sheet music

My female owner had a pretty fruitful day doing nothing much at home. She went around surfing for free flute sheet music and stumbled upon this website www.virtualsheetmusic.com

To her, it was the best website offering sheet music ever. The website offers instant download of sheet music in PDF files and music files. What’s more, each song comes in different kinds of arrangement. For example, piano solo, piano and flute, flute and clarinet, string quartet, violin and piano etc etc. And each arrangement has its own midi recording! So you can just play along with the music and pretend that you have a live ensemble! It is relatively cheap too. For a year of membership at USD$37, you get to download as many sheet music and midi recordings as you want. Otherwise, you can purchase by the score. You can also sample the score and listen to the music before deciding whether that’s what you want.

My female owner was so happy when she found this website. Inspired by the sample, she bought a flute solo for Canon in D (she wasn’t ready to commit to a year’s membership… ), her all time favourite classical piece. And had a merry time trying out the piece. (I’m so glad I wasn’t around to hear her trying!! 3.5 years of bad flute playing is enough for me).

Anyway, it's good that she's finally playing some pieces other than her exam pieces...

online

My female owner celebrated the submission of her sort-of last assignment by taking a break from clinic or school work. As she was walking home from school at about 1130hr, she wondered what she would do to fill up the whole day. She figured that she would tidy her room and finish up reading her book (Life of Pi). At the back of her mind, she suspected that she might spend the whole day on MSN.

She was so right.

She logged on at 1200hr, putting her status as “online” (for the first time in a long long while).

First to say hi was a aikido senior whom she haven’t spoken to since school started. After so many months of non-contact, they indeed had a lot to catch up on.

My female owner seldom initiates MSN conversations, but she decided to pop in a hello to her neighbour and the conversation centred around blogs.

Then she decided to start a conversation with a bible study friend who had always taken the initiative to talk to her. The conversation was fairly short, coz the friend had to go out.

An ex-colleague came popping in, asking about the identity of the person who said the “how the hell” statement. He left after some time.

Another aikido senior (who taught her how to tie her hakama) made contact and while they were talking, the bible study friend announced her return. The conversation with this aikido senior ceased after a long exchange.

Later, the ex-colleague came back to discuss something more serious and went off after the discussion for lunch.

Mr Squabbles whom she had regular but infrequent contact came on to check when she was going back and the conversation centred around meeting up… and drinking. Midway through, an animal-lover ex-colleague (who helped me greatly when I was ill) popped a random message (coz they hardly chat in the first place) to say that his dog is going to give birth soon.

The second aikido senior and a aikido junior then popped in messages together, asking my female owner about Canon in D.

Her MSN tour finally ended at 1900hr. What a difference being "online" makes. Such an eventful afternoon, just sitting at her computer to talk to people. And this does not even include her usual MSN kakis!

After 7 hours, my female owner had succeeded in tidying up a small portion of her room and eating an entire packet of Tim Tams and a meat-pie. In addition, she multi-tasked while chatting and played on her flute for about an hour (more on that in another entry), sneaked an impromptu walk to the nearby stores with her housemate (leaving one of her poor friends stranded on MSN), chatted with Intuitive Fren for a while and made a to-do list (but not accomplishing anything!). She also confirmed that her three aikido friends would be attending training on Saturday morning and she would be joining them! Wow! Finally!!

Functional Fren

My female owner and her Potahto have relinquished their bond as Chopstick Sisters, primarily because they have both put on so much weight that they no longer look like a pair of chopsticks while walking together. They are now considering rename themselves Banana in Pajamas.

Anyway, despite my female owner having a 50% essay deadline in 13 hours, they had an extended MSN chat and the topic soon centred around a common friend, also known as my female owner’s Functional Fren.

Some people have a natural knack for sensing emotional distress and providing crisis intervention at the most opportune timing. Functional Fren is one such person. He is a trained counselor and has always shared with my female owner his passion for helping people on the ground. He was also the friend who supported her through her entire application process (he referred to that support as being my female owner's "inner talk") and unsurprisingly, was the first person she called when she got the news of acceptance. My female owner has seen him in action a number of times, both as a beneficiary of his skills and in his regular job. Although he hardly initiates social contact, he would, if he senses that you need help (as verified by Potahto).

He is effective in his counselling, whether it is face-to-face, over the telephone or through MSN. My female owner had never failed to benefit from those sessions. Not to mention, Functional Fren is also highly intelligent, creative and visionary. These qualities helped to make him into the invaluable counselor that he is.

For a while, Functional Fren had been having self-doubts about staying in the counseling field. My female owner has been quite concerned because he certainly has a gift for listening and helping people to suss out the main issues. Recently, he rekindled his passion and my female owner is really happy to see him fired up once again.

established

“how the hell u gals can carry on working in that environment”

An exasperated comment made by my female owner’s friend while recounting a recent experience working with her former colleagues. The preceding conversation also stirred up a cauldron-full of resentment, bitterness, resignation and injustice to (bad sign – she still haven’t got over many things).

The conversation continued:

XX says: we are the Gen Y la..
FO says: coz i'm still wondering if i should have taken the sponsorship
XX says: we have already established that fact already..
FO says: that?
XX says: not sure u will be happy to be bonded if u were to take it up..
XX says: u must remember .. 1 yr of enjoyment.. u suffer for 3 yrs
FO says: at a cost of 150k
XX says: yes

A timely affirmation indeed. That short but crisp exchange caused my female owner to realise that she had established “that fact” many months before (guys are just so logical and decisive, they waste no time in pointing out what "is" and refuse to get sidetracked by speculative thinking). It’s just that she has not accepted the inconveniences/ consequences to her lifestyle that had resulted from her decision.

After so many months, my female owner is still ruminating over something that can't be changed. Somebody help her to get over it!

MSN tally

My female owner did a tally of her MSN contacts today.

Aikido – 19
Brisbane – 15
Church – 21
Coworkers – 27
Friends – 21
Others – 3

Aikido: obviously these are friends she made through aikido
Brisbane: again, it's obvious
Church: people from her first church. So Onli Fren and Second Onli Fren fall into this category
Coworkers: this category is a misnomer since the people are her ex-colleagues from her last job. People like Potahto (if you are wondering) and Functional Fren fall into this category.
Friends: the misc group, like her badminton kakis, Closest Couple Fren.
Others: erm... people on her blocked list?

choc chip cookies!

