My female owner went for a cheapo health check-up the other day ($5 only). In only 20mins, she got her BMI, blood pressure, blood sugar and cholesterol levels checked. To her surprise, in spite of her unhealthy diet and sedentary lifestyle, her blood pressure, blood sugar and cholesterol levels was still within the normal range. Not surprising but still depressing to her, her weight has ballooned while her height remained constant.
Ah, so in summary, after one year, the main change in her health status is that she put on about 5kg. Oh wait, and her dodgy knee. It acts up once a while now, especially after she goes jogging or plays badminton.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Friday, January 30, 2009
scheming
One of my female owner’s Impromptu Frens suddenly told her recently through msn that “you are not scheming enough”. Yah, all of a sudden, she seems to be receiving random social feedback from people around her!
Unfortunately, he was not able to articulate any specific examples or reasons and said it was “just a feeling lor”.
My female owner agrees that despite five years of working, she failed to pick up skills in manoeuvring office politics. She won't even know if she's being taken for a ride by her friends, much less colleagues. What a failure!
Unfortunately, he was not able to articulate any specific examples or reasons and said it was “just a feeling lor”.
My female owner agrees that despite five years of working, she failed to pick up skills in manoeuvring office politics. She won't even know if she's being taken for a ride by her friends, much less colleagues. What a failure!
lifts
My female owner has been wondering about social conventions with regards to car-owners sending people home. It seems as if different people have different concepts.
It all started when her friend bought a car. Unless something crops up, he never failed to send my female owner home no matter what time of the day/ night it was. It puzzled my female owner, coz she always felt that getting a lift home is a privilege, not a right, even if you are a girl and it is past midnight. When she asked him why he always sends people home, he expressed the view that he thought that those with cars (unclear if he was referring to guys only) have a duty to send people home. Although my female owner feels pai-say at the inconvenience she caused to her friend (since they don’t live near each other), she has learnt to accept his kind gestures.
Anyway, and then, she observed that there are guys who do not offer to send anyone (including girls) even though it is past midnight. They only give lifts to people who live nearby (i.e. “by the way” concept) or girls they like or if bo-pian (i.e. someone is drunk). My female owner has no problems with this.
There are other guys who do not actively offer to send you home, but would send you home, if behaviourally you assume that he is going to send you home (e.g. follow him to his car), or if you are too drunk. If you explicitly say that you are going home by yourself (e.g. coz it is out of his way), he is happy to allow you to go back on your own, but would follow-up with smses to check that you are home. Again, this is not an issue for my female owner.
In Brisbane, things work differently. People are usually happy to give you a lift home (even if it is out of the way) or drop you somewhere convenient. Things are even more well-organised among her church friends. Because only a few own cars, there will be a transport I/C who would be tasked to organise car-pools if the group is going out for activities (e.g. meals or outings). The drivers would be responsible for driving his passengers to the location and most often, sending the same passengers back to their homes. My female owner had problems adapting to that kind of arrangements when she first arrived. It was as if there was an unspoken rule that those with cars were required to ferry people around. Although my female owner was sure that majority did it out of love for their friends, she was conscious of not taking such lifts for granted. I mean, it is such a privilege to have your transport needs taken care of by someone. No need to use the undependable public transport system!
It all started when her friend bought a car. Unless something crops up, he never failed to send my female owner home no matter what time of the day/ night it was. It puzzled my female owner, coz she always felt that getting a lift home is a privilege, not a right, even if you are a girl and it is past midnight. When she asked him why he always sends people home, he expressed the view that he thought that those with cars (unclear if he was referring to guys only) have a duty to send people home. Although my female owner feels pai-say at the inconvenience she caused to her friend (since they don’t live near each other), she has learnt to accept his kind gestures.
Anyway, and then, she observed that there are guys who do not offer to send anyone (including girls) even though it is past midnight. They only give lifts to people who live nearby (i.e. “by the way” concept) or girls they like or if bo-pian (i.e. someone is drunk). My female owner has no problems with this.
There are other guys who do not actively offer to send you home, but would send you home, if behaviourally you assume that he is going to send you home (e.g. follow him to his car), or if you are too drunk. If you explicitly say that you are going home by yourself (e.g. coz it is out of his way), he is happy to allow you to go back on your own, but would follow-up with smses to check that you are home. Again, this is not an issue for my female owner.
