’s life? Not taking for granted that “there is still time” but to really seize the day and make each day count. One day, tomorrow will end, and if you don’t cherish the people around you, you would regret that you have neglected them.

last

And so, this is how the last night of Bris09 is like for my female owner.

Still awake at 0200hr, not wanting to sleep, feeling upset about having to say goodbye to Korean Jogging Kaki.

Happily, she had a little cheer from her Impromptu Frens, right after crying. They had sent an email to welcome her home and to organise a gathering on Tuesday. *touched*

As the saying goes, time flies. It seems like yesterday when the Balcony bided goodbye to my female owner as she embarked on her second year of studies. She knew that she would be gone for 10 months straight.

Her first month started rocky. No house to stay, no placement confirmed. Still missing Singapore. New bible study group. Meant that she had to make friends all over again.

Her second month remained rocky. Placement was dodgy. School started. She regretted choosing certain subjects.

Third month (April). Turning point of the year (and maybe life?). She started to experience God in a real and intimate way.

The months flew by after that. There were less tears and emo periods as compared to 2008. Her social networks started building up as she immersed herself in overseas living. Blessings after blessings flooded her life.

In recent months, she became so attracted to OZ way of life that she started to wonder if she had lost touched with Singapore. Maybe it is really time for her to return to Singapore, to reconnect with her roots and her loved ones. If there is one word to sum up Bris09, I believe my female owner would choose “awesome” or “life-changing”. She says that she is not the same person who left for Brisbane in Feb 09.

Anyway, we turtles are getting really excited to see her again! Time to reconnect with her too!

Korean Jogging Kaki

My female owner finally hosted a dinner for her precious friends. Korean Jogging Kaki is about to leave Brisbane for good and my female owner decided that it is time to muster up her cooking skills to celebrate their friendship (including three other friends, all of whom went camping together recently).

Dinner was fun. A process of preparing ingredients, cooking the dishes, eating together and washing up. Of course, there was the good old random chat about anything and everything under the sun. Yet at the back of her mind, my female owner knew that the eventual is going to happen, that he is going to leave, farewell dinner or not. That was bittersweet for my female owner, a huge dose of sadness in the midst of immersing herself in the warmth of her friends.

Perhaps she is afraid to confront the ultimate truth. That’s why she did not initiate any photo-taking. She didn’t want to take photos of an event where she knows she will force herself to smile. My female owner is not one person to celebrate the present, if she knows that what happens afterwards is a separation. She wanted the dinner to remain as it seems – another casual dinner party with a group of friends. But yet, she knows she is just fooling herself.

It is indeed time to say farewell to Korean Jogging Kaki. They started off as random jogging kakis in early 2008, pulled together by I-Fren who tirelessly organised jogging sessions. It was only recent that they became closer, moving from jogging to other activities (having each other’s MSN helped too). Going beyond pleasantries to sharing deeper thoughts and opinions. Touched by his warmth, encouragement and patience. As my female owner told him, among everyone else who has gone back home for good, he is probably the first person she will miss (she already started feeling emo yesterday).

My female owner wishes him all God’s blessings, as he goes back to where he came from, to begin a new chapter of his life. Surely, they will meet again someday. Surely, their friendship will continue beyond Brisbane.

vanished

Nope, nothing happened to me. Nothing happened to my female owner too. I took so long to update my Turtle Pad because she vanished for that long of a time. And so, this was what really happened.

Sun to Wed: Camping at Bundaberg
6 hours drive up north from Brisbane with four friends. Activities included fishing, pitching a tent through rain, hail and sun (my female owner thought this was the most insane phenomenon ever), sea-shell combing, playing Twenty Questions (and making up facts about snails…), natural Jacuzzi (with tides that resembled an impending tsunami), yummy barbeques, camera-whoring, awesome company 24/7, random stops along the way, drinking (ah, apparently it was her first real drinking night-out since going to Brisbane), NOT getting car-sick, bird-watching, "talking" proper English, TURTLE-WATCHING (she saw mama turtle laying eggs, all 196 of them!), making do WITHOUT a hair-dryer and other creature comforts.

Thurs:
End-of-placement review (passed with flying colours!)
Appreciation lunch with colleagues
Tour consultancy (helped a local planned for her trip to Singapore; got rum balls as a token of appreciation)
Therapy (wine included) with Therapist Fren (I-Fren joined in later and until now, my female owner can’t believe that they talked from 2100 to 0500 on Fri). My female owner and Therapist Fren combined powers “telepathetically” and succeeded in exasperating and confusing I-Fren, much to their delight.

