triggered

My female owner had an emo day, being triggered by past memories. She met Mr S for coffee in uni and he asked her the inevitable “you look unhappy today, what’s wrong?”

She struggled, but eventually got some old stuff off her chest. Took a long time. Not that he was able to do anything but just sit with her until she was ready to move on. Then he kindly offered to meet her afterward for dinner, because she didn’t want to go home and interact with too many people (there was going to be a jogging group tonight).

For this, she is grateful.

express

My female owner had the most interesting conversation with Mr S tonight. Quite unexpected actually. They went out for a movie and then he suggested going for a hot drink. They ended up somewhere in Milton which was the Little Paris of Brisbane.

Anyway, the conversation started casual. And then it turned deep quite quickly when he asked about certain incidents that happened on Saturday (the day they went hiking) and later commented that my female owner had been “too nice” and he felt uncomfortable about how she was constantly giving in to him. Finally, he grinned and said he needed to ask her a question. The question was about whether she thought there was anything more to the friendship. My female owner said she thought of them as friends. Happily, he also cleared the air and established that they are only friends.

The conversation then geared back towards my female owner’s personality – her indecisiveness, her difficulty in communicating emotionally (or being guarded, even unintentionally) and her tendency to accommodate others etc. it is hard to capture the exact flow of the discussion but the essence was the same perennial issues that her closer psychologically minded friends had previously raised to her on many occasions. My female owner couldn’t believe that her past (or rather buried present) had come back to haunt her.

Mr S was extremely patient and reassuring during the conversation (counsellor mode?), and while it was difficult for her to express herself properly/ adequately, my female owner found the face-to-face context refreshing and therapeutic, coz it brought her out of her comfort zone and made her confront many issues (in vivo) which she had been avoiding or given less thought about.

So much food for thought. I wonder what my female owner would do next.

GATW

My female owner had her inaugural Get Away from Theseus Weekend last weekend. It probably started on Friday arvo when she went to watch a movie cum dinner with Mr S. And ended off Friday with a trip to the dessert store with some of her church friends.

Then on Saturday, Mr S and her went to Mount Warning (in New South Wales – so she went interstate!), a World Heritage rainforest park for some steep mountain climbing. Was the most challenging she ever done with any of her hiking buddies. But extremely rewarding she said, for the paranomic views on the mountain top. She would have remained on the top for hours if she could. It helped tremendously that Mr S was well-organised and took care of safety aspects of this climb, making it more pleasant for my female owner (think protective gloves to counter huge metal chains).

They then made impromptu stops along the way home (2hrs drive) for coffee and dinner. My female owner also witnessed her first partial lunar eclipse and was thrilled by the phenomenon.

Sunday started off leisurely. My female owner read her book (Eat, Pray, Love). Then she went out with one of her housemates for an impromptu shopping spree at their favourite outdoor shop (Kathmandu) and their favourite coffee joint (Campos Coffee). Despite taking their own sweet time, they made it to church in good time. After service, they went home for a dinner of leftovers (which they were happy about coz they had so much food in the fridge). My female owner’s perfect day ended with an episode of Masterchef and more reading.

Her verdict was that she should schedule in more GATWs to keep her motivation level up. I agree too!

housewife

My female owner says that she has become a full-time housewife with effective from yesterday.

Firstly, she successfully terminated flute with no drama. Congratulations on that. Everyone at her dinner party was happy and gleeful for her. So this means no more obligation to practice flute when she doesn’t feel like it and spending half a day travelling to and fro for lessons. And of course, saving about $43 each week (note to her: to redo budgeting again!)

Secondly, a bonus, there is no group therapy for the next four weeks. She cannot thank God enough for this, especially since her supervisor would be away for four sessions and my female owner is expected to take those sessions.

No more group therapy on Tues and Thurs. No more flute on Thurs. That means, no commitments for the next four weeks. So my female owner, can, in theory, stay home 5 days a week and be a full-time housewife. In theory, that is. (another note to her: to establish another routine so that she can complete Theseus asap)

match-making

My female owner meant to spend at least three hours with Theseus today but she ended up doing other things for other people.

