Wednesday, April 30, 2008

ramblings

My female owner is easily distracted. She works all day but gets little done, because she would busy herself with peripheral things. Sometimes, she has so many things to complete, that she doesn't know where to start, that she doesn't start at all... and somehow, some of the things which she needs to do will fade in urgency and importance and she ends up not doing them. In some ways, she's like an adolescent, trying to find herself.

Some people call her scattered-brain. Actually she really has dulled senses - can't see clearly, can't hear properly, has selective memory, poor psychomotor coordination and low sense of safety. Hmmm... she always say that it's a miracle that she's still alive. My male owner used to comment that she has sleepy eyes and the only time her eyes come alive is when she is angry.

Not sure why I'm rambling on about my female owner.. maybe I'm just upset that she hasn't asked about us for a long time. grumble grumble grumble...

1/3 gone

My female owner says that at almost 6 years old (5 years and 9.5 months to be exact), I should be writing about more intellectual things and stop rambling about her obsession with aikido, food, us and endless gripes with the male population (with my male owner as the lead actor).

Oh well… she’s getting all high-and-mighty, now that she’s a postgrad student maybe? I shall stick to who I am, coz that’s how everyone knows me.

Anyway, time flies and 1/3 of 2008 is over. Traditionally, my female owner would spend some time reflecting on the things she has accomplished within the first 4 months of the year. Obviously this year has been a year of great change for her - leaving her comfort zone and diving head first into a new life (major role reversal from being a carefree working adult to a hardpressed-for-resources student) and into a new culture. Suddenly, what were once her areas of strengths, fade in light of the demands of her course. At the same time, her weaknesses are amplified through her unfamiliarity with the local system. She has to learn new things and unlearn old habits.

Maybe what doesn't kill you really makes you stronger.

My female owner would always remember her junior college days as being the most stressful period of her life. She could not cope with her studies and a dysfunctional relationship (try having a breakup at the eve of your preliminary examinations and your partner aceing the exam while you did badly!). At the same time, she was leading a bible study group, which although she did not do very much, except to spend a lot of time with the young girls and pray for them, the group grew greatly in number and spiritual maturity. (This can only be attributed to God's grace).

Anyway, the various struggles she was grappling with resulted in her being enveloped with depressive thoughts for a prolonged period and she just couldn't wait for the year to be over. Having survived those terrible years, my female owner now tells herself that if she can survive junior college, she can survive ANYTHING.

Even now, she is still struggling to find that balance (or homeostasis). There are daily hassles which she needs to see to (clients to call, rooms to book, notes to update, records to keep, essays to plan and write, role-play assessments to rehearse, disorders to read about, small talks to make, accents to try to imitate, meals to prepare, cold weather to get used to even! etc etc). No matter how hard she tries to plan, many things remain beyond her control and many decisions need to be made under uncertain circumstances. Slowly but surely, she is learning to trust God in all things. He brought her to Brisbane, He would show her the reasons why.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

exasperated

My female owner decided to attend aikido lesson yesterday at the spur of the moment. It must have been about a month since she attended her last lesson. She has been losing enthusiasm largely because of the time spent travelling to the dojo, especially on a Monday night (her busiest days are Mondays and Tuesdays).

Anyway, off she went, but first to pick up her aikido friend at his house. What was meant to be a 5 mins’ drive away, resulted in a 15 mins’ hunt for his house (in the next suburb). She took so long, he called her to find out if she was lost (haha. So insightful of him).

Well, class was not as fun as she hoped, coz there were some newcomers who slowed down the pace of the class. My female owner was particularly pissed with an ang-moh young lady, who had an extra-ordinarily large reaction when she performed a tight “nikyo” lock on her. If you don’t know what I mean, basically, that ang-moh couldn’t take the pain when my female owner performed the technique on her and kept instructing her afterwards on how the lock should be done (soft and painless).

My female owner was really annoyed at this. That’s not how aikido should be practised. The execution should be precise and tight enough for the opponent to feel the effect. If you want something soft, try taiqi or something. In addition, my female owner has a reputation of choosing to be gentle so much so that people would want to partner her for certain techniques (knowing very well that she would not be rough with them). No wonder she felt insulted (especially since that lady seems like a junior belt).

There were a couple of other strange characters in the class which made training trying. So that added to my female owner’s exasperation. To top it off, her instructor spoke to her at the end of the class regarding membership fees, and said that “actually, I thought that you would be coming more often.” My female owner would have gone for more lessons if she could! Duh. (she's grouchy eh)

There’s no place like your home dojo…

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Second Onli Fren

Been such a long time since my female owner chatted with her Second Onli Fren. The last time must have been more than a month ago, when my female owner needed her to help her settle her Singapore credit card bill.

Did you know that her Second Onli Fren was the one who bought her my brothers, Nana, Dona and Dodo? And that they were named after the two gals (like they used part of their names to form the names of my brothers). Second Onli Fren bought my brothers at the spur of the moment, complete with a round tank that comes with a bridge and coconut trees. She lived to regret it, when she realised how big they grew... coz we would always run towards her when we see her in the Balcony and she would be scared out of her wits. There's something about us that scares her... I wonder what. Without Second Onli Fren, there won't be Nanook and me. Coz my male owner bought us, as a way of getting closer to my female owner (you know, the concept of sharing similar interests?).

