As promised, I managed to get a copy of my female owner's reflective statement of her placement.
________________________________
I enjoyed my placement at XXX tremendously. The team at the Counselling Department took great efforts to make me feel included and welcomed during my stint. They took time to answer my queries and educate me on the workings of the school system. In addition, they always made sure that I had a sufficient caseload and the resources I needed in order to undertake my responsibilities. The resources include access to students’ information, access to therapeutic materials and a dedicated office.
There were a few important takeaways from this placement which I would like to highlight. Through the encouragement and faith expressed by the team, my confidence as a budding psychologist increased. Being a perfectionist, I started the placement looking at my weaknesses and things I could have done differently. Through the patience of my clinical supervisor, I was able to identify (and acknowledge) my strengths and harness them for the benefits of my students. Being more confident of myself, I developed a stronger intuitive sense of the needs of the student and hence, was more sensitive in the choice of my words, tone of voice and non-verbal cues. Students often cried during my sessions and I became more comfortable with such expressions of emotions. In addition, I gained a deeper understanding of what therapeutic alliance meant. I became more comfortable with the notion of “being” with the student, rather than just “doing” or “teaching”.
In terms of working with the child and adolescent population, I learnt the importance of setting clear boundaries and limitations and being firm with them. For instance, there was a group of four girls who wanted to be seen together but I had to go beyond what they wanted and split them into pairs in order to enhance therapeutic outcomes. However, I did this as gently as I could, selling them the rationale for splitting them in terms of mutual benefits for everyone involved. In addition, there were students who tried to manipulate my good intentions by scheduling sessions just to escape lessons or by being flippant about their appointments. After a few such instances, I learnt to be assertive and not give in to such whims and fancies.
In addition, working with this population reminded me not to underestimate the benefits of seemingly small interventions. For example, I always wondered with skepticism, the therapeutic effects of drawing for children. I had the opportunity to use this therapeutic tool when I worked with a pair of girls who were trying to cope with their parents' divorce and friendship issues. I soon discovered that drawing out their current situations made it easier for them to verbalise their story. Starting from the negatives of their lives, the girls were later able to draw the positives of their situations. They also started to take ownership of each session, deciding beforehand what they would like to talk about.
Having the privilege to work in a team-oriented department, I soon embraced the importance of knowing “who needs to do what”. The synergy of working together to bring about the best outcome for the individual student cannot be further emphasised. Whether it would be the Head of Counselling, the counselor, teacher, year-level coordinator or even parents, it soon became clear too that timely communication among stakeholders was paramount in this line of work.
I experienced countless moments of satisfaction. These arose out of different situations: when my student gets a “ah-ha” moment, when the reticient student breaks down in front of me and shares long-bottled up feelings with me, when I know I had gained enough trust to enter into someone else’ private world and simply knowing that I restored hope into a hopeless situation.
Working from a Rogerian framework, I also began to learn to communicate (better) unconditional positive regard in a sincere and non-patronising manner. When once I looked for big changes as an indication of therapeutic success, I now learnt to slow down and celebrate small successes with my students. I realised that it was unrealistic of me to expect big changes, because defeats and rejections were big parts of the students’ life. Hence, “small successes” in my once-ambitious eyes were actually milestones for them.
Overall, my experience at XXX has been rewarding and fulfilling. Besides deepening my clinical interest in working with the adolescent population, I feel that I had become a better person through working with the staff and students. The staff taught me professional conduct and skills; the students encouraged me with their resilience, creativity, love for others and never say die attitude.
Saturday, November 28, 2009
stinginess
My female owner realises that she is highly traumatised by stingy men. She is ok with guys who are thrifty or prudent in their spending. In fact, she appreciates that. But stinginess? No way. It’s hard even to be her friend if that is the case.
Perhaps it is a difference in values system or something else but she really gets repulsed by guys who hoard money beyond reason. And she argues that stinginess is not a function of your earning power. Her previous boyfriends were not rich, but they were generous. And that (other than the fact that love is blind) made them attractive.
She says that it is hard to be relational to a stingy person. The more you give, the more he takes, for granted. That is not mutual, not a relationship. A relationship (romantic or platonic) necessitates a give-and-take orientation. Sometimes, you give (not just finances, but time, effort etc) because you can/ want/ need to. Sometimes you take. Because you lack. There is no clear calculation of the maths or balance sheet of who gave more or who owed more. But the end result is a strong, reciprocal relationship.
Stinginess? Not her idea of a relationship.
Perhaps it is a difference in values system or something else but she really gets repulsed by guys who hoard money beyond reason. And she argues that stinginess is not a function of your earning power. Her previous boyfriends were not rich, but they were generous. And that (other than the fact that love is blind) made them attractive.
She says that it is hard to be relational to a stingy person. The more you give, the more he takes, for granted. That is not mutual, not a relationship. A relationship (romantic or platonic) necessitates a give-and-take orientation. Sometimes, you give (not just finances, but time, effort etc) because you can/ want/ need to. Sometimes you take. Because you lack. There is no clear calculation of the maths or balance sheet of who gave more or who owed more. But the end result is a strong, reciprocal relationship.
Stinginess? Not her idea of a relationship.
girl-time
Despite her claims that she has “no friends”, my female owner found herself being jioed by different people for tonight. She is finally starting to acknowledge that she has more than “no friends”. Anyway, she ended up choosing to have dinner cum drinks with a female church friend, someone whom she hardly spent time with. Dinner was meant to be a fun and casual time, but it quickly evolved to be a meaningful and emotionally engaging time where the two of them poured out their hearts to each other. Some people call it “girl-time”.
Reflecting back, my female owner can’t help but conclude that it was a God-arranged time. There were so many things that could have happened that would have stopped dinner from happening. And there was a random sequence of events that caused the two of them to meet for dinner.
The girls were later joined by Jogging Kakis and another mutual friend (the five of them used to be from the same bible study group) who happened to be in the city as well. Talk about coincidences. My female owner was happy for her friend coz she managed to catch up with the rest of the people after not seeing them for such a long time.
Reflecting back, my female owner can’t help but conclude that it was a God-arranged time. There were so many things that could have happened that would have stopped dinner from happening. And there was a random sequence of events that caused the two of them to meet for dinner.
The girls were later joined by Jogging Kakis and another mutual friend (the five of them used to be from the same bible study group) who happened to be in the city as well. Talk about coincidences. My female owner was happy for her friend coz she managed to catch up with the rest of the people after not seeing them for such a long time.
Friday, November 27, 2009
falling
Ah, can I just say that I've got so many things to update on my Turtle Pad but I haven't been able to get ahead with them? Experiences my female owner went through, photos taken, random comments and thoughts, all waiting for me to pen down.
For the first time in my life, I am a stressed shellshockedturtle!
For the first time in my life, I am a stressed shellshockedturtle!
Thursday, November 26, 2009
25 Nov 09
2 years ago, my female owner stared at her letter of acceptance to post-grad and noted that it stated that her course would end on 25 Nov 09. Being her, sentimental and all that, she wondered how life would be on this date, 25 Nov 09, and what she would be doing. Well, in a twinkling of an eye, as quickly as a flash of lightning in retrospection, she got her answer yesterday.