She spent 4.5hours formatting 200 powerpoint slides for her technologically-challenged-old-enough-to-be-her-father research supervisor. 2 hours grocery shopping for tomorrow’s house dinner. 30mins to help mum with her conference abstract. 1 hour to practice flute. 1.5 hours to watch Masterchef. 1 hour to chat with friends, emails , FB etc, okay, make that two hours. Hmmm… and the day is gone!

Poor Theseus. Very neglected and unhappy. And my female owner has massive R&R plans for the weekend, starting tomorrow.

Thurs: Toowong, Final flute lesson (by hook or by crook), House dinner (apparently to celebrate her stopping flute lessons - obviously assuming that she would be assertive enough!)
Fri: Maybe movies with Mr S (I think I should call him Mr S from now on, Fated Guy sounds so misleading)
Sat: If weather permits, bush walking with Mr S
Sun: Lunch at Campos Coffee with housemate, church

Okay, I think she needs to start prioritising Theseus come next Monday. You must understand that it’s not love at first sight for them, but rather, an awkward match-making attempt by the above-mentioned supervisor.

jabez

Many of you know that my female owner’s name means “bad omen”. She spent some moments in her life wondering how she ended up with such a horrible name. Anyway, she learnt recently about a character in the bible – Jabez. His name was mentioned only three times in the bible but the prayer he made is a famous one.

And Jabez called on the God of Israel saying, “oh, that You would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evil, that I may not cause pain!” So God granted him what he requested. 1 Chro 4:10 (NKJV)

The interesting thing about Jabez is that his name means “he will cause pain” and in this prayer, he prayed against the meaning of his name and was subsequently blessed by God. That is what my female owner going to do.

exhausting

My female owner had been largely anti-social recently, being bogged down with Theseus and given the fact that most of her friends are working or unemployed. Hence, they are really “free” to chillax the whole weekend. However, after starting on her “love letter” to Theseus, she managed to pull herself out for a jog with five of her friends yesterday. She couldn’t really get into the rhythm of running as she normally would but celebrated the fact that she actually went for it.

After jogging, the group of friends ended up at her house for an impromptu home-cooked dinner. Normally her friends would have eaten out. Her housemates and her just pulled together whatever ingredients they had. The guys did their part to buy chicken, wine and rent a DVD – Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. An interesting quasi-artsy film.

Late night, more of her friends gathered together to watch World Cup (since Australia was playing). However, my female owner chose to skip that (in the past she would have joined) and went to bed. Theseus, she says, is exhausting.

愛是不保留 (An Unreserved Love)

Fated Guy introduced my female owner to Chinese/ Cantonese Christian songs and this is one of the songs she liked. She managed to get an English version of the song. Enjoy.

perk

My female owner finally spent a good day with Theseus yesterday. After getting rid of her RA work and folio write-up, she could focus solely on Theseus. It was a slow process, but nonetheless significant, coz this probably going to be her new routine for the next two months. And she might as well start getting used to it now. There were a few perks in her otherwise cerebral day – being able to catch up with Onli Fren, having I-Fren pop over for an impromptu visit (and walk), talking to Fated Guy via email throughout the day, having her housemate cook dessert, practicing flute, having a super funnie FB pooing session with two gal-frens, not needing to cook (since she had leftovers and lifegroup at night). She had a jio to go to Bribie Island today, she struggled between wanting to go, and knowing its best not to go. And, she ended up not going. So, it’s a new day with Theseus for her today. Hopefully she gets some perks today (already there are plans for running at 4pm.. hmm.. dunno if that is a perk or a stressor).

terminating

Today, my female owner did something she normally would struggle to do and hence, not do – tell her flute teacher that she wants to stop flute. She had told Fated Guy about her struggle in this area of terminating relationships and he had firmly pointed out the absurdness of her thoughts, that she did not need to feel bad or guilty about stopping class, that she had the ultimate power to decide and if she is not happy in the process of learning, then it defeats the purpose.