Although it has been more than a month since my female owner and Second Onli Fren last spoke, its one of those relationships that never loses its intimacy or bonding despite the long silence.

According to what I know, the friendship started about 10 years old, when they were both leaders serving in the youth ministry (but just acquaintances - not close at all). My female owner was feeling very discouraged about some church thing and believe it or not, God told Second Onli Fren to write a letter to my female owner. Second Onli Fren wrote a song for her too. That letter was life-changing for my female owner in many ways.

With a friendship built on God's love, it is no wonder that they become close friends so fast... and for so long! 10 years of friendship, with uncountable hours of companionship.. stayovers at each other's houses, diving trips, camping trips, travelling, late night chats at the sea, motorcycle rides, suppers, jogging even (before going for supper!), frog leg porridge, bridge sessions, praying together, leadership camps, bubble-teas, taidi, maybe one drinking to drunk session (over guys as usual, AGAB), watching DVDs, cooking sessions, playing pool, spontanteous meet-ups (just as long as both are available), making Christmas presents together, erm.. skipping church together too. The list goes on... Haha.

Yeah, and I remember now! Second Onli Fren said that she wanted to pick up the flute, so my female agreed to learn with her. She missed the first lesson, and quitted after the second! Now, her actions were the source of our 3-yr agony with my female owner's flute playing! Ah, looks like our lives are intertwined with Second Onli Fren too.

The difference one person makes to your life.

cookie

Guess what's in this bag?

It's a bag of home-baked chocolate chip cookies! The cookies kinda got crushed on the way to church...
In case you still don't know, chocolate chip cookies are my female owner's current obsession. According to her, these cookies are super yummy, and oozing with love. Ooooh... For those who are wondering, it was a gal who baked it for her (tsk tsk. I know what's on your mind.)
Here's one that managed to stay relatively intact and round...
Imagine the smell of the chocolate chip cookie as you hold it in your hand and bring it close to your mouth. The sweet aroma of its freshness and the strong fragrance of cocoa enveloping you as you bite into the cookie. Ooooh... feel the cookie crumble in your mouth as you chew on it. So soft and so soothing to your soul. Ahhh... Closing your eyes, you take another bite of the cookie, relishing in the fact that you have a bagful to go...

How's that for an attempt to come up with a passage for imagery relaxation (usually the text is about walking on the beach or squeezin a lemon)?

Anyway, what happened was that during bible study night, the leader split the group into pairs and asked each dyad to share with her partner what makes her feel loved. (Some people later said they felt loved when they get hugs, a smile or letters.) My female owner shared that her love language was acts of service, so her partner (knowing her obsession) decided to bake some chocolate chip cookies for her. Her partner said that she loves surprises, so my female owner thought of something surprising to give her.

Although the pair kinda said that they would exchange their acts of love at the next bible study night (ie next Friday), two days later (today), they gave each other their gift of love! So fast!

Saturday, April 26, 2008

fight

My female owner woke up from a mini nightmare yesterday. When I heard about it, I froze with fear for quite a while. That's why I haven't been writing.

My female owner dreamt of me. No, it's not that I'm scary okay. In her dream, my face was swollen, with streaks of dried blood. My eyes were puffy to the point that I could not open them. It was as though I got beaten up in a gang fight.

Don't ask me why she had such a dream. I'm an angel at home. I don't get into squabbles with any of my siblings (they usually leave me alone) AND besides, we are so peace-loving, we don't fight with one another like how humans do.

I only hope that her nightmare won't come true.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

dress sense

After three months of causal wear, my female owner finally donned on an office outfit today… to see her first client (ironically after office hours). She had a nagging fear that she would not be able to fit into her pants, having been munching on snacks for whole of this year but somehow, she managed to trick her fats into moving to other parts of her body. Anyway, the all familiar feeling of dressing for work and pretending to be professional is not something which she particularly misses.

My female owner always had issues with female colleagues who come to work as if they work in a nightclub, or out to seduce men. From short mid-thigh skirts, to plunging necklines, to cutesy pink polka-dot prints, to translucent see-through tops to dresses with big ribbons (that makes the wearer look like a walking present), she has seen them all. To add to that, heavy thick make-up that will create a fog if you slap the person’s face, multi-colours for the cheeks and eye-shadows that scream “I am a traffic light”, to loud, shiny accessories that make you wonder if Christmas is round the corner.

Yet, in spite of such wardrobe malfunction, there would be one or two misinformed wannabes who would imitate the terrible fashion, adding to her distress.

Thankfully, her coursemates have down-to-earth professional dress sense.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

suan me

My female owner has a "suan me" face. She gets teased by her friends wherever she goes (the main culprit at the moment would be her ex-colleagues). Her "suan me" face extends to her own family.