In Brisbane, things work differently. People are usually happy to give you a lift home (even if it is out of the way) or drop you somewhere convenient. Things are even more well-organised among her church friends. Because only a few own cars, there will be a transport I/C who would be tasked to organise car-pools if the group is going out for activities (e.g. meals or outings). The drivers would be responsible for driving his passengers to the location and most often, sending the same passengers back to their homes. My female owner had problems adapting to that kind of arrangements when she first arrived. It was as if there was an unspoken rule that those with cars were required to ferry people around. Although my female owner was sure that majority did it out of love for their friends, she was conscious of not taking such lifts for granted. I mean, it is such a privilege to have your transport needs taken care of by someone. No need to use the undependable public transport system!
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
blue
My female owner realised with a heavy heart that she won’t be able to celebrate CNY with her family next year, since it falls in mid-Feb: 14 Feb to be exact. She would probably be back in Brisbane by then, to embark on her year-long thesis and third placement.
Ah, another reason to feel miserable…
Yes, you guess it. My female owner is developing her traditional pre-departure blues. If you can imagine a balloon being filled with air, her blue balloon is probably almost filled now.
Ah, another reason to feel miserable…
Yes, you guess it. My female owner is developing her traditional pre-departure blues. If you can imagine a balloon being filled with air, her blue balloon is probably almost filled now.
zodiac
In Chinese astrology the zodiac of twelve animal signs represents twelve different types of personality.. I’ve always wondered why there is no Turtle year. Having nothing much to do, I decided to come up with my own description.
The Turtle person is a thinker and observer. He is often regarded as wise and intelligent. Although he is often looked upon to provide guidance and support to people around him, he tends to be a loner and prefers quiet company. He works well independently, which can frustrate those who prefer teamwork. The Turtle person avoids confrontation at all cost. Under unwanted pressure or attention, he tends to retreat and keep to himself, only to emerge when things have calmed down. Slow to respond to changing circumstances around him, he is often mistaken to be blur and ignorant. In fact, the Turtle person is integrating information through his senses and internal thought processes before taking calculated steps that will see him through any crisis. Known for his tenacity and high goal-orientation, the Turtle person is likely to complete projects that he has committed himself to and to work through any difficulties that cross his path. The Turtle person makes a good philosopher, writer, teacher and consultant.
The Turtle person is a thinker and observer. He is often regarded as wise and intelligent. Although he is often looked upon to provide guidance and support to people around him, he tends to be a loner and prefers quiet company. He works well independently, which can frustrate those who prefer teamwork. The Turtle person avoids confrontation at all cost. Under unwanted pressure or attention, he tends to retreat and keep to himself, only to emerge when things have calmed down. Slow to respond to changing circumstances around him, he is often mistaken to be blur and ignorant. In fact, the Turtle person is integrating information through his senses and internal thought processes before taking calculated steps that will see him through any crisis. Known for his tenacity and high goal-orientation, the Turtle person is likely to complete projects that he has committed himself to and to work through any difficulties that cross his path. The Turtle person makes a good philosopher, writer, teacher and consultant.
Monday, January 26, 2009
multi
My female owner celebrated the first day of the Lunar New Year by visiting her maternal grandmother’s house. Ever since her grandmother passed away in 2002, the extended family stopped celebrating CNY together. It is such a tragic outcome, that when the matriarch/ patriarch of the family passes on, the younger generation tends not to gather during CNY.
Anyway, for probably the third time since 2002, my female owner stepped into the house that forms a large part of her childhood. Weekly visits to grandma’s house where two unmarried aunties also reside, celebrating birthdays with grandma, not being able to speak grandma’s language but still able to feel her love, buying ice-cream for her oldest auntie who is slightly brain-damaged due to yellow fever during her teenage years, interacting with her younger cousins etc.
Eating steamboat with a couple of her relatives today, she realised that her humble family is quite a rojak mix. There are nine siblings in all. Her mother is the third youngest. There is an auntie who is a Muslim and thus, eats only halal food while an older auntie who is a devout Buddhist does not eat beef. Her eldest uncle is a health freak who advocates plant foods and another uncle married a Muslim twenty years younger than him. His children (forgive my female owner for not knowing their names! She probably can’t recognise them on the streets as well.) are of course, mixed and more Malay than Chinese. So many potential disputes over food preferences!