Then he proposed that she do it asap and offered to buy her dinner if she does it today during flute. His point was that if she was going to do it eventually, why not now? Why procrastinate?

My female owner wasn’t motivated by the dinner per se, but she knew this was something she had to do. Hence, she decided to tell her flute teacher at the end of class. With a heavy heart, she attended class and her flute teacher could tell that something was wrong. However, my female owner kept mum, coz she had only psyched herself to tell him at the end of class (classic procrastination). Class ended (finally) and the next student and his mother came in before she could broach the issue! Ordinarily, my female owner would have given up and left without saying a word. However, she knew she could not face herself or Fated Guy if she left passively and dinner would have been meaningless. Hence, she just spoke up from where she was and informed him of her decision, to which he said “I know you are busy, let’s talk about it next week”.

My female owner left in a shaky state, upset. However, Fated Guy was elated on hearing that she did it. He kept grinning and congratulating my female owner. My female owner couldn’t make sense her success until she calmed down. She then realised that firstly, she had done what she said she would, despite the fact that the situation was turned unexpectedly awkward and unconducive. Secondly, it didn’t really matter how she did it, coz the focus was on her standing up for herself and thirdly, really, there is no right way of doing something like that. A behavioural experiment done well. My female owner knew she could have never done it if Fated Guy had not been supporting her through her internal conflicts.

On his part, Fated Guy kept his promise and cooked a yummy Hongkong-style dinner for her housemates and her (talk about immediate reward!). They also did a little role play about what might happen next week when she attends class and my female owner was promised another yummy dish if she sticks to her decision. My female owner reckons she would stick to her guns next week, but knowing that “someone is watching” helped her muster up enough courage to speak out.

vulnerable

My female owner has been preoccupied with two things recently. One – Theseus. Given that it is already mid-June and she is not progressing with him in terms of her goals for this month, my female owner is rightfully panicking.

Second – Fated Guy. All along she had thought of their friendship as well, fated. Coz they seem to get along well, despite the short length of time, share similar interests and have similar personalities and predispositions. My female owner says that she feels as if time flies whenever they are together coz they don’t run out of things to say and they laugh easily over trivial things. However, recently, he had been doing a few things that might be beyond what a normal friend would do. Perhaps, what a very good guy friend would do, and maybe that’s what it’s all about.

Therapist Fren has the most details about what he has been doing and gets entertained teasing my female owner about it. However, at the end of the day, she tells my female owner to be open about possibilities. My female owner has been rejecting all these possibilities.

Whether or not Fated Guy is interested in her, my female owner cannot deny that they are getting closer, psychologically and emotionally, based on the nature of things they share with each other. With each revelation, my female owner feels more and more vulnerable, more and more exposed. While they are just friends, she sometimes gets the feeling that their interaction is similar to romantic partners. And she is reacting internally “if this is what entering into a romantic relationship is about – being open and vulnerable, then maybe I don’t want it”

So the distress and apprehension she feels is really about the realisation that she has an ambivalent-anxious attachment style, that when people get too close to her, she starts to put up defences so that they cannot come nearer in. She knows that deep down, she doesn’t want to risk being hurt, whether by friends or romance (hence, she had been so selective and guarded). And for Fated Guy, he would be returning to his home country in two months’ time and my female owner knows she would be upset when he leaves, just as she had been when her Jogging Kaki went home. So, the closer they are now, the more hurt she would be later.

peek

My female owner has been so occupied recently that it had been difficult to get her. I took a peek into her diary and this was what she had been up to.

Last Friday
Stayed at home to redo her paper 1 for publication; life group at night; late night soccer (world cup, apparently)

Saturday
Stayed home in the day to do RA work; mid-arvo went out to plant a birthday surprise for I-Fren. Her friends and her were unsure if they would be able to nab him but decided to take the risk anyway. It was a worthwhile experience coz they caught him unaware (and so did he, he turned up when they were decorating his car!). Ended up having dinner together (finally!!) and taking a casual photo-taking walk along Brisbane River, with hilarious results. Late night, she had some friends over for coffee.