My female owner is out of steam, coz everyone around her is in a holiday mood and she is finding it difficult to maintain her momentum… to start work on her ethics essay due on Monday. She sat on the essay for a few days because she was just so tired of pushing herself. Besides, she had endless to-dos to see to each day.. and that took up hours each day. She can’t believe that she has to go to school from Mon to Thurs next week, even though she only has two clients booked in. The only reason why she doesn’t need to go to school on Friday is because she need to fly home (yay!)

As part of her procrastination and trying-not-to-feel-like-a-loser-who-cant-have-a-holiday-when-everyone-else-is-having technique, my female owner tried baking some chocolate chip cookies just now with a recipe she copied from the bookstore… The picture had looked promising..

See her maiden choc chop cookie dough (with a hint of crushed walnuts)

They expand really big and quick, like her temper!
The customary close-up. Certainly not what she was aiming for.
A slight back-track to how the cookies looked, baking in her untrusty oven
The cookies remained soft and suspiciously uncooked after 10 mins. So she did another 3 + 3 mins... and the cookies ended up looking charred. =(

Hmm… so apparently the cookies turned out the way she expected them to (not the charred bit though), and not in the way she hoped they would. So that means that she needs to go on trying other recipes, in search of that magical (and evasive) taste.

soon

One more week... finally, after 5 months of waiting... We will be back into the hands of our female owner. She used to cradle us in her hands and talk to us. We never really appreciated those moments.. until she left and we realised we took those moments for granted.

right place right time

Recently, my female owner has been learning more about trusting God to lead her in the right direction. Specifically, she was challenged to trust that God will meet her needs by allowing her to be “in the right place at the right time”. There were a few things which happened recently which opened up her eyes to this prompting.

Practical Exam
There was an Assessment Station where she had to read a case study and answer the questions that followed. The examiner for the station was her very own supervisor. The final question was “what would be the key elements of your treatment plan?” My female owner, for all the hours she spent in the clinic and in supervision, did not really understand the question. Hence, she did not know what the right answers would be. She just babbled whatever that came to mind, even things which she never talked about in supervision. Her supervisor later fed-back that she was very impressed with her treatment plan because it was comprehensive and had good outcome measures (ie those things which she babbled out).

Her coursemates and her tried to spot the likely question which would be tested in the Therapeutic Processes Station (which involved a role-player). They thought that they had to tackle a parent who was non-compliant with homework. It turned out that the parent did not believe that time-out was a good strategy. Rather, he believed that smacking was a better strategy. My female owner could not believe her eyes when she read the scenario, coz smacking was an issue that came up recently in one of her supervision sessions. Hence, she was able to combine what she had previously learnt from her supervisor and her Intuitive Fren to come out tops in this station.

My female owner had no doubts that God had helped her to meet the requirements of the different stations, because she had prayed about it and there was no way she could have managed the demands of the assessment based on her current skills.

Clinical Psychopathology Exam
This was the examination which my female owner was fretting over because she didn’t have time to read through her notes sufficiently and had problems remembering the important points and diagnostic criteria of the different mental disorders. She knew for sure that she did not do well for the written assignment, simply because she did not do a good intake interview and hence, could not formulate the case properly. She was right. She got 27/40 for the essay. She got 49.25/60 for the exam. That gave her a total of 76.25/100 for the module (which is worth 2 units, ie double-weighage). Although she aimed for grade 7 for all her modules (i.e. 85-100 marks), she knew that it was highly impossible for this module, given the professor’s reputation for being a strict marker. Given that only one person got more than 85 marks, she was very contented to have scrapped through with a grade 6 (75 to 84 marks). Then at night, for some strange reason, she looked at the course outline and realised that to get a grade 7, she had to get between 76-100 marks, and not more than 85. Hence, in spite of her lousy essay, God provided her with sufficient marks for her exams to be upgraded to a grade 7 (and for a double-weighage course at that!).

(in case you are wondering why my female owner wants to get a grade 7 for all her modules, that’s because she hopes to upgrade her current programme and to do that, she needs an average of 5.5)

Bus stop
My female owner was at the university bus-stop just now. It was getting really cold and she didn’t have a jacket. So she was just checking out the bus time-table to see if it was worthwhile to wait for the bus (bus frequency at night is really questionable) or to endure a 15min walk home in the cold. She spent a few minutes staring at the time-table and finally decided to wait. The bus showed up after a minute or so, and she looked around to join the queue… only to realise that she was in the queue… at the head of the queue in fact. Although she did not realise that the spot she was standing was the usual start of the queue, other students had formed a line behind her. That was when she realised that God was trying to speak to her about trusting Him to lead her to the “right place at the right time”.


Although there are things/ daily hassles that still bother my female owner, she is learning to look beyond these to place God in the centre of her life. It has been a spiritual restructuring process for my female owner. Takes time, faith and humility and willingness.

family

My female owner has a few friends who had studied in her current university and who attended her current church when they were there. They unanimously told her that the church is like your family. My female owner certainly agrees with them on this point, but I guess she has been finding it hard to let go of her “family” in Singapore.

Her “family” in Singapore would be her aikido kakis. The group is made up of people from diverse backgrounds – you have students, working adults, male, female, young and not-so-young, Malaysians, Singaporeans, Filipinos, varying levels of education, blue-collared workers, white-collared workers – but everyone gelled together. There was no elitism or discrimination.

They saw one another at least 2 times a week for practice and sometimes hang out together during the weekends, watching movies, karaoke, arcades and buffeting. Whenever grading approached, they would rally around the graders to help them polish up their techniques and would spend their Sunday in the grading hall, just to lend support and take photos. (They were the reason why sometimes we won’t get fed on Tuesdays or Thursdays – coz my female owner would come home about midnight, after practice and by then, she would be busy with other things).

When they found out that she was leaving, they were the first to arrange a coordinated goodbye party (that resembled, comically, a wedding dinner!). Over the past few months, they kept asking her when she would be coming back. Even when they found out that she was coming back, they asked if she would going back to train with them, coz they were afraid that she would not. The many things they did for her and with her had filled her life with many sweet memories...

