Wednesday, April 29, 2009

stroke

Some people think that Christians are should be angelic or perfect. Others perceive that psychologists, being experts at human behaviours, should be better at managing their emotions (i.e. be happy always). So if you are a Christian psychologist, are you expected to be perfect and happy?

Christian psychologists are but humans too. Not perfect, that’s why we need the grace of God. A life-time of growth and refinement, with ups and downs but the general direction is to become more Christ-like.

Anyway, my female owner felt lousy going to her placement today (as usual). See? She is not perfect or happy... You have heard about her gripes, let me assure you that they have not yet been abated. Her placement is the current thorn(s) in her flesh. She really wanted to call in sick today, but preserved in going, just so that she can quickly get it over and done with (i.e. clock her hours).

This day was different from others. She arrived at work to find out that one of her favourite residents (with whom she played cards last week, and who never failed to call her using the name of a famous painting) suffered a massive stroke in the morning. By afternoon time, the update was that this Italian charmer (88-years-old) was on life-support and was unlikely to survive the week.

What a sudden turn of events. Despite being in a aged care facility, the thought of any of the residents dying suddenly never occurred to her. There are many residents who are in the process of dying. That’s right, the process of dying. Weak, frail and suffering. My female owner finds it hard to accept that this man, who is able to move around independently with a wheelie- walker, is suddenly gone.

Did she just play cards with him last week?

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

updated

As if it was not enough to send an email to her leader to reinforce her decision, my female owner updated the only other person who knows the full story behind her intention. She wanted to close the loop on the issue and to cast her decision in stone by telling someone about it.

Despite not being a Christian, this person said “And He answered your prayers”

My female owner took a long while to pinpoint the accuracy of that reply. It is true. My female owner recalled that she was praying desperately that Saturday evening for God to move in her life. She never expected events to unfold in the manner they did.

Anyway, my female owner was heartened by his support (see? She is still assurance-seeking!) and encouragement. “So happy for u”

Cool isn’t it? When you have friends supporting you through difficult decisions.

Monday, April 27, 2009

run-ins

Oh no… the new week has started and my female owner is feeling blue about her upcoming placement again. The mere thought of having to go into the facility and put on a fake smile and happy persona when her actual mood is incongruent to how she feels about the whole arrangement makes her feel sick and hypocritical.

Self-CBT! (as if it works).

She also had a few minor run-ins with an anal diversional therapist (DT) when she ran her first group therapy session last Thursday. Just small things she did or did not do and uncalled for discouraging comments that pissed my female owner.

Being a wet blanket
FO: “yah, it is hard to get a group therapy running but probably the next psychologist who comes in will have a better time, coz the residents here would be used to the idea”

DT: “oh, not really, they would have forgotten everything by then”

WT... Besides the sublimal suggestion that my female owner’s efforts are in vain, this lady is actually saying that all the residents are suffering from severe memory loss. How’s that for stereotyping the very population you are supposed to help?

Immaturity
DT: “Oh, I noticed, as I was moving around that some of the residents were paying attention to what you...”

FO: blank look, wondering what the hidden message was. Finally, she got it …. “and some of them were dozing off.” Applause to the way she brought her criticisms across. No big deal. Residents sometimes sleep in the middle of activities. Their mere presence at activities is, in some ways, a great improvement from being cooped up in their rooms.

Non-action (passive-aggressiveness?)
DT (with an accusing look): “Oh, Grace (a resident) came at 0900hr (time the group was scheduled to start) and she left because you were not around, maybe next time you can come in earlier”

This is a prime example of a non-action. The normal response would be to ask the resident to wait for a while (“thanks for coming to the group. Why don’t you take a seat at one of the comfy chairs. We won’t be long, we are just trying to round up the rest of the residents”). My female owner was held up trying to bring up some residents for the group and yes, she came in 30mins earlier that morning.

Conclusion: B***h.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

struggles

My female owner made it to church on time. Not in a good mood though, with the scorching sun and dry heat zapping her energy. She tried to find the person she had agreed to contact but apparently, the person did not attend service today. Reaching home, she spent an hour crafting an email to her leader, writing of her struggles… Just so that I dont have to paraphase her thoughts, I reproduced some parts of the email here.