Wanna make a guess?
Therapist Fren probably knows the answer best coz she spent the most time with her on 25 Nov 09. Well, she woke up in Therapist Fren’s house at 0730. They got ready to go to uni and had brekki at their favourite café, Genies. Cinnamon toast and coffee. Talking endlessly about things.
Then they separated to do their individual chores. My female owner had a research supervision cum RA work meeting (how boring!) They ended up talking for more than an hour about her plans for the future. Intense!
In the afternoon, she ended up at Toowong, grocery shopping with Therapist Fren’s namesake (i.e. a church friend who shares the same name as Therapist Fren) and later, at her house. They had plans to have a yummy Korean dinner, prepared by her Korean Jogging Kaki (aka Big Butt and many other names). My female owner ended back at the supermarkets with Korean Jogging Kaki, buying the required ingredients…. And booze..
The dinner party finally expanded to six people. Four church friends, Therapist Fren (who decided to be sociable that night, so they picked her up from school) and a new friend. OZ Jogging Fren joined them later for after-dinner games.
From a yummy authentic Korean meal (minus the fettuccini, but it was still mouth-watering), to dubious Fortune Cookie messages (“Taking protective measures will help you avert disastrous consequences. *IN BED”. And funnily, her two Jogging Kakis, who are currently sharing a room, oh so intimate!, fought over the last remaining cookie and ate half each. The message was “Stop looking around. Happiness is sitting next to you. IN BED”), to parallel realities, to disturbing first impressions by two psycho psyches, to BOOZE!!! (if only there were more, my female owner says), to Super Human Strength tests (my female owner managed to wrestle a beer bottle out of muscular Korean Jogging Kaki, no thanks to firstly, her Super Human Strength, then her fingernails and finally, strategic use of body weight), to heart attack and death by chopsticks (some people were just chopstick hoarders), to non-verbal communication game (so complicated, even when sober, my female owner wonders how OZ Jogging Kaki managed to work out the sequences so fast), to endless pits of laughter and spontaneity, to happy sabotages, to losing a bet because of limerence, it was a night to remember, giggle and recount in days to come.
So there you have it, a summary of 25 Nov 09. My female owner never envisioned this day to be as such. In fact, she never thought this day would come so quickly.
*apparently you are supposed to add “IN BED” to the end of each fortune cookie message.
Wanna make a guess?
Therapist Fren probably knows the answer best coz she spent the most time with her on 25 Nov 09. Well, she woke up in Therapist Fren’s house at 0730. They got ready to go to uni and had brekki at their favourite café, Genies. Cinnamon toast and coffee. Talking endlessly about things.
Then they separated to do their individual chores. My female owner had a research supervision cum RA work meeting (how boring!) They ended up talking for more than an hour about her plans for the future. Intense!
In the afternoon, she ended up at Toowong, grocery shopping with Therapist Fren’s namesake (i.e. a church friend who shares the same name as Therapist Fren) and later, at her house. They had plans to have a yummy Korean dinner, prepared by her Korean Jogging Kaki (aka Big Butt and many other names). My female owner ended back at the supermarkets with Korean Jogging Kaki, buying the required ingredients…. And booze..
The dinner party finally expanded to six people. Four church friends, Therapist Fren (who decided to be sociable that night, so they picked her up from school) and a new friend. OZ Jogging Fren joined them later for after-dinner games.
From a yummy authentic Korean meal (minus the fettuccini, but it was still mouth-watering), to dubious Fortune Cookie messages (“Taking protective measures will help you avert disastrous consequences. *IN BED”. And funnily, her two Jogging Kakis, who are currently sharing a room, oh so intimate!, fought over the last remaining cookie and ate half each. The message was “Stop looking around. Happiness is sitting next to you. IN BED”), to parallel realities, to disturbing first impressions by two psycho psyches, to BOOZE!!! (if only there were more, my female owner says), to Super Human Strength tests (my female owner managed to wrestle a beer bottle out of muscular Korean Jogging Kaki, no thanks to firstly, her Super Human Strength, then her fingernails and finally, strategic use of body weight), to heart attack and death by chopsticks (some people were just chopstick hoarders), to non-verbal communication game (so complicated, even when sober, my female owner wonders how OZ Jogging Kaki managed to work out the sequences so fast), to endless pits of laughter and spontaneity, to happy sabotages, to losing a bet because of limerence, it was a night to remember, giggle and recount in days to come.
So there you have it, a summary of 25 Nov 09. My female owner never envisioned this day to be as such. In fact, she never thought this day would come so quickly.
*apparently you are supposed to add “IN BED” to the end of each fortune cookie message.
Monday, November 23, 2009
14 sleeps
14 more sleeps before my female owner returns! We turtles are getting really excited (although Dodo, my smart brother says that technically, it is more than 14 sleeps away, since we turtles sleep about 2-3 times a day - Who cares!).
Everyone is counting down. Her family for sure. Her mother is looking forward to cooking for my female owner as much as she can. A short trip to Cambodia is also in the pipeline.
Her Onli Frens have already volunteered to pick her up from the airport, and spend time with her on her birthday (though the Second one has to skive off work to do that). Not to mention that they have taken leave in December too.
Her Impromptu Frens, who have already planned to have impromptu parties (how can anyone plan to have something impromptu continues to baffle me) and a delayed Christmas party, with a Secret Santa thrown in, on New Year’s Eve?! This group is really interesting!
Her Counselling Fren who never fails to say “tell u more when u come back” on msn. My female owner is getting so miffed at his escapism that she has recorded what he’s supposed to tell her or promised to bring her to (e.g. farms, fishing and off-shore islands). Must be freaking him out, coz he has “commitment issues”.
Potahto.. in her non-commital manner.. "yes, we can hang out together". Reunion of the chopstick sisters..
Her Couple Fren have proposed a steam-boat dinner as a reunion for the party of five who travelled together in Brisbane and offered to celebrate her birthday with her (super vague plans I must say, but she’s sure they would). Male Couple Fren also agreed to take leave to go Pulau Ubin with her.
Her neighbour’s daughter who is also completing her A levels soon. Ah, so fast! Two years flew by them. They can do hang out sessions once again.
Her aikido instructor who is starting his own aikido school and has invited my female owner to continue training with him. My female owner says that knowing him changed her life for the better (sounds so suggestive)… and not many men have that positive effect on her (sounds so wrong now). Her other aikido friends who have asked about her coming back.
Some of her stand-alone friends whom she hardly talks to, but still maintains a strong emotional bond because of their common past experiences. Ah, she better not forget about them!
A number of friends who have strategically started enquiring “when are you coming back?” despite not talking to her for a good part of the year (her supper kaki comes to mind). Better late than never!
(note: her ex-colleagues are probably clueless about her return, a testament to their strained relationships, but who cares!)
Erm… will she have time for us turtles then? Or will she repeat her gallivanting ways and neglect us again!
extrovert introvert
For a couple of hours today, my female owner had the chance to be alone in her new house. Two of her housemates are away in New Zealand while the last one went out for dinner or something. She enjoyed the time alone tremendously.