She MSN-ed home today and her father asked her how things were. She replied that she's been busy with work... and her father replied with a loud laugh: "who asked you to choose such a tough course? hahahahahaha"

Poor female owner! My shell almost cracked (not with laugher, but with empathy) when I heard that.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

recipe

My female owner never believed in following recipes (which explains why she can't cook many dishes). There are many reasons for this. Firstly, she doesn't trust recipes which are NOT recommended by anyone (issue of trust). Secondly, because the recipes are not proven to be good, she does not want to subject anyone to potentially bad cooking (issue of responsibility). Thirdly, she never saw the need to learn to cook (issue of need). My male owner was famously fussy about food. He eats mainly egg, cucumber and rice. No red meat, no other form of vegetables, chicken is ok only if there are no bones, no spicy food (or chilli). While eating out, he usually eats roast chicken rice, Hawaiian pizza or sushi (with very selected fillings). Once in a while, he would compromise on tofu and bean sprouts (we turtles definitely take after him in this aspect!).

Finally, the strongest reason is that she grew up in an environment where her mother did not refer to recipes when cooking - everything was in her head (issue of upbringing). I can testify to that. From steamed chicken rice to laksa to pig trotters' soup to curry chicken to claypot rice... everything was recipe-free. (No, her mother never cooked turtle soup!)

Well, yesterday, my female owner undertook the module "Following a Recipe" 101 with her Intuitive Fren as tutor. Around dinner time, IF spied a suspicious looking bottle of shrimp fry paste (known as bagoong in the Illocano language) which had been sitting in her kitchen for weeks (her housemate won the shrimp paste during a church game). Since nobody in the house knew how to use it and is unlikely to use it, IF decided to use it to cook dinner. Acting on his spontaneous decision, he looked up the internet and managed to locate a recipe which required that paste.

My female owner was quite doubtful about using the paste, coz it smelt like turtle food to her. IF didn’t help matters coz he said it smelt like goldfish food. The paste was apparently pungent and pink. Following the recipe and modifying it somewhat, the end result (according to my female owner) was a surprisingly yummy and hearty dish of beef/ tomatoes/long beans/ eggplants/ onions/ garlic in shrimp fry paste (unfortunately, they didn’t take any photos of the dish). The dish had an explosion of taste – sour, sweet and salty – coupled with the natural flavouring of the heap of beef they used.

This was the first Filipino dish that my female owner ever saw created before her eyes and, which tasted yummy… the last time she went Philippines with her friends (potahto included), they didn’t manage to lay hands on any yummy Filipino food..

So besides having a proper dinner, my female owner learnt that there's nothing scary about using randon recipes (they cooked so much that they even had time to mull over how they could further improve on the taste). Maybe her housemates can now look forward to more interesting dishes when it's her turn to cook dinner. Other dishes, rather than the usual stir-fried vegetables in oyster sauce and stir-fried meat doused with cheat sauce.

Monday, April 21, 2008

vision

The year my female owner entered junior college (when she was "18++++"-"+++++" years old), her principal had the vision of building up the school's choir to make one of the best in the country (and perhaps internationally?) . Then, it was in a sorry state of affairs. The principal wasted no resources in engaging one of the best conductors in the nation to train the choir. As for my female owner, she got conned into joining the choir because her friend wanted to join (the friend quitted soon after, but my female owner stayed on).

The principal moved on to other postings a few years later, but her aspirations and investments probably stayed, coz years later "18++++"-"+++++"+"+++......", the school made headlines in the local news, for winning international competitions.

The vision and goals of a leader... It really looked impossible then.
_________________________________

Two schools emerge winners in international choral competition

Channel NewsAsia - Monday, April 21

SINGAPORE: Some students have gone international with their co—curricular activities and have returned with trophies to show for it.

Jet lag and cold weather did not affect the spirit of students from Anderson Junior College who were in Italy last month for the 10th Concorso Corale Internazionale — an international choral competition.

The choir, comprising 61 students and 14 alumni members, emerged as the overall winner, beating 33 teams from 13 countries.

Anderson JC has previously won other awards in competitions in Prague, China and Malaysia.
Catholic High School also participated in the same competition and took home the trophy in the Mixed Youth Choir category.

Evidently delighted, the students said the experience is even more important than the win.

age

My female owner realised something yesterday while she sat in the row behind the girls in her bible study group during church service. It hit her that probably ALL the girls are younger than the all-gals bible study group she used to lead in Singapore. No wonder sometimes she feels like a “mother hen” (although she doesn’t behave like one, I hope!). Everyone’s getting younger, she’s getting older.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

social phobia

My female owner had a random moment today, that led to an eye-opening experience.

She was heading towards her lift lobby when she noticed a Caucasian hurrying towards it. Being the typical shy Singaporean, she hoped that the guy would be gone by the time she reached the lift lobby.

Alas, he was still there when she reached the lift lobby. (The building she lives in has 10 storeys and that means, only 20 units, so it’s a really small community and people usually greet one another).

Mr C: “Hi, how are you?”

FO: “Good”

And finally remembering to return the greeting for probably the first time in her stay at Brisbane, FO continues “And how are you?”

Mr C: “Good. Hey, you know what? I’m trying to fix up a BBQ later in the evening. Why don’t you come down later and join in?”

The time was about 4.30pm then. My female owner was stunned coz she hates being thrown in a new social situation where she doesn’t know anyone. However, not one to give untrue excuses (like “thanks but I’ve got an appointment later”), she mustered a weak “ok”.