Fri:
Mad rush to prepare for Housemate’s Birthday Party (my female owner, surprise surprise, was the party planner)

Sat:
Recuperation and routine obligations (including updating me on the latest happenings)

reflective statement

As promised, I managed to get a copy of my female owner's reflective statement of her placement.
________________________________

I enjoyed my placement at XXX tremendously. The team at the Counselling Department took great efforts to make me feel included and welcomed during my stint. They took time to answer my queries and educate me on the workings of the school system. In addition, they always made sure that I had a sufficient caseload and the resources I needed in order to undertake my responsibilities. The resources include access to students’ information, access to therapeutic materials and a dedicated office.

There were a few important takeaways from this placement which I would like to highlight. Through the encouragement and faith expressed by the team, my confidence as a budding psychologist increased. Being a perfectionist, I started the placement looking at my weaknesses and things I could have done differently. Through the patience of my clinical supervisor, I was able to identify (and acknowledge) my strengths and harness them for the benefits of my students. Being more confident of myself, I developed a stronger intuitive sense of the needs of the student and hence, was more sensitive in the choice of my words, tone of voice and non-verbal cues. Students often cried during my sessions and I became more comfortable with such expressions of emotions. In addition, I gained a deeper understanding of what therapeutic alliance meant. I became more comfortable with the notion of “being” with the student, rather than just “doing” or “teaching”.

In terms of working with the child and adolescent population, I learnt the importance of setting clear boundaries and limitations and being firm with them. For instance, there was a group of four girls who wanted to be seen together but I had to go beyond what they wanted and split them into pairs in order to enhance therapeutic outcomes. However, I did this as gently as I could, selling them the rationale for splitting them in terms of mutual benefits for everyone involved. In addition, there were students who tried to manipulate my good intentions by scheduling sessions just to escape lessons or by being flippant about their appointments. After a few such instances, I learnt to be assertive and not give in to such whims and fancies.

In addition, working with this population reminded me not to underestimate the benefits of seemingly small interventions. For example, I always wondered with skepticism, the therapeutic effects of drawing for children. I had the opportunity to use this therapeutic tool when I worked with a pair of girls who were trying to cope with their parents' divorce and friendship issues. I soon discovered that drawing out their current situations made it easier for them to verbalise their story. Starting from the negatives of their lives, the girls were later able to draw the positives of their situations. They also started to take ownership of each session, deciding beforehand what they would like to talk about.

Having the privilege to work in a team-oriented department, I soon embraced the importance of knowing “who needs to do what”. The synergy of working together to bring about the best outcome for the individual student cannot be further emphasised. Whether it would be the Head of Counselling, the counselor, teacher, year-level coordinator or even parents, it soon became clear too that timely communication among stakeholders was paramount in this line of work.

I experienced countless moments of satisfaction. These arose out of different situations: when my student gets a “ah-ha” moment, when the reticient student breaks down in front of me and shares long-bottled up feelings with me, when I know I had gained enough trust to enter into someone else’ private world and simply knowing that I restored hope into a hopeless situation.

Working from a Rogerian framework, I also began to learn to communicate (better) unconditional positive regard in a sincere and non-patronising manner. When once I looked for big changes as an indication of therapeutic success, I now learnt to slow down and celebrate small successes with my students. I realised that it was unrealistic of me to expect big changes, because defeats and rejections were big parts of the students’ life. Hence, “small successes” in my once-ambitious eyes were actually milestones for them.

Overall, my experience at XXX has been rewarding and fulfilling. Besides deepening my clinical interest in working with the adolescent population, I feel that I had become a better person through working with the staff and students. The staff taught me professional conduct and skills; the students encouraged me with their resilience, creativity, love for others and never say die attitude.

stinginess

My female owner realises that she is highly traumatised by stingy men. She is ok with guys who are thrifty or prudent in their spending. In fact, she appreciates that. But stinginess? No way. It’s hard even to be her friend if that is the case.

Perhaps it is a difference in values system or something else but she really gets repulsed by guys who hoard money beyond reason. And she argues that stinginess is not a function of your earning power. Her previous boyfriends were not rich, but they were generous. And that (other than the fact that love is blind) made them attractive.

She says that it is hard to be relational to a stingy person. The more you give, the more he takes, for granted. That is not mutual, not a relationship. A relationship (romantic or platonic) necessitates a give-and-take orientation. Sometimes, you give (not just finances, but time, effort etc) because you can/ want/ need to. Sometimes you take. Because you lack. There is no clear calculation of the maths or balance sheet of who gave more or who owed more. But the end result is a strong, reciprocal relationship.