Solitude is comforting for my female owner. Given a choice, she rather live by herself. Wait, let me correct myself. My female owner likes to be by herself at home, but she needs to maintain social connections with people. A phenomenon some term as extrovert introvert, while others (e.g. her Counselling Fren) describe it as functional extrovert.
Therapist Fren established today that my female owner is indeed an Extrovert Introvert. Therapist Fren heard from their mutual friend (whose church my female owner visited yesterday) that my female owner “fitted in very well” with the friend’s churchmates. Well done for someone who is anti-social.
When told about this feedback, my female owner’s reaction was like “yah, I can if I want to”. Actually, people fascinate my female owner. However, she rather observe and wonder about them from a distance, than to get involved in conversations with them to find out more about them.
Solitude is comforting for my female owner. Given a choice, she rather live by herself. Wait, let me correct myself. My female owner likes to be by herself at home, but she needs to maintain social connections with people. A phenomenon some term as extrovert introvert, while others (e.g. her Counselling Fren) describe it as functional extrovert.
Therapist Fren established today that my female owner is indeed an Extrovert Introvert. Therapist Fren heard from their mutual friend (whose church my female owner visited yesterday) that my female owner “fitted in very well” with the friend’s churchmates. Well done for someone who is anti-social.
When told about this feedback, my female owner’s reaction was like “yah, I can if I want to”. Actually, people fascinate my female owner. However, she rather observe and wonder about them from a distance, than to get involved in conversations with them to find out more about them.
Mr Nice Guy
I mentioned before that my female owner do not have many older male Christian friends who provides leadership and influence in her life. Remember how my female owner used to embrace AGAB? This could be of the reasons – a lack of positive older male models. Her long-standing friend would be Mr Squabbles who used to appear online at strategic times whenever she was in “spiritual trouble”. She hasn’t seen him around lately (is that a good sign?) but enjoys a good conversation whenever they speak.
My female owner just realised that Mr Nice Guy is probably the next other person who fits the bill. In recent times, they had spent more time together doing things like having dinners, watching movies and hiking. Dinners are usually one-to-one. While their conversations used to be cordial and superficial, over the recent weeks, they had reached a point of mutual trust where they would share about their opinions about issues, things that you would not repeat randomly to other people.
This is a significant achievement for my female owner as she knows that Mr Nice Guy is someone who does not engage with his feelings. He tends to “take things like a man” and engages in distraction to get over negative emotions. I think my female owner most definitely managed to create a safe environment between themselves to express his points of views, coz with regards to an issue, he told her during dinner that he would tell her more in private coz he doesn’t want others to know.
And no, there is no romantic attraction between the both of them. Like what Mr Nice Guy says, “we are dinner buddies”. Sorry if I made anyone excited.
My female owner just realised that Mr Nice Guy is probably the next other person who fits the bill. In recent times, they had spent more time together doing things like having dinners, watching movies and hiking. Dinners are usually one-to-one. While their conversations used to be cordial and superficial, over the recent weeks, they had reached a point of mutual trust where they would share about their opinions about issues, things that you would not repeat randomly to other people.
This is a significant achievement for my female owner as she knows that Mr Nice Guy is someone who does not engage with his feelings. He tends to “take things like a man” and engages in distraction to get over negative emotions. I think my female owner most definitely managed to create a safe environment between themselves to express his points of views, coz with regards to an issue, he told her during dinner that he would tell her more in private coz he doesn’t want others to know.
And no, there is no romantic attraction between the both of them. Like what Mr Nice Guy says, “we are dinner buddies”. Sorry if I made anyone excited.
koreans
“A-ni-yo!”
My female owner experienced an influx of Koreans recently. There has always been a “baseline” Koreanness in her life because of one of her Jogging Kakis and her friend’s boyfriend. Then recently the other Jogging Kaki introduced her to his Korean hairstylist (which I think should be a sign to my female owner to SOS her spikey fringe which she cut off a few weeks ago out of desperation). So my female owner ended up in some conversations with her.
Then I mentioned the two Korean guys whom she was forced to socialise with recently. Guess what? They came back to her group twice, once to her house and once, today during dinner. Using halting English, paper and pen to communicate, they still manage to get out good laughs. One of them even teased my female owner and Mr Nice Guy about getting married (not sure why he did that but he probably thought they were pretty close since they were always sitting close to each other). To that, Mr Nice Guy put his arms around my female owner and said “yay”, and my female owner said, “yes we are, but not to each other”. Wahaha! That’s how platonic their friendship is.
The Korean guys then brought in two more Koreans for dinner too. One with a similar name to my female owner, which kinda confused many people who firstly, can’t remember names (yes, even after one year of being together) and secondly, can’t differentiate the phonetics of the two names.
My female owner is impressed by the warmth of these Koreans. They make effort to know the people in her group, as if they were the ones who had been around for a long time. One of them would go around shaking everybody’s hand whenever he came and whenever he left. He also apologised for being late. The other would take the initiative to move around to talk to people even though his English is really elementary (e.g. he came to the other side of the table to interact with my female owner). One of the newest ones, came up to my female owner privately to ask for her name again, coz he couldn’t remember it (yah, despite it being same sounding as his female friend!).
Ah, my female owner’s first attempt to be inclusive seems to have paid off. Koreans are spawning in her group. Hopefully they stay, coz they had been a blessing in more ways than one.
“a-da-sok!”
My female owner experienced an influx of Koreans recently. There has always been a “baseline” Koreanness in her life because of one of her Jogging Kakis and her friend’s boyfriend. Then recently the other Jogging Kaki introduced her to his Korean hairstylist (which I think should be a sign to my female owner to SOS her spikey fringe which she cut off a few weeks ago out of desperation). So my female owner ended up in some conversations with her.
Then I mentioned the two Korean guys whom she was forced to socialise with recently. Guess what? They came back to her group twice, once to her house and once, today during dinner. Using halting English, paper and pen to communicate, they still manage to get out good laughs. One of them even teased my female owner and Mr Nice Guy about getting married (not sure why he did that but he probably thought they were pretty close since they were always sitting close to each other). To that, Mr Nice Guy put his arms around my female owner and said “yay”, and my female owner said, “yes we are, but not to each other”. Wahaha! That’s how platonic their friendship is.
The Korean guys then brought in two more Koreans for dinner too. One with a similar name to my female owner, which kinda confused many people who firstly, can’t remember names (yes, even after one year of being together) and secondly, can’t differentiate the phonetics of the two names.
My female owner is impressed by the warmth of these Koreans. They make effort to know the people in her group, as if they were the ones who had been around for a long time. One of them would go around shaking everybody’s hand whenever he came and whenever he left. He also apologised for being late. The other would take the initiative to move around to talk to people even though his English is really elementary (e.g. he came to the other side of the table to interact with my female owner). One of the newest ones, came up to my female owner privately to ask for her name again, coz he couldn’t remember it (yah, despite it being same sounding as his female friend!).