“… Just an update since Thur. After much wavering, I reluctantly decided to contact [XX]. My plan was to talk to her face-to-face in church today (just to set an appt) so that she can place a face to my name. Because of my decision, I struggled to get out of my house to go for service because a part of me wanted to avoid the scenario of having to share this with another person (the psychologist calls it “ambivalence”). I entered church being distracted and feeling out-of-sorts. I just felt like melting away and being left alone. But I believe that this feeling is not from God, because He is not a God of confusion or fear. So anyway, I willed myself to focus on God and to talk to Him about my reservations. By the end of worship and sermon, I was reasonably at peace and decided to find her after service.

Alas, I couldn’t find [XX] after service…. I couldn’t help but smile at the irony of things. My half-hearted prayer last night was something like “God, if I should talk to her, make it such that I cannot avoid her in church” Like she ends up right in front of me or something. I knew too well that my prayer was not right. Then when I purposefully tried to find her, she wasn’t even around…

So anyway, before I get off track, I just wanted to let you know that I did decide, after Thursday, to take the next step (yay!) and despite not finding her today, I will try again to nail her down (maybe during prayer mtg or sth). If I really cannot locate her, then I would call her. I guess putting this in writing helps to reinforce my decision coz I can foresee myself being uncertain again...”

avoid

One of those Sundays when you feel lousy about things, when you look out of your window and you can literally see yourself melting under the sun’s relentless rays, when you know that it is time to go to church, but you are reluctant to start moving…

This is one of those Sundays.

My female owner is reluctant to get out of her house. She knows who she is avoiding. She is not ready to take that step. If she sees that person she has to approach, she would be hosting an internal monologue about whether she should or she should not. Whatever decision she makes, she will still be uncertain.

At this point in time, my female owner wishes she can talk through her fears with her leader again. Though that is not ideal, coz she is just doing what anxious people tend to do: assurance-seeking.

Ah… time to get going anyway. Gonna be late.

We Live In Singapura (MTV version)

The animated version.

We Live In Singapura

This is a very old video which never fails to make my female owner laugh out loud. Watching such clips makes my female owner miss Singapore too. No matter how welcoming Australia is, Singapore remains her home.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

shy

My female owner received a social feedback today. A girl from her bible study group, who had known her since she came to Brisbane, told her that she noticed although my female owner is super shy, she is less shy now.

And so my female owner asked her, how did she know she is super shy?

And the girl replied that my female owner’s face would turn red at times!

Wahaha. Is it that obvious?!

See? Her shyness is real. Not an artificial attempt to cut off people. Everyone, stop admonishing her for being tao or standoffish.

revelational

My female owner had a long chat with her Potahto Fren today. It was a pleasant surprise, as the two of them had not been communicating much. Their friendship is at a stage where their mutual online statuses provide a “comforting cyber presence”, without evoking any acknowledgement from either party.

Potahto Fren asked about my female owner’s current state of being.. . coz my female owner sounded so reflective of late. As succinctly as possible (not my female owner’s strong point), my female owner tried to give a summary version of her life, post-conference. The current status is that she is wavering on her decision to proceed with getting some help from a particular person (whom she never spoken to in her life).

As always, my female owner was enlightened by Potahto Fren’s therapeutic line of questioning, with the most revelational (or exasperated?) comment being “surely getting some help is more important than who does it?” It certainly pays to have clever frens around. They help you to see things in better light.

Hmmm… the next difficult step (of faith).

Friday, April 24, 2009

sense

My female owner is currently trying to make sense of her externship experience. As you may already know, she has been feeling shortchanged about her current placement. Having to start up a psychological service in an unfamiliar, never tried before population group (residential aged care) is not what a postgrad psychologist-in-training would expect to undertake during her training. In all other placements, the psychological service is, expectedly, up and running. All the trainee needs to do is to go in, see clients, meet with her supervisor, clock the hours and get out. Here, my female owner is really left alone, with a supervisor who has minimal experience in the current setting. Talk about being left alone. She spends a good part of her time just chit-chatting with the older adults. Once in a while, she throws in a therapeutic question but the older adults tend to go all over the place and my female owner has no choice but to flow with them.

Admittedly, she is struggling to understand how God can make something good out of this situation. She finds no pleasure in this externship, whatever good feelings she has centre around being relieved that “at least I did some form of clinical work today”. She gets gloomy on Tuesday nights because she goes for work on Wednesdays and Thursdays and becomes really liberated on Thursday evenings. Truth be told, she can’t wait for this to be over. 10 more weeks she says.