Stinginess? Not her idea of a relationship.

girl-time

Despite her claims that she has “no friends”, my female owner found herself being jioed by different people for tonight. She is finally starting to acknowledge that she has more than “no friends”. Anyway, she ended up choosing to have dinner cum drinks with a female church friend, someone whom she hardly spent time with. Dinner was meant to be a fun and casual time, but it quickly evolved to be a meaningful and emotionally engaging time where the two of them poured out their hearts to each other. Some people call it “girl-time”.

Reflecting back, my female owner can’t help but conclude that it was a God-arranged time. There were so many things that could have happened that would have stopped dinner from happening. And there was a random sequence of events that caused the two of them to meet for dinner.

The girls were later joined by Jogging Kakis and another mutual friend (the five of them used to be from the same bible study group) who happened to be in the city as well. Talk about coincidences. My female owner was happy for her friend coz she managed to catch up with the rest of the people after not seeing them for such a long time.

falling

Ah, can I just say that I've got so many things to update on my Turtle Pad but I haven't been able to get ahead with them? Experiences my female owner went through, photos taken, random comments and thoughts, all waiting for me to pen down.

For the first time in my life, I am a stressed shellshockedturtle!

25 Nov 09

2 years ago, my female owner stared at her letter of acceptance to post-grad and noted that it stated that her course would end on 25 Nov 09. Being her, sentimental and all that, she wondered how life would be on this date, 25 Nov 09, and what she would be doing. Well, in a twinkling of an eye, as quickly as a flash of lightning in retrospection, she got her answer yesterday.

Wanna make a guess?

Therapist Fren probably knows the answer best coz she spent the most time with her on 25 Nov 09. Well, she woke up in Therapist Fren’s house at 0730. They got ready to go to uni and had brekki at their favourite café, Genies. Cinnamon toast and coffee. Talking endlessly about things.
Then they separated to do their individual chores. My female owner had a research supervision cum RA work meeting (how boring!) They ended up talking for more than an hour about her plans for the future. Intense!

In the afternoon, she ended up at Toowong, grocery shopping with Therapist Fren’s namesake (i.e. a church friend who shares the same name as Therapist Fren) and later, at her house. They had plans to have a yummy Korean dinner, prepared by her Korean Jogging Kaki (aka Big Butt and many other names). My female owner ended back at the supermarkets with Korean Jogging Kaki, buying the required ingredients…. And booze..

The dinner party finally expanded to six people. Four church friends, Therapist Fren (who decided to be sociable that night, so they picked her up from school) and a new friend. OZ Jogging Fren joined them later for after-dinner games.

From a yummy authentic Korean meal (minus the fettuccini, but it was still mouth-watering), to dubious Fortune Cookie messages (“Taking protective measures will help you avert disastrous consequences. *IN BED”. And funnily, her two Jogging Kakis, who are currently sharing a room, oh so intimate!, fought over the last remaining cookie and ate half each. The message was “Stop looking around. Happiness is sitting next to you. IN BED”), to parallel realities, to disturbing first impressions by two psycho psyches, to BOOZE!!! (if only there were more, my female owner says), to Super Human Strength tests (my female owner managed to wrestle a beer bottle out of muscular Korean Jogging Kaki, no thanks to firstly, her Super Human Strength, then her fingernails and finally, strategic use of body weight), to heart attack and death by chopsticks (some people were just chopstick hoarders), to non-verbal communication game (so complicated, even when sober, my female owner wonders how OZ Jogging Kaki managed to work out the sequences so fast), to endless pits of laughter and spontaneity, to happy sabotages, to losing a bet because of limerence, it was a night to remember, giggle and recount in days to come.

So there you have it, a summary of 25 Nov 09. My female owner never envisioned this day to be as such. In fact, she never thought this day would come so quickly.


*apparently you are supposed to add “IN BED” to the end of each fortune cookie message.

14 sleeps

14 more sleeps before my female owner returns! We turtles are getting really excited (although Dodo, my smart brother says that technically, it is more than 14 sleeps away, since we turtles sleep about 2-3 times a day - Who cares!).

Everyone is counting down. Her family for sure. Her mother is looking forward to cooking for my female owner as much as she can. A short trip to Cambodia is also in the pipeline.

Her Onli Frens have already volunteered to pick her up from the airport, and spend time with her on her birthday (though the Second one has to skive off work to do that). Not to mention that they have taken leave in December too.

Her Impromptu Frens, who have already planned to have impromptu parties (how can anyone plan to have something impromptu continues to baffle me) and a delayed Christmas party, with a Secret Santa thrown in, on New Year’s Eve?! This group is really interesting!

Her Counselling Fren who never fails to say “tell u more when u come back” on msn. My female owner is getting so miffed at his escapism that she has recorded what he’s supposed to tell her or promised to bring her to (e.g. farms, fishing and off-shore islands). Must be freaking him out, coz he has “commitment issues”.