Ah, my female owner’s first attempt to be inclusive seems to have paid off. Koreans are spawning in her group. Hopefully they stay, coz they had been a blessing in more ways than one.
“a-da-sok!”
Sunday, November 22, 2009
affair
My female owner visited her friend’s church today. This was partly due to the news she received yesterday which made her feel quite low.
She warmed to the service immediately, saying that it was more in line with her preferences (although I must say that my female owner is highly adaptable and she finds beauty in different styles ranging from the highly traditional Methodist “order of worship” to the independent free-style of contemporary churches). For the first time ever, my female owner toyed with the idea of leaving her current church for another church. Different strokes for different folks, not that one is better than the other. She almost convinced herself that she could do it (she felt as if she was having an affair actually), but a dinner with her church friends later in the evening made her realise that this would be easier said than done.
So it looks like she will stay with her current church for the time being, and not feed on her random impulses.
She warmed to the service immediately, saying that it was more in line with her preferences (although I must say that my female owner is highly adaptable and she finds beauty in different styles ranging from the highly traditional Methodist “order of worship” to the independent free-style of contemporary churches). For the first time ever, my female owner toyed with the idea of leaving her current church for another church. Different strokes for different folks, not that one is better than the other. She almost convinced herself that she could do it (she felt as if she was having an affair actually), but a dinner with her church friends later in the evening made her realise that this would be easier said than done.
So it looks like she will stay with her current church for the time being, and not feed on her random impulses.
changes
My female owner finally had a Saturday to herself to feed her introverted whims and fancies. This included reading a novel, doing her work, watching DVDs, cooking, msning, all within the safe confines of her house.
She also learnt of some not-so-nice changes in church (which she has been expecting actually). For a short while, it seemed as if her mood was going to spiral downwards and she was going to experience a full-blown emo episode.
She got over it, through sheer determination not to fall victim to unreliable emotions. She’s still not happy about it, but reckons that time will soften the impact.
She also learnt of some not-so-nice changes in church (which she has been expecting actually). For a short while, it seemed as if her mood was going to spiral downwards and she was going to experience a full-blown emo episode.
She got over it, through sheer determination not to fall victim to unreliable emotions. She’s still not happy about it, but reckons that time will soften the impact.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
hazard
occupational hazard (noun):
a danger or hazard to workers that is inherent in a particular occupation
Every job has its hazards, whether it’s physical, emotional or psychological. My female owner had been caught up in a recent argument that being a psychologist has its inherent hazards which spills into daily life. She was not referring to the good-old “compassion fatigue” where many people in the helping profession would experience in their career. She was talking about her day-to-day interactions with people.
In a typical workday, she spends her time talking to strangers, trying to get to know them as much as possible, within a limited time-frame (usually an hour). Psychotherapy, she says, provides a platform for forming one of the most artificial, imbalanced form of relationships where the therapist is clearly in greater control. Yet, there is strong evidence that therapeutic alliance is the greatest contributing factor to positive outcomes (more than therapeutic techniques).
So anyway, she spends her day listening to people, engaging in “good counselling skills” – paraphrasing, reflecting, empathetic listening, minimal encouragers, summarising, non-verbal gestures, open-ended questions etc –in order to establish a good therapeutic alliance. Coming from a Rogerian perspective, my female owner is largely client-centred and non-directive and works hard at making the client feels valued and good about himself.
These have impact on her daily communication style it seems. I-Fren had been recently distressed by these vague vibes and they had a brief discussion about it. My female owner blamed it on occupational hazards, although he didn’t seem very convinced. Anyway, that conversation led to a mini-pondering session.
My female owner argued that her communication style is a result of her being trained to focus attention on others. That means allowing the other party to talk about himself, asking open-ended questions and reflecting answers. Sometimes, she asks therapeutic questions in normal conversations and stumps her audience with the difficulty of the question. The flip side is that she doesn’t really contribute much about herself to the conversation. Rather, she usually makes jokes or funny comments about random things. A psychological hoarder, I must say.
From another angle, she thinks she clams up when people ask the wrong or inappropriate questions. To her, people need to ask the right questions in order to get the answers they are looking for. Surrounded with many trained helping friends, my female owner reckons that she opens up only to people who engage her using “good counselling skills”. This also means that she finds it hard to identify people whom she can relate to when she wants help.
Ah, occupational hazards. Maybe it’s not such a good idea to be a psychologist. You can’t find help, the way you want it, when you need it.
Therapist Fren
My female owner reckons that Therapist Fren had the greatest shocks of her life this week, in the whole history of their friendship.
Firstly, she introduced Therapist Fren to her Jogging Kakis, opening up to her, a new world of communication style. As Therapist Fren puts it, she never had that kind of interaction with guys, the way my female owner had with her Jogging Kakis. In addition, through the protracted (impromptu) dinner appointment, Therapist Fren noticed a different side of my female owner. Where my female owner would usually be the one to come up with random comments and jokes in their gatherings, in the presence of her Jogging Kakis (both of whom have a better command of English than her + being “two sides of the same coin” meant that she was automatically outnumbered), my female owner was at the receiving end of their endless banter and scrutiny. Docile in comparison.
Secondly, Therapist Fren discovered (whether she liked it or not), that my female owner had always put her as the contact person in times of emergency, i.e. her next-of-kin. I think she was reasonably shocked by this. My female owner framed it as Therapist Fren being her Onli Fren in Brisbane.
Thirdly, probably the biggest revelation in recent times, the existence of my blog. My female owner hardly tells people about my writings as she feels that most people won’t be interested in reading it anyway, so why open up herself to others? In Brisbane, my female owner has personally told only two individuals about me. Might be about 10 people in Singapore. Given that many of my female owner’s weird antics and idiosyncrasies had been shamelessly exposed and exaggerated by her Kakis, my female owner decided that it was time to let Therapist Fren into more of herself.
Really, how much can you really claim to know someone?
Firstly, she introduced Therapist Fren to her Jogging Kakis, opening up to her, a new world of communication style. As Therapist Fren puts it, she never had that kind of interaction with guys, the way my female owner had with her Jogging Kakis. In addition, through the protracted (impromptu) dinner appointment, Therapist Fren noticed a different side of my female owner. Where my female owner would usually be the one to come up with random comments and jokes in their gatherings, in the presence of her Jogging Kakis (both of whom have a better command of English than her + being “two sides of the same coin” meant that she was automatically outnumbered), my female owner was at the receiving end of their endless banter and scrutiny. Docile in comparison.
Secondly, Therapist Fren discovered (whether she liked it or not), that my female owner had always put her as the contact person in times of emergency, i.e. her next-of-kin. I think she was reasonably shocked by this. My female owner framed it as Therapist Fren being her Onli Fren in Brisbane.
Thirdly, probably the biggest revelation in recent times, the existence of my blog. My female owner hardly tells people about my writings as she feels that most people won’t be interested in reading it anyway, so why open up herself to others? In Brisbane, my female owner has personally told only two individuals about me. Might be about 10 people in Singapore. Given that many of my female owner’s weird antics and idiosyncrasies had been shamelessly exposed and exaggerated by her Kakis, my female owner decided that it was time to let Therapist Fren into more of herself.