Mr C went on to talk about other things and sealed that 2-min encounter with “So come on down at 7pm later”

Almost instantly, my female owner felt a great sense of regret for (in chronological order)
i) Not walking slower to the lift lobby (which would mean she would have avoided him).
ii) Saying” And how are you?” – a greeting that probably opened Mr C for a conversation
iii) Not declining the invitation

Being a “professional psychologist in training”, she knows that avoidant behaviour is the worst way to overcome a fear, coz avoiding simply negatively reinforces the person to remain fearful. Also, knowing that she will definitely have to help anxious, social phobics overcome their fear of new social situations, she mulled over whether
i) It’s ok NOT to go, even though she did muster a weak “ok”
ii) She should go, just to challenge her personal social phobic genes.

After consulting some of her church friends (whom she had dinner with) and discussing how to ease into the party, she decided to go.. despite not knowing Mr C’s real name and not being sure if she would even recognise him, given her lousy facial recognition abilities. (The only thing she knows is his apartment number.)

Nervously, she stepped out of her apartment, 15 mins after 7pm and waited for the lift. Lo and behold, when the lift door opened, Mr C was in the lift. Wahaha. So coincidental. He was on the way to his apartment to get some glasses and brought her down to the BBQ area and introduced her to the group.

So there you have it, my female owner, immersed herself into one of her greatest fears and dislikes head-on. Being the only Asian in a big group of Westerners, she had to act quickly to fit in. AND it wasn’t as difficult or nerve-wrecking as she thought it would be. She managed to maintain conversations with people from Germany, USA, Russia, South Korea (the only other Asian, who popped into the party later), Australia (of course!) and Scotland. Cool.

Oh yah, and she found out the name of Mr C.

[Mr C later made himself known to everyone in the building, coz one of the attendees got drunk and in anger, kicked the glass panel leading to the lift lobby with her boot. The glass panel cracked from the impact and Mr C left a note on the door to apologise to the residents. He now runs the risk of being evicted from the apartment.]

Friday, April 18, 2008

prayer

My female owner had a wonderful experience in school today, even though she had to sit for yet another role-play assessment. Before going for her assessment, she spent some time with the person whom she shared the assessment kit with (also a fellow church-mate) in a small room, going through the procedure for test administration.

At the end, the both of them unanimously decided to commit the assessment, and the course they are taking, to God in prayer. It also helped to refine the motivation behind her choice of study to include a broader perspective. Personally, I think it's really cool to be able to pray with someone who's in the same situation as you (maybe I can get my siblings to do something like that). I'm sure that opportunity (which was divinely created, no doubt) lifted my female owner's spirits and gave her more confidence for the challenges ahead.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

trauma

This is not for the faint-hearted..

On the day my female owner abandoned us for her studies (note the bitterness in my choice of words, we are still sore about it), she asked her mother to trim our nails. Some of our nails have been growing really long and they impede the ease of our movements, by their mere existence. Her mother had trimmed Dona's nails before, so she's our in-house manicurist/ pedicurist.

I think it must be an emotional day coz my female owner's mother "miscued" many times, and the Balcony ended up looking like a murder scene..

Dodo, after the ordeal. See his nails? And his dull expression? That's how a traumatised turtle looks like.
This is me, not looking any better......because I was left with bleeding toe-nails.This was Nanook's nails, before being trimmed. Note the length and the way the nails are growing.
This is the aftermath of the trim. Notice the blood spots - the incision was too deep. Whatever that my female owner's mother managed to trim off. My female owner kept screaming, as she held us in her hands. I'm not sure what scared us more, being manhandled by her mother and her, or hearing her scream.
The murder scene. I can tell you that none of us were happy after that. We were already feeling lousy that our female owner was going away. We had to deal with physical AND emotional pain. Us resting. That's Nanook on top of Dodo. My brothers are brooding, backside facing the world. I'm not in the picture.

catchup

My female owner managed to catch her aikido instructor online today. He had been largely missing due to his work. Although the conversation was short, it was oozing with warmth. Ever since she left, her aikido instructor started using the term “my dear” to address her. For many reasons, it warms my female owner’s heart to hear that. And he is the only male friend whom my female owner actually says directly that “I miss you”. Although my female owner has intimacy issues, she probably found it easier to be expressive with him since he’s old enough to be her father.
At her farewell party, my female owner took this photo, to capture his hands, the hands that guided her from a white-belt who struggled through her psychomotor and visual-spatial deficits to learn the basic techniques, to her current belt (and still slow in picking up new things!). Over the couple of years, he showed her such patience and love and created so many good memories for her. At times, they would also exchange tales about their pets (i.e. his dogs and us!).

On a related note, I know my female owner still misses her aikido friends very much. The feelings intensify on Monday evenings (if she goes for aikido training in Brisbane) and every Tuesday evenings till night (coz that's the time she would be at aikido class in Singapore). She chats with her aikido friends but nothing beats training, having suppers (totally unheard of Brisbane) and going out together (not to mention, those nights at St James).

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

saw again

Finally! After 2 months, I saw my female owner again. She had another video conference with her parents today and requested to see us. Of all the turtles in the Balcony, her dad picked me to be beamed through the internet. I'm not sure why he chose me (again) coz Dodo and Dona are also small enough to be held up by one hand. He didn't want to bring anymore to the computer as he said that we were sleeping already. Hmmm... I think he's just too lazy. That left the rest of my siblings really crossed.