Potahto.. in her non-commital manner.. "yes, we can hang out together". Reunion of the chopstick sisters..

Her Couple Fren have proposed a steam-boat dinner as a reunion for the party of five who travelled together in Brisbane and offered to celebrate her birthday with her (super vague plans I must say, but she’s sure they would). Male Couple Fren also agreed to take leave to go Pulau Ubin with her.

Her neighbour’s daughter who is also completing her A levels soon. Ah, so fast! Two years flew by them. They can do hang out sessions once again.

Her aikido instructor who is starting his own aikido school and has invited my female owner to continue training with him. My female owner says that knowing him changed her life for the better (sounds so suggestive)… and not many men have that positive effect on her (sounds so wrong now). Her other aikido friends who have asked about her coming back.

Some of her stand-alone friends whom she hardly talks to, but still maintains a strong emotional bond because of their common past experiences. Ah, she better not forget about them!

A number of friends who have strategically started enquiring “when are you coming back?” despite not talking to her for a good part of the year (her supper kaki comes to mind). Better late than never!

(note: her ex-colleagues are probably clueless about her return, a testament to their strained relationships, but who cares!)

Erm… will she have time for us turtles then? Or will she repeat her gallivanting ways and neglect us again!

extrovert introvert

For a couple of hours today, my female owner had the chance to be alone in her new house. Two of her housemates are away in New Zealand while the last one went out for dinner or something. She enjoyed the time alone tremendously.

Solitude is comforting for my female owner. Given a choice, she rather live by herself. Wait, let me correct myself. My female owner likes to be by herself at home, but she needs to maintain social connections with people. A phenomenon some term as extrovert introvert, while others (e.g. her Counselling Fren) describe it as functional extrovert.

Therapist Fren established today that my female owner is indeed an Extrovert Introvert. Therapist Fren heard from their mutual friend (whose church my female owner visited yesterday) that my female owner “fitted in very well” with the friend’s churchmates. Well done for someone who is anti-social.

When told about this feedback, my female owner’s reaction was like “yah, I can if I want to”. Actually, people fascinate my female owner. However, she rather observe and wonder about them from a distance, than to get involved in conversations with them to find out more about them.

Mr Nice Guy

I mentioned before that my female owner do not have many older male Christian friends who provides leadership and influence in her life. Remember how my female owner used to embrace AGAB? This could be of the reasons – a lack of positive older male models. Her long-standing friend would be Mr Squabbles who used to appear online at strategic times whenever she was in “spiritual trouble”. She hasn’t seen him around lately (is that a good sign?) but enjoys a good conversation whenever they speak.

My female owner just realised that Mr Nice Guy is probably the next other person who fits the bill. In recent times, they had spent more time together doing things like having dinners, watching movies and hiking. Dinners are usually one-to-one. While their conversations used to be cordial and superficial, over the recent weeks, they had reached a point of mutual trust where they would share about their opinions about issues, things that you would not repeat randomly to other people.

This is a significant achievement for my female owner as she knows that Mr Nice Guy is someone who does not engage with his feelings. He tends to “take things like a man” and engages in distraction to get over negative emotions. I think my female owner most definitely managed to create a safe environment between themselves to express his points of views, coz with regards to an issue, he told her during dinner that he would tell her more in private coz he doesn’t want others to know.

And no, there is no romantic attraction between the both of them. Like what Mr Nice Guy says, “we are dinner buddies”. Sorry if I made anyone excited.

koreans

“A-ni-yo!”

My female owner experienced an influx of Koreans recently. There has always been a “baseline” Koreanness in her life because of one of her Jogging Kakis and her friend’s boyfriend. Then recently the other Jogging Kaki introduced her to his Korean hairstylist (which I think should be a sign to my female owner to SOS her spikey fringe which she cut off a few weeks ago out of desperation). So my female owner ended up in some conversations with her.

Then I mentioned the two Korean guys whom she was forced to socialise with recently. Guess what? They came back to her group twice, once to her house and once, today during dinner. Using halting English, paper and pen to communicate, they still manage to get out good laughs. One of them even teased my female owner and Mr Nice Guy about getting married (not sure why he did that but he probably thought they were pretty close since they were always sitting close to each other). To that, Mr Nice Guy put his arms around my female owner and said “yay”, and my female owner said, “yes we are, but not to each other”. Wahaha! That’s how platonic their friendship is.

The Korean guys then brought in two more Koreans for dinner too. One with a similar name to my female owner, which kinda confused many people who firstly, can’t remember names (yes, even after one year of being together) and secondly, can’t differentiate the phonetics of the two names.