Really, how much can you really claim to know someone?
clocked
My female owner reached a milestone today. She finally clocked the required 100 direct client hours for her school placement. Ah, another arduous journey almost completed. That means that she can compile her placement folio and do the necessary paperwork to close this placement.
Three more workdays she says (she’s doing more than necessary because she wanna help the students as much as possible). This placement has been memorable in many ways and maybe, after she writes up her reflective statement, I will post it up for you to read (this is called working smart!).
Three more workdays she says (she’s doing more than necessary because she wanna help the students as much as possible). This placement has been memorable in many ways and maybe, after she writes up her reflective statement, I will post it up for you to read (this is called working smart!).
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
watermelon
My female owner's Housemate tried to cheer her up today and sent her a "2 sec happiness" photo. Predictably, it brought a smile to her face.
My female owner says that she would be very touched if a guy craves out a turtle water-melon for her. She might even consider the guy. But alas, the guy is non-existent.
My female owner says that she would be very touched if a guy craves out a turtle water-melon for her. She might even consider the guy. But alas, the guy is non-existent.
Monday, November 16, 2009
list
I guess it is only natural (or expected) that people around my female owner are asking her whether she has “found anyone” or “attracted to anyone”.
Curiosity was building up. Second Onli Fren came over recently and asked her. She concluded that “it was too late for my female owner” (?!). A fishing friend asked her if there was anyone in church who caught her fancy. When she said no, he told her to change church.
Influenced by some people in her church, my female owner came up with her criteria list which is almost impossible to meet, based on the available guys in the church. She shared this with a few people, including Onli Fren, who probably reached the same conclusion but was less direct than Second Onli Fren to say it out.
Things heated up during her recent camping trip when her jogging buddies joined forces to bombard her with questions regarding her ideal partner and whether there was any guys in her bible study group (which has a larger than normal ratio of guys: gals) who attracted her. Her jogging buddies then started an unsubstantiated obsession with two guys they had narrowed down for her (with zero inputs from her apparently) which is still on-going.
Actually, my female owner realised recently (like a few days ago) that one of the “short-listed” guys sort-of meet her criteria (she wasn’t sure if he would be intellectually stimulating enough for her coz she hardly engages in conversations with him). In fact, he is probably the one who comes the closest to meeting it. But alas, she doesn’t like him in that way. Only then, my female owner realised the fallacy of a criteria. It can be so sterile, like a shopping list,.. in the absence of chemistry and attraction.
Things continued to simmer with some of her church friends when they came together to dine and talk. Despite not really knowing everyone that deeply, they shared their romantic ideals and failures.
Her mother! Got involved today, when she asked my female owner to sign up for some government match-making network. Gosh. Did she really think that this social network thing would work? When told, Potahto wondered aloud why the government had not given up on my female owner, given her advance age. Her rong-ge, came out of nowhere, and asked her the same question too. And there are countless others who had been expressing interest in her (lack of) love life. Too many to list.
Curiosity was building up. Second Onli Fren came over recently and asked her. She concluded that “it was too late for my female owner” (?!). A fishing friend asked her if there was anyone in church who caught her fancy. When she said no, he told her to change church.
Influenced by some people in her church, my female owner came up with her criteria list which is almost impossible to meet, based on the available guys in the church. She shared this with a few people, including Onli Fren, who probably reached the same conclusion but was less direct than Second Onli Fren to say it out.
Things heated up during her recent camping trip when her jogging buddies joined forces to bombard her with questions regarding her ideal partner and whether there was any guys in her bible study group (which has a larger than normal ratio of guys: gals) who attracted her. Her jogging buddies then started an unsubstantiated obsession with two guys they had narrowed down for her (with zero inputs from her apparently) which is still on-going.
Actually, my female owner realised recently (like a few days ago) that one of the “short-listed” guys sort-of meet her criteria (she wasn’t sure if he would be intellectually stimulating enough for her coz she hardly engages in conversations with him). In fact, he is probably the one who comes the closest to meeting it. But alas, she doesn’t like him in that way. Only then, my female owner realised the fallacy of a criteria. It can be so sterile, like a shopping list,.. in the absence of chemistry and attraction.
Things continued to simmer with some of her church friends when they came together to dine and talk. Despite not really knowing everyone that deeply, they shared their romantic ideals and failures.
Her mother! Got involved today, when she asked my female owner to sign up for some government match-making network. Gosh. Did she really think that this social network thing would work? When told, Potahto wondered aloud why the government had not given up on my female owner, given her advance age. Her rong-ge, came out of nowhere, and asked her the same question too. And there are countless others who had been expressing interest in her (lack of) love life. Too many to list.
verified
My female owner had an interesting MSN conversation with her 荣哥 today. 荣哥 is a friend from junior college whom she acknowledged as her “brother” (hence, rong-ge) and he called her “neh mei” (referring to her as a younger sister). Over the years, they grew apart but still managed to maintain contact… and the namesakes.
He finally initiated contact with her via MSN (see how passive my female owner is?!) in response to her misleading MSN tagline which suggests that she would be back from Brisbane for good shortly. He was somewhat disappointed when he found out that she was still returning to Brisbane.
The beauty of old friends is that you connect with each other easily and gosh, they realised that they had not seen each other for close to two years. In fact, they couldn’t trace back their last meet.
Anyway, the reason why I bring him up is because 荣哥 lives very near her ex-boyfriend (aka my previous owner) and had seen him around a few times. 荣哥 made mention of him. Without intending to sound cynical, my female owner’s first thought was finally, someone has verified that her ex is still alive. She also learnt that he seems to have degenerated. She felt a tinge of sadness for him but well…
He finally initiated contact with her via MSN (see how passive my female owner is?!) in response to her misleading MSN tagline which suggests that she would be back from Brisbane for good shortly. He was somewhat disappointed when he found out that she was still returning to Brisbane.
The beauty of old friends is that you connect with each other easily and gosh, they realised that they had not seen each other for close to two years. In fact, they couldn’t trace back their last meet.
Anyway, the reason why I bring him up is because 荣哥 lives very near her ex-boyfriend (aka my previous owner) and had seen him around a few times. 荣哥 made mention of him. Without intending to sound cynical, my female owner’s first thought was finally, someone has verified that her ex is still alive. She also learnt that he seems to have degenerated. She felt a tinge of sadness for him but well…
unplanned
Even after my female owner finished hosting her Singaporean friends, she remained occupied with other random highly impromptu social events.
It started with a planned lunch date with Therapist Fren on Wednesday. They hadn’t been meeting due to their busy schedules and my female owner’s move to the south. Before the lunch date even started, my female owner saw I-Fren at the cafeteria and he joined them impromptuly. Finally, the two of them (Therapist and I-Fren) meet each other, after hearing about each other for so long. The lunch date extended for 3.5hrs (it merged into afternoon coffee), no thanks to him taking the liberty to expose many of her dark secrets to Therapist Fren. Overall, it was a highly hilarious and cheek-aching session, a much needed break for her greatly stressed friend.