The sad thing was, my female owner couldn't recognise me! She thought I was Dodo (maybe I slimmed down?). Sob.

first time

My female owner came across wedding photos of her first ex-boyfriend on FB today (put up by his wife's sister apparently). Her first reaction was "wah! he put on weight liao, not as cute as last time." So mean right (esp when she has also put on weight). But apparently, the moment my female owner first saw him, she knew that this was the kind of guy she would like (but at that point, she never thought that they would be together). We turtles never met him before, because this thing happened about 10 years ago, before we were born. The other person who probably remembers him (besides their classmates) is my female owner's Onli Fren, who kinda evolved to be his grandmother. Hmm..strange human relationships.

Anyway, despite the breakup, I know that the two of them managed to revert to friends after a while (I mean, he's on her FB whereas my male owner is not). The three of them even met once in the late night to play pool (when no one was attached to anyone). I think my female owner was amused to see how the two men tried to outwin each other, in a battle of not just pool, but ego.

At the end of the day, my female owner feels happy that he has found someone to share his life with (although the photos were put up recently, he actually got married a few years ago), is doing very well at his career and still looking quite boyish.

Monday, April 14, 2008

grace

My female owner received a huge dose of grace today. At the 11th hour, she asked her Intuitive Fren if he was willing to be her “troublesome” guinea pig for her to practice doing an assessment on (my female owner needed to practice administering the WAIS-III - an IQ assessment which lasts for anything between 2-3 hours for a real client - for a role-play assessment this Friday).

He agreed without knowing the full extent of what he was in for (maybe he would not have agreed otherwise!) and I bet all his intuition didn’t prepare him for what was to come. 11 tests spread over 4 hours (my owner actually said she needed 2 hours), being confronted with question after question at the most inopportune time of the day (ie end of the day), having to “dumb down” but think of ways to be difficult at the same time, having dinner delayed but yet overdosing on Starburst candies, listening to my female owner’s half-past six accent (wahaha! I don’t think I will be able to recognise her voice if she doesn’t come back soon.) and trying to respond accordingly.

At the end of the prolonged session (I think my female owner lost steam faster than him), he even had the energy to provide her with feedback on the way she spoke, delivered the tests and her general posture (not to mention, also helped her with her pronunciation!). The feedback was enlightening and would definitely enable her to polish up on her professionalism and presentation skills.

Proverbs 3:5-6

It’s easy to gloss over Proverbs 3:5-6 because it is well quoted but after pondering on it for a few weeks, my female owner finally caught a revelation.

Trust the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your path.

Proverbs 3:5-6

As a “professional psychologist in training” (my female owner likes to poke fun at herself), my female owner is familiar with the distinction and yet, connection between feelings, cognitions and behaviours. That the way you think, affects the way you feel and ultimately, how you behave.

To her,
Heart = feelings and emotions
Understanding = logic, reasoning, cognitions
Ways = behaviours, actions

My female owner, as some may know by now, is prone to feeling blue because of the way she looks at things. Through this verse, she realises that she should trust God in spite of how she feels (and not based on how she feels). Also, she should not be held bondage to her logical mind (her analysis of the probability of weird things happening to her is famously pessimistic) which tends to predict how the future will pan out for her using worst-case scenarios. It has been proven so many times that God works in ways that goes beyond human logic and defies earthly probabilistic calculations. Hence, the call is for her to surrender her emotions, thoughts and behaviours to God and allowing Him to lead her.

Hence, when a dear friend/ sister-in-Christ/ aikido senior asked her today: how's things?
My female owner’s reply was: Trusting God, that’s the only way to go.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

parallel universes

Out of sight but not out of mind.

My female owner has been thinking and reminiscing about Singapore recently. Besides the Taiwanese drama which sparked off thoughts of her family, the recent hub of activities in her Facebook (of which she posted my photo as her profile. Yay!) where friends added her (seeing the smiling face of the aikido senior who used to comment that she rolls like a pancake was so nostalgic) and closer friends still, commenting on the photos she put up, lead to a pensive state of being.

Often, she would wonder what she would be doing if she were still in Singapore. It’s not just thinking about the usual social activities which she would engage in - like aikido, badminton, dinners, bridge and even playing with us. Being overseas has resulted in some people talking more to her than they would have, if she were still in Singapore. While she is warmed by their concern, it inevitably also deepens her sense of loss.

It’s also about what job would she be in. For one, she would have probably resigned (again) and joined another organisation where she would be interacting more with people with real needs and issues, rather than doing meaningless paperwork, conducting questionable training courses (she’s the questionable element in the equation) and developing collaterals which get thrown away anyway.

It’s like the Sliding Door concept – she’s trying to figure out how her life would be in two parallel universes. The thing is, she would never know.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

BGR

Last night, my female owner attended a BGR seminar which was organized by her church. (Wahaha. She’s still into such things?! Why did she even bother going?) A few church leaders spoke on how to choose a suitable partner based on biblical principles. The content was nothing new to her; the questions asked during the Q&A, juvenile (having “been there done that”).

At the same time, the content reminded her of the several mistakes she made in the past in this area of her life, especially the “non-negotiables” she compromised on. Although there were many times during the relationship when my female owner had a nagging feeling that one day, she would look back and kick herself for staying so long in it, my female owner refused to give up on the relationship because she thought that love would cover all cracks. Now she’s kicking herself.