My female owner is impressed by the warmth of these Koreans. They make effort to know the people in her group, as if they were the ones who had been around for a long time. One of them would go around shaking everybody’s hand whenever he came and whenever he left. He also apologised for being late. The other would take the initiative to move around to talk to people even though his English is really elementary (e.g. he came to the other side of the table to interact with my female owner). One of the newest ones, came up to my female owner privately to ask for her name again, coz he couldn’t remember it (yah, despite it being same sounding as his female friend!).

Ah, my female owner’s first attempt to be inclusive seems to have paid off. Koreans are spawning in her group. Hopefully they stay, coz they had been a blessing in more ways than one.

“a-da-sok!”

affair

My female owner visited her friend’s church today. This was partly due to the news she received yesterday which made her feel quite low.

She warmed to the service immediately, saying that it was more in line with her preferences (although I must say that my female owner is highly adaptable and she finds beauty in different styles ranging from the highly traditional Methodist “order of worship” to the independent free-style of contemporary churches). For the first time ever, my female owner toyed with the idea of leaving her current church for another church. Different strokes for different folks, not that one is better than the other. She almost convinced herself that she could do it (she felt as if she was having an affair actually), but a dinner with her church friends later in the evening made her realise that this would be easier said than done.

So it looks like she will stay with her current church for the time being, and not feed on her random impulses.

changes

My female owner finally had a Saturday to herself to feed her introverted whims and fancies. This included reading a novel, doing her work, watching DVDs, cooking, msning, all within the safe confines of her house.

She also learnt of some not-so-nice changes in church (which she has been expecting actually). For a short while, it seemed as if her mood was going to spiral downwards and she was going to experience a full-blown emo episode.

She got over it, through sheer determination not to fall victim to unreliable emotions. She’s still not happy about it, but reckons that time will soften the impact.

hazard

occupational hazard (noun):
a danger or hazard to workers that is inherent in a particular occupation

Every job has its hazards, whether it’s physical, emotional or psychological. My female owner had been caught up in a recent argument that being a psychologist has its inherent hazards which spills into daily life. She was not referring to the good-old “compassion fatigue” where many people in the helping profession would experience in their career. She was talking about her day-to-day interactions with people.

In a typical workday, she spends her time talking to strangers, trying to get to know them as much as possible, within a limited time-frame (usually an hour). Psychotherapy, she says, provides a platform for forming one of the most artificial, imbalanced form of relationships where the therapist is clearly in greater control. Yet, there is strong evidence that therapeutic alliance is the greatest contributing factor to positive outcomes (more than therapeutic techniques).

So anyway, she spends her day listening to people, engaging in “good counselling skills” – paraphrasing, reflecting, empathetic listening, minimal encouragers, summarising, non-verbal gestures, open-ended questions etc –in order to establish a good therapeutic alliance. Coming from a Rogerian perspective, my female owner is largely client-centred and non-directive and works hard at making the client feels valued and good about himself.

These have impact on her daily communication style it seems. I-Fren had been recently distressed by these vague vibes and they had a brief discussion about it. My female owner blamed it on occupational hazards, although he didn’t seem very convinced. Anyway, that conversation led to a mini-pondering session.

My female owner argued that her communication style is a result of her being trained to focus attention on others. That means allowing the other party to talk about himself, asking open-ended questions and reflecting answers. Sometimes, she asks therapeutic questions in normal conversations and stumps her audience with the difficulty of the question. The flip side is that she doesn’t really contribute much about herself to the conversation. Rather, she usually makes jokes or funny comments about random things. A psychological hoarder, I must say.

From another angle, she thinks she clams up when people ask the wrong or inappropriate questions. To her, people need to ask the right questions in order to get the answers they are looking for. Surrounded with many trained helping friends, my female owner reckons that she opens up only to people who engage her using “good counselling skills”. This also means that she finds it hard to identify people whom she can relate to when she wants help.

Ah, occupational hazards. Maybe it’s not such a good idea to be a psychologist. You can’t find help, the way you want it, when you need it.

Therapist Fren

My female owner reckons that Therapist Fren had the greatest shocks of her life this week, in the whole history of their friendship.

Firstly, she introduced Therapist Fren to her Jogging Kakis, opening up to her, a new world of communication style. As Therapist Fren puts it, she never had that kind of interaction with guys, the way my female owner had with her Jogging Kakis. In addition, through the protracted (impromptu) dinner appointment, Therapist Fren noticed a different side of my female owner. Where my female owner would usually be the one to come up with random comments and jokes in their gatherings, in the presence of her Jogging Kakis (both of whom have a better command of English than her + being “two sides of the same coin” meant that she was automatically outnumbered), my female owner was at the receiving end of their endless banter and scrutiny. Docile in comparison.