Sunday
Began the day with RA work (never ending). Went to church and at night, stayed over at friends’ place at Toowong, because she was going hiking the next day and Mr Nice Guy was going to pick her up at 0600hr.

Monday
Day began so early, lack of sleep. Mr Nice Guy and her went Mt Barney for a “moderate to steep” hike. Attentive to details, he brought along a hot water flask to make hot drinks at the destination and even came prepared with a portable stove/ steamer to heat up his homemade tim sum for lunch. Yumz. My female owner came home and crashed for a couple of hours, before doing some non-thesis work at night.

Tuesday
The day started out very bad, with murphy’s law reappearing at any possible instance (she was going to Toowong for group therapy). She tolerated the distress until mid-day, after which she had a lunch appointment with Fated Guy. They were supposed to go Sunnybank to have lunch but because my female owner had a hard day, he suggested going somewhere quiet to chill (*touched*) and they ended up at Mt Cootha. Then they adjourned to Campos Coffee in the Valley (best coffee in Brisbane) and finally back to Sunnybank to get some groceries (coz that was the whole point of the appointment – he wanted to get groceries from Sunnybank). In the evening, she met up with a stranger for dinner at the stranger’s house. They were connected through her previous supervisor who wanted my female owner to help this person with some queries about Singapore. Then my female owner went home, chatted with Therapist Fren for 1.5hours and started on her RA work after midnight.

Wednesday
Today. Her plan is to complete all her outstanding bits and pieces. Theseus had been sorely neglected and my female owner is feeling tense about it.

space

Hmm… my female owner went out alone with Fated Guy today. Tis strange, how things unfolded she said.

It was meant to be just a dinner, which extended to tea, movie, dinner, dessert and telly at her house. He ended up leaving after midnight. My female owner’s friends have been teasing her about him and wondering (very) aloud if anything else is happening between them. My female owner’s answer has always been a firm no. And today, after being in close proximity for more than 9hr, my female owner knows there is nothing more than friendship between them. She sums up the relationship as "functional".

But yes, he was once again very gentlemanly (this trait always melts my female owner’s heart) and thoughtful. Giving her space to choose what she wants and insisting that she expresses what she wants, encouraging her to try new things, killing a cockroach even (dunno why insects and bugs always appear whenever they are together and he’s like the bug terminator) and other typical gentlemanly gestures. There was an emotive situation that arose which my female owner thought he handled well and in the process, reflected his thoughtfulness.

My female owner says for now, he is another rare counter-evidence for her previous mantra “all guys are bad”

happen

So the flavour of the month is “believe in yourself”

My female owner’s research supervisor told her that today, that he wants to increase her sense of self-efficacy and reminded her not to be overly critical as she starts to run therapy with him. Seems like he is more forgiving and trusting of her abilities than herself!

Her clinical supervisor who heaped lots of praise onto her during their final externship review, saying that she had to increase her self-confidence. This mirrored her previous clinical supervisor’s words too, who told her to trust what she knows and to recognise her strengths.

Then, I-Fren, with whom she started a very random conversation today coz her friend just named her new baby withhehe same name. His messages over the past two years had been consistent, persevering and instinctive. My female owner had, with the same vigour, consistently, persistently and instinctively pushed him away psychologically. I think he decided to just “wait and see”.

Special Fren did his counselling spin on my female owner too. More sporadic than I-Fren but still nicely timed (they seemed to take turns actually). Until finally, he kinda indicated that he had done all he could, the rest is up to my female owner. He also pointed out the contradiction that my female owner needed a lot of affirmation but at the same time, rejected them all.

And Fated Guy who actually only entered her life two months ago but seemed to hit the nail on the head quickly with her issues. Passed her a movie which removed the scales from her eyes.