Anyway, my female owner felt over-aged in that lecture theatre, which was probably filled with an audience of largely undergraduates who may not have been in any BGR before. However, she was struck by the insights and wisdom of the speakers whom she reckoned to be about the same age as her. Ah, if only she had spent her time on more worthy causes in the past. Now she feels like an immature child in an adult body.

Time to start growing up!

potahto power

Potahto found my female owner online today and sounded her out on the latest happenings. My female owner became more and more pissed as she rattled on about her grouses (according to a personality test which she once took, my female owner is High on neuroticism, i.e. very EMO). But at the end of that mini counselling session, she felt more calm and settled, even though nothing about the situation changed. Must have been such a great release for my female owner - to be able to share what's on her mind/ heart with someone who, without having to say too much, identifies with her struggles and understands the context of things.

Potahto always claims that she's lousy at counselling and hates doing it, but somehow, my female owner never fails to benefit from her counselling.

Potahto power!

ruminate

Some days are up, some days are down, some days are just upside down. My female owner hasn't been chatting online much these days. She used to initiate conversations but not anymore. She has been bogged down with stuff, whether actual or perceived.

Right now, she's in a "I-miss-my-Singapore-life;-why-did-I-ever-choose-to-come here?" mode. It all started with an insidious Taiwan drama serial which she watched yesterday. All was well and good, until there was a scene whereby the female lead laid her head on the hospital bed, next to her comatose mother. The lead was crying because the mother was diagnosed with some serious/ terminal illness.

That sparked off a whole cycle of ruminations about why she gave up a cushy life, separated from her family, friends, food, turtles (we occupy a irreplaceable position in her heart!), to come here to experience so much uncertainty, lack of control over her situations, instability, challenges, withdrawals from all things pleasurable (aikido, travelling, carefree weekends, financial freedom) and missing out on her friends' important life events like weddings, house-warmings and babies.

Instead, she has to force herself to be extroverted, making small talk with her coursemates and being perky even when she doesn't feel bubbly (she likes her coursemates very much but it's different kind of interaction from real friends). Too energy-zapping. Time passes too fast for her to enjoy non-working life (she won't even call herself a student now). If 5 weekdays days pass too fast, what more the 2 complementary weekend days?

On the other hand, she knows that there's so much in store here for her, especially in the areas of her Christian walk and development of her professional skills... but now she's so spaced out that the only thing she has energy for is rumination...

Thursday, April 10, 2008

gender


A Spanish teacher is explaining "House", for instance, is feminine: "la casa". "Pencil", however, is masculine: "el lapiz".

A student asked, "Which gender is 'computer'?" Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computadora"), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ("el computador"), because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won.

rainbows

My female owner loves rainbows. They always remind her of the hope that she can find in God. It's really a rarity to be able to spot rainbows in Singapore, and even when you do, you may not be able to see the full spectrum of colours or a reasonable arch (when you spot one, it's pretty much like a half-eaten slice of cake). I hardly see any around the Balcony anyway.

Here are some rainbows which my female owner managed to capture on her trusty camera. Remember that the rainbows look much more magnificant than what you see in the photos!

Sighted along the Brisbane River while on a boat cruise

Also seen in the sky high up above the Brisbane River (a different one)

First rainbow seen in Brisbane, outside my female owner's host's house

This was taken in June 2005, at the 12 Apostles, Great Ocean Road, Melbourne. Look at the colours!

A distant shot, trying to capture as much of the rainbow as possible. Apparantly my female owner saw two rainbows together (like a "M")

That was how s-t-r-e-t-c-h-e-d the rainbow was


My female owner saw this in the morning, right outside her Bed&Breakfast room at the Grampians.

The other end of the same rainbow

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

dear

It's heartwarming whenever someone says he/she misses you or asks when you would be coming back. My female owner has been getting a number of such phrases these days from her Singaporean friends. One friend even thought that she had been gone for six months and was shocked that it has only been 2 months. A few were counting down the days, in expectation of her return, only to realise that she may not be going back after all (we turtles are also counting down!).

Despite these close friendships, my female owner, for as long as I can remember, has intimacy issues. While in a relationship, she finds it weird to use terms of endearment like "darling", "dear", "honey" and feels awkward with public displays of affection. Even for friendships, she seldom regards people as "close" - in fact, that was how the term "Onli Fren" came about. There was a period of time when my female owner felt that she really only had one friend to turn to in times of distress. I remembered the times when she would scroll down her entire handphone contacts and found no one she felt comfortable enough calling out of the blue, when she was feeling blue.

My owners used to quarrel a great deal over her aloofness and my female owner recognised that she has to learn to be more warm in her expression of speech. So ever since she broke up, she tried to be more affectionate, using terms like "dear" with her female friends. Even then, it's only through SMS or MSN, hardly verbal. Then while she was preparing to go over to study, she realised that there were people who had always regarded her as a close friend (just that on her part, she had been too distant).

After so many months, my female owner finds it natural within her to tell her female friends voluntarily that she misses them. For male friends who ask whether she misses them, she would say "yes, I miss you ALL" - as a collective group. She still freaks out though, if they tell her that they miss her (must be PTSD from her previous relationship).

