Traditionally, my female owner doesn’t really know what to do with her birthday or new year’s eve or new year’s day. The reflective nature in her thinks that it is a great idea to consolidate the year’s happenings (u know, like do a year review) and when this part is done, to start the new year with some goal-setting. But the unstructured (and lazy) part of her usually treats these days as ordinary (holi)days.
But I guess, this year is kinda different, since… erm… she is going to hit a new decade of her life soon. So anyway, in order to gain inspiration for her reflection, my female owner turned to things that I had written in the past one year as a means to see how things have changed or progressed.
Compared to her previous break in Singapore, my female owner has mellowed. She is no longer obsessed with going out all the time and has become comfortable with staying home by herself. By the same token, she values her family more and would rather spend time with them than to fill her days with social appointments. In addition, my female owner has also relinquished her obsession with favourite foods like fried food (too disgusting), kaya toast (too sweet), carbs like rice and noodles (but a necessary evil), chocolates and cakes (too sweet and fattening). This is not in response to any dieting attempts but somehow, her tastebuds have changed and she finds herself getting full with smaller quantities too.
My female owner thinks that as a person, she has become more calm and more easy-going. While her natural tendency is to be easily triggered by anxiety and worry, my female owner believes she is better able to keep these emotions in check – in short, more self-awareness of her internal state. Socially, she definitely made more friends (but also lost some along the way). She still subscribes to her peculiar manner of categorising friends and has unintentionally misled several people into thinking that she is warmer and more extroverted than she actually is.
As a wandering Christian, my female owner has gained a firmer foundation in God. At a slow but steady pace she says. My female owner still retains a certain level of cynicism towards things she observes, but she testifies without any doubt, of God’s love and faithfulness for His children. She reckons that she has a long way to go and is still vulnerable to being derailed. Hence, she probably needs to be more disciplined, keep herself in check and connect deeper with Christians.
Methinks her decision making is still very questionable and her passivity and commitment phobia are major issues. But I must give her credit for being more involved in people’s lives and for venturing out of her comfort zone on many occasions. As they say, there’s always room for improvement.
Cheers to a year well-travelled!
Thursday, December 31, 2009
denial!
Happie Birthday female owner! Thought I better send her us turtles' birthday greetings before the night is over (Singapore time of course!).
My female owner says that she had a comfortable birthday this year. She actually started the first hour of her birthday wondering what would be a meaningful thing to do. She asked a couple of frens and Librarian Fren suggested that she draw up a wish list and ask God to fulfill all of them. While my female owner thought that it was a brilliant idea, she was shortly but sufficiently distracted by Therapist Fren (their maiden chat on MSN, memorable for all the wrong reasons!) and never really drew up that list.
My female owner says that she had a comfortable birthday this year. She actually started the first hour of her birthday wondering what would be a meaningful thing to do. She asked a couple of frens and Librarian Fren suggested that she draw up a wish list and ask God to fulfill all of them. While my female owner thought that it was a brilliant idea, she was shortly but sufficiently distracted by Therapist Fren (their maiden chat on MSN, memorable for all the wrong reasons!) and never really drew up that list.
A stretcher of time and resources, my female owner packed in a brekkie with Librarian Fren before rushing off to the movies with Onli Fren (been years since they watched a movie together, and definitely a first-time being in the couple's seat together) and high tea with Onli Frens. My female owner fell for the old trick in the book ("I need to go toilet") and Onli Fren came back from the "toilet" with a healthy cupcake masquerading as a birthday cake (who says cupcakes can't dream big). Prophetically (from my female owner's perspective), the candle was colour-coordinated with her top - yellow with white strips.
Happily, my female owner spent the evening with her parents - dinner and shopping! Back to basics! Anyway, this is one of my female owner's favourite presents, given by Librarian Fren and Functional Fren. It is so them to chance upon something like that and get it for her and erm... it is so her...to be like a turtle living in a bubble of her own. On a random note, the turtle walks comically too!
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
faq2
Another FAQ my female owner encounters is “so, what are your plans after you graduate – will you look for a job in Australia or come back to Singapore?”
“err…. I don’t know leh”
“should i? what do you think?” – this response often stuns her friends (as if they can make such a big decision on her behalf). Anyway, most people either say “its up to you” or “don’t come back lah, stay there, better prospects”.
Recently, there was some possibility that my female owner might return to Singapore to work. She told a few people in her bible study group about it and weeks later passed a prayer request through one of them to ask the group to pray that God’s will be shown clearly to her. My female owner later learnt that the group ended up praying that she would NOT leave Brisbane and that rumours that she was leaving end of 2009 started to abound. What a mega big miscommunication!
So erm... what do you think? Should she return to Sunny Singapore?
Monday, December 28, 2009
faq1
One FAQ posted to my female owner in recent weeks is, “so, what do you want to do after you graduate?”
The default answer is “eh…I don’t know leh”. Certainly a highly disappointing answer from a doctorate student. A more elaborate answer (if she is in a sharing mood) would be “I don’t mind starting work in a hospital but eventually, I want to work in private practice and lecture in a polytechnic or university”.
If she’s more chatty, she would add “I want to work somewhere with great earning power, I’m tired of being poor”.
Then someone asked an insightful question, “what would you choose, if you can only be one and being a lecturer pays more?”
A scenario which my female owner never thought about. She paused for a while and answered “then I would be a clinician, coz after all I’m trained to be one, and I want to do individual work to help people directly”.
(there goes her earning power)
The default answer is “eh…I don’t know leh”. Certainly a highly disappointing answer from a doctorate student. A more elaborate answer (if she is in a sharing mood) would be “I don’t mind starting work in a hospital but eventually, I want to work in private practice and lecture in a polytechnic or university”.
If she’s more chatty, she would add “I want to work somewhere with great earning power, I’m tired of being poor”.
Then someone asked an insightful question, “what would you choose, if you can only be one and being a lecturer pays more?”
A scenario which my female owner never thought about. She paused for a while and answered “then I would be a clinician, coz after all I’m trained to be one, and I want to do individual work to help people directly”.
(there goes her earning power)
Sunday, December 27, 2009
charmed
My female owner finally allowed us to come out for a walk around the house today! Credit goes to my brother, Dona, who singlehandedly charmed my female owner into releasing the wire mash for us to climb into the living room. This was the first time he did something like that and his (maiden) persistence moved my female owner.
I must say that his charm is really overpowering coz when Dodo and Nanook did a joint attempt a few afternoons back, my female owner didn’t pay much attention and their efforts were in vain.
I must say that his charm is really overpowering coz when Dodo and Nanook did a joint attempt a few afternoons back, my female owner didn’t pay much attention and their efforts were in vain.
Okay, in case you are wondering, I never tried to break through the wire mash, coz erm... I was too lazy to attempt to charm my female owner (and what if my fat neck gets stuck in one of the grids?).
secure base
Now that my female owner has been back in Singapore for about three weeks (so fast!), she can’t envision going back to Brisbane and restarting her engine again. The prospect… is a little depressing, although she suspects that she would get over it pretty quickly once she establishes a routine. For now, her Brisbane friends are largely out of sight and out of mind.
Maybe there’s really no place like the country you grew up in. Tacit knowledge about the country that has accumulated over the years and stays with you wherever you are. Being able to move around freely, with a sense of security and quiet confidence. Knowing that you are never really lost (this stems from her experience in Brisbane where travelling to new places, albeit nearby is highly stressful coz while she might be able to make it there, she might not be able to make it back, due to the confusing transport system and schedule). Having friends from different walks of life, adding to the richness of her life. Of course, family and pets.
Some of her friends have started analysing whether my female owner would stay in Brisbane after graduation or whether she would return to Singapore. A few of them sound confident of her likely decision. How that is so, my female owner has not figured out. Her adventurous spirit (yes, she has one) says not to return (doesn’t mean to stay in Brisbane), to explore possibilities but her logic says to return to the secure base, i.e. Singapore.
Maybe there’s really no place like the country you grew up in. Tacit knowledge about the country that has accumulated over the years and stays with you wherever you are. Being able to move around freely, with a sense of security and quiet confidence. Knowing that you are never really lost (this stems from her experience in Brisbane where travelling to new places, albeit nearby is highly stressful coz while she might be able to make it there, she might not be able to make it back, due to the confusing transport system and schedule). Having friends from different walks of life, adding to the richness of her life. Of course, family and pets.