Secondly, Therapist Fren discovered (whether she liked it or not), that my female owner had always put her as the contact person in times of emergency, i.e. her next-of-kin. I think she was reasonably shocked by this. My female owner framed it as Therapist Fren being her Onli Fren in Brisbane.

Thirdly, probably the biggest revelation in recent times, the existence of my blog. My female owner hardly tells people about my writings as she feels that most people won’t be interested in reading it anyway, so why open up herself to others? In Brisbane, my female owner has personally told only two individuals about me. Might be about 10 people in Singapore. Given that many of my female owner’s weird antics and idiosyncrasies had been shamelessly exposed and exaggerated by her Kakis, my female owner decided that it was time to let Therapist Fren into more of herself.

Really, how much can you really claim to know someone?

clocked

My female owner reached a milestone today. She finally clocked the required 100 direct client hours for her school placement. Ah, another arduous journey almost completed. That means that she can compile her placement folio and do the necessary paperwork to close this placement.

Three more workdays she says (she’s doing more than necessary because she wanna help the students as much as possible). This placement has been memorable in many ways and maybe, after she writes up her reflective statement, I will post it up for you to read (this is called working smart!).

watermelon

My female owner's Housemate tried to cheer her up today and sent her a "2 sec happiness" photo. Predictably, it brought a smile to her face.


My female owner says that she would be very touched if a guy craves out a turtle water-melon for her. She might even consider the guy. But alas, the guy is non-existent.

list

I guess it is only natural (or expected) that people around my female owner are asking her whether she has “found anyone” or “attracted to anyone”.

Curiosity was building up. Second Onli Fren came over recently and asked her. She concluded that “it was too late for my female owner” (?!). A fishing friend asked her if there was anyone in church who caught her fancy. When she said no, he told her to change church.

Influenced by some people in her church, my female owner came up with her criteria list which is almost impossible to meet, based on the available guys in the church. She shared this with a few people, including Onli Fren, who probably reached the same conclusion but was less direct than Second Onli Fren to say it out.

Things heated up during her recent camping trip when her jogging buddies joined forces to bombard her with questions regarding her ideal partner and whether there was any guys in her bible study group (which has a larger than normal ratio of guys: gals) who attracted her. Her jogging buddies then started an unsubstantiated obsession with two guys they had narrowed down for her (with zero inputs from her apparently) which is still on-going.

Actually, my female owner realised recently (like a few days ago) that one of the “short-listed” guys sort-of meet her criteria (she wasn’t sure if he would be intellectually stimulating enough for her coz she hardly engages in conversations with him). In fact, he is probably the one who comes the closest to meeting it. But alas, she doesn’t like him in that way. Only then, my female owner realised the fallacy of a criteria. It can be so sterile, like a shopping list,.. in the absence of chemistry and attraction.

Things continued to simmer with some of her church friends when they came together to dine and talk. Despite not really knowing everyone that deeply, they shared their romantic ideals and failures.

Her mother! Got involved today, when she asked my female owner to sign up for some government match-making network. Gosh. Did she really think that this social network thing would work? When told, Potahto wondered aloud why the government had not given up on my female owner, given her advance age. Her rong-ge, came out of nowhere, and asked her the same question too. And there are countless others who had been expressing interest in her (lack of) love life. Too many to list.

verified

My female owner had an interesting MSN conversation with her 荣哥 today. 荣哥 is a friend from junior college whom she acknowledged as her “brother” (hence, rong-ge) and he called her “neh mei” (referring to her as a younger sister). Over the years, they grew apart but still managed to maintain contact… and the namesakes.

He finally initiated contact with her via MSN (see how passive my female owner is?!) in response to her misleading MSN tagline which suggests that she would be back from Brisbane for good shortly. He was somewhat disappointed when he found out that she was still returning to Brisbane.

The beauty of old friends is that you connect with each other easily and gosh, they realised that they had not seen each other for close to two years. In fact, they couldn’t trace back their last meet.

Anyway, the reason why I bring him up is because 荣哥 lives very near her ex-boyfriend (aka my previous owner) and had seen him around a few times. 荣哥 made mention of him. Without intending to sound cynical, my female owner’s first thought was finally, someone has verified that her ex is still alive. She also learnt that he seems to have degenerated. She felt a tinge of sadness for him but well…

unplanned

Even after my female owner finished hosting her Singaporean friends, she remained occupied with other random highly impromptu social events.