Alas, the reflective side of her screams out “enjoy the process!” There is something surreal about working with people who are in their 80+ and 90+. Looking at their life experiences, aging process and human spirit, it is not hard to wonder how your own life would turn out in decades to come. Old people are not a homogenous lot. They are individuals, with different needs, personalities and abilities. Like many younger people, some are happy and contented, some are disatisfied about life. The demented (a common phenomena among the aged), though having some memory loss and disorientation to their current reality, is still capable of feeling depressed, unwanted and insecure. They simply live in an altered state of reality.

Some comments that she has heard so far:

“Thank you for taking an interest.” – 88 year-old man with mild dementia.

“Why is dying so hard?” – 96 year-old frail woman who used to be able to walk on her hands, now afflicted with multiple illnesses. Is living till such an old age a curse? Or a blessing?

“I try to be happy” – 87 year-old verbally aggressive woman who, in a tender moment, shows her vulnerable side. The desperation of a highly depressed woman.

“Can she play cards?” – 67 year-old man who was looking for a third person to join the cards table. My female owner ended up playing jim rummy with them. (At the same time, a vision of her playing bridge and taidi with her aged friends in an old folks’ home flashed by her).

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

baby

Baby steps.

That’s what they have decided is best for my female owner now.

Baby steps.

Yes, the email got through.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

restrictive

Has been a while since I told you about my female owner’s Housemates.

In all respect, they are extremely nice and accommodating people. They try to create a “family” environment at home where Male Housemate divides the household responsibilities. While he is in charge of bills, he has assigned my female owner to be in charge of purchasing miscellaneous household items like toilet rolls and tissue paper. Housemates also suggested having a weekly family dinner. So far, they managed to gather thrice for dinner. During the weekends, they go for grocery shopping together. A couple of times, Housemates try to get her to go to Goldcoast with them, but she has always rejected them as they tended to go on Sundays.

The most “family” thing that happened: One night, my female owner reached home after 0100hr. The next day, Male Housemate spoke to her about it and expressed their concern when she did not return home. He said that they waited for her until midnight and even left his mobile on, in case she needed to reach them or she forgot her keys. He then nicely requested that in future, she let them know if she would be home late. Out of respect and consideration for their peace of mind, she acceded to the request.

Family dinners and informing them of any late-returns?! This is more restrictive than in Singapore. ahh... but she sees their good intentions.

disbelief

My female owner dreamt that all of us turtles died… the day she returned to Brisbane. In her dream (set in Singapore), she couldn’t believe it and started becoming very emotional towards her mother. Finally she managed to pinpoint the reason for her disbelief. In real life, there was an incident after she returned to Brisbane, when her mother showed her Dodo on video. So something didn’t tally up; how could Dodo have died if she did see him in cyber-flesh?

I’m amazed that her memory is still at work even in her dreams! Ain’t dreams a R&R time when you just lie back and allow fantasy to take over?

Anyway, a little off topic, but since I mentioned Dodo, did you know that there is a person called Dodo in the Bible (no, it is NOT a bird)?! How interesting. Now, is there a Nooki in the Bible?

Monday, April 20, 2009

sent

My female owner feels vulnerable as she crafted an email and sent it off to her group leader. She could have sent an sms which would have reached him immediately but as always, she wants to leave the back door open, in case there is a chance to make an escape (i.e. there is a chance that the email won’t reach him, yah?)

Yah, the nonsense that God has to put up with. Watching her come up with childish antics to stay within her comfort zone although she is fully aware that it is time to move on. To let the Shepherd lead her out of her stuckness into the life He has intended for her.

Having been the catalyst during the conference, her leader knows her issues and says “anytime you are ready, no pressure, I wait for the good news”.

Her desperate spirit says “it is time, you said this is the year of dedication to God”.

Her stubborn flesh says “NO! What if…., It is strange to be non-depressive (?!)..”

Praying with her recently, a group member says, “I see a vision of you trying to draw the blueprints of your life and getting frustrated. God wants you to stop trying to take control, and allow Him to draw the blueprint for you.”

Prompted by the Holy Spirit, her I-fren says, ”reflection must be followed by reaction… your group members can tackle the issues of the heart and spirit”.

The Holy Spirit says, “Will you take the step of faith?”