Such warmth and care, no wonder they are irreplaceable in my female owner’s heart. She looks forward to seeing them again. 8th July.

without

My female owner wants a proper break, not physical but mental. She wants to be able to pass each day without

1. Wondering if her clients will turn up
2. Wondering if she is able to hit 200hours by December 2008 (about 60 hours so far)
3. Writing up to-do lists for each day and not being able to check off the items at the end of the day
4. Fretting about whether she can hit a GPA of 5.5 to upgrade her programme (so far so good)
5. Wondering if we are ok (cheers! I always knew we have a special place in her heart.)
6. Wondering if her friends are alright (those who are going through problems)
7. Wondering if she made the right decision in quitting her job (after so many months, she still can’t come to terms with her decision?!)
8. Binge-eating (drastic health implications)
9. Feeling guilty about using her mother’s money
10. Wishing she can attend aikido training
11. Wondering what the future holds
12. Wishing she has more time, to spend with her bible study group
13. Missing her friends and family
14. Having to fight the cold
15. Feeling blue

indulgence

For the first time since my female owner started her course, she was able to work on her assignments yesterday in a relaxed fashion, as compared to the preceding months (since Feb 18!), where each day was spent trying to complete sufficient work, just to prevent the fire (of undone work) from spreading the next day. She actually enjoyed herself doing work.

To celebrate the TEMPORAL end of face-to-face assessments, my female owner took a time-out from everything today and went shopping to a further than usual place. For the past months, she had moved largely between her suburb and the neighbouring suburb (to buy groceries primarily), with the rare transition to the city or beyond. That's how deprived she is! Studying must be sometimes worse than working. At least you get to take leave from work to do your own things, whereas work never ends for students. Alas, her self-indulgence (or avoidance of work) resulted in many oh-shit emails when she got home.

While it was easy to regret indulging herself, my female owner knew that she needed that break, just to redeem lost days and maintain her sanity. In spite of her chronic stress and high level of tension and anxiety, my female owner also noted that God had kept her in good physical health and for that, she is grateful.

I suppose it’s back to the grindstone for her, or else she won’t be able to come back. SOB.

misses

Dodo misses her gentle strokes under his neck.

Dona misses running away whenever he senses her presence.

Nanook misses her random pokes at her fats.

I miss her warm hand on my shell.

We look forward to her home-coming.

relief

My female owner passed her practical exam! It was a relief, with a slight hint of positive emotions (when compared to receiving other grades). It was a day of emotional swing. She started off with a sense of dread because she slept early last night, leaving many materials unread. She walked to school and was so jittery that she was not able to even pray properly (loss of words). Her confidence level increased tremendously when her very clever coursemate (who already has a PhD!) assured her that everyone would pass. Her confidence level dipped when her friends and her compared experiences after the assessment, coz she realised that she missed out on vital points in one of the stations (with the strictest marker, ie her own supervisor). After lunch, her confidence in passing crashed rock bottom when she found out (through the grapevine) that some people failed. Putting two and two together, she reckoned it must be her. She wondered how the clinic manager would break the news to her (results were released through a face-to-face feedback session with the clinic manager).

The clinic manager began the session by saying “I have to tell you upfront that…” (split second pause, but long enough for my female owner to think “you failed one of the stations”)

“…you passed all the stations”.

What a relief.

yay

My female owner has been wondering why she tends towards being depressed. It probably started at a young age. The first time she thought of killing herself was before the age of 12, probably about 9 or 10. She pictured herself slashing her wrists or stabbing herself. She was unhappy at home, because she was a latch-key kid with little freedom. The next period of time she thought of ending her life was in junior college, where she couldn’t cope with her studies and her BGR. This time, she didn’t really think of how she would kill herself. She just had a stress ball (bright yellow smiling face) where she would ink dark words on. She spent a lot of time crying in front of her Physics teacher (poor teacher!). Surprisingly, even though she had been mildly dysfunctional, the cell group which she led grew in strength, numerically and spiritually.

The final period of time she realised she had suicide-like thoughts and behaviour was sometime within the past few years, where she struggled with an unfulfilling job and BGR. There were many times when she wished she would “just disappear” (a very common thought that suicidal people have). She went to work feeling really low and thought that she had split personalities because she would be counseling depressed clients, putting on an optimistic front even though she just had a big argument the night before. Sometimes, she stayed in office during lunchtime and cried.

Today, she went to school to take a practical exam. While waiting for the results of the exam (it was a one-to-one feedback session with the clinic manager), she received her grade for one of the papers she sat for last week. Having received grades for all her completed courses, she realised that
i) bad results (defined as not getting what she wants) made her feel lousy about herself whereas
ii) good results (defined as getting the same as the class average or best possible grade) did not make her feel good about herself.

Back to my first statement. My female owner probably knows the reasons and can even identify the maintaining factors (as all psychologists are trained to do), but just as a knife cannot cut itself, she’s probably not going to use any psychological techniques on herself. But she knows she cannot go on this way and she is going to do something about it.

Yay!

practical exam

Ever since last Sunday, my female owner thought that she would be able to join her bible study group for after-church dinner tonight, despite having a practical exam tomorrow... until she had a meeting with her coursemates yesterday to brainstorm on the practical exam. She realised that there were so much technical knowledge she needed to arm herself with.

Her fears were confirmed at night, when she had a last-minute practice session with her Intuitive Fren (who had previously helped her with IQ assessments). He role-played different difficult client profiles and dished out insightful feedback regarding her style, body language and energy level. That practice session made my female owner realise that besides the technical knowledge she needed to cramp into her limited capacity brain, she also needed to work on her soft skills.

Hence, she's moping around at home now, trying to figure out what to prepare for... and trying not to think about the dinner she had to miss...

moist chocolate cake

My female owner, currently in her baking frenzy, tried to bake "Moist Chocolate Cake" yesterday. The process was difficult as she had to mix chocolate milk and cocoa powder together by hand. The mixture soon felt like clay and made the area messy.

Although she followed the recipe to a T and the dough looked promising, the cake did not turn out "moist". It had a brownie texture - dense and heavy. The problem was analysed by a number of baking experts and the blame was put solely on the fan oven she used (or maybe user fault?).

The promising looking Moist Chocolate Cake, baking well. Unfortunately, the temperature was not hot enough. So the cake swelled but it shook like jelly when there was movement. Moist Chocolate Cake indeed.

My female owner could not finish baking the cake as she had to leave for the goodbye party. She intended to continue baking the cake when she returned home but for some strange reasons, the cake was cooked by then. The cake swelled a great deal and upon cooking, formed a huge sort-of U-shaped crack in the crust. Before she could do anything about it, her Intuitive Fren poked three holes into the cake, resulting in a =)

Making the icing for the cake. Now, icing is a 100% foreign concept for my owner. Not that she never heard of it before but she had always avoid eating it. Too sweet, too fattening.

They had a lot of problems with the icing because the wrong type of cream was used. My female owner started off with 50g of butter and had to top up to about 80g, in order to salvage the icing.