It started with a planned lunch date with Therapist Fren on Wednesday. They hadn’t been meeting due to their busy schedules and my female owner’s move to the south. Before the lunch date even started, my female owner saw I-Fren at the cafeteria and he joined them impromptuly. Finally, the two of them (Therapist and I-Fren) meet each other, after hearing about each other for so long. The lunch date extended for 3.5hrs (it merged into afternoon coffee), no thanks to him taking the liberty to expose many of her dark secrets to Therapist Fren. Overall, it was a highly hilarious and cheek-aching session, a much needed break for her greatly stressed friend.

Thursday. A jio to go to Mr Nice Guy's house to help craft a watermelon fruit salad for a birthday celebration… which morphed into a home-cooked dinner by him (the icing on the cake was that he came to pick her up from her workplace). It ended up with the foursome (female owner's new housemate and her guitar teacher were also there) playing Truth or Dare. Unfortunately for my female owner, she was forced to reveal her age! Must have been a moral victory for her friends who had been trying all ways and means to find out her real age.

Friday was equally impromptu, with a jio from her jogging buddies, just after her work ends (perfect timing) to have ice-cream together. Happily, this was also an answer to her lazy prayer of “God, I pray that someone will pick me up from work so that I don’t have to walk so far (30mins at least) to bible study”. From jogging next to the river to gorging on ice-cream (think: two big tubs between three people) next to the river. How exciting.

Friday night, there was an impromptu decision to play guitar together with a few others after bible study. Alas, my female owner was no longer staying a stone’s throw away from the house. Although Mr Nice Guy offered to send her home afterwards, she decided to go home with others so that he didn’t have to make a special trip just for her. The downside of moving to the south: less mobility.

A very last minute confirmation made in the early hours of Saturday to go hiking follows. Once again, my female owner enjoyed herself tremendously. They hiked through a valley and through two waterfalls. Took nice photos (but not with her camera, so I can’t show you anything yet).

And an impromptu invitation by I-Fren to a Tom Yum cum Wii dinner party at his house completed her Saturday. Again, his culinary skills were impressive, with him doing a Tom Yum Goong from scratch (note: no paste involved), a ginger chicken dish (yummy!) and an eggplant dish. He never fails to make cooking look easy. Because of transportation limitations, she did a stayover at his house. She was joined by two mutual friends who decided at the end of the party that they were not ready to go home. Ah, whims and fancies. They ended up playing more Wii.

Sunday started off lazy. My female owner and her friends (including one of her jogging buddies who is staying temporarily at I-Fren’s house) took a (long) stroll to the nearby park. My female owner, who earlier had issues with the house dog but are now on cordial terms with her, requested to walk the dog (she never walked a dog before. Wait, I think she did. Second Onli Fren’s dog? Oh, but that was just because SOF happened to bring her dog to the dog run). Such a random experience. At certain points, she felt that she was being trained to walk a dog. Oh, she had to clean up the dog’s poo too. Even though my female owner is used to cleaning up after us, this must have been a humongous (literally) in comparison. *grinz*

Although my female owner decided not to join her church friends’ for dinner (coz she wanted time-out from the week’s activities), she was swayed by the pleading eyes of Mr Nice Guy who said “go for dinner lah… or else no one going…” Oh well.. she is notoriously soft-hearted. She went, thinking that there would be only 6 people going. Ended up there were 11 people split over 2 tables (other people just randomly appeared). She ended up (reluctantly) at the table with two strangers (Korean guys who were visiting), in addition to Mr Nice Guy and her Housemate. You would know by now that my female owner hates socialising with new people. However, she is aware that this is not the way to go, especially if she wants to be an ambassador of God’s love. Hence, she decided to make the effort to talk to the guys (she really don’t have much choice actually, but credit to her, she put in much more effort than before).

She didn’t regret it. Despite the bad English and arduous efforts needed to ensure that there was no breakdown in communication and understanding, she could tell that the guys connected with her. Their Korean antics were consistent to Korean movies, naturally funny facial expressions and oh… the language. Like a nightingale’s song to her ears. Okay, I’m exaggerating! There were a few clincher moments in their conversation which tickled everyone. Like how they discussed the answer (in Korean) to 2009-23years old (to get the year of birth of her Housemate) and still came up with the wrong answer three times (err… 1988? Accompanied with a greatly confused and distressed look). And when, one of them treaded dangerous waters to ask for my female owner’s age. Bad English and limited social understanding resulted in him thinking that she was really 20 years old (18++). Fortunately, the other guy got the joke and no one suffered a needless heart attack.

Ah, after such an unplanned week (as Potahto says, impromptu is the best schedule), my female owner crashed out on Sunday night… with the intentions of having some Metime.

slow

This must be the longest break I ever took, in updating my turtle pad. My female owner had been getting harder to nail down and getting updates from her is sheer hard work (remember how much slower we turtles are, compared to you humans).