Seeing how all the different pieces fit together, with the Holy Spirit being the centre, she sent off that email (as usual, passive, but better than nothing, baby steps...).

free

My female owner can’t believe that it has been one week since the end of the Christian conference. Like how one might think back of a good holiday, she wishes that she can go back into time to relive those four days.

Life-changing.

Transformational.

Refreshing.

Freedom!

Eye-opening.

Bondage breaking.

Eternal restoration.

Healing.

Unimaginable joy.

Indescribable, awesome, overflowing, unending love.

Even though she is back to her daily responsibilities and obligations, my female owner knows that there is a greater purpose for whatever she is doing/ have to do (she cites this semester as non-stimulating and thus, is itching to return to work). Makes it easier to go through this current season in her life.

As a side note, my female owner no longer frets about whether she should have taken up the sponsorship offered by her previous workplace. She is finally liberated from her "what if"s and can truly thank God for guiding her to make the decision to resign. Now, she is free to do whatever He has planned for her and to go wherever He calls her to.

Just think, if she took up the sponsorship, she has to return to Singapore at the end of this year. She would be counting her remaining days in Brisbane (time really flies hey!) Now, that is a very depressing thought indeed.

sweet

My female owner can’t believe how nice some people can be.

Her female friends and her were recounting the tale of having to walk home from Toowong (at least 20mins away) at about 2300hr to a male driver friend. His immediate response was, “why didn’t you call us (as in any of the guys who has a car) to fetch you home?” The way he said it, it was as though he expected them to do that. My female owner started to protest (she doesn’t like to impose on others) but he said “it’s alright, we live nearby and it is so late already.”

Oww… so sweet. Hardly see such generous and caring spirit around. In Singapore, you usually get a lift home only if you are good friends with the driver, or live near him, or if he is a true gentleman. However, you don’t really call a random male friend to come and pick you up from wherever (impromptuly at that), unless he is your partner. Even then, you might face with some grouch for the last-minute request.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

over

Sometimes, you don’t know why you tear.

My female owner received a follow-up sms from the person who sat with her and listened as she cried through her issues during last week's conference. He was checking to see how she was doing. While responding to the sms, she started tearing and feeling heavy-hearted all over again.

She wonders why. Hasn’t she gotten over it?

miss

My female owner has been largely missing coz she is spending less time on MSN. Finally!!! A conviction she finally put into action. That means also that, I have less opportunity to get updates from her, and hence, the lower frequency of entries..

Anyway, my female owner made a startling discovery when she was chatting with her bible study group members on Friday. A few of them (all Asians) mentioned that while they were in Melbourne (for the convention), they started to miss Brisbane, coz Brisbane was their home. They missed their beds, their rooms, personal belongings and cars.

Brisbane was home?! How could you feel at home in a country that is not yours? Until now, my female owner still feels like an alien in Brisbane. Like Brisbane, Melbourne was just like another holiday destination for her. When my female owner is back in Singapore, she completely pushes Brisbane to the back of her mind and hardly contacts anyone from Brisbane. On the contrary, one guy said that when he returns to his home country, he would sms people in Brisbane to ask them what they are doing. ??

Her friends assured her that she would start to see Brisbane as home, as time passes. Err… how long would that take? My female owner dreads the day when she starts to feel at home in Brisbane, only to have to return to Singapore. See? She is full of anticipatory anxiety!

For all you know, she might never return to Singapore permanently. *glup* then what about us turtles??

Thursday, April 16, 2009

restoration

Has been almost a decade since my female owner attended a church camp wholeheartedly, and not only that, went away being refreshed and recharged.

My female owner used to attend church camps with her ex and together with many/ several others, they would skip almost every teaching session and find their own entertainment to while their time away. Needless to say, the group of skippers gained nothing much from attending church camps.

This time, my female owner attended the annual Oceania Convention held over the Easter weekend at Philip Island. Altogether, there were about 850 attendees, coming from different parts of Australia and New Zealand. Their love and hunger for God rubbed off my female owner as once again, after such a long time, she returned to her first Love.

My female owner received several breakthroughs in her life. She said that it is too long to tell everything so this will be brief (I hope). Most significantly, God brought to surface, a deep-seated issue which she had not discussed with any mature Christian before. Through God’s gentle nudging and persistence from a leader, my female owner opened up for the first time in her life and began the process of healing and restoration of past hurts and experiences.