Over in Brisbane, my female owner found herself dealing with physical intimacy issues in different settings. The most scary was in social settings where the locals embrace (pun intended) a culture of hugging/ kissing. While she is alright with goodbye hugs, goodbye kisses on the face and lips really distresses my female owner (especially if the person is a male).

The other scenario which she finds herself in, is in church where there is a culture of holding hands to pray. Although she doesn't mind this, it is something which my female owner is not used to. In some casual settings, some female church friends would link arms/ hold hands with her (as young girls normally do). For this, my female owner also finds that she has to switch mentality in order to assimilate into the culture.

I think these reactions are consistent with her love language, where physical touch is ranked lowest. Hey! I sound like a therapist now. Psycho-analysing my female owner.

Monday, April 07, 2008

anxiety

My female owner drives badly. I know, coz I've been a victim of her bad driving (I almost choked to death on water, when she drove me to the vet the other time).

Recently, my female owner's Brisbane host, lent her the car (coz the host was going for an extended business trip and didn't need the car). The only condition (besides not crashing the car) is that she has to pick up some people from the Gold Coast Airport in a few weeks' time (read: 1.5hrs, 105km away).

Having had the car for a few days already, my female owner, being indecisive, pondered about whether she should drive to her aikido class. The location is just a little behind the city, which is about 15mins drive (10 km) away. After struggling the whole day (between convenience - bus would take 1.5hrs to get home - and anxiety about driving/ not knowing her way around) and checking out the directions on whereis.com, she decided to go for it.

Everything was good, heading from school to the city...until she missed a turn (for being in the wrong lane). Then it was downhill all the way... coz she didn't know her way around the vicinity. What made it difficult for her to navigate around was the fact that many roads were uni-directional or lanes were suddenly reserved for buses only. Hence, she had to make turns and detours in order to get back. She managed to get back into the city, but had to leave it, because she ended up on a lane which brought her AWAY from the city, across the the Brisbane River, into another suburb.

After the oh-shit moment, she tried to turn back, but there was no U-turn in sight. So she had to drive on and on.... You can just imagine the anxiety within her, driving around in an unknown area, with a manual car and trying to find the city map in the street directory. Things in her car started tumbling down as she tried to juggle with a number of things. In the backdrop was the colours of the setting sun and believe it or not, a rainbow!

Somehow, in the confusion, she managed to find the right map and get herself sorted out (heavy traffic helped in this case - she had time to flip through the street directory) and managed to reach her class in the nick of time... after 50mins of driving (might as well take bus).

My female owner concluded that she still has high anxiety about driving and such experiences ain't helping her overcome them. Actually, at this rate she's going, I wonder if she will make it to Gold Coast...

Sunday, April 06, 2008

rendezvous

My female owner is traumatised (again). Her second holiday rendezvous at a local club ended in disaster again. The first time in Shanghai, she and her friends (potahto included) met up with a male acquaintance (Singaporean) at a club, did some crazy stuff, overdosed on alcohol and woke up swearing never to drink again. My female owner went back to Singapore, thinking that was the last she would ever hear of that guy again. The next time she knew, she found out that he's the brother of one of her ex-colleagues at her first workplace. Such a small world.

This time at Gold Coast, potahto and her also visited a local club. Mr Host's elder son kindly brough them to a club to party. History repeated itself somewhat, and they partied the night away. While partying, some random locals also took photos with my female owner. A staff member from the club also went around taking photos of their customers (i.e. a photo of three of them was taken too). Happily, they made it home without any fainting episodes and my female owner thought that that was that.

Until today... she found out from potahto that two of the photos were uploaded on the club's website. Looks like there's no running away from that night.

Saturday, April 05, 2008

grump

A blurry photo of me trying to get out of the Balcony. I look grumpy because I just found out that my female owner may not be able to come back to Singapore in June. She has school commitments all the way till July and may (after attempting some schedule gymnastics) be able to sneak back for a week. A week?! That's really short. And knowing her, she would go crazy trying to meet up with different categories of friends... and leaving us turtles at home, pining for her return every night (that's also assuming she doesn't stay out all night) just to have a little quality time with her.

Friday, April 04, 2008

4401

My female owner has been feeling edgy today/yesterday... I can feel it - my shell is rattling.

Anyway, today is/was a significant day. It's her favourite soft-toy's birthday! DOB: 4th April 2001. My owners used to celebrate this day together - no matter how busy each was, they would make it a point to meet. (I know, it's one of those silly things that couples do... I can never understand why. But in all fairness, my owners would celebrate our birthdays too. My female owner used to force my male owner to remember our birthdays and would test him periodically so that he would commit the dates to memory).

While it's tad strange that the yearly routine is broken, my female owner is beginning to realise that she is no longer as attached to Nanook. At times, she would even fall asleep without hugging him. This was unthinkable in the past. In fact, there was once when my male owner asked her if in the event that they broke up, would she give Nanook the husky to him? The answer was a flat NO.

Of course not right?! Nanook was a present to her.