Some of her friends have started analysing whether my female owner would stay in Brisbane after graduation or whether she would return to Singapore. A few of them sound confident of her likely decision. How that is so, my female owner has not figured out. Her adventurous spirit (yes, she has one) says not to return (doesn’t mean to stay in Brisbane), to explore possibilities but her logic says to return to the secure base, i.e. Singapore.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
family group
My female owner is experiencing “party fatigue”. Over the past week, she had been to so many gatherings and appointments that she is feeling the strain on her energy level. It didn’t help that she hasn’t been sleeping enough and her nose is giving her problems.
I-Fren says that she should be more selective about her parties. My female owner’s counter argument is that each party is made up of people from different segments of her life and there is no better chance to meet up with them but at these parties. So it sounds as if she would keep attending parties and appointments!
Anyway, one such party was with her Family Group frens (newly coined!). This group is made up of four couples. Two couples are her direct friends (e.g. Couple Frens) whereas the other two are her friends’ friends. Anyway, before u get bored with who’s who, just know that three couples are married and one is dating. There are two babies in the group – 6mths and 18 mths. And yes, my female owner has the honour of being the only single in the group.
My female owner says that the dynamics in a “family group” is really different from what she is used to (most of her groups are made up of singles or just dating couples). The topics and focus tend to revolve around in vivo hyperactive babies/ toddlers who keep their parents busy by walking around (my female owner appreciates us turtles in this aspect, coz she can leave us to our own devices for hours and we wont get into any accidents). Somemore she really don’t like babies (even though babies tend to like her coz of her round face). She can’t decide which is worse – entertaining random babies or making small talk with adult strangers. To her, they are two sides of the same coin.
My female owner wonders if there will come a time when she will find it difficult to fit into family groups...
I-Fren says that she should be more selective about her parties. My female owner’s counter argument is that each party is made up of people from different segments of her life and there is no better chance to meet up with them but at these parties. So it sounds as if she would keep attending parties and appointments!
Anyway, one such party was with her Family Group frens (newly coined!). This group is made up of four couples. Two couples are her direct friends (e.g. Couple Frens) whereas the other two are her friends’ friends. Anyway, before u get bored with who’s who, just know that three couples are married and one is dating. There are two babies in the group – 6mths and 18 mths. And yes, my female owner has the honour of being the only single in the group.
My female owner says that the dynamics in a “family group” is really different from what she is used to (most of her groups are made up of singles or just dating couples). The topics and focus tend to revolve around in vivo hyperactive babies/ toddlers who keep their parents busy by walking around (my female owner appreciates us turtles in this aspect, coz she can leave us to our own devices for hours and we wont get into any accidents). Somemore she really don’t like babies (even though babies tend to like her coz of her round face). She can’t decide which is worse – entertaining random babies or making small talk with adult strangers. To her, they are two sides of the same coin.
My female owner wonders if there will come a time when she will find it difficult to fit into family groups...
Christmas
Many Christmases ago (I can’t quite remember how many), my female owner started a relationship with her previous boyfriend. That marked a change of trajectory in her otherwise sleepy life. I suppose for this reason and some others (e.g. aging and over commercialisation), Christmas has slowly lost its intended significance for my female owner.
Is it just another Friday? Or is there a deeper meaning of Christmas?
Is it just another Friday? Or is there a deeper meaning of Christmas?
oblivious
My female owner had her first car accident today as the driver. She says that it was an accident that shouldn’t even have happened. She was just trying to park her father’s car in a tight spot and paid so much attention to the back of her car (trying not to hit the taxi in the next lot) that she forgot to notice the diminishing space between the wall and the front of her car. She ended up scrapping the paint and denting the right bumper. But the best part was, she did not feel any impact with the wall and found out about the damage only long afterwards when she came back from one party and wanted to know the license plate number of her car in order to get security clearance for her next party.
I think she wins the award for the most oblivious driver who gets into a self-created accident.
Although it was a minor incident, my female owner kinda lost confidence in her decision-making ability and road-awareness. She never felt dumber for thinking that she would be able to squeeze her father’s car into such an awkward spot. The good part was, she made a conscious effort to reach home early to apologise to her father. So we got to see her early!
I think she wins the award for the most oblivious driver who gets into a self-created accident.
Although it was a minor incident, my female owner kinda lost confidence in her decision-making ability and road-awareness. She never felt dumber for thinking that she would be able to squeeze her father’s car into such an awkward spot. The good part was, she made a conscious effort to reach home early to apologise to her father. So we got to see her early!
Thursday, December 24, 2009
nut
During the strange dinner recently, my female owner’s aikido instructor impromptuly organised a Christmas Day dinner at his house. My female owner was invited and she gave a vague verbal commitment to the party. She thought nothing much of it, until her aikido instructor called her up a few days later to confirm her attendance and even then, she remained ambivalent because she felt it was weird spending Christmas with him and his family! However, his sincerity during the conversation touched her heart and she ended up giving a firm yes to him. Her aikido instructor even went on to make transport arrangements for her.
My female owner says that her aikido instructor is one of the most sincere and proactive persons around, much needed qualities in maintaining contact with an ultra-passive person like her (in fact, i think in all her close friendships, her friends had been the ones who persisted in engaging her before she finally broke the shy barrier and responded on her own accord. A really tough nut to crack, I must say. Kudos to their patience). Remember I said that she didn’t feel comfortable during her first lesson? Her aikido instructor actually called her a few days later to ask how she is and noted her absence from post-lesson drinks which she normally joined. He also soothed her anxieties about training with so many unknown people.
If my female owner stays on in aikido, it would be largely because of her aikido instructor who never gave up on her as a teacher, and as a friend.
My female owner says that her aikido instructor is one of the most sincere and proactive persons around, much needed qualities in maintaining contact with an ultra-passive person like her (in fact, i think in all her close friendships, her friends had been the ones who persisted in engaging her before she finally broke the shy barrier and responded on her own accord. A really tough nut to crack, I must say. Kudos to their patience). Remember I said that she didn’t feel comfortable during her first lesson? Her aikido instructor actually called her a few days later to ask how she is and noted her absence from post-lesson drinks which she normally joined. He also soothed her anxieties about training with so many unknown people.
If my female owner stays on in aikido, it would be largely because of her aikido instructor who never gave up on her as a teacher, and as a friend.
burden
My female owner wonders what it means for a friendship when one person finds that he does do things just to avoid conflict, as an obligation or worse, out of fear. All relationships require sacrifice. What happens when the giving becomes a burden and not out of the willingness of one’s heart. It’s akin to staying in a (dying) romantic relationship so that the partner would be not devastated or because you feel indebted to the partner for the nice things he had previously done. Staying on for sentimental memories? How healthy is that?
What depressing thoughts she has, on Christmas Eve.
What depressing thoughts she has, on Christmas Eve.
overdrive
My female owner just came home from a full-day of meeting people. She was hosting (or baby-sitting) I-Fren and had earlier planned a day of meeting up with friends for him.
The day started with meeting I-Fren and Therapist Fren at an unearthly time of 0830hr at Bishan MRT. For the first time since she returned home, she woke up at 0700hr. Having slept at 0200hr the night before, my female owner couldn’t help but wonder what insanity caused her to set such an early time.
Turns out that both Frens were late. Nonetheless, they ended up having a comfortable time: Yakun for brekkie, Tu Tu Kueh for morning tea, famous Chicken Rice + po piah for lunch. The Frens even managed to get some quirky pressies from various shops. Fruitful indeed!
Afternoon was spent with Onli Frens and baby at Clarke Quay. They ended up back at Yakun, proving the point that Yakun is “not just a breakfast thing”. They also went on the Hippo River Cruise, with compliments from Second Onli Fren. Because I-Fren was around, they managed to get some really good shots of their afternoon.
Evening to night was spent with Impromptu Frens. My female owner was appreciative that all who were available after work, took time to meet I-Fren (it also turned out to be a welcome back dinner for another friend from US). My female owner was gleeful too, that she could have her Macho Margarita. Looking at the size of the glass, she was amazed at how Librarian Fren and her could previously order two glasses within the space of 1.5hrs. She was further amazed at I-Fren’s high energy level. At the same time, she was perplexed at some stuff she observed around the dinner table.