My female owner also received a greater revelation of what living by God’s words meant, as she began to find answers to some of the questions she had been pondering over. In addition, she was encouraged by the love overflowing from her bible study group members and the Christian community spirit among the church members. It was almost like heaven on earth, as everyone came together with one mind and spirit, simply to spend time in God’s presence to worship Him, learn more about Him and pray for one another.

Through the four days of intense spiritual immersion, my female owner was challenged and convicted by God to strive towards greater spiritual growth. She says that the best thing about God’s leading is that it is not followed by condemnation or guilt, but a sense of freedom and victory from the strongholds that once held you down.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

life-changing

My female owner just got back from a six-day hiatus at Philip Island, Melbourne! That explains why I haven’t heard from her for as many days. She said very briefly that the getaway was a life-changing experience for her. You see, she attended a Christian convention where she just couldn’t get enough of learning about God and worshipping Him. Oh well, perhaps non-Christians may flinch at such a thought. Anyway, I will update more about the trip once I get more details.

Wednesday, April 08, 2009

eyes

Through the eyes of an Australian tourist (who made a weekend trip to Singapore):

Price of coffee is so expensive! Shoes are cheap.

Why are whitening products so popular in Singapore? People hand out brochures everywhere.

So amusing, it warrants a photograph: the timed traffic lights which tell you how many seconds you have left to dash across the road.

Paying $29.50 each to go on the Singapore Flyer without batting an eyelid and, buying the photograph they take of you and presented in an ugly corporate-looking folder at an overpriced amount of $18.

The best food in Singapore is the breakfast they serve at the hotel.

Coins in Singapore are so small!

How come they don’t have $20-notes?

Sentosa is exciting. Paying $12 for a china-made ornament there is ok.

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

skip

My female owner is tired out from a jam-packed (but not hectic day). She did manage to accomplish a little more than usual, especially for her paid research job. God made a way even through the resistance she encountered from external parties and she secured some information which she had been trying to obtain.

She doesn’t really want to run through the details of her mundane day. However, what’s different is that she skipped her counselling tutorial today. Ah, my female owner hardly skips class so when she does, it is cause for queries.

Apparently, she was very tired and couldn’t bear the thought of having to struggle to keep awake as the counselling class ramble on about some random unimportant issues. Dampened, she skipped her class, despite feeling the great poke of her conscience.

Yes, my female owner is in an energy conservation mode.

Monday, April 06, 2009

season

My female owner finally found the right words to describe her current state of being: “low morale”. A term that she was once so familiar with when she was working in her previous organisation.

She wonders if the things she do now are worth the effort, time and commitment. Unable to believe in a good ending, my female owner finds it hard to work in blind faith. Towards what? For what cause? To what end?

She feels stuck in a rut. Things are likely to be better than what she makes it out to be. Hence, it is just a psychological rut, a stuckness that was triggered (or maintained?) by different events or thought processes. An internal conflict (or many) is brewing within her. Is she or is she not? She feels dissected and split. Her thoughts run in parallel commentaries, like two radios being switched on at the same time. Sometimes one becomes louder than the other, drowning the gentler voice. Sometimes the thoughts speak to each other and try to sort themselves out, before they present a united front to her.

There is a time for everything. What is the season for her now?

Sunday, April 05, 2009

bored

I'm tired.. but I think I will squeeze in another entry before I sleep..

As I mentioned before, my female owner has more time on her hands these days. Hence, she spends more time thinking and brooding over things, past, present and future. One of the hot topics now revolves around how she managed to get through last year, and why she was so stretched for time then. She has repressed so much of her memories that she can’t really recall what kept her so busy.

The next related topic is mulling over whether she will be able to complete her programme on time and with good results. Already, she is feeling very sian about the programme.

She has only two modules this semester. With 13 lessons of three hours each per module, she can actually complete the syllabus in three weeks (i.e. 13 half-days per module) if the school did a compressed schedule. That sounds better than spreading the module over 3 months yah? "What a blxxxy waste of time”

She is also bored with her externship. Though it is a unique setting with lotsa potential for personal growth and character building, my female owner does not think it provides her with adequate clinical training. The only saving graces of this externship are that the people are very nice and that it is paid.