Thursday, April 03, 2008

quotes for thought

In the aftermath of having her romantised idea that her choice of career would “help her to help people” torn apart by the reality of what it entails to get there, my female owner picked up three insightful quotes.

i) The best thing you can do for anyone is to listen to him
My female owner likes this phrase coz it reminds her of the human-to-human connection that everyone needs and that at the end of the day, it’s really not about how much she knows about treating disorders that matters, but how much she is able to show care and empathy to her clients (before treating them).

ii) You are not a student, you are a professional psychologist in training
This helped to put things into perspective, as my female owner is currently in her lamentive (is there such a word?) stage where she whines about how tough her course is and how little time she has to enjoy overseas student life. That’s it. She’s not a student waiting to graduate. She’s a professional, training to enhance her current skills.

iii) Your time is worth money
She finally realised why professionals in her field can command up to $200/hr for just merely “listening and talking”. The amount of training and resources put in to churn out psychologists is intensive (so many people are needed to train one person). And psychologists do lots of behind-the-therapy preparation in order to formulate cases and treat clients. (Actually, this quote was spoken in the context of her class having to charge their clients for the therapy sessions even though they are just interns. So the teacher was trying to highlight the amount of preparation/supervision that would go into each case and hence, the class should not feel bad about charging fees.)

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

hug

A hug can do wonders.

Today, my female owner attended a clinical placement orientation where the clinic manager briefed the class on the requirements of the placement - hours to fulfill, write-ups to hand in, presentations to prepare for, assessments which are not graded but if you dont pass, you fail the internship (i.e. you fail the entire programme), administrative procedures to adhere to, etc etc. Each presentation slide added more doom and gloom, not only to her, but the rest of the class. Suddenly the programme seems like a boot camp, where the weak would be weeded out, and the strong would remain, albeit wounded and half-dead.

By lunch time, my female owner was wallowing in self-doubt and hyper-flustered (is there such a word?). She then rushed into the computer room to check out something for the placement. Lo and behold, she met an acquaintance from Singapore. This person used to intern at my female owner's alternative office. Because my female owner was hardly at the alternate office, she didnt know that this person was also going to be at the same university doing a parallel programme. My female owner only found out when they happened to meet at the school's photo-copying room (in her usual blur fashion, she didnt even recognise the intern).

Anyway, so this acquaintance saw my female owner rushing in to use the computer and asked her what was going on. As my female owner was rattling on about the bad day, the acquaintance just opened her arms wide and gave my female owner a tight, warm hug to calm her down.

hmmm... such a sweet gesture.

Gold Coast and photos

My female owner, P and JW stayed in JW's former teachers' apartment at Surfer's Paradise. The stylishly-designed apartment was just 140 steps from the beach (which delighted my female owner a great deal. She loves beaches.) This is the view from one of the balconies. See how blue the sea is?
As usual, the customary bed shot. With beds like this, I wonder why my female owner bothers getting up so early in the mornings.
Despite the rainy/ cloudy weather, Surfer's Paradise was still a sight to behold. The vastness of the ocean, again leaves my female owner in awe of creation... and tickled the scuba-diving bug in her.
What lies beneath?

Perspective with back facing the sea.

Again, the faceless shot of her travelling buddies. My female owner actually said "smile!" Their hosts have two lovely cats who were really affectionate and curious (this was taken at their house, not the apartment). My female owner tried to take still shots of them but apparently they were camera-shy and would move away. I'm jealous of them coz they were in close proximity with my female owner. I also want!

Ah, and the home-made cuppacino/latte which Mr Host never failed to offer to brew for my female owner everytime they popped into his house. Real coffee beans with steamed milk. Such thoughtful gesture. My female owner just had to capture it on camera.

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

smoking tortoise

Really bored without my female owner around. So I decided to let my thoughts run wild and somehow, I started to wonder how my female owner would react... if I pick up smoking. Given her disdain for nicotine (she used to work for the government in the national control smoking programme. Her work must have been effectve coz the prevalence rate of smokers dropped even lower during her stint there. Such irony, since my male owner is an avid smoker. Opposites really attract yah?)

I think she will hang me by my tail and disown me with immediate effect. She might even put up my empty shell in the Balcony as a warning to the rest of my siblings to stay off nicotine. Even the birds which fly past the Balcony will not be spared.

Anyway, nothing is impossible and here's an article on a smoking tortoise.


BEIJING (AFP) - - A tortoise that smokes and appears to be addicted to nicotine has been discovered in China's northeastern province of Jilin, state media reported on Thursday.

The animal is the pet of a man, identified by his surname Yun, who is himself a smoker, Xinhua news agency said, quoting a local newspaper.

One day, Yun teased the tortoise by putting a cigarette butt into its mouth, and to his surprise it started to smoke it, according to the news agency.

From then on, he shared his cigarettes with his pet, Xinhua said.

"It seems to have become addicted," Yun was quoted as saying.

"Whenever I smoke in front of it, it will stick its head out of the water and fidget about until I give it the stub."

Yun proved his claim by putting a cigarette in the tortoise's mouth in front the paper's reporter and his neighbours, Xinhua quoted the newspaper as saying.

To everyone's surprise, the tortoise finished it in less than four minutes, the news agency said.

Monkeys have been know to smoke in imitation of human beings, the deputy secretary-general of Jilin's Wildlife Conservation Society told Xinhua.

But he said he had never heard of a tortoise lighting up.

My siblings and I

My siblings and I
From top left: Dodo, Dona, me (Nooki) and Nanook