Topping it off, Therapist Fren who had the misfortune of putting up with her endless whines and self-doubting statements, and providing those assurances that soothed her anxiety (or maybe just reduce the intensity).

It’s time for my female owner to believe in herself, to take an active part in her life and make things happen. No longer saying, “let’s see what happens and I will deal with it when it comes” but “this is what I want, because I know I can achieve it and I deserve to have it, and I am going to make it happen”

*breathe*

Takes a lot of energy to type that out! Hopefully, she starts to live a more convicted and intentional life, to learn to ride the currents but not just float along. Time to move on!

love

Onli Fren started her own blog!! My female owner (and I) paid homage to the blog. Set in rosy pink, the first entry was “I still believe in love”. How apt. So nicely written, I feel ashamed of my amateurish writing! (mental note to self: to brush up on my writing)

Anyway, my female owner is at the age and stage where she may not find “true love” and get married and have kids. At this stage of her life, she is pretty happy to be left on her own – mobile, commitment-free, flexibility. However, she is really not sure if she will feel that same way in 25 years time, when most of her peers are married and have their own family, and she is single… and erm.. physically less mobile.

My female owner’s life did not turn out the way she imagined it to be when she was a child, or the way she planned it to be after she graduated. Maybe that’s why she is hesitant to plan. Where would planning lead to, if there are so many external variables beyond her control?

My female owner had been thinking about her ex from time to time. One thing she hasn’t really let go of is, I mean, was, the time when he looked at her and said that he thought she had a mental illness. My female owner told this to Special Fren recently, and his response was “he’s crazy”. Special Fren might not have realised it, but those words brought comfort to my female owner. The feeling of being supported now, even though the incident happened so many years ago and she felt defenceless and vulnerable then.

Nonetheless, like Onli Fren, my female owner still believe in love.

Orianthi - According to you (Official music video HQ)

According to you
I'm stupid,
I'm useless,
I can't do anything right.
According to you
I'm difficult,
Hard to please,
Forever changing my mind.
I'm a mess in a dress,
Can't show up on time,
Even if it would save my life.
According to you. According to you.

But according to him
I'm beautiful,
Incredible,
He can't get me out of his head.
According to him
I'm funny,
Irresistible,
Everything he ever wanted.
Everything is opposite,
I don't feel like stopping it,
So baby tell me what I got to lose.
He's into me for everything I'm not,
According to you.

According to you
I'm boring,
I'm moody,
You can't take me any place.
According to you
I suck at telling jokes cause I always give it away.
I'm the girl with the worst attention span;
You're the boy who puts up with it.
According to you. According to you.

But according to him
I'm beautiful,
Incredible,
He can't get me out of his head.
According to him
I'm funny,
Irresistible,
Everything he ever wanted.
Everything is opposite,
I don't feel like stopping it,
So baby tell me what I got to lose.
He's into me for everything I'm not,
According to you.

I need to feel appreciated,
Like I'm not hated. oh no
Why can't you see me through his eyes?
It's too bad you're making me dizz-ay

According to me
You're stupid,
You're useless,
You can't do anything right.
But according to him
I'm beautiful,
Incredible,
He can't get me out of his head.
According to him
I'm funny,
Irresistible,
Everything he ever wanted.
Everything is opposite,
I don't feel like stopping it,
Baby tell me what I got to lose.
He's into me for everything I'm not,
According to you. [you, you]
According to you. [you, you]

According to you
I'm stupid,
I'm useless,
I can't do anything right

believe

Seems like this is a season of contemplation and soul-searching for my female owner. She has been engaged in conversations with Special Fren regarding her psyche. I think Special Fren has come to a point where he has concluded that he has done all he can to bring my female owner to her senses. And now, it’s up to her to make the necessary changes (and stop wallowing in LSE).