My female owner also doesn't fancy her research field. She does not know what her research question is, although she has some data on-hand. Her research supervisor gives vague comments and thus, she has to make out her own direction. The external parties she is working with are unhelpful and give her a hard time. My female owner reckons that she has to do some “reverse engineering” where she would have to seek out relevant literature to support her data findings (when she finally manages to narrow down what she will be analysing).

The more she reads, the more she lacks. She seriously wonders if she is able to “make it” as a credible and effective psychologist. She is paranoid about putting in so much time, effort and money, only to graduate as a “half-past-six” psychologist, backed by nothing but her paper qualification. My female owner says she misses working too (I think she is mad, she is suffering from “the grass is greener on the other side” disease).

Deadlines keep my female owner's adrenalin flowing and so far, she has been having elastic deadlines. Her system cannot cope with such flexibility due to her wanton lack of self-discipline and selective sense of urgency.

same

My female owner wonders how it is like to meet someone with the same name as her.

I might have said this before, she did a search of her first name (full version) on FB (with 175 million users) and there were more than 300 users with the same first/ last name as her first name.

When she did a search using her first name and surname together, only her profile came up. My female owner hopes that one day, she will meet someone with the same first name as her. Only then, will she really know how it is like to address someone else with her name. So far, no one has ever told her, "Oh, I know a xxxxexxxx" too.

Ah, I wonder when that day would come.

Saturday, April 04, 2009

excited

My female owner is getting excited about the upcoming Oceania Conference in Melbourne. She attended her first conference last year and was thoroughly blessed and refreshed from the intense spiritual renewal.

Looking back at the lessons and revelations from the previous OC, my female owner realises that she has moved on in varying degrees. Certainly she could have grown more, but in her busyness and natural neurotic self, she had allowed many things to drown her spirit and distract her over the past year. Yet, this past year had been the most meaningful in the last decade. There were spurts of spiritual growth, some periods of stagnation but certainly, the general direction is towards a closer relationship with God. A renewed experience of discovering the heart of God, His perfect nature and everlasting love.

My female owner still has many question marks about where her life is heading (??????) and she hopes to get a clearer picture through this period leading up to the OC and also during OC itself. She also has deep unresolved issues and parts of her life which she has to surrender to God (think MSN, emo-eating, dodgy thinking). This spiritual cleansing and submission will be worth it, she reckons. There is no turning back.

act

In a random moment recently, my female owner asked her Can Fren whether she can make it as a man. He said no, given the way she argues her way out of things. She tried to convince him that she makes a good “man” but he told her to “remain a girl”.

Oh well…

My female owner had always felt that she is more “man” than “woman”. Androgynous, she reckons. For some unknown reason, many years ago, she started to avoid and dislike all things pink, girly and too feminine. They gross her out. She thinks little (such a harsh word!) of over-dependent or needy gals who whims and whines about anything just to get attention or sympathy from others.

“What’s their problem? Don’t they have personal pride or a backbone?” Get a life!

Believe me, her eyes roll violently when she sees such artificial behaviours and they sometimes get dislodged when she sees others responding to these actresses.

So wayang.

Oh dear... i don't know why this post sounds so hostile... but obviously, my female owner has issues with girls who act cute, act fragile, act helpless.

Friday, April 03, 2009

right

Having felt shortchanged about her current externship arrangements, my female owner has been praying to God to allow her to be “at the right place, at the right time” so that she will not have to struggle so much needlessly.

She found her first answered prayer today during bible school. One of the leaders called everyone who was going for a church conference next weekend (in Melbourne) into the bedroom as she wanted to give a short briefing. My female owner had been fretting over her miniature yellow backpack which might not be sufficient to hold all her warm clothes and had been wondering who would have a spare to loan her. Anyway, the briefing added another to-find item – a sleeping bag.

One of her friends suggested that she try to borrow a sleeping bag from someone who would not be going. My female owner was doubtful that she could coz firstly, a lot of people are going; secondly, a sleeping bag is not like toothbrush you know, it is not a common item.

Anyway, my female owner stopped the first bible study group member who was walking into the room just as she was about to leave the bedroom. She randomly popped the question: “do you have a sleeping bag?” He said, “yes, I have three, I can lend you”. Then my female owner pushed further, “erm… and a big backpack?” He smiled and nodded. "I will bring for you on Sunday."