Night ended later than she expected. While I-Fren and her had a mini-chat on the way back to his house, my female owner wished she had more time to talk to him about some stuff. And when you thought she would come home to rest after a power-packed day of meeting so many people at close-range, my female owner extended her night by going for supper with other friends. Hmmm, I wonder if her introverted and shy genes would protest given that overdrive.
The day started with meeting I-Fren and Therapist Fren at an unearthly time of 0830hr at Bishan MRT. For the first time since she returned home, she woke up at 0700hr. Having slept at 0200hr the night before, my female owner couldn’t help but wonder what insanity caused her to set such an early time.
Turns out that both Frens were late. Nonetheless, they ended up having a comfortable time: Yakun for brekkie, Tu Tu Kueh for morning tea, famous Chicken Rice + po piah for lunch. The Frens even managed to get some quirky pressies from various shops. Fruitful indeed!
Afternoon was spent with Onli Frens and baby at Clarke Quay. They ended up back at Yakun, proving the point that Yakun is “not just a breakfast thing”. They also went on the Hippo River Cruise, with compliments from Second Onli Fren. Because I-Fren was around, they managed to get some really good shots of their afternoon.
Evening to night was spent with Impromptu Frens. My female owner was appreciative that all who were available after work, took time to meet I-Fren (it also turned out to be a welcome back dinner for another friend from US). My female owner was gleeful too, that she could have her Macho Margarita. Looking at the size of the glass, she was amazed at how Librarian Fren and her could previously order two glasses within the space of 1.5hrs. She was further amazed at I-Fren’s high energy level. At the same time, she was perplexed at some stuff she observed around the dinner table.
Night ended later than she expected. While I-Fren and her had a mini-chat on the way back to his house, my female owner wished she had more time to talk to him about some stuff. And when you thought she would come home to rest after a power-packed day of meeting so many people at close-range, my female owner extended her night by going for supper with other friends. Hmmm, I wonder if her introverted and shy genes would protest given that overdrive.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
matrimonial
My female owner had an insightful discussion with Functional Fren regarding the concept of a matrimonial home. Actually, my female owner never really thought of a home within the context of “matrimonial”. To her, setting up a house is a natural (and practical) step for married couples… and the big benefit is being able to set it up the way you really want (and get those yummy furnishings).
She never realised that a matrimonial home is supposed to be a safe haven for the couple. A place where the couple can return to, at the end of a long day, and find comfort and solace in something they set up jointly. Until recently, my female owner never reflected about the psychological and emotional significance of a matrimonial home (she's so functional at times).
If she were to set up a matrimonial home, my female owner would guard it jealously. Not possessively, but jealously, setting clear boundaries on what would be accessible to family and friends and what would remain as sacred between her husband and her. And well, if she doesn’t get married, she will get a house… and make it her own nonetheless.
She never realised that a matrimonial home is supposed to be a safe haven for the couple. A place where the couple can return to, at the end of a long day, and find comfort and solace in something they set up jointly. Until recently, my female owner never reflected about the psychological and emotional significance of a matrimonial home (she's so functional at times).
If she were to set up a matrimonial home, my female owner would guard it jealously. Not possessively, but jealously, setting clear boundaries on what would be accessible to family and friends and what would remain as sacred between her husband and her. And well, if she doesn’t get married, she will get a house… and make it her own nonetheless.
Monday, December 21, 2009
havoc
My female owner went for a strange dinner gathering today. It was organised by her aikido senior and she didn’t know half the people who were in the email list. However she turned up coz she wanted to reconnect with this senior and her aikido instructor.
Dinner was at Hog’s Breath, an Australian restaurant! She realised that she knew everyone but mostly “by face”. However, my female owner says that it was not difficult to bond with them, given their common interest. One particular lady (of dan belt) stood out. She was a very happening mother (of a tertiary student) who practically arm-twisted the table of 9 to drink beer. In fact, she got annoyed at people who did not want to drink. My female owner meekly obeyed.
By the end of dinner, my female owner was persuaded to join them for a drinking session (where no one is allowed to drive, for obvious reasons) at trendy mama's house around New Year’s Day. She tried (in vain) to wriggle her way out of it coz she’s not familiar with this group who are obviously havoc drinkers. This trendy mother even said she could open up her house for them to sleepover. Sounds like something my much younger female owner would do!
Dinner was at Hog’s Breath, an Australian restaurant! She realised that she knew everyone but mostly “by face”. However, my female owner says that it was not difficult to bond with them, given their common interest. One particular lady (of dan belt) stood out. She was a very happening mother (of a tertiary student) who practically arm-twisted the table of 9 to drink beer. In fact, she got annoyed at people who did not want to drink. My female owner meekly obeyed.
By the end of dinner, my female owner was persuaded to join them for a drinking session (where no one is allowed to drive, for obvious reasons) at trendy mama's house around New Year’s Day. She tried (in vain) to wriggle her way out of it coz she’s not familiar with this group who are obviously havoc drinkers. This trendy mother even said she could open up her house for them to sleepover. Sounds like something my much younger female owner would do!
Sunday, December 20, 2009
shopping
It’s Christmas time and heaps of people have descended into the shopping malls in a bid to get presents for their loved ones. Over the weekend, my female owner joined the statistics. She had to get stuff for her family (what about us turtles?!), a few frens (really, maybe just 2?) and erm… for a gift exchange. Perhaps a sign of increasing affluence among her friends, the budget for gift exchange was set at $20. It used to be $10 not so long ago.
My female owner thinks that Christmas gifts should not be given for the sake of giving or as a token. If you don’t have a good gift to give, then don’t give. Save money, time and the earth. She gets really pissed with people who buy thoughtless items. Number one on her most-hated list is random shower gift sets, whether it is cheap or branded. Number two would be random chocolates and sweets.
My female owner’s personal take on gifts is that they should be tailored to the individual, something that will bless the individual or make the individual feel special. Even some funny cutesy item that brings a cheer is much more appreciated than some mass-produced and packed shower gift sets that have been categorised as “for family, “for colleagues”.
I think my female owner just hates Christmas shopping.
My female owner thinks that Christmas gifts should not be given for the sake of giving or as a token. If you don’t have a good gift to give, then don’t give. Save money, time and the earth. She gets really pissed with people who buy thoughtless items. Number one on her most-hated list is random shower gift sets, whether it is cheap or branded. Number two would be random chocolates and sweets.
My female owner’s personal take on gifts is that they should be tailored to the individual, something that will bless the individual or make the individual feel special. Even some funny cutesy item that brings a cheer is much more appreciated than some mass-produced and packed shower gift sets that have been categorised as “for family, “for colleagues”.
I think my female owner just hates Christmas shopping.
overheard
Overheard: True friends stab you in the front, not the back.
My female owner wonders how many true friends she has. Or even, what does it mean to be a true friend? Or, is there such a thing as a true friend?
She ruffled a few feathers recently when she kept insisting that she has "few friends". Many hearers rolled their eyes in disbelief. A parallel vein of discussion involved others who urged her to find more friends (not to be anti-social etc).
My female owner generally invests a lot in her friendships. Hence, she is selective and protective of her friendships. With such intensity, it is not surprising that she has time, energy and resources for only a small number of people. Yet, she likes it this way. She says that quality is more important than quantity. Idealist? Maybe. Her fren once asked her, what happens if your friends do not reciprocrate your actions? Won't you be hurt?
My female owner wonders how many true friends she has. Or even, what does it mean to be a true friend? Or, is there such a thing as a true friend?
She ruffled a few feathers recently when she kept insisting that she has "few friends". Many hearers rolled their eyes in disbelief. A parallel vein of discussion involved others who urged her to find more friends (not to be anti-social etc).
My female owner generally invests a lot in her friendships. Hence, she is selective and protective of her friendships. With such intensity, it is not surprising that she has time, energy and resources for only a small number of people. Yet, she likes it this way. She says that quality is more important than quantity. Idealist? Maybe. Her fren once asked her, what happens if your friends do not reciprocrate your actions? Won't you be hurt?
victory
I saw my female owner cry on MSN again. She was chatting with a fren whom she hardly spoke to this year and the topic was on self-acceptance. She was also chatting with someone else regarding some friendship issues and a third person, KJK, whom she saw for the first time since he returned to his home country. These three simultaneous conversations (which in my opinion, is a bad idea) interwined like a potent cocktail of alcohol to send her on an emo roller-coaster.