My female owner was updating Special Fren about her truncated conversation with Fated Guy with regards to her dreams and future. Truncated, because she had no idea, so the conversation didn’t go far. Special Fren then pointed out “you just refuse to see it”

How true. My female owner has so much in front of her. She has mobility and flexibility in how she want to craft out the next decade of her life (and beyond) and yet, she says she has no future. How tragic.

Her restraints are largely due to uncertainties. What if I stay and something happens at home? But I don’t have money to settle down in Australia! I love the lifestyle here, but my family and peers are in Singapore. What if I can’t find a good job here?

Anyway, she generated some of her thoughts of what she might like to do. And Special Fren told her to stick to the plan, and to believe in her plan.

How apt. My female owner never really believed in her plans, coz I think, she never really believed that she could achieve more than the average Joe in the streets. This just reinforced what happened recently, when, after hearing her reflections on Pursuit of Happyness, Fated Guy modified a quote from the movies for her: "don't ever let somebody tell me I can't do something, not even myself!"

She really needs to start internalise esteem-boosting statements for herself.

just

Tomorrow, my female owner starts a “new lease of life”. She has no other mega commitments except “just thesis”. Telling people she has a “thesis to do” seems to trivialise the enormity of the task ahead.

“So it’s only a thesis for you”

“So just a thesis ah?”

“even though your thesis is big, at least you completed the rest of your coursework”

“you only need to work on your thesis?”

“so what do you have for the rest of the year? Thesis? Just that?”

Come on, it’s not “just”. The thesis is worth 16 credits, which makes 1/3 of her programme. 16 credits is like doing 8 average-sized modules. Her five placements were worth 12 credits altogether. About 40000-50000 words, that’s about eight to ten 5000-word essay.

Yah, just a thesis. Easier said than done.

living

My female owner always enjoyed talking to friends who are in the helping profession. Recently, she had been talking to Fated Guy and enjoys the fact that their conversations can range from random day-to-day events to quiet reflective existential questions about life.

Mental health-trained, he understands her professional issues and struggles fairly quickly and through his responses, broaden her perspective and understanding of her situation. Today, he shared with her how she could build confidence in her clinical skills (coz she said that her supervisors had told her that she had good clinical skills but she could not bring herself to believe them).

At times, he would ask her deep reflective questions that makes her stop and ponder and search deeper with herself. Today, he asked her “what is your dream?”, “what inspires you?”

My female owner struggled with those questions. The truth is, she is too afraid to dream. Then he asked “so you mean you had a dream, but you stopped dreaming? Or you are suppressing it?” She never realised it, but yes, she probably had a lost dream. Lost in the day-to-day struggles of life, lost in her own insecurities and ruminations, lost because she was blinded by the now.

Thinking a bit more, my female owner realised that she is actually living her overseas postgrad dream in the now. The tediousness of writing up a thesis had taken a toll on her, to the point that she had forgotten that this, the thesis writing, is part of her dream.

Becoz of this revelation, my female owner decided that she will start to enjoy living her dream more.

herself

Today, my female owner realised that she is the only one who puts herself down.

The seed was planted a few days ago when Special Fren commented that my female owner had a tendency not to acknowledge her strengths and be dismissive when people give affirmations.

Then today, Fated Guy finally remembered to pass her a copy of Pursuit of Happyness. My female owner thought it was just another movie but later on, he emailed her to take note of a particular scenario where the father said to the son, something along the line of “don’t let anyone make you believe you can’t do something, not even me!”

My female owner reckons this email was prompted by the conversation when my female owner tried to convince Therapist Fren and him that she is clumsy and has poor psychomotor skills. Both of them tried to dispute her claim and Therapist Fren finally said “it is hard to change her mind about herself”

Anyway, reading that my female owner wrote back to say that that was an uplifting statement, in the light of her present difficulties. Fated Guy asked how it was relevant and upon reflecting, she realised that the “anyone” in this case was herself. All this while, she had allowed herself to believe that she can’t do things or achieve things.