Wow! At the right place, at the right time. My female owner found the things she needed even before she could step out of the bedroom. What an awesome provision. She even helped another sleeping bag seeker (who left the room earlier) obtain one from this member.

mention

Did I mention that Dodo saw my female owner the other night? She was in a better mood then, so she asked her mother to show her one of us. Her mother grabbed Dodo (random choice) and brought him to the video-cam. As usual, Dodo was on his best behaviour (he hardly misbehaves) and barely protested as my female owner’s mother paraded him in front of the camera.

Did I also mention that my female owner’s father saw her recently and commended that “you look like a pumpkin!” Oh well… after decades of being “suaned” by her father, no wonder my female owner doesn’t react much when her friends tease her. It’s part of her growing up years.

Finally did I also mention that my female owner had a recent video-conference with her Potahto Fren? Potahto was looking even better than ever (the effects of a better working environment… and love?) Oh, and she also had an extended telephone conversation with her aikido instructor who was in Brunei at that time. Ah, with the advent of cheap technology, it is so much easier to keep in touch with loved ones, anytime, anywhere. *hint*

Okay, I just need to slot in another “did I mention” that my female owner and her brother are communicating more these days, no thanks to FB! And she arrowed her brother to get a new keyboard for their parents. Wahaha. E-arrow!

Thursday, April 02, 2009

relative

Working with older adults, my female owner realised that many things she is prickly about, is good in relative terms. For example, age. Most of her clientele are 85 years old and above. How’s that for feeling young? Her ballooning figure is regarded as good by the residents, having received countless compliments on her figure and her personality and even her teeth (?!?!?!?!)

Many things she has taken for granted or never thought about the inconvenience of losing. For example, not being able to walk due to knee problems. Not being able to cut your nails because your hands are shaky. Loss of mobility means that you need to relay on others to bath and go to the toilet. Might impact on your sense of dignity and self-agency as well.

Hmmm.

She also learnt that men will always be men and some of them are quite hum sup… they would touch my female owner on her arm and say things like “your skin is so smooth”?!?!?!?! I wonder how my female owner handled that.

Observing the residents, she felt a sense of surrealism. Their living arrangements are not very different from students who are living in hostels or campuses. Rent a room, make it like your own. Meals provided at regular intervals, laundry services provided. Room service is even thrown into the deal. On-site technical support for anything machinery problems. There are dining, rest and activity areas where you can gather with your mates for food, games (Bang?! Bridge?! Daidi?!) and fun.

Ahh… they forgot to include pets!

darkest

¼ of 2009 is gone! I meant to write my traditional post about what my female owner has/ has not accomplished since the year started but my paws became itchy (maybe I caught it from my female owner) and I decided to check out what I wrote one year ago.

Lo and behold, last year this day was what my female owner termed as “the darkest day of (her) life”. It was the day when she had the clinic orientation and ended up feeling overwhelmed by the multitude of tasks (clinical, administrative and redundant) that awaited her. At that time, it seems impossible and outrageous to be able to complete all the required tasks.

One year on, she is of course amazed and thankful that she made it through… wasn’t exactly a breeze which she could honestly say that she enjoyed. More like a tsunami where she was clinging to God for dear life and sanity. An experience that she certainly won't want to go through again.

Each year brings about different sets of challenges. This year, my female owner has more time on her hands, but she feels that she has lost control of how things are unfolding for her. Perhaps this time, next year, she will kick herself silly for being so paranoid.

itch

My female owner had an “ill week” that left her depleted. After a terrible day of mulling over the negatives of school, she developed a generalised body itch on Tuesday night. She figured it was triggered by stress as she was really edgy about going back to her externship on Wed. The uncertainties confronting her were overwhelming her system. My female owner seldom succumb to stress-related physical problems (as you know, she is more emo). And so, itching all over, my female owner couldn’t sleep properly (she was already sleep-deprived the night before, no thanks to a late night MSN session which ended at 0300hr) and woke up “feeling like shit”.

The itch, though gone, left her skin patchy and red. It mysteriously disappeared the whole of Wed, until the evening, when it started coming back, reaching full force eventually. My female owner couldn’t bear the thought of being sleepless again.. and whacked 4 anti-histamine pills (2 in the early evening and 2 in the middle of the night). The drugs, thankfully, knocked her out and wore out just in time for work this morning.

So far so good, the itch has not returned!

My siblings and I

My siblings and I
From top left: Dodo, Dona, me (Nooki) and Nanook