The trigger seemed to be the conversation on self-acceptance. This year was a breakthrough of sorts for her. In her words, this year is the year when she really could accept herself for who she is. And love herself. Her fren would probably not realise how apt her words were, when she said that my female owner is on a journey to being whole. My female owner teared, because she realised that she had come so far since the start of Brisbane09.
No one would be able to understand the victory she is celebrating from or the significance of the victory. Because no one can really understand, no one has celebrated it with her. But then, it doesn’t really matter, coz she knows the difference and celebrates a new life. Everyone, she has moved on. Her psychological clutter has been cleared.
The trigger seemed to be the conversation on self-acceptance. This year was a breakthrough of sorts for her. In her words, this year is the year when she really could accept herself for who she is. And love herself. Her fren would probably not realise how apt her words were, when she said that my female owner is on a journey to being whole. My female owner teared, because she realised that she had come so far since the start of Brisbane09.
No one would be able to understand the victory she is celebrating from or the significance of the victory. Because no one can really understand, no one has celebrated it with her. But then, it doesn’t really matter, coz she knows the difference and celebrates a new life. Everyone, she has moved on. Her psychological clutter has been cleared.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
garbage
World War III kinda erupted at home today. It all stemmed from my female owner’s boredom. Her distant conscience reminds her that she has lotsa housekeeping things to do… but her earthly flesh says “later lah… still got so much time”.
Anyway, so she’s really bored. And she’s really irritated by the clutter she sees around the house. Her mother is a well-known hoarder who keeps random useless things “just in case”. It boggles my female owner’s mind to see how two persons living in a 5-room flat can end up with so much junk that even the corridor leading to the rooms is clogged. Why, my female owner asks, do her elderly parents (or maybe just her mother) need to use 5 shoe-racks?
My female owner couldn’t tolerate the disorganisation any longer and started clearing the fridge and freezer of expired food. Just imagine, the longest expired food was 1996. It was some dodgy looking medicine. Other food items included chocolates from all over the world, unopened tim tams and Darrell Lea, bottles of sauces, dried fruits, breads, cheese, nuts, unidentifiable bits of food, biscuits, alcohol, hardened sweets etc.
My female owner pretty much ignored her mother’s protests and generated three bags of garbage. I must say that the experience, though bearable for her mother, was highly stressful and anxiety-provoking. Naturally, my female owner found it therapeutic and refreshing.
Anyway, so she’s really bored. And she’s really irritated by the clutter she sees around the house. Her mother is a well-known hoarder who keeps random useless things “just in case”. It boggles my female owner’s mind to see how two persons living in a 5-room flat can end up with so much junk that even the corridor leading to the rooms is clogged. Why, my female owner asks, do her elderly parents (or maybe just her mother) need to use 5 shoe-racks?
My female owner couldn’t tolerate the disorganisation any longer and started clearing the fridge and freezer of expired food. Just imagine, the longest expired food was 1996. It was some dodgy looking medicine. Other food items included chocolates from all over the world, unopened tim tams and Darrell Lea, bottles of sauces, dried fruits, breads, cheese, nuts, unidentifiable bits of food, biscuits, alcohol, hardened sweets etc.
My female owner pretty much ignored her mother’s protests and generated three bags of garbage. I must say that the experience, though bearable for her mother, was highly stressful and anxiety-provoking. Naturally, my female owner found it therapeutic and refreshing.
Friday, December 18, 2009
out
My female owner chose to stay home today because her mother is on leave. Her decision was further cemented when she realised that her father only had to work after lunch. Hence, she nuaed at home, entertaining herself with a movie “White Oleander” and helping her mother to make chicken pies. On a side note, my female owner observed that some things do not appear to be genetic, e.g. culinary skills, nursing skills (from mother) and driving skills, intellectual curiosity (from father). Or maybe, she mused for the umpteen time, she might have been adopted.
Anyway, her father obviously couldn’t believe his eyes that his gallivanting daughter is at home, dutifully helping out with chores. So he raised the subject.
“There can be only two reasons why you are home”
“One, you ran out of friends. Two, you ran out of money”.
Wahaha. Maybe my female owner ran out of both friends and money!
Anyway, her father obviously couldn’t believe his eyes that his gallivanting daughter is at home, dutifully helping out with chores. So he raised the subject.
“There can be only two reasons why you are home”
“One, you ran out of friends. Two, you ran out of money”.
Wahaha. Maybe my female owner ran out of both friends and money!
dojo
On Tuesday, my female owner did something which she had not done for ten months at least. She went for aikido lessons. This time round, things were different from previous times. Her beloved aikido sensei had resigned from the former school and started his own dojo. Many of his students left the former school to join this new dojo. Coincidentally, Tuesday was the first lesson for this dojo.
Ah, such a novel experience. Training under a void deck. Opening up new tatami mats (my female owner says it’s like fresh bread from the oven). Being in a class full of senior belts (strangely, they were mostly guys; my female owner was still one of the most senior females around, despite not training for so long).
Ten months of non-training showed. Her arms, once ultra-flexible at the joints, were stiff. Her techniques, runny like a wet nose. I won’t even touch on her stamina. It didn’t help that her brown-gold grading partner is now a black belt. The sense of being left behind!
While my female owner enjoyed the class, she felt something within her change. It could be the length of time apart or change in class dynamics, but my female owner didn’t feel as passionate and onz about aikido as previously. It was as if this season of her life is over.
Ah, such a novel experience. Training under a void deck. Opening up new tatami mats (my female owner says it’s like fresh bread from the oven). Being in a class full of senior belts (strangely, they were mostly guys; my female owner was still one of the most senior females around, despite not training for so long).
Ten months of non-training showed. Her arms, once ultra-flexible at the joints, were stiff. Her techniques, runny like a wet nose. I won’t even touch on her stamina. It didn’t help that her brown-gold grading partner is now a black belt. The sense of being left behind!
While my female owner enjoyed the class, she felt something within her change. It could be the length of time apart or change in class dynamics, but my female owner didn’t feel as passionate and onz about aikido as previously. It was as if this season of her life is over.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
dull
Opps, I’ve been getting lazier at updating my Turtle Pad. My female owner threatened me with a “use it or lose it” warning. Her lazy bug is really contagious I must say. Although many people say that she still sounds the same/ looks the same/ behave the same (18+++??), in my opinion, she has become slower and more relaxed.
For instance, she decided not to take on the free-lance interviewing job this time round, because she couldn’t bear to go through the torture of 3-hour long interviews, followed by intense report writing and incessant micro-criticism of her reports. Not worth the money, she says. It’s her holidays and she wanna be chillaxing in her own time and own style. This, she says, is the aussie way of life. Work is work. Rest is rest. No blurring of boundaries.
Next, her sleeping patterns. She sleeps for more than 8 hours a day and still looks as if she is deprived of sleep. Even her speech and behaviour seem dull and disorganised (just asked I-fren who happened to be at the receiving end of her bimbo moments a few days ago).
Hmm… Dodo says that it is not such a good idea to update my Turtle Pad after three days of absence with a critique of my female owner. I think so too. Cannot bite the hand that feeds me.
For instance, she decided not to take on the free-lance interviewing job this time round, because she couldn’t bear to go through the torture of 3-hour long interviews, followed by intense report writing and incessant micro-criticism of her reports. Not worth the money, she says. It’s her holidays and she wanna be chillaxing in her own time and own style. This, she says, is the aussie way of life. Work is work. Rest is rest. No blurring of boundaries.
Next, her sleeping patterns. She sleeps for more than 8 hours a day and still looks as if she is deprived of sleep. Even her speech and behaviour seem dull and disorganised (just asked I-fren who happened to be at the receiving end of her bimbo moments a few days ago).
Hmm… Dodo says that it is not such a good idea to update my Turtle Pad after three days of absence with a critique of my female owner. I think so too. Cannot bite the hand that feeds me.
Monday, December 14, 2009
towel
My female owner, how can you say she is a cold fish? Well, that’s what her ex described her as. Last night, I saw her slowly collapsing into tears while on the MSN. Okay, collapsing is an exaggeration. Maybe sniffing is a more apt word.