Believe me on this. Although my female owner read the recipe many times, she didn't see the portion instructing her to slice the cake into two to put icing in-between the layers. Anyhow, she managed to do a clean cut of the cake. Hmmm... potential butcher.

See the hole in the cake? That was where her Intuitive Fren had earlier pierced through (using a chopstick) to check if the cake was cooked. It was as if you did something bad to someone and later on, you see your victim's wounds right in front of you. No escaping your guilt.

The final product... They used icing on half the cake (just in case the icing didn't turn out good).

Verdict: Although the cake did not turn out as my female owner envisioned it to be (just like the muffins!), my female owner learnt a lot through the process. In addition, her friends gathered round to help her complete the cake. One made the icing, another changed the oven setting for her and educated her on the quirks of that particular oven and the last one, helped her complete the cake. Getting the right "moist" would be just a bonus. However, my female owner decided that if she wanted a quick chocolate cake indulgence, she would just stick to the first chocolate cake she baked a few weeks back.

2emo

My female owner realised that her emo state is getting out of hand (still within control but just unreasonable). She found out that the plant which she had been painstakenly taking care of and now placed in the balcony on a table, had some of its leaves and stems burnt. Someone had lit some tea-lights under the leaves and the fumes had burnt parts of her plant.

I haven’t had a chance to give an update of the plant, but ever since she started watering the plant everyday, the plant had been flourishing and sprouting new leaves every week. My female owner had also grown attached to the plant and would check the plant daily for any problems.

Being her maiden plant and having developed some form of attachment to it, my female owner was very upset at this unexpected damage to her plant. Putting things in perspective, she knew logically that it was a small issue, or even a non-issue. But being the person she currently is, her emotional response was exasperation: “even something happens to my innocent plant”.

But I guess, being older and more controlled emotionally, she forced herself not to dwell on what she could not salvage/ change and to focus on other things.

goodbyes

My female owner attended a farewell party tonight. One of her bible study friends from Malaysia was returning home, after being in Brisbane for 4 years.

The party, held in someone’s house, had a warm and homely feel. It overflowed with food, friends and fellowship. After dinner, the group (must have been about 30 people) sat down and shared about how the friend had impacted their lives. They also prepared a video recording and prayed for him. Photo-taking (by sub-groups) took place thereafter. Photo-taking was carried out in a wedding ceremony fashion (if you know what I mean. If you don’t, it doesn’t matter).

It was at the “sit-down” segment that my female owner suddenly felt a sense of familiarity. The concept and sequence of events were almost the same as 5 months earlier when her Onli Fren organised the church farewell for her. Watching the process stirred up strong emotions within her, to the point that she would have left the place if she could. It was just that she did not bring out her keys and her housemates were seated far away from her.

Saying goodbye had been painful. Watching a similar goodbye party unfold before her was like re-experiencing the pain again. She hates goodbyes.

existential

My female owner went to bed this morning, feeling bothered about various things. She started to pray, telling God about her frustrations and how things are not meeting her expectations/ that she is not meeting her expectations. In case you are wondering if my female owner is being an impossible perfectionist, she was actually referring to basic things like record keeping, assignments and other clinical work which she should have done by now, but had been sitting on them (for whatever reasons).

Then almost immediately, God told her that the things that He has in store/ going to do for her are going to be well above her expectations, because He is able to do exceedingly, abundantly above more than she can ever think of or imagine.

My female owner has also been struggling with her previous decision to resign from her previous organisation. She’s sure that going to Brisbane is part of God’s plan but she has not been sure if it is God’s plan for her to take the sponsorship or be self-funded. She shared her heart-felt issues with someone recently and the person told her that even though sometimes you may not know for sure if you are following God’s plan, as long as your heart is right, God will lead you in the right direction.

Existential questions.

switch off

My female owner is in a switch off mode. So switched off and conflicted that I was not able to pinpoint what she was feeling or contemplating about. I gave up trying.

Let's just say that there are some days when you feel so overwhelmed by the tasks ahead of you that you just switch off and quit doing anything. At the same time, you know that by switching off and quitting, you are only adding to your problems and making matters worse because you now have less time to deal with the rest of your tasks.

She's in that state now. It's like being stuck in a marathon where the endpoint is constantly shifted backwards. So no matter how she steel herself to face the road ahead, or tries to pace herself, she can't see the endpoint (or even just the distance markers). She also likens herself to a hamster running on the wheel... running hard but going nowhere.

As to why she is in that state, or how she got herself into that state, or whether that state is real or perceived, I was not able to decipher.

Cheers to end of exams!

specific reason

During Sunday’s sermon, the preacher told the congregation (of mostly non-Australians) that God brought each of them to Brisbane in 2008 for a specific reason and that they were not there by chance.

This was something which my female owner had always believed in, that God brought her to Brisbane (for reasons still unknown). What my female owner had always struggled with was that she could have been in Brisbane a few years earlier, if not for her past relationship. Hence, she had always felt that she missed out on a few years of her life due to her stubbornness.

Anyway, the journey to Brisbane was such a remarkable test of faith and patience, that I just have to pen it down for her.

It started when my female owner just graduated from Honours many years ago. Being impulsive and upon the encouragement of her then telepathic colleague in her first job, she made a last minute application to a few Australian universities located in Perth without doing much research. It was not surprising that she was not accepted.

Thinking that she would have a greater edge in being accepted if she had relevant work experience, my female owner laid aside her postgrad dreams for a few years, while she clocked time working in a psych-related field.

She ended up working in her second job for about three years. Truth be told, she joined the organisation partly so that she could get a post-grad sponsorship. However, at the point of entry in 2004, she was number 8 in line in her department to be sponsored. By 2007, she was number 2 in line, even though no one had been sponsored during her stint there. Rather, some decided not to further their studies, some resigned and others further their studies using other means.

Come June 2007, my female owner broke up with my male owner, partly because they could not see eye-to-eye regarding her long-standing desire to further her studies. Breaking up made it easier for my female owner to decide that 2008 was the year for her to go. Also, her mother had been persuading her to pursue her postgrad studies, saying that if she was not sponsored by her organisation, she would fund my female owner.

My female owner decided to sound out her bosses. They were largely supportive, except that because she was not next in line, they had to put up a case for her and for the department to send two staff to pursue postgrad studies at the same time in 2008. Her bosses wanted her to apply for a one year Master’s programme at Institute of Psychiatry in the UK. In all comparison, that would have been a more prestigious option.