It was confronting to a certain extent, to realise how she had been slowly destroying herself, especially when no one in her recent history had ever cast doubt on her abilities. In fact, people had been more optimistic and confidant of her than herself. And yes, she dismissed those words of encouragement as people being polite or trying to be supportive. At the same time, she held fast, the negative criticisms of different individuals from her distant past. How lop-sided.

She shared this revelation to Special Fren (who probably understood her psyche the most) and he confirmed that she “is the only one who puts urself down”

And my female owner’s decision, “I want to let go of this”.

girly

My female owner had a highly hilarious day. She had lunch with her uni frens and was scheduled to have afternoon coffee with Fated Guy. Except that in-between her lunch and afternoon tea, Therapist Fren and another gal (who knew about the happenings) started to corner her about Fated Guy and their progress. My female owner was immensely amused by their cross-talk and vivid fantasies about Fated Guy and her. Like how my female owner was not taking the issue seriously and that there was a mental blockage (which was later clarified as “mental resistance”) on her part.

“talk nonsense” was the summary of my female owner’s response.

They started to ask if he showed signs of interest in her and my female owner said no.

“did he introduce his friends to you?” (no!.... “but you went camping with his housemates”)
“did you guys talk about your future?” (yes, but separate futures)

Knowing that they were not convinced, she then asked them to join her for coffee and certainly, it didn’t take much for them to agree. And the best part was, they didn’t want her to tell him they were coming along and instead, to spring a surprise on him. How girly!

Afternoon coffee went well. Much chatter and laughter. My female owner didn’t know if having her friends around caught him off-guarded (he did look shocked) or disrupted his plans but she felt that he interacted well with them (much better than she would have, if roles were reversed). Anyway, Fated Guy and Therapist Fren had been acquainted before in other settings.

Her other friend left quite fast but Therapist Fren stayed till the end to gather “intel” and of course, to amuse herself. Debriefing with Therapist Fren was equally funnie, as she started to build upon her earlier fantasies and broke into fits of giggles.

"you guys were obviously very comfortable with each other" (yah, but that's the same for any friends)
"you guys progressed so fast in such a short time to such personal issues" (progress doesn't mean anything more than friendship, besides, the things we talked about, he also asked you just now. duh)

Oh well, girly fun at her expense. Looks like her ploy didn't work.

winter

Winter started a few days ago.

My female owner had been a little blue recently but surprise surprise, she woke up with a cheer on the first day of winter. I think it helped that the weather looked promising – cool yet sunny, with clear skies and white clouds. So anyway, the end of autumn and the start of winter. Time to put her placement behind her (soon) and start exclusively on her thesis.

By the way, her supervisor told her that he is 90% confidant she will get her DCP, and this was based on one completed study and a first draft of the second paper. Supposed to be reassuring, but my female owner is still having doubts about her “dodgy thesis”, to the point where she said she wanted to write up three studies, even though her supervisor thought that two studies were sufficient. My female owner also started to ruminate about whether she can complete her thesis by 31 Aug, to which her supervisor said "you will".

Seriously... I reckon she has an anxiety problem.

bariatric

My female owner is in this mode of being: piaing work - the final lap of placement which involves doing up her folio. She has completed most part of it except the organisational project worth 200hrs of work. With little time left, it means doing intense literature review and write-up on bariatric surgery patients. Apparently the operation is for morbidly obese people to staple their stomachs so that they will eat less and lose excess weight. Hopefully she doesn’t try anything funny on Nanook or me.

With her regained focus on work, the unintended consequences are firstly, she has stopped exercising (so that she can conserve mental energy and not listen to her mind and body argue about whether to exercise) and secondly, she has starting on her junk food routine. That means…. potentially gaining weight (again).

It’s a cycle isn’t it? Sometimes she relishes jogging and is disciplined in her food intake, at other times, her healthy lifestyle just goes pear-shaped.

Oh yes, and she has reduced her social outings by choice, i.e. actually saying no to people, and not appearing too much on MSN. The few treats she retains – flute (she actually reported having withdrawal symptoms for not practicing for three days) and her nightly dose of Masterchef.