Thursday. A jio to go to Mr Nice Guy's house to help craft a watermelon fruit salad for a birthday celebration… which morphed into a home-cooked dinner by him (the icing on the cake was that he came to pick her up from her workplace). It ended up with the foursome (female owner's new housemate and her guitar teacher were also there) playing Truth or Dare. Unfortunately for my female owner, she was forced to reveal her age! Must have been a moral victory for her friends who had been trying all ways and means to find out her real age.
Friday was equally impromptu, with a jio from her jogging buddies, just after her work ends (perfect timing) to have ice-cream together. Happily, this was also an answer to her lazy prayer of “God, I pray that someone will pick me up from work so that I don’t have to walk so far (30mins at least) to bible study”. From jogging next to the river to gorging on ice-cream (think: two big tubs between three people) next to the river. How exciting.
Friday night, there was an impromptu decision to play guitar together with a few others after bible study. Alas, my female owner was no longer staying a stone’s throw away from the house. Although Mr Nice Guy offered to send her home afterwards, she decided to go home with others so that he didn’t have to make a special trip just for her. The downside of moving to the south: less mobility.
A very last minute confirmation made in the early hours of Saturday to go hiking follows. Once again, my female owner enjoyed herself tremendously. They hiked through a valley and through two waterfalls. Took nice photos (but not with her camera, so I can’t show you anything yet).
And an impromptu invitation by I-Fren to a Tom Yum cum Wii dinner party at his house completed her Saturday. Again, his culinary skills were impressive, with him doing a Tom Yum Goong from scratch (note: no paste involved), a ginger chicken dish (yummy!) and an eggplant dish. He never fails to make cooking look easy. Because of transportation limitations, she did a stayover at his house. She was joined by two mutual friends who decided at the end of the party that they were not ready to go home. Ah, whims and fancies. They ended up playing more Wii.
Sunday started off lazy. My female owner and her friends (including one of her jogging buddies who is staying temporarily at I-Fren’s house) took a (long) stroll to the nearby park. My female owner, who earlier had issues with the house dog but are now on cordial terms with her, requested to walk the dog (she never walked a dog before. Wait, I think she did. Second Onli Fren’s dog? Oh, but that was just because SOF happened to bring her dog to the dog run). Such a random experience. At certain points, she felt that she was being trained to walk a dog. Oh, she had to clean up the dog’s poo too. Even though my female owner is used to cleaning up after us, this must have been a humongous (literally) in comparison. *grinz*
Although my female owner decided not to join her church friends’ for dinner (coz she wanted time-out from the week’s activities), she was swayed by the pleading eyes of Mr Nice Guy who said “go for dinner lah… or else no one going…” Oh well.. she is notoriously soft-hearted. She went, thinking that there would be only 6 people going. Ended up there were 11 people split over 2 tables (other people just randomly appeared). She ended up (reluctantly) at the table with two strangers (Korean guys who were visiting), in addition to Mr Nice Guy and her Housemate. You would know by now that my female owner hates socialising with new people. However, she is aware that this is not the way to go, especially if she wants to be an ambassador of God’s love. Hence, she decided to make the effort to talk to the guys (she really don’t have much choice actually, but credit to her, she put in much more effort than before).
She didn’t regret it. Despite the bad English and arduous efforts needed to ensure that there was no breakdown in communication and understanding, she could tell that the guys connected with her. Their Korean antics were consistent to Korean movies, naturally funny facial expressions and oh… the language. Like a nightingale’s song to her ears. Okay, I’m exaggerating! There were a few clincher moments in their conversation which tickled everyone. Like how they discussed the answer (in Korean) to 2009-23years old (to get the year of birth of her Housemate) and still came up with the wrong answer three times (err… 1988? Accompanied with a greatly confused and distressed look). And when, one of them treaded dangerous waters to ask for my female owner’s age. Bad English and limited social understanding resulted in him thinking that she was really 20 years old (18++). Fortunately, the other guy got the joke and no one suffered a needless heart attack.
Ah, after such an unplanned week (as Potahto says, impromptu is the best schedule), my female owner crashed out on Sunday night… with the intentions of having some Metime.
It started with a planned lunch date with Therapist Fren on Wednesday. They hadn’t been meeting due to their busy schedules and my female owner’s move to the south. Before the lunch date even started, my female owner saw I-Fren at the cafeteria and he joined them impromptuly. Finally, the two of them (Therapist and I-Fren) meet each other, after hearing about each other for so long. The lunch date extended for 3.5hrs (it merged into afternoon coffee), no thanks to him taking the liberty to expose many of her dark secrets to Therapist Fren. Overall, it was a highly hilarious and cheek-aching session, a much needed break for her greatly stressed friend.
Thursday. A jio to go to Mr Nice Guy's house to help craft a watermelon fruit salad for a birthday celebration… which morphed into a home-cooked dinner by him (the icing on the cake was that he came to pick her up from her workplace). It ended up with the foursome (female owner's new housemate and her guitar teacher were also there) playing Truth or Dare. Unfortunately for my female owner, she was forced to reveal her age! Must have been a moral victory for her friends who had been trying all ways and means to find out her real age.
Friday was equally impromptu, with a jio from her jogging buddies, just after her work ends (perfect timing) to have ice-cream together. Happily, this was also an answer to her lazy prayer of “God, I pray that someone will pick me up from work so that I don’t have to walk so far (30mins at least) to bible study”. From jogging next to the river to gorging on ice-cream (think: two big tubs between three people) next to the river. How exciting.
Friday night, there was an impromptu decision to play guitar together with a few others after bible study. Alas, my female owner was no longer staying a stone’s throw away from the house. Although Mr Nice Guy offered to send her home afterwards, she decided to go home with others so that he didn’t have to make a special trip just for her. The downside of moving to the south: less mobility.
A very last minute confirmation made in the early hours of Saturday to go hiking follows. Once again, my female owner enjoyed herself tremendously. They hiked through a valley and through two waterfalls. Took nice photos (but not with her camera, so I can’t show you anything yet).
And an impromptu invitation by I-Fren to a Tom Yum cum Wii dinner party at his house completed her Saturday. Again, his culinary skills were impressive, with him doing a Tom Yum Goong from scratch (note: no paste involved), a ginger chicken dish (yummy!) and an eggplant dish. He never fails to make cooking look easy. Because of transportation limitations, she did a stayover at his house. She was joined by two mutual friends who decided at the end of the party that they were not ready to go home. Ah, whims and fancies. They ended up playing more Wii.
