last

10 months flew by, with the snap of her fingers. My female owner went to Brisbane, feeling alone, vulnerable and reluctant, pursuing her life-long dusty dream of being a clinical psychologist. A dream she laid aside for many years, in the name of romantic love.

She arrived at Brisbane, not knowing many people, far from God, being the way she had always been – dysthymic, anxious and self-doubting. The course did nothing to validate her self-worth, self-esteem and abilities. Competency assessments served to remind her of her inadequacies, that she was “not there yet”. Assignments drew out the neurotic, anal side of her. Soon, my female owner realised that she had to give up the perfectionistic streak in her and be prepared to settle for “good enough”.

Coming from a CBT orientation, my female owner also started to be more aware of her own negative thoughts and how she placed unnecessary pressure on herself. She was anxious about being an Asian therapist. She wondered all the time, whether her clients discriminated against her.

Assimilating into an English-speaking culture took longer than she expected. The local slang and jargon were hard to grasp. Her Singaporean accent was so strong that she had to remind herself to tone down and speak slower. She couldn’t understand why Aussies used phrases that they did not mean, like “see you later”. Speaking in a modified accent was tiring. My female owner started to withdraw from people socially. She needed the space to be by herself.

Being among God-loving people was great. However, her self-consciousness about her age caused her to remain distant from most of her church friends. She chose not to join them for activities which were “for younger people”. Still, some were earnest and sincere in building relationships with her and gradually, she warmed up to a select few. Yet, at the end of the day, my female owner still griped about how she was not able to connect to most of them on an emotional and intimate level.

Ten months on, my female owner claims that she has changed and become more balanced.

She has developed a more balanced view of herself (“I am not as lousy as I think I am” – haha, still has some room for improvement!). She is no longer dysthymic – Praise God for the healing. She is more aware of her different emotions. Not everything is depression. She has learnt to accept her weight and body shape. Although all boys are bad, she no longer wants to throw stones at them. Right.. what I meant to say is that while my female owner is still feministic, she doesn’t think that all guys are bad anymore.

While she has not resolved her personal awkwardness about being older than most of her church friends, my female owner realised that she needs to change her mindset and be more open to relating to younger people as she would to her same-aged peers. She picked up some local lingo and integrated some into her daily speech – “hey”, “no drama”, “no worries”, “you’re alright”, “organise a time”, “would that work for you?” etc.

Now that it is the last night before she bids Brisbane farewell (temporarily), my female owner is pleasantly surprised that she feels sad about leaving. She never thought she would be sad or have any emotional attachment for Brisbane so quickly. Personally, I’m not sure if it is because my female owner has gotten used to the lifestyle and therefore, upset at the change in routine, or that she feels bonded to Brisbane. Nonetheless, my female owner says that Aussies are really nice and endearing people. She had been blessed by people from all walks of life – her cohort, her clients, her lecturers, her church friends, strangers… The warmth and hospitality shown by the locals were heartwarming and brought delight to her.

Ah.. I'm so tired.. I shall continue another day.. I need to plan a welcome-back Balcony party for my female owner.