It all started with a random topic with Korean Jogging Kaki on beach bags. Then my female owner suddenly remembered that his beach towel is still in her cupboard and there was no way she could return it to him before he leaves Brisbane permanently.
KJK had once offered to give her one of his beach towels as she needed one. But now, my female owner says that she cannot bear to keep any of his towels because the sight of it would just stir up memories of good times spent (with no more in sight). KJK insisted that the towel had to stay in Brisbane (coz she offered to DHL it back to him) as that’s where the sun, sand and sea are.
Just thinking about it made my female owner tear. KJK didn’t help matters coz he went on to say that he would give her other towels if he could find them (ah! Adding fuel to the flame. Pure evilness!). So my poor female owner was sniffing her way through the conversation while KJK kept talking about how she should use the towel in a functional way, for the purpose it was made for. My female owner’s retort was that the towel was no longer a functional object as she had subscribed meaning to it (camping and beaching with good friends). And so, he insisted that my female owner had to unsubscribe those meanings.
So the ping-pong exchange continued for a while… and my head was swirling, trying to reconcile the differences between a girl’s brain and a guy’s brain. Headache. Seeing how easily she cries... how can she be described as a cold fish?
It all started with a random topic with Korean Jogging Kaki on beach bags. Then my female owner suddenly remembered that his beach towel is still in her cupboard and there was no way she could return it to him before he leaves Brisbane permanently.
KJK had once offered to give her one of his beach towels as she needed one. But now, my female owner says that she cannot bear to keep any of his towels because the sight of it would just stir up memories of good times spent (with no more in sight). KJK insisted that the towel had to stay in Brisbane (coz she offered to DHL it back to him) as that’s where the sun, sand and sea are.
Just thinking about it made my female owner tear. KJK didn’t help matters coz he went on to say that he would give her other towels if he could find them (ah! Adding fuel to the flame. Pure evilness!). So my poor female owner was sniffing her way through the conversation while KJK kept talking about how she should use the towel in a functional way, for the purpose it was made for. My female owner’s retort was that the towel was no longer a functional object as she had subscribed meaning to it (camping and beaching with good friends). And so, he insisted that my female owner had to unsubscribe those meanings.
So the ping-pong exchange continued for a while… and my head was swirling, trying to reconcile the differences between a girl’s brain and a guy’s brain. Headache. Seeing how easily she cries... how can she be described as a cold fish?
turtle life
I saw the turtle side of my female owner today. In fact, I was amused, seeing how she was morphing into one of us turtles. It all started when she came home at about 0500hr, after a whisky party at a friend’s house. She tried to wake up for church but didn’t manage to. The next time I saw her, it was about 12noon, when she came out to the living room to use the internet.
She chatted online for a while and had lunch. Did some research on Cambodia but got frustrated/ bored and decided to pop onto the sofa for a nap. This was about 1400hr. She napped till about 1700hr plus. Was awakened intermittently by smses. Then she stoned at the computer trying to sort out accommodations for Cambodia. Feeling sleepy and nua. And she had dinner.
Sounds pretty much like a turtle life doesn’t it? Not moving much, sleeping, eating, a bit of cursory movements to convince people that she is still contributing to society, sleeping, eating and not moving much.
She chatted online for a while and had lunch. Did some research on Cambodia but got frustrated/ bored and decided to pop onto the sofa for a nap. This was about 1400hr. She napped till about 1700hr plus. Was awakened intermittently by smses. Then she stoned at the computer trying to sort out accommodations for Cambodia. Feeling sleepy and nua. And she had dinner.
Sounds pretty much like a turtle life doesn’t it? Not moving much, sleeping, eating, a bit of cursory movements to convince people that she is still contributing to society, sleeping, eating and not moving much.
bug
My female owner reckons she caught a Brisbane bug. The bug where she would rather stay at home and rot than to go out to a venue that is inaccessible or unfamiliar. This stems from her highly blessed (or pampered) life in Brisbane where her driving friends would offer lifts to bring her around to places. This is apparently normal in Brisbane because of the inadequate transport system which makes it hard for non-car owners to move around.
So anyway, my female owner had a BBQ to attend this evening. She was hesitant to attend for many reasons, among which are that the place is inaccessible by public transport and she had another appointment in the night. Onli Fren sent a few smses to her cajoling her to attend, coz this BBQ was organised for their former bible study leader who is currently based in Cambodia as a missionary and is back for a short holiday. Finally, being in the area and sensing her reluctance, Onli Fren offered to pick her up… and my female owner agreed to go (not before she had to sacrifice the night appointment to make it for this BBQ).
Ah… that lazy, unproductive bug. Whatever happened to her independent streak? I have more examples.
Earlier yesterday, she had a badminton session with Impromptu Frens. Out of the blue, Clever Fren asked if she needed a lift to the venue, which is accessible by a direct bus (about 50mins). My female owner initially rejected the offer, saying that she would take it only if he happens to be in the area, which is unlikely coz he actually stays quite near to the venue. His reply to this was that it was up to my female owner to accept and she finally did, after her friends convinced her that since he offered to do it, then he’s really ok with going out of his way. In the past, she would have rejected such offers coz it would be inconvenient and she didn’t want to be unnecessarily indebted to anyone.
She hanged around with some of her Impromptu Frens until the wee hours of Sunday morning and again, she accepted a lift home from Clever Fren. Again, in the past, this would be unheard of (unless she is intoxicated and stripped of decision-making power). But now, because she cannot really afford to take cabs, she had little choice but to graciously accept his kindness.
So anyway, my female owner had a BBQ to attend this evening. She was hesitant to attend for many reasons, among which are that the place is inaccessible by public transport and she had another appointment in the night. Onli Fren sent a few smses to her cajoling her to attend, coz this BBQ was organised for their former bible study leader who is currently based in Cambodia as a missionary and is back for a short holiday. Finally, being in the area and sensing her reluctance, Onli Fren offered to pick her up… and my female owner agreed to go (not before she had to sacrifice the night appointment to make it for this BBQ).
Ah… that lazy, unproductive bug. Whatever happened to her independent streak? I have more examples.
Earlier yesterday, she had a badminton session with Impromptu Frens. Out of the blue, Clever Fren asked if she needed a lift to the venue, which is accessible by a direct bus (about 50mins). My female owner initially rejected the offer, saying that she would take it only if he happens to be in the area, which is unlikely coz he actually stays quite near to the venue. His reply to this was that it was up to my female owner to accept and she finally did, after her friends convinced her that since he offered to do it, then he’s really ok with going out of his way. In the past, she would have rejected such offers coz it would be inconvenient and she didn’t want to be unnecessarily indebted to anyone.
She hanged around with some of her Impromptu Frens until the wee hours of Sunday morning and again, she accepted a lift home from Clever Fren. Again, in the past, this would be unheard of (unless she is intoxicated and stripped of decision-making power). But now, because she cannot really afford to take cabs, she had little choice but to graciously accept his kindness.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
dynamics
Don’t get me wrong when I said that my female owner’s top priority is her family. This doesn’t mean that she has forgotten about her friends. My female owner is still occupied with meeting ups. So far, the group she has been meeting up most with is (surprise surprise), her Impromptu Frens. I’ve lost count of the number of people in this group. Maybe 5 girls and 4 guys (5, if you include Potahto’s partner)? There is a new girl in the group whom my female owner has not met but this girl marks the first female who is not from her previous organisation.
Over the past 10 months, the group’s dynamics has changed dramatically. Like what my female owner said, the group she came back to is not the same group which she left in Feb 09. Sentiments have changed, perceptions altered, priorities shifted. One of her closer friends commented that this was a group that my female owner had worked hard to bring together its members and later bind together (e.g. through sports) and when things were stable, had to leave (my female owner’s take differs slightly in that she worked hard to bind the group together so that things would continue after she left). Some people had said that my female owner was the glue that binds the group together. My female owner doesn’t think she has such powers, especially since she is not particularly close to a few people. Rather, she sees these changes as a natural progression in group dynamics, where relationships mature and with any big group, mini cliques form.
Despite some weird dynamics, my female owner had the chance to meet up with most of them in a big group (yah, they gave her face!) and in smaller groups over the course of the week. My female owner really lavished in this intimate fellowship with her friends. After all, her love languages are quality time (impromptu jios and suppers) and acts of service (fixing her belt, driving her around).