Anyway, a look at her organiser for the past week showed that she had been occupied with a few major events. They are namely, moving house (again!) and entertaining her friends from Singapore (more on that next time), while still fulfilling her weekly obligations of research work, placement and church activities.

My female owner is in the midst of transitions (will talk more about this in future) and suffered a mini anxiety bout just now, as she realised how far behind she is in her work. But then again, just 2 days of intense work is likely to fix her up. It’s now a matter of sitting down to complete those work obligations.

treasure

What if God shows you His plan for you and that means you have to give up something you treasure?

Now that things are less hectic, my female owner has rekindled her seeking God for directions post-DCP. She’s still in the midst of working things through. Anyway, she entertained the possibility of having to go back to Singapore after graduation… and that filled her with reluctance, sadness and apprehension! You know, the heaviness of the heart kind of feeling.

She knows that if God calls, she will go, no matter how hard it is for her to give up her treasured possessions. She just wants to be sure that she has heard correctly and is going the right way.

Someone just asked her today if she has any plans for her life. My female owner once did (and I think I wrote about it before). Something along the typical Singaporean graduate lifeplan: go to uni, find a partner, graduate, work a few years, get married, have children, raise them on dual-income, grow old, have grand-children, retire, die happy.

Specifically, she wanted to get married by 25 (some of her friends would remember this), have 1-2 kids by 30 years old and get post-graduate qualifications. She also saw herself as working part-time while raising her kids. Well, her lifeplan took a drastic turn when firstly, she broke up with her partner of 6.5 years AFTER she was 25 and secondly, she got accepted into post-graduate training (by God’s divine intervention. It was such a convoluted process, that really, only God could have straightened out the obstacles).

Now, 2 years later, she is living a dream she has harboured since she started working. What’s beyond this dream? She has no inkling, no plans, and that is scary, for someone who’s old enough to be a mum.

JS - Unashamed - Starfield (cover)

I have not much
To offer You
Not near what You deserve
But still I come
Because Your cross
Has placed in me my worth

Oh, Christ my King
Of sympathy
Whose wounds secure my peace
Your grace extends
To call me friend
Your mercy sets me free

And I know I'm weak
I know I'm unworthy
To call upon Your name
But because of grace
Because of Your mercy
I stand here unashamed

I can't explain
This kind of love
I'm humbled and amazed
That You'd come down
From heavens heights
And greet me face to face

relearn

“why make a promise you can’t keep?”

That was Intuitive Fren’s response when she commented that he keeps all his promises (my female owner was referring to “concrete” promises such as doing something together and not those vague ones like “you can always come to me if you need help” type). Well, it makes sense doesn't it?

For a good part of her life, my female owner had come across men who broke her trust, didn’t keep their promises or left her feeling insecure because of their flippant words. I must first say that I am not writing this to attack males or to insinuate that females are holier than thou. I’m just writing about my female owner’s experience.

A big chunk of her negative experiences came from her previous relationship. One thing that always stuck in her mind was how he claimed that he had quit smoking but time and time again, he would be caught red-handed. Other times would be when he promised to do things for her or with her but did not. My female owner had forgotten the details of most of these incidents, but they were enough to cause her to decide that she could depend on no one, but herself. That independent streak is still evident in some of her actions and decisions now.

A less hurtful but long-lasting impact would come from some of her male friends in Singapore. They would make plans to do things together but the guy would pull out last minute. It came to a point when my female owner didn’t know if something was really going to take place until the set time itself. It was difficult to make plans and certainly safer to make plans involving more than just two people. Of course this did not happen all the time and there were many memorable experiences my female owner had with her male friends when they did keep their promises (think Turtle Museum!).

But you know, the overall experience would go something along the lines of… “I couldn’t trust my partner for big things…. And even in smaller things, the actions of my male friends made me feel insecure”

So going over to Brisbane, my female owner found herself having to relearn her flawed concepts of men (when she was a teenager, her piano teacher actually told her that she did not want to get married because husbands take up place at home!). There are indeed guys who do what they say they would do. There are those who gave her a sense of security because of their dependability, patience and wisdom. There are others who anticipated her needs and offered help even before she asked or realised that she needed it. Others yet, impressed her with their attention to details, sensitivity to others’ feelings and erm, culinary skills (hey, this is not surprising given that not many of her Singaporean male friends can cook). Gee… she must have had really bad experiences in the past to have to relearn so much.

No guy (or gal) is perfect and once in a while, people will disappoint (including her). But I guess the important thing for my female owner is that she has developed a more balanced view of men, after being disillusioned for so many years.