My female owner was hesitant because she knew that the UK programme would not allow her to practice as a clinical psychologist as it did not have the practical component. Nonetheless, she went ahead with the application of sponsorship and at the end of the route, obtained the necessary support of the boss of the HR department.

At the same time, my female owner decided to apply to Australian universities, in particular, for her current university. This was the institution which she had identified as her dream school. Being a procrastinator (and daunted by the amount of paperwork she anticipated doing), she decided to start the application process only on 18 August 2007, after she attended the Australian Education Fair.

She was in for a rude shock. She found out that she had to apply first to the Australian Psychological Society (APS) to get them to verify that her degree was equivalent to an Australian’s degree. That would take about 8 weeks to process, excluding buffer time needed to get her documents in order (e.g. certify her transcripts) and delivery time. Her application deadline for the programme was 30 Sept 2007. Effectively, before she could start doing anything, she had already crashed the deadline head-on. Without the APS endorsement, her application would be incomplete and rejected. In fact, the counselor at the Fair told her point-blank, “you are too late, you should have started earlier”. Ouch!

Next, she had to get three referees to support her application. Asking for help in such circumstances was particularly difficult for my female owner. Firstly, she had to cold-email her honour’s supervisor whom she had not spoken to for many years (and who had previously been her referee in her first attempt) and cross her fingers that he would send off the documents in time (he was by then, head of the department of psychology). Amazingly, her colleague knew his secretary and having that connection of course made it easier for my female owner to express her needs.

Then she had to approach her boss whom might have a conflict of interest. He knew that if she got into the Australian university, she might not stay in the job. Hence, my female owner was apprehensive at whether he would be willing to write a favourable report. The final referee was quite easily settled.

Time was a major concern then. Besides working, my female owner had to get her documents certified, write bombastic essays and CVs to highlight herself and sort out her referees. She managed to do all those without taking too much leave, mainly because she was sent for a Photoshop training class which was located very near the local university where she had to keep running to. Such divine timing.

There was nothing my female owner could do regarding the APS application but to email them, pleading for her case to be expedited. They were sympathetic but their hands were tied, given that it was a peak season. However, they offered to send the outcome of her application directly to the school. That would save about 6 days in delivery time. Speaking of delivery, my female owner’s Second Onli Fren worked in a courier company. Hence, she was able to send her documents over within one working day at a fraction of the original cost. Again, a divine provision!

My female owner knew that God was in control of the situation when her friend (who was already a student at the school) told her that the programme director was away until a week after the official deadline. The administrator who was processing all the applications assured her that as long as the completed set of documents reached the director’s desk before then, it would be valid. The administrator would also look out for my female owner’s application. Ah, the APS approval letter reached the school at the last possible day.

And so, despite the tight deadlines and negative prophecy by the counselor, my female owner was shortlisted for a video-conferencing interview. She naively thought that she could set up one using MSN or Skype. Three days before the interview, she was told that she had to arrange for an actual video-conferencing facility. The interview was scheduled on a local public holiday and firstly, my female owner had no idea where to rent such facilities and secondly, even if she knew, would any office be open on a public holiday at 8am?

Using the power of MSN and yahoo, my female owner managed to locate a company who could help her with her request, even though it was on a public holiday and beyond normal working hours. She found grace in the sight of the liaison personnel who offered to wait for her after work so that she could make a trip down to the premises to orient herself to the camera and to get some tips from him. Such amazing outcomes! Only by God’s grace!

Okay, so she was all set to go for the interview, after surviving all the hiccups along the way. Obviously she got a place, and quite immediately in fact. They informed her the very next day, thus cutting off much of the suspense.

Now it was back to the question of whether to pursue the sponsorship or to resign. It is a $100 000 question (at least). For many reasons, my female owner chose to resign. It was a difficult choice to make but what made it so much easier was that her mother did not exert any pressure on her to get sponsored. Her mother was fully willing to fund her studies. No questions asked.

Many of my female owner’s friends would know that she got progressively depressed as the time drew near for her to leave Singapore. The unknown and uncontrollability of the future was nerve-wrecking for my female owner.

Out of the blue, my female owner got connected to someone working in Brisbane (through her auntie’s friend) and this person, without knowing her at all, was willing to house my female owner and her mother during their first 2 weeks in Brisbane. She even insisted on picking them up at the airport. Again, strangely, the lady happened to be in Singapore sometime in Jan 2008 and this allowed my female owner and her mother to make face-to-face contact with her before they leave for Brisbane.

While preparing to leave for Brisbane, God brought a few more people into my female owner’s life to help her ease into the unknown. One was her auntie’s client who was a current student in the university. The other was my female owner’s friend (mentioned above) who gave her a prepaid SIM card to use in Brisbane. Those were huge blessings, both emotionally and practically.

That’s not all.

On her first day in Brisbane, my female owner attended a talk on looking for accommodations. One of the students told her that he had been trying to look for a house for a while, without much success. According to him, people are starting to interview potential housemates because there were more demand (of students looking for rooms) than supply of rooms. That set my female owner off on her catastrophic train of thoughts. Many would have heard of the amazing way she found her current housing.

This sequence of events cannot be merely coincidences but an elegant plan crafted by God to bring my female owner to Brisbane in 2008, for a specific purpose.

muffins

My female celebrated the end of her examinations by baking some banana chocolate chip muffins. The muffins did not turn out the way she had envisioned them to be. The texture turned out to be more like banana balls. She figured that she had used too many bananas (4, instead of 3). Nonetheless, she enjoyed the experience of learning to bake (something decent).

Ah.. on to the next muffin recipe. Something more cakey and rich in flavour.

Her trusty oven.. doing the job for her...

Halfway through..
Finally.... after 20 mins

new

Have you ever entered an examination, reading your notes for the first time on the morning of the examination? That’s what my female owner is doing for her second paper. Some of her examinable materials are as good as new! Either she is highly confident of aceing her paper (unlikely, since she didn’t do well for her other assessments, so it’s really important for her to perform extremely well today) or she has given up trying (more probable).

Crossing all my fingers and toes for her to do well.

attraction

Even before my female owner was attached, she never really thought about the type of guy she wanted (besides him being a Christian and taller than her). Back then, gentlemanly guys attracted her - guys who are thoughtful and caring. I guess it all links back to her love languages of acts of service and quality time.

Now that she’s single and free from the past, she did a mini “attractive list” of the qualities in guys attract her (this is different from “qualities of an ideal partner”).

Strong and mature Christian
Someone who knows and loves God and lives his life according to biblical truths. Someone who is not afraid to challenge or rebuke her when she is in need of correction.