Over the past 10 months, the group’s dynamics has changed dramatically. Like what my female owner said, the group she came back to is not the same group which she left in Feb 09. Sentiments have changed, perceptions altered, priorities shifted. One of her closer friends commented that this was a group that my female owner had worked hard to bring together its members and later bind together (e.g. through sports) and when things were stable, had to leave (my female owner’s take differs slightly in that she worked hard to bind the group together so that things would continue after she left). Some people had said that my female owner was the glue that binds the group together. My female owner doesn’t think she has such powers, especially since she is not particularly close to a few people. Rather, she sees these changes as a natural progression in group dynamics, where relationships mature and with any big group, mini cliques form.
Despite some weird dynamics, my female owner had the chance to meet up with most of them in a big group (yah, they gave her face!) and in smaller groups over the course of the week. My female owner really lavished in this intimate fellowship with her friends. After all, her love languages are quality time (impromptu jios and suppers) and acts of service (fixing her belt, driving her around).
priority
My female owner has been back for about five days. So far, I get no sense that she has been aussified. Her manner of speech is still largely the same. Her lifestyle, still the envy of people around her. Wake up, wonder what to do, find a friend to entertain her, go out, get entertained (and often blessed), come home, MSN, eat, read newspaper, not watch TV, drink coffee, respond to impromptu jios, meet parents for meals… and the cycle repeats itself.
According to the declarations of my female owner, her top priority for this holiday is spending more time with her family (that technically should include us turtles right??). Her conscience was greatly heightened by her Functional Fren, who confronted her on Tuesday about making time to spend time with her family. That was followed by his daily reminders (or checks via MSN – see the power of technology – “today not going out?”). So far so good. Save for Tuesday when she had her major pigout, my female owner has had at least one meal per day with her family. The converse is true for us turtles. Since Monday, she only fed us once! It’s Saturday already! Boo hoo hoo. Was this how she lost weight? By skipping meals?
According to the declarations of my female owner, her top priority for this holiday is spending more time with her family (that technically should include us turtles right??). Her conscience was greatly heightened by her Functional Fren, who confronted her on Tuesday about making time to spend time with her family. That was followed by his daily reminders (or checks via MSN – see the power of technology – “today not going out?”). So far so good. Save for Tuesday when she had her major pigout, my female owner has had at least one meal per day with her family. The converse is true for us turtles. Since Monday, she only fed us once! It’s Saturday already! Boo hoo hoo. Was this how she lost weight? By skipping meals?
Wednesday, December 09, 2009
Day 1
This was how my female owner spent her first day in Singapore.
An impromptu jio for lunch by a fren. Wonders of technology. In the absence of a mobile line, the jio was made through MSN. Lunch was, erm, McDonalds! A place where she hardly patronised in Brisbane became her first lunch in Singapore. Lunch was good, as her fren took great pains to update her on the latest happenings and she even discovered more mysteries about him.
Then it was off to City Hall for a pre-arranged meet-up with one of her former gals. Within the space of four hours, they visited three eateries. A Japanese restaurant, a Chinese bakery and Starbucks. Goodness me. She also shopped around for a pre-paid card, finally establishing contact with her social network.
Her gigantic tea left my female owner little stomach space for dinner (and beer) with her Impromptu Frens. Yes, they actually organised (and committed to) a pre-arranged welcome back dinner. My female owner ended up with wings and beer. Just like the good old days. None of them believed that she had quit drinking (“only ghost will believe”), although one of them did harbour hope that she really did.
Took a little while for my female owner to get used to her friends again. You know, like after 10 months of being away, she had become accustomed to a different way of speaking and relating to people. Now, she has to recalibrate to her Singaporean neurons. Some people said she did sound a little aussie (?? Her aussie friends said she had a strong accent). Happily, a few people mentioned (or expressed shock) that she had lost weight (my female owner was gleeful about this coz she didn’t really do much exercise in recent months). My female owner (and I) is sure that she would put on weight after this holiday. Just look at how Day 1 panned out.
An impromptu jio for lunch by a fren. Wonders of technology. In the absence of a mobile line, the jio was made through MSN. Lunch was, erm, McDonalds! A place where she hardly patronised in Brisbane became her first lunch in Singapore. Lunch was good, as her fren took great pains to update her on the latest happenings and she even discovered more mysteries about him.
Then it was off to City Hall for a pre-arranged meet-up with one of her former gals. Within the space of four hours, they visited three eateries. A Japanese restaurant, a Chinese bakery and Starbucks. Goodness me. She also shopped around for a pre-paid card, finally establishing contact with her social network.
Her gigantic tea left my female owner little stomach space for dinner (and beer) with her Impromptu Frens. Yes, they actually organised (and committed to) a pre-arranged welcome back dinner. My female owner ended up with wings and beer. Just like the good old days. None of them believed that she had quit drinking (“only ghost will believe”), although one of them did harbour hope that she really did.
Took a little while for my female owner to get used to her friends again. You know, like after 10 months of being away, she had become accustomed to a different way of speaking and relating to people. Now, she has to recalibrate to her Singaporean neurons. Some people said she did sound a little aussie (?? Her aussie friends said she had a strong accent). Happily, a few people mentioned (or expressed shock) that she had lost weight (my female owner was gleeful about this coz she didn’t really do much exercise in recent months). My female owner (and I) is sure that she would put on weight after this holiday. Just look at how Day 1 panned out.
us
Finally saw my female owner again. A wave of familiarity washed over me as I heard her voice, saw her face and felt her touch again. This is the person who took care of us turtles through our formative years as baby turtles (when we would often overturn in our zest to conquer our world and be able to flip ourselves back up again) through to where we are now, juveniles. Big, heavy but nonetheless still shy and bashful. This is also the person who saw me through my different (impromptu) operations and stuck with me through visits to the pet clinic, even when she was facing enormous work stress and time constraints.
So good to have her back again.
We turtles of course rejoiced at her return. Dodo as usual, was the curious and proactive one. He responded immediately to her call and tried to snuggle up close and personal.
So good to have her back again.
We turtles of course rejoiced at her return. Dodo as usual, was the curious and proactive one. He responded immediately to her call and tried to snuggle up close and personal.
Dona, shy and avoidant, ran away at the slightest threat of human contact but secretly happy to see her again.
Nanook, oblivious and oblivious, wondered if this is the same female owner as before (she’s really in a world of her own!).
And me! Happily observing her from under the shade, crossing my fingers and toes that she would not make any comments about how fat I’ve become. Thankfully I was spared her nagging.
Tuesday, December 08, 2009
review
My female owner enjoyed her second placement at the private school tremendously. She had her end-placement review last week and her clinical supervisor played the role of a mirror, helping her to reflect objectively and accurately, her qualities as a therapist.
For a long time, my female owner had looked at the qualities she appreciated in her numerous helping friends and wished she had those qualities as well. She realised now that she had those strengths she yearned for and it was more of a matter of being confident in her abilities. Some aspects of therapy came naturally for my female owner that she had dismissed it as things that anyone could do. Her supervisor ended up saying that she hopes that my female owner would begin to realise what she knows. Even something which my female owner felt was a weakness, her tendency to self-reflect, her supervisor wrote it down as one of her unique strengths and something to keep doing, as part of her professional development.
Sometimes, it felt for my female owner, as if she was going though therapy herself. Those weekly sessions of CBT, changing her perfectionist thinking (which her supervisor said it was stronger than other students she had met) and addressing her low sense of self-competency. At the end of “therapy”, my female owner was able to let go of some of her unrelenting high standards (as Young would put it) and make them more adaptable for herself. In fact, her supervisor was glad that my female owner was taking time to explore Queensland and not be too stuck with work. Obviously she also grew in her sense of competency as a therapist.
For a long time, my female owner had looked at the qualities she appreciated in her numerous helping friends and wished she had those qualities as well. She realised now that she had those strengths she yearned for and it was more of a matter of being confident in her abilities. Some aspects of therapy came naturally for my female owner that she had dismissed it as things that anyone could do. Her supervisor ended up saying that she hopes that my female owner would begin to realise what she knows. Even something which my female owner felt was a weakness, her tendency to self-reflect, her supervisor wrote it down as one of her unique strengths and something to keep doing, as part of her professional development.