Sunday started off lazy. My female owner and her friends (including one of her jogging buddies who is staying temporarily at I-Fren’s house) took a (long) stroll to the nearby park. My female owner, who earlier had issues with the house dog but are now on cordial terms with her, requested to walk the dog (she never walked a dog before. Wait, I think she did. Second Onli Fren’s dog? Oh, but that was just because SOF happened to bring her dog to the dog run). Such a random experience. At certain points, she felt that she was being trained to walk a dog. Oh, she had to clean up the dog’s poo too. Even though my female owner is used to cleaning up after us, this must have been a humongous (literally) in comparison. *grinz*
Although my female owner decided not to join her church friends’ for dinner (coz she wanted time-out from the week’s activities), she was swayed by the pleading eyes of Mr Nice Guy who said “go for dinner lah… or else no one going…” Oh well.. she is notoriously soft-hearted. She went, thinking that there would be only 6 people going. Ended up there were 11 people split over 2 tables (other people just randomly appeared). She ended up (reluctantly) at the table with two strangers (Korean guys who were visiting), in addition to Mr Nice Guy and her Housemate. You would know by now that my female owner hates socialising with new people. However, she is aware that this is not the way to go, especially if she wants to be an ambassador of God’s love. Hence, she decided to make the effort to talk to the guys (she really don’t have much choice actually, but credit to her, she put in much more effort than before).
She didn’t regret it. Despite the bad English and arduous efforts needed to ensure that there was no breakdown in communication and understanding, she could tell that the guys connected with her. Their Korean antics were consistent to Korean movies, naturally funny facial expressions and oh… the language. Like a nightingale’s song to her ears. Okay, I’m exaggerating! There were a few clincher moments in their conversation which tickled everyone. Like how they discussed the answer (in Korean) to 2009-23years old (to get the year of birth of her Housemate) and still came up with the wrong answer three times (err… 1988? Accompanied with a greatly confused and distressed look). And when, one of them treaded dangerous waters to ask for my female owner’s age. Bad English and limited social understanding resulted in him thinking that she was really 20 years old (18++). Fortunately, the other guy got the joke and no one suffered a needless heart attack.
Ah, after such an unplanned week (as Potahto says, impromptu is the best schedule), my female owner crashed out on Sunday night… with the intentions of having some Metime.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
slow
This must be the longest break I ever took, in updating my turtle pad. My female owner had been getting harder to nail down and getting updates from her is sheer hard work (remember how much slower we turtles are, compared to you humans).
Anyway, a look at her organiser for the past week showed that she had been occupied with a few major events. They are namely, moving house (again!) and entertaining her friends from Singapore (more on that next time), while still fulfilling her weekly obligations of research work, placement and church activities.
My female owner is in the midst of transitions (will talk more about this in future) and suffered a mini anxiety bout just now, as she realised how far behind she is in her work. But then again, just 2 days of intense work is likely to fix her up. It’s now a matter of sitting down to complete those work obligations.
Anyway, a look at her organiser for the past week showed that she had been occupied with a few major events. They are namely, moving house (again!) and entertaining her friends from Singapore (more on that next time), while still fulfilling her weekly obligations of research work, placement and church activities.
My female owner is in the midst of transitions (will talk more about this in future) and suffered a mini anxiety bout just now, as she realised how far behind she is in her work. But then again, just 2 days of intense work is likely to fix her up. It’s now a matter of sitting down to complete those work obligations.
Tuesday, November 03, 2009
treasure
What if God shows you His plan for you and that means you have to give up something you treasure?
Now that things are less hectic, my female owner has rekindled her seeking God for directions post-DCP. She’s still in the midst of working things through. Anyway, she entertained the possibility of having to go back to Singapore after graduation… and that filled her with reluctance, sadness and apprehension! You know, the heaviness of the heart kind of feeling.
She knows that if God calls, she will go, no matter how hard it is for her to give up her treasured possessions. She just wants to be sure that she has heard correctly and is going the right way.
Someone just asked her today if she has any plans for her life. My female owner once did (and I think I wrote about it before). Something along the typical Singaporean graduate lifeplan: go to uni, find a partner, graduate, work a few years, get married, have children, raise them on dual-income, grow old, have grand-children, retire, die happy.
Specifically, she wanted to get married by 25 (some of her friends would remember this), have 1-2 kids by 30 years old and get post-graduate qualifications. She also saw herself as working part-time while raising her kids. Well, her lifeplan took a drastic turn when firstly, she broke up with her partner of 6.5 years AFTER she was 25 and secondly, she got accepted into post-graduate training (by God’s divine intervention. It was such a convoluted process, that really, only God could have straightened out the obstacles).
Now, 2 years later, she is living a dream she has harboured since she started working. What’s beyond this dream? She has no inkling, no plans, and that is scary, for someone who’s old enough to be a mum.
JS - Unashamed - Starfield (cover)
I have not much
To offer You
Not near what You deserve
But still I come
Because Your cross
Has placed in me my worth
Oh, Christ my King
Of sympathy
Whose wounds secure my peace
Your grace extends
To call me friend
Your mercy sets me free
And I know I'm weak
I know I'm unworthy
To call upon Your name
But because of grace
Because of Your mercy
I stand here unashamed
I can't explain
This kind of love
I'm humbled and amazed
That You'd come down
From heavens heights
And greet me face to face
Monday, November 02, 2009
relearn
“why make a promise you can’t keep?”
That was Intuitive Fren’s response when she commented that he keeps all his promises (my female owner was referring to “concrete” promises such as doing something together and not those vague ones like “you can always come to me if you need help” type). Well, it makes sense doesn't it?
For a good part of her life, my female owner had come across men who broke her trust, didn’t keep their promises or left her feeling insecure because of their flippant words. I must first say that I am not writing this to attack males or to insinuate that females are holier than thou. I’m just writing about my female owner’s experience.
A big chunk of her negative experiences came from her previous relationship. One thing that always stuck in her mind was how he claimed that he had quit smoking but time and time again, he would be caught red-handed. Other times would be when he promised to do things for her or with her but did not. My female owner had forgotten the details of most of these incidents, but they were enough to cause her to decide that she could depend on no one, but herself. That independent streak is still evident in some of her actions and decisions now.
A less hurtful but long-lasting impact would come from some of her male friends in Singapore. They would make plans to do things together but the guy would pull out last minute. It came to a point when my female owner didn’t know if something was really going to take place until the set time itself. It was difficult to make plans and certainly safer to make plans involving more than just two people. Of course this did not happen all the time and there were many memorable experiences my female owner had with her male friends when they did keep their promises (think Turtle Museum!).
But you know, the overall experience would go something along the lines of… “I couldn’t trust my partner for big things…. And even in smaller things, the actions of my male friends made me feel insecure”
So going over to Brisbane, my female owner found herself having to relearn her flawed concepts of men (when she was a teenager, her piano teacher actually told her that she did not want to get married because husbands take up place at home!). There are indeed guys who do what they say they would do. There are those who gave her a sense of security because of their dependability, patience and wisdom. There are others who anticipated her needs and offered help even before she asked or realised that she needed it. Others yet, impressed her with their attention to details, sensitivity to others’ feelings and erm, culinary skills (hey, this is not surprising given that not many of her Singaporean male friends can cook). Gee… she must have had really bad experiences in the past to have to relearn so much.
No guy (or gal) is perfect and once in a while, people will disappoint (including her). But I guess the important thing for my female owner is that she has developed a more balanced view of men, after being disillusioned for so many years.
art
My female owner finally got down to planning for her Couple Frens’ impending trip to Australia. She says that this is most detailed planning she ever did for anyone, including herself. Her travel itineraries have traditionally been scanty and vague. But this time, she put in much more effort because Couple Fren is making a special trip to visit her, thus fulfilling a promise they made to her a long time ago.