Intelligent
Someone who is able to engage her in intellectual (not technical) debate and possesses good general knowledge.

Physically fit
Someone who likes to exercise/ play sport and would be patient enough to involve her, despite her physical limitations.

Good sense of humour
Someone who makes her laugh and laughs along with her.

Musically inclined
Her lifelong fetish. Someone who plays an instrument well especially if it’s the piano and whom she can play with.

fly

Barring any manifestation of any variance of Murphy's Law... my female owner will be back in 18 days! Wow! Time flies. Can't believe she has been gone for 4.5months already. Some of her friends thought that she had been gone for a year! 1/4 of her postgrad education is completed (sort-of, assuming that she passes everything). Thanks to all for bearing with her grouses and insecurities and provided that long-distance support/ encouragement and listening ear to her.

Watching the cracks in the Balcony merge and Dodo's nails grow as I await that day of reunion...

new season

My owners broke up last year this day, after being together for 6.5 years. After being together for so long, singlehood seemed daunting for her. What would she be doing on the weekends? Who could she talk to if she needed a listening ear? My female owner never thought that she would be able to move on. Thankfully, friends came round to support her and she never once looked back to lament, “I wish we are still together”.

Having been through much emotional and mental turmoil (don’t ask me why she stuck out for so long), it was not surprising that my female owner swore off BGRs and marriage, being fully convinced that “all guys are bad”. One year on, her stance have softened, not because she has met any guy who is “not bad” or who caught her eye, but because God changed her mindset, to see the beauty He created in people.

She marked the last day before the first “anniversary” of her singlehood by sharing her past experiences with a Christian sister. It was a spontaneous session, as if arranged by God to allow my female owner to release the final burst of pent-up emotions before the new season starts.

A season where my female owner is set free from the past errors she made, where she has decided she will no longer ruminate over what should have been, could have happened or would have resulted in. A season where my female owner can look to God to redeem those years spent in the wilderness. A season of new beginning, growth and maturation.

Way to go!

study group

My female owner did something which she used to do during examination times. She studied with people. When my female owner was much younger (read: more than 10 years ago), she used to mug for her examinations in public places with her friends. The usual haunts would be fast-food restaurants (secondary school), church (junior college) and school (undergraduate).

Study groups worked really well for my female owner, even though her friends studied different subjects. There was a sense of support and camaraderie as the group worked towards a common goal. Not to mention the strong friendships that formed through those hours of sharing agony.

So anyway, my female owner also had the native thought that by studying in school, she could kill two birds with one stone and limit her access to junk food. Alas, she ended up eating two ice-creams and a pack of chips, courtesy of offers by others. Tsk tsk. Where’s her self-control??

broke

My female owner broke her MSN fast today, coz she saw a couple of friends, whom she had been keeping an eye out for, online. Friends who are currently going through some struggles and she wanted them to know she was around, in case they wanted to talk to her.

She was right. One of them started a conversation that lasted an hour.

My female owner always gets a sense of achievement when she is able to provide a listening ear to someone, especially if the person had first touched and blessed her life. It's knowing that she is able to make a difference in that person's life and return that kindness shown to her earlier that keeps her going, even when it means struggling to keep awake in the early hours of the morning, while the person is sharing his/ her distress and issues.

Ahh.. I can never do that. I need my sleep.

whammies

My female owner just found herself in a mini crisis. Her Word stopped functioning all of a sudden so she can't read any documents (and some of her notes are in soft-copy..) At almost the same time, she realised that she did not do her previous assignment correctly... and the lecturer is reputed to be a strict marker and one of his pet peeves is the mistake which she shouldnt have made. Since her Word is not displaying anything, that means that she cant figure out how terrible her mistake is. Double whammy indeed.

It been a day of booboos for my female owner. She went to school to meet a client, but they didnt turn up and didnt bother to call the clinic to cancel the appointment. The client was also uncontactable. Strange thing was, the appointment was set only yesterday, at the request of the client! So it was a trip made for nothing, 3 hrs wasted but my female owner couldnt be bother to feel pissed. Such things happen. Then at night, my female owner sent off an email to an unknown person to ask about some church stuff and ended off by quoting the wrong bible study group that she was currently in (the groups are all numbered and my female owner can never get the number right). She only realised her mistake (much to her personal embarrassment) when she was erm...praying. haha.

Maybe she should just end off the day by sleeping early, so that she can recharge from a day of accomplishing nothing much. But with three cups of coffee and a tea in her system... I dont think my female owner can fall asleep easily.

extreme

Things have been very quiet around the house lately. Since my female owner started her MSN abstinence, she has not video-camed to her parents. Her parents are missing her dearly but being the long-suffering, unconditionally loving, ever understanding, never giving up parents, they agreed to MSN her only after her exams.

My female owner takes things to the extreme at times. For example, whenever she had an upcoming flute exam, she would cut off almost all social activities in order to make more time to practice her pieces. That means not going out at night or over the weekend. The only social activities she retained (work still goes on, but then, it's not social), were flute and aikido lessons. She did continue going to church, of course. At times, she would even take leave just to stay home to practice, much to the chagrin of her bosses. She never understood why they had to butt into her private life, since the leave was her entitlement and she completed her work obligations, but yah, they did make an issue out of it (e.g. “you should be concentrating on building up your career within the first three years” ... to “you spread yourself too thinly”)

So yah, this time round, with her exams coming round the corner, my female owner has repeated her behavioural pattern.

One week more!

beauty tips

The following was written by Audrey Hepburn regarding
"Beauty Tips".

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.

For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.

For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.

For beautiful hair, let a child run his or her fingers
through it once a day.

For poise, walk with the knowledge you'll never walk
alone.

People, even more than things, have to be restored,
renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw
out anybody.

Remember, If you ever need a helping hand, you'll find
one at the end of your arm.

As you grow older, you will discover that you have two
hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping
others.

The beauty of a woman is
not in the clothes she wears,
the figure that she carries,
or the way she combs her hair.

The beauty of a woman
must be seen from in her eyes,
because that is the doorway to her heart,
the place where love resides.

The beauty of a woman is
not in a facial mole,
but true beauty in a woman
is reflected in her soul.

It is the caring that she lovingly gives,
the passion that she shows,
And the beauty of a woman with
passing years-only grows!

regressed

My female owner is coming back to Singapore soon! Yay! And Nanook pointed out that the dates would coincide with our 6th birthday. Cool. That means a Balcony party.

People always say that studying abroad would open up one’s horizons and change one’s perspective of life and things. I wonder if my female owner has changed in any such ways, besides being physically rounder and the knowledge she gained in school.