Sometimes, it felt for my female owner, as if she was going though therapy herself. Those weekly sessions of CBT, changing her perfectionist thinking (which her supervisor said it was stronger than other students she had met) and addressing her low sense of self-competency. At the end of “therapy”, my female owner was able to let go of some of her unrelenting high standards (as Young would put it) and make them more adaptable for herself. In fact, her supervisor was glad that my female owner was taking time to explore Queensland and not be too stuck with work. Obviously she also grew in her sense of competency as a therapist.
yucky
There’s two yucky aftermaths that my female owner hates. One is the aftermath of a drink-binge. The other, the aftermath of crying.
My female owner is NOT an alcoholic and is highly selective with whom she drinks with (I’m referring to more than one standard drink kind of drinking). She drinks for two reasons: coz she’s emo or coz she likes the company. She hates it that the time between getting high and passing out is so quick for her, that often, she ends up missing out of the conversation and activities.
According to her (un)fortunate and often traumatised frens (esp Functional Fren, whom she apparently hugged (this, she denies it but his winning statement was, “I was sober, you were drunk”) and laid on his lap during one of her first few binges), she tended to do dodgy things when she is high (the most recent was to wander off by herself, which my female owner insisted was perfectly safe, coz she was able to navigate slopes even in her stupor). Anyway, my female owner often has remnants of the happenings of the previous night, plus even if she didn’t remember, her gleeful friends never fail to remind her of her unrepeatable antics and always, my female owner end up with a “oh shit” feeling of having gone beyond her limits and embarrassing herself in the process.
The second, crying. Crying flattens her physically, spiritually and emotionally. She takes a long while to get over it. Just like drinking too much, she ends up needing to sleep to get over the fatigue caused by crying. Her eyes become sore and puffy, her mind blank and her emotions, numbed, as if trying to prevent her from feeling anything, to protect her from breaking down again.
Thankfully, those aftermaths happen less than 10 times a year.
unplanned
My female owner is coming back to an unplanned holiday. She had not really made plans about what she wants to achieve/ do/ experience during her 6 weeks in Singapore. As she ages, she notices that her organisational skills is left wanting. She tends to live in bliss, without much planning or structure, thinking that things will work out in the end. Maybe it’s called mellowing. At the same time, she gets distressed over this lack of planning and entertains a high level of anxiety and what-ifs.
She was feeling very bored and restless during church yesterday. It was like a kaleidoscope of emotions for her. Elation at the end of another school year, excitement about going home, ambivalence about how Brisbane would be when she returns, sadness at having to say goodbye to Korean Jogging Kaki for good, sense of “this is the end” for Bris09 etc.
My female owner started entertaining herself. She wrote down a list of friends she wanted to meet over the next 6 weeks. She came up with a list of about 30 people (some were categories though). Having done that, she wrote down the food she wanted to eat. For some reason, she struggled to come up with a long list. Perhaps she had already forgotten those yummy foods that once titillated her taste buds. She moved on to places she wanted to visit before leaving Singapore. Sadly, she only came up with about 10 places. Well… looks like people mean the most to her, followed distantly by food… and well… places. This is consistent to one of her mantras of life: doesn’t matter where to go or what to do, it’s the company that matters.
She was feeling very bored and restless during church yesterday. It was like a kaleidoscope of emotions for her. Elation at the end of another school year, excitement about going home, ambivalence about how Brisbane would be when she returns, sadness at having to say goodbye to Korean Jogging Kaki for good, sense of “this is the end” for Bris09 etc.
My female owner started entertaining herself. She wrote down a list of friends she wanted to meet over the next 6 weeks. She came up with a list of about 30 people (some were categories though). Having done that, she wrote down the food she wanted to eat. For some reason, she struggled to come up with a long list. Perhaps she had already forgotten those yummy foods that once titillated her taste buds. She moved on to places she wanted to visit before leaving Singapore. Sadly, she only came up with about 10 places. Well… looks like people mean the most to her, followed distantly by food… and well… places. This is consistent to one of her mantras of life: doesn’t matter where to go or what to do, it’s the company that matters.
surprise
If you see how my female owner cried today, you would think she is leaving Brisbane for good.
It all started when Korean Jogging Kaki sent an sms to say that I-Fren (they are staying together) had just left his house to go over to her house to fetch her to the airport. This led my female owner to think that Korean Jogging Kaki was not coming to send her off. Between the sms and I-Fren’s arrival, my female owner got distracted by her missing laptop case (which she never found in the end). I-Fren finally arrived and helped to carry out her luggage to the car. With his hands full, he requested her to open the car boot.
Distracted by her missing laptop case and the previous night’s emo outburst, my female owner dutifully opened the car boot, and out sprang Korean Jogging Kaki. And of course, my easily startled female owner screamed in shock. Wahaha. Such a heart-warming send-off.
In the car to the airport, my female owner started tearing, those kind that she had to try her hardest to stop by deliberating distracting herself. The emotions that washed over her were familiar. Those tears, she shed too, the day she left for Brisbane for the first time. Those tears, uncontrollable, kept flowing as she sat in her father’s car. This time round, she managed to stop herself coz the guys started talking random things and she shifted her focus.
Saying goodbye again, for the second time, was no easier than the night before. It didn’t help that the goodbye was abrupt and she was left drowning in her own salty tears. A friend called and my female owner started crying over the phone. SMSes came and the tears started again. Yes, once she starts, it’s hard to stop. It’s like intermittent rain. Start stop start stop. Easily triggered by any random moving cloud. When she thought she finally got over it, yet another phone call from Therapist Fren opened the flood gates. But as usual, Therapist Fren was able to calm her down and soothe her distress (that’s why she’s called Therapist Fren).
Therapist Fren noted that my female owner had been spending a lot more time with Korean Jogging Kaki (and the rest of the camping gang) in recent weeks. She joked that it was the “urgency of a deadline”, the knowing that such times are coming to an end. Isn’t that how one should live one’s life? Not taking for granted that “there is still time” but to really seize the day and make each day count. One day, tomorrow will end, and if you don’t cherish the people around you, you would regret that you have neglected them.
It all started when Korean Jogging Kaki sent an sms to say that I-Fren (they are staying together) had just left his house to go over to her house to fetch her to the airport. This led my female owner to think that Korean Jogging Kaki was not coming to send her off. Between the sms and I-Fren’s arrival, my female owner got distracted by her missing laptop case (which she never found in the end). I-Fren finally arrived and helped to carry out her luggage to the car. With his hands full, he requested her to open the car boot.
Distracted by her missing laptop case and the previous night’s emo outburst, my female owner dutifully opened the car boot, and out sprang Korean Jogging Kaki. And of course, my easily startled female owner screamed in shock. Wahaha. Such a heart-warming send-off.
In the car to the airport, my female owner started tearing, those kind that she had to try her hardest to stop by deliberating distracting herself. The emotions that washed over her were familiar. Those tears, she shed too, the day she left for Brisbane for the first time. Those tears, uncontrollable, kept flowing as she sat in her father’s car. This time round, she managed to stop herself coz the guys started talking random things and she shifted her focus.
Saying goodbye again, for the second time, was no easier than the night before. It didn’t help that the goodbye was abrupt and she was left drowning in her own salty tears. A friend called and my female owner started crying over the phone. SMSes came and the tears started again. Yes, once she starts, it’s hard to stop. It’s like intermittent rain. Start stop start stop. Easily triggered by any random moving cloud. When she thought she finally got over it, yet another phone call from Therapist Fren opened the flood gates. But as usual, Therapist Fren was able to calm her down and soothe her distress (that’s why she’s called Therapist Fren).
Therapist Fren noted that my female owner had been spending a lot more time with Korean Jogging Kaki (and the rest of the camping gang) in recent weeks. She joked that it was the “urgency of a deadline”, the knowing that such times are coming to an end. Isn’t that how one should live one’s life? Not taking for granted that “there is still time” but to really seize the day and make each day count. One day, tomorrow will end, and if you don’t cherish the people around you, you would regret that you have neglected them.
Monday, December 07, 2009
last
And so, this is how the last night of Bris09 is like for my female owner.
Still awake at 0200hr, not wanting to sleep, feeling upset about having to say goodbye to Korean Jogging Kaki.
Happily, she had a little cheer from her Impromptu Frens, right after crying. They had sent an email to welcome her home and to organise a gathering on Tuesday. *touched*
As the saying goes, time flies. It seems like yesterday when the Balcony bided goodbye to my female owner as she embarked on her second year of studies. She knew that she would be gone for 10 months straight.