*touched*
This is also the first time my female owner is playing solo host. Previously, she always had a “co-host” in the form of other friends sharing the responsibility of showing visitors around. She hopes that things will turn out alright. Already, she had succeeded in frustrating Male Couple Fren who remarked (after endless rounds of bouncing emails) that she has managed to throw up more questions than answers. But that is the way my female owner is. She presents the facts to you, and you make the decision. Her winning line: “this is your holiday, so you need to decide what you want to experience and do”.
Like that how to fight? Holiday-planning, she says, is an art.
*touched*
This is also the first time my female owner is playing solo host. Previously, she always had a “co-host” in the form of other friends sharing the responsibility of showing visitors around. She hopes that things will turn out alright. Already, she had succeeded in frustrating Male Couple Fren who remarked (after endless rounds of bouncing emails) that she has managed to throw up more questions than answers. But that is the way my female owner is. She presents the facts to you, and you make the decision. Her winning line: “this is your holiday, so you need to decide what you want to experience and do”.
Like that how to fight? Holiday-planning, she says, is an art.
pondering
Recently, my female owner has been pondering about her concept of friendship.
What does it mean to be a best friend? Can you only have one best friend, or is it possible to have a few best friends? But doesn’t “best” mean only one? What does it mean to be friends? How do you distinguish between “friends”, “acquaintances” and “people you know”?
This year, my female owner realised that her concept of friends is highly selective and restrictive. She found that she made the mistake of lumping “close friends” and “friends” into one category. All along, in her mind, the hallmark of a true friendship is when she can have a reciprocal emotional and intimate relationship with the person. Finally, she realises that this is better termed as “close friends”. Obviously, my female owner has a small group of “close friends” whom she values greatly. Their interactions can swing from frivolous topics to intense sharing.
Friends are people whom she spends time with perhaps because of similar life circumstances or common interests. Interactions are mostly on a social basis. Nothing too intense or private. For some reason, my female exudes a friendly aura even though she really isn’t sociable, proactive or forthcoming. Again and again, she discovered that many friends regarded her as closer than she regarded them and worse still, she probably upset a number of people along the way because of this.
Perhaps it is possible to insert another category of friends – good friends – for people whom she is closer to… but don’t share too much emotional things with. After all, not many people are comfortable with such touchy-feely stuff.
What does it mean to be a best friend? Can you only have one best friend, or is it possible to have a few best friends? But doesn’t “best” mean only one? What does it mean to be friends? How do you distinguish between “friends”, “acquaintances” and “people you know”?
This year, my female owner realised that her concept of friends is highly selective and restrictive. She found that she made the mistake of lumping “close friends” and “friends” into one category. All along, in her mind, the hallmark of a true friendship is when she can have a reciprocal emotional and intimate relationship with the person. Finally, she realises that this is better termed as “close friends”. Obviously, my female owner has a small group of “close friends” whom she values greatly. Their interactions can swing from frivolous topics to intense sharing.
Friends are people whom she spends time with perhaps because of similar life circumstances or common interests. Interactions are mostly on a social basis. Nothing too intense or private. For some reason, my female exudes a friendly aura even though she really isn’t sociable, proactive or forthcoming. Again and again, she discovered that many friends regarded her as closer than she regarded them and worse still, she probably upset a number of people along the way because of this.
Perhaps it is possible to insert another category of friends – good friends – for people whom she is closer to… but don’t share too much emotional things with. After all, not many people are comfortable with such touchy-feely stuff.
Sunday, November 01, 2009
day
My female owner made plans to celebrate her first Saturday of post coursework completion, without any specific idea, except that she would celebrate it with another student church friend and start the day with jogging. She ended up having the most relaxing and soothing Saturday in Brisbane in ages. In fact, the day felt (for the first time in a long time) like a typical Saturday in Singapore.
The day started early at 0830 – jogging with a new group of kakis. Two guys and two gals. This was much easier than her usual jogging routine because the other gal was the weakest link, so the rest paced her.
Plans to visit Rocklea Market (to get cheap and good mangoes, e.g. 12 for $10) were substituted with yum cha brunch. The foursome indulged in a leisurely meal, talking about random topics and people-watching. Laughing and sharing. My female owner's cup of tea.
Aimless, they decided to spin down to Brisbane City for bubble tea. Little things along the way set them into pits of laughter. They unanimously agreed that they had never laughed this way in their previous bible study group. Bubble tea was a sit down affair and they browsed through a heap of magazines. So Singapore!
A short exploration of the City and window shopping followed. An activity that my female owner seldom had the luxury of time to indulge in.
By then, it was time for them to go home to prepare for their individual evening appointments. My female owner had a Halloween Party to attend. She wasn’t too keen to go because she didn’t like the thought of having to dress up in costumes. However, the draw of her friends made it impossible to say no.
And yes, she had heaps of fun. The hosts put in great effort to spice up their house with spooky décor and gore-themed food (she says to look at her facebook for photos). Once again, her male friends put her to shame, with their attention to details, creativity, wide-ranging culinary skills and warm hospitality. Unexpectedly, she realised that it was fun dressing up too. Simply a new experience for my female owner.
My female owner would have like to make it for another house gathering but her Halloween party ended too late. Nonetheless, she felt so blessed by the entire day’s events. A day well-spent she says.
The day started early at 0830 – jogging with a new group of kakis. Two guys and two gals. This was much easier than her usual jogging routine because the other gal was the weakest link, so the rest paced her.
Plans to visit Rocklea Market (to get cheap and good mangoes, e.g. 12 for $10) were substituted with yum cha brunch. The foursome indulged in a leisurely meal, talking about random topics and people-watching. Laughing and sharing. My female owner's cup of tea.
Aimless, they decided to spin down to Brisbane City for bubble tea. Little things along the way set them into pits of laughter. They unanimously agreed that they had never laughed this way in their previous bible study group. Bubble tea was a sit down affair and they browsed through a heap of magazines. So Singapore!
A short exploration of the City and window shopping followed. An activity that my female owner seldom had the luxury of time to indulge in.
By then, it was time for them to go home to prepare for their individual evening appointments. My female owner had a Halloween Party to attend. She wasn’t too keen to go because she didn’t like the thought of having to dress up in costumes. However, the draw of her friends made it impossible to say no.
And yes, she had heaps of fun. The hosts put in great effort to spice up their house with spooky décor and gore-themed food (she says to look at her facebook for photos). Once again, her male friends put her to shame, with their attention to details, creativity, wide-ranging culinary skills and warm hospitality. Unexpectedly, she realised that it was fun dressing up too. Simply a new experience for my female owner.
My female owner would have like to make it for another house gathering but her Halloween party ended too late. Nonetheless, she felt so blessed by the entire day’s events. A day well-spent she says.
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My siblings and I
From top left: Dodo, Dona, me (Nooki) and Nanook