I know that sometimes she feels as if she has regressed to her undergraduate days. It’s as if she’s given a second chance to relive her life – coping with studies and finding her place in church and cellgroup – and hopefully, achieve a better outcome this time.

Lotsa of her friends have moved on to other stages of life – career advancements (a handful got promoted this year – congrats!), getting married (5 this year, and counting), being first-time parents (5 this year, and counting), new houses (often in line with marriages, but sometimes not) and cars, even changing jobs! Here she is, being dependent once again on her parents for subsistence.

With 2/5 of her life gone and back to square 1, my female owner can’t help but wonder what she has achieved in her life, besides this huge financial debt in going over to Brisbane (and in true-blue psychspeak, she asks herself “what does achievement mean to you?”).

No wonder she feels regressed.

But anyway, my female owner did consider these issues when she decided to further her studies, so I suppose she would, in her usual fashion, make the best out of her current circumstances.

abstinence

My female owner decided to do a quick evaluation of the past week of abstinence from MSN. Actually, she did chat with a few people but those were really short and sharp conversations. In addition to the self-imposed MSN break, she has also stopped replying to most emails.

Pros
Less distraction
More time to do her work (but she didnt manage to complete her work still)

Cons
Chatting actually helps to keep her awake, so now she finds herself struggling to keep awake studying, especially at night.
She wanted to catch up with a few people but was not able to.
She felt like she was drifting away from her friends (my female owner is very sensitive to emotional distancing from friends and gets paranoid about it).

Conclusion
She decided that she should do "everything in moderation". That means, to stay largely offline until the end of exams (helps her to cultivate discipline and prioritising skills). Chat only during study breaks or when it’s necessary.

exams

My female owner says that she has never been so ill-prepared for any examinations before. She hasn’t even got into a routine for revising her work (she normally would, apparently). One week before her papers, she has not even read some of her examinable materials before.

No matter how stressful this period is, time will just tick away at the same pace, so before long, whether she is prepared or not, she would be liberated from her exams. Erm. Not sure if she sees it as a good thing or bad thing. The way I see it, it just means that she should just do what she can within the time frame she has.

goose

Another day gone. My female owner didn’t get to revise her work at all. She had to attend a full-day training in school and after that, she went to meet Q. But still, it was a day well-spent.

It was the first time that Q and her went out one-on-one. It almost didn’t happen because my female owner got lost (but actually, she never really knew the way, so maybe I should say, she couldnt find the way), trying to get to Q’s hotel. When she finally found herself on the right track 45mins after the agreed time to meet (i.e. after an hour of walking around), Q and her school mates had already left the hotel, on the way to Chinatown. Q had to follow them as the teachers rightfully did not allow her to stay behind at the hotel alone. So my female owner ended up having to track a moving target. If she couldn’t locate a stationary target for an hour, what more a moving target? Thankfully it did not end up as a wild goose’s chase.

My female owner doesn’t quite know the nature of their relationship. Are they teacher-student (Q still refers to her as tuition teacher)? Or are they neighbours? Are they friends? Or just acquaintances?

Anyway, my female owner enjoyed the fellowship with Q… who, after a long while, finally agreed that my female owner did put on weight. Wahaha.

And oh! My female owner managed to give the cake to Q.

love

My female owner has been wondering what it feels like to “love God”. Many of her Christian friends say that they love God a lot. She wonders what that means, especially if you can’t see God. It’s so hard to love someone you can see, much less Someone you can’t see.

Today, she received a heart revelation.

She realised that God is like a Suitor, pursuing to have an intimate relationship with her. With His gentleness and patience, reaching out to her, wanting her to understand His love for her. This Suitor has been so faithful and persistent, even though my female owner had ignored him for the large part of her life. There were times she probably turned to Him in desperation when she needed help. Her Suitor never said “you were not faithful, so I’m not going to rescue you this time.” Rather, her Suitor said “you should have come to me first, my beloved. I’ve never left you, I am always with you.”

Her Suitor has always been a gentleman. He chose to wait for her, when she became distracted with other issues in her life. It must have been heartbreaking for Him, that the very presents He gave her, caused her to forget about Him. He never gave up on her. Her Suitor knows her weaknesses and gently with His loving arms, guides her through her challenges.

With a Suitor like this, how can your heart not warm towards Him?

Today, my female owner felt her heart warm towards Her Suitor. She caught a revelation of His love and understood what it means to receive His love and to love Him

strike

Today, my female owner finally handed in the last assignment that is due before her exams. She struggled a lot with it. She had to write a case study based on the first session with her adult client and because she didn’t ask enough questions, she didn’t know what to diagnose him with (can you beat that?!). She ended up changing his diagnoses a few times, each one becoming more serious than the previous. Finally, last night, she gave him two diagnoses, which complicated her case study.

She has two more written assignments to submit but those are due after her exams and she don’t really care about them at the moment. And if you thought she would jump straight into revising for her examinations, you are so wrong.

She went on mental strike and did some grocery shopping at the nearby suburb. Grocery shopping has a kampong feeling, coz sometimes you would meet people you know. In a way, i suppose it’s quite fun to see them, in another way, you wonder how come everyone is at a supermarket on a Thursday evening.

Anyway, so she bought the week’s grocery. Didn’t get much snacks (alarm bells ringing) – just a BIG bag of chips (oh well..). Just another form of poison. She went home and decided to bake the same cake (but using peach this time) for Q, although she doesn’t know when they would be meeting again. This time, she didnt have a weighing scale, so she used "agaration" with the measuring cup. Turned out pretty ok.

I suspect that if they don’t meet up soon enough, the cake would end up in my female owner’s stomach.

Anyway, my female owner continued her mental strike and decided to cook spaghetti for the next few days' meals.

Think she needs to settle down quickly, coz time is racing out (not even running out).

indulgence

My female owner says that she’s frustrated with herself for being so myopic. She has been whining and indulging in self-pity about how terribly exhausting the programme has been, and worse still, allowing herself to entertain thoughts of quitting. She feels so me-centred when there are bigger issues that the world is grappling with and wants to snap out of this unhealthy indulgence.

For instance, life and death issues in China, where people are concerned about whether they have rescued all the living and how they are going to move on from this disaster and rebuild their lives, amidst all the losses and chaos. Many parents lost their only child while many unsung heros have given up their lives to save others.