Her first month started rocky. No house to stay, no placement confirmed. Still missing Singapore. New bible study group. Meant that she had to make friends all over again.
Her second month remained rocky. Placement was dodgy. School started. She regretted choosing certain subjects.
Third month (April). Turning point of the year (and maybe life?). She started to experience God in a real and intimate way.
The months flew by after that. There were less tears and emo periods as compared to 2008. Her social networks started building up as she immersed herself in overseas living. Blessings after blessings flooded her life.
In recent months, she became so attracted to OZ way of life that she started to wonder if she had lost touched with Singapore. Maybe it is really time for her to return to Singapore, to reconnect with her roots and her loved ones. If there is one word to sum up Bris09, I believe my female owner would choose “awesome” or “life-changing”. She says that she is not the same person who left for Brisbane in Feb 09.
Anyway, we turtles are getting really excited to see her again! Time to reconnect with her too!
Still awake at 0200hr, not wanting to sleep, feeling upset about having to say goodbye to Korean Jogging Kaki.
Happily, she had a little cheer from her Impromptu Frens, right after crying. They had sent an email to welcome her home and to organise a gathering on Tuesday. *touched*
As the saying goes, time flies. It seems like yesterday when the Balcony bided goodbye to my female owner as she embarked on her second year of studies. She knew that she would be gone for 10 months straight.
Her first month started rocky. No house to stay, no placement confirmed. Still missing Singapore. New bible study group. Meant that she had to make friends all over again.
Her second month remained rocky. Placement was dodgy. School started. She regretted choosing certain subjects.
Third month (April). Turning point of the year (and maybe life?). She started to experience God in a real and intimate way.
The months flew by after that. There were less tears and emo periods as compared to 2008. Her social networks started building up as she immersed herself in overseas living. Blessings after blessings flooded her life.
In recent months, she became so attracted to OZ way of life that she started to wonder if she had lost touched with Singapore. Maybe it is really time for her to return to Singapore, to reconnect with her roots and her loved ones. If there is one word to sum up Bris09, I believe my female owner would choose “awesome” or “life-changing”. She says that she is not the same person who left for Brisbane in Feb 09.
Anyway, we turtles are getting really excited to see her again! Time to reconnect with her too!
Korean Jogging Kaki
My female owner finally hosted a dinner for her precious friends. Korean Jogging Kaki is about to leave Brisbane for good and my female owner decided that it is time to muster up her cooking skills to celebrate their friendship (including three other friends, all of whom went camping together recently).
Dinner was fun. A process of preparing ingredients, cooking the dishes, eating together and washing up. Of course, there was the good old random chat about anything and everything under the sun. Yet at the back of her mind, my female owner knew that the eventual is going to happen, that he is going to leave, farewell dinner or not. That was bittersweet for my female owner, a huge dose of sadness in the midst of immersing herself in the warmth of her friends.
Perhaps she is afraid to confront the ultimate truth. That’s why she did not initiate any photo-taking. She didn’t want to take photos of an event where she knows she will force herself to smile. My female owner is not one person to celebrate the present, if she knows that what happens afterwards is a separation. She wanted the dinner to remain as it seems – another casual dinner party with a group of friends. But yet, she knows she is just fooling herself.
It is indeed time to say farewell to Korean Jogging Kaki. They started off as random jogging kakis in early 2008, pulled together by I-Fren who tirelessly organised jogging sessions. It was only recent that they became closer, moving from jogging to other activities (having each other’s MSN helped too). Going beyond pleasantries to sharing deeper thoughts and opinions. Touched by his warmth, encouragement and patience. As my female owner told him, among everyone else who has gone back home for good, he is probably the first person she will miss (she already started feeling emo yesterday).
My female owner wishes him all God’s blessings, as he goes back to where he came from, to begin a new chapter of his life. Surely, they will meet again someday. Surely, their friendship will continue beyond Brisbane.
Dinner was fun. A process of preparing ingredients, cooking the dishes, eating together and washing up. Of course, there was the good old random chat about anything and everything under the sun. Yet at the back of her mind, my female owner knew that the eventual is going to happen, that he is going to leave, farewell dinner or not. That was bittersweet for my female owner, a huge dose of sadness in the midst of immersing herself in the warmth of her friends.
Perhaps she is afraid to confront the ultimate truth. That’s why she did not initiate any photo-taking. She didn’t want to take photos of an event where she knows she will force herself to smile. My female owner is not one person to celebrate the present, if she knows that what happens afterwards is a separation. She wanted the dinner to remain as it seems – another casual dinner party with a group of friends. But yet, she knows she is just fooling herself.
It is indeed time to say farewell to Korean Jogging Kaki. They started off as random jogging kakis in early 2008, pulled together by I-Fren who tirelessly organised jogging sessions. It was only recent that they became closer, moving from jogging to other activities (having each other’s MSN helped too). Going beyond pleasantries to sharing deeper thoughts and opinions. Touched by his warmth, encouragement and patience. As my female owner told him, among everyone else who has gone back home for good, he is probably the first person she will miss (she already started feeling emo yesterday).
My female owner wishes him all God’s blessings, as he goes back to where he came from, to begin a new chapter of his life. Surely, they will meet again someday. Surely, their friendship will continue beyond Brisbane.
Sunday, December 06, 2009
vanished
Nope, nothing happened to me. Nothing happened to my female owner too. I took so long to update my Turtle Pad because she vanished for that long of a time. And so, this was what really happened.
Sun to Wed: Camping at Bundaberg
6 hours drive up north from Brisbane with four friends. Activities included fishing, pitching a tent through rain, hail and sun (my female owner thought this was the most insane phenomenon ever), sea-shell combing, playing Twenty Questions (and making up facts about snails…), natural Jacuzzi (with tides that resembled an impending tsunami), yummy barbeques, camera-whoring, awesome company 24/7, random stops along the way, drinking (ah, apparently it was her first real drinking night-out since going to Brisbane), NOT getting car-sick, bird-watching, "talking" proper English, TURTLE-WATCHING (she saw mama turtle laying eggs, all 196 of them!), making do WITHOUT a hair-dryer and other creature comforts.
Thurs:
End-of-placement review (passed with flying colours!)
Appreciation lunch with colleagues
Tour consultancy (helped a local planned for her trip to Singapore; got rum balls as a token of appreciation)
Therapy (wine included) with Therapist Fren (I-Fren joined in later and until now, my female owner can’t believe that they talked from 2100 to 0500 on Fri). My female owner and Therapist Fren combined powers “telepathetically” and succeeded in exasperating and confusing I-Fren, much to their delight.
Fri:
Mad rush to prepare for Housemate’s Birthday Party (my female owner, surprise surprise, was the party planner)
Sat:
Recuperation and routine obligations (including updating me on the latest happenings)
Sun to Wed: Camping at Bundaberg
6 hours drive up north from Brisbane with four friends. Activities included fishing, pitching a tent through rain, hail and sun (my female owner thought this was the most insane phenomenon ever), sea-shell combing, playing Twenty Questions (and making up facts about snails…), natural Jacuzzi (with tides that resembled an impending tsunami), yummy barbeques, camera-whoring, awesome company 24/7, random stops along the way, drinking (ah, apparently it was her first real drinking night-out since going to Brisbane), NOT getting car-sick, bird-watching, "talking" proper English, TURTLE-WATCHING (she saw mama turtle laying eggs, all 196 of them!), making do WITHOUT a hair-dryer and other creature comforts.
Thurs:
End-of-placement review (passed with flying colours!)
Appreciation lunch with colleagues
Tour consultancy (helped a local planned for her trip to Singapore; got rum balls as a token of appreciation)
Therapy (wine included) with Therapist Fren (I-Fren joined in later and until now, my female owner can’t believe that they talked from 2100 to 0500 on Fri). My female owner and Therapist Fren combined powers “telepathetically” and succeeded in exasperating and confusing I-Fren, much to their delight.
Fri:
Mad rush to prepare for Housemate’s Birthday Party (my female owner, surprise surprise, was the party planner)
Sat:
Recuperation and routine obligations (including updating me on the latest happenings)
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My siblings and I
From top left: Dodo, Dona, me (Nooki) and Nanook