And my female owner is upset over her shrinking brain capacity and expanding fat cells. Time to do something for the world!

joy-ride

My female owner lives 15mins away from school (by foot). However, she has picked up the habit of taking the school safety bus home whenever she works late in school. This safety bus service operates at night and sends students right to the door-step of anywhere within the St Lucia suburb. She gives herself the excuses that a) the weather is cold b) she had a long day at school c) she is carrying a lot of books d) why not?

The driver would commit to memory the addresses of his passengers and at his own discretion, decide the sequence he would drop them off. For some reason, tonight, my female owner was dropped off last, although she probably lived the closest.

As usual, something so innocuous jolted her memories of her teenage years in church. At that age, none of her peers had cars and they were dependent on the graciousness of their older friends who had cars to send them home after an outing (either that or they would make their own way home).

Her peers were particularly close to this youth leader who was about 9 years older. Since he lived very near my female owner, she would most often than not get a lift home whenever they went out. With the same token, she would often be the last or second last to be dropped off, given the proximity of her house to his.

That meant that my female owner had lotsa joy-rides during her teenage years (just imagine that she has to go around different parts of Singapore before actually reaching home). It would have been faster for her to make her own way home, but it was the pure distraction-free fellowship that she was after (what else can you do in an enclosed capsule?). Those were the days of youth.

Okay, my female owner tried to recreate that in Singapore, by sending home her friends but it was no longer “pure” or “distraction-free” coz she had to drive, navigate and talk at the same time. Not so easy!

impromptu

My female owner met up with Q today. Such a warm feeling, to be seeing a familiar face. It was really impromptu (my female owner loves impromptu meetings). Q smsed to ask she was free at about 8pm-ish. My female owner was in the midst of telephone consultations. She finished up her work asap and headed for the next ferry towards city… without knowing which hotel Q was staying. Even when she got the name of the hotel, she didn’t know where it was.. Such impulsivity!

Anyway, to cut the long story short, she managed to locate the hotel and knew she was in the right place, when she saw a large group of teenagers hanging around the lobby, waiting to be assigned their room keys.

Oh, the familiarity of the Singapore accent… and the Singaporean slang… and singlish! For someone who has been in a foreign land for about 4 months and surrounded with non-Singaporean, my female owner could now discern the distinctive accent. But to hear the teacher speaking singlish to his students was so ticklish that she couldn’t help smiling to herself.

Even though it has only been 4 months, she noticed that Q’s facial features have changed somewhat. Wonder what else changed. And of course, my female owner met some of Q’s friends. Somehow, my female owner always feels comfortable being with teenagers. Maybe it fulfills her not-so-secret fantasy to be forever 18?

My female owner hopes to be able to meet up with Q again before she flies back to Singapore (I can just hear my female owner crying out “take me with you!”). The days are tight, but then, nights are always an option I suppose.

visitor

My female owner is getting a visitor from Singapore! And that would be her neighbour, Q! Wahaha. My female owner saw Q blossomed from a very shy and helpless girl to a clever and self-motivated young lady. This opening makes my female owner sound so old (actually she is very qualified to be an “auntie” already).

Actually, my female owner was Q’s tuition teacher from Primary 3 till Secondary 4. That’s like an 8-yr relationship. My female owner started out teaching her English, Math and Science in Primary school, to Maths and English in Lower Secondary and E/A Maths in Upper Secondary. Q did my female owner proud by aceing both her maths subjects in her O level. This was a vicarious victory for my female owner, because she failed to get an A1 for A Maths.

So Q is on a plane now, heading towards Brisbane as part of her school-band tour. Talk about ironies of life. Just when we turtles thought that we were liberated from my female owner’s lousy flute practices, Q decided to join the band and pick up the clarinet! Argh. At least the clarinet is more mellow and the sound is coming from next door, so it’s not so jarring to our ears (yes, we have ears!).

Dodo told me that once, when he was little, my female owner sat Q down in front of them (Dodo, Dona and Nana) and made her write a short composition about them. Q must been quite traumatised then. Anyway, she grew up to like turtles as well and even bought some as pets (talk about social modelling.)

random

God uses people to encourage people. The most random person He used today, to encourage my female owner as she struggles with schoolwork (hey! It’s not easy having to study all over again, after so many years of working, doing meaningless things), was her sister-in-law! They are not really on talking terms in the first place. My female owner absolutely hates her dog, because whenever the dog comes over, she would either poo or vomit on the floor. Not to mention, frighten us turtles with her meaningless barking (So protective of us, right?).

Anyway, thanks to FB (again), my female owner was directed to this verse.

"And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work." 2 Corinthians 9:8

Although the verse was quoted to encourage my female owner to preserve through her studies, given the context of that verse, my female owner also gained a greater clarity for another issue that she has been pondering over. Hmm...

looming

My female owner finally had the breathing space to sit down to do something which she has not done in many years – plan an exam revision time-table. She has been convinced that she would have sufficient time to cover the examinable material since she has no more classes… until she started to count the number of days available for revision... after subtracting time to meet her coursework deadlines, attend a 2-day research training (?? such bad timing!) and prepare for client sessions and supervision. Her days are really numbered.

What made it difficult to plan is that she does not have a confirmed schedule, since her clients book their appointments only one week in advance. If she had the choice, she would not book in any clients for one whole week. But alas, she needs to clock client hours too.

One thing’s for sure, she is trying to abstain from MSN. So if you need to get in touch with her, just leave her a message on MSN or FB. She would respond somehow.

(actually, I wonder how long she can stay away from MSN...)

download

My female owner read somewhere before that men need to retreat into their caves once in a while and women need to understand that and allow their partners to do that. The man will come out once he’s ready to “face the world”.

My female owner is very “man” in that aspect. Once in a while, she just needs to have the time-out to be by herself. It’s a cycle – being with friends and being alone. Going over to Brisbane, where she has to grapple with so many things simultaneously, she realised that the cycle of “being with friends” and “being alone” is getting shorter. The psychologist will call it “rapid cycling” (in the context of mania and depression).

She realised that the desire to be left alone (be there but not be seen) was so strong that even during church service, she found it labourious to speak to the people sitting next to her. Sometimes, the pastor would say “tell the person on your right and left that…” and that was when she wished she was sitting all alone at the back where no one would be on her right or left.

Recently, she had been wondering about some Christian stuff. Then out of the blue, one Christian friend whom she had not heard from for a long time emailed her to ask her how she was. That opened the way for my female owner to download her thoughts to someone who was so similar to her, she could definitely identify with my female owner without her having to say too much. Such apt timing. Must be a divine intervention from God to provide my female owner with some Christian insights on life.