Happily, when CNY comes, the family shares the Chinese part of their lives together. When Vesak Day comes, the Buddhist auntie would cook lotsa food to bring to the temple and distribute her food afterwards. Come Hari Raya, the Muslim uncle would deliver home-cooked yummy food to their home. Ah, the family just needs an ang-moh and an Indian to make it truly multi-racial/ multi-cultural.
Anyway, for probably the third time since 2002, my female owner stepped into the house that forms a large part of her childhood. Weekly visits to grandma’s house where two unmarried aunties also reside, celebrating birthdays with grandma, not being able to speak grandma’s language but still able to feel her love, buying ice-cream for her oldest auntie who is slightly brain-damaged due to yellow fever during her teenage years, interacting with her younger cousins etc.
Eating steamboat with a couple of her relatives today, she realised that her humble family is quite a rojak mix. There are nine siblings in all. Her mother is the third youngest. There is an auntie who is a Muslim and thus, eats only halal food while an older auntie who is a devout Buddhist does not eat beef. Her eldest uncle is a health freak who advocates plant foods and another uncle married a Muslim twenty years younger than him. His children (forgive my female owner for not knowing their names! She probably can’t recognise them on the streets as well.) are of course, mixed and more Malay than Chinese. So many potential disputes over food preferences!
Happily, when CNY comes, the family shares the Chinese part of their lives together. When Vesak Day comes, the Buddhist auntie would cook lotsa food to bring to the temple and distribute her food afterwards. Come Hari Raya, the Muslim uncle would deliver home-cooked yummy food to their home. Ah, the family just needs an ang-moh and an Indian to make it truly multi-racial/ multi-cultural.
squeeze
My female owner has lost the "shutter-happy" vibes. Hence, she doesn't really take many photos nowadays. Still, I managed to squeeze out a few shots to share with you.
Arranged in rainbow colour by my female owner, she couldn't help but be mesmerised by the reflection of the bears in the windscreen.
My female owner found this artefact in one of the shops along Arab Street.
Ah, homemade pineapple tarts. Joint labour of love by my female owner's parents and her who split up the work to bake more than 300 tarts.
Praying hands of a three-month old baby. Prayer warrior in the making?
My female owner finds this packaging (of a wet tissue) dodgy and dated. Apparently, it is a photo of a real beauty queen, advertising for the restaurant's famed black pepper crab.
Arranged in rainbow colour by my female owner, she couldn't help but be mesmerised by the reflection of the bears in the windscreen. 
My female owner found this artefact in one of the shops along Arab Street. 
Ah, homemade pineapple tarts. Joint labour of love by my female owner's parents and her who split up the work to bake more than 300 tarts. 
Praying hands of a three-month old baby. Prayer warrior in the making?
finally
My female owner finally celebrated Chinese New Year with her family. She had missed the previous two years for different reasons. Two years ago, she was sent on a business trip to USA by her non-Chinese boss over the CNY period. She had to travel with someone whom she could not get along with and well, basically endure a cold winter in a foreign land with unwelcome company.
Last year, she was in Brisbane, so her family was kinda split across two continents. She spent CNY with her host, who cooked up a great feast, but there’s really no place like home.
This year, there were 7 people present for the traditional steamboat reunion dinner. Her parents, brother, sister-in-law, paternal auntie and the choir director from her parents’ church. A foreigner, he was not able to return home to be with his family. Hence, my female owner’s mother extended an invitation to him.
Ahh… the aroma of the different foods activated the hunger pangs in us turtles. Nanook, in her usual paranoid self, asked if the family was going to serve turtle soup. For some BIG reason, she always feel insecure that her status as the largest family pet will flip to become the most nutritious family food.
Last year, she was in Brisbane, so her family was kinda split across two continents. She spent CNY with her host, who cooked up a great feast, but there’s really no place like home.
This year, there were 7 people present for the traditional steamboat reunion dinner. Her parents, brother, sister-in-law, paternal auntie and the choir director from her parents’ church. A foreigner, he was not able to return home to be with his family. Hence, my female owner’s mother extended an invitation to him.
Ahh… the aroma of the different foods activated the hunger pangs in us turtles. Nanook, in her usual paranoid self, asked if the family was going to serve turtle soup. For some BIG reason, she always feel insecure that her status as the largest family pet will flip to become the most nutritious family food.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
peeves
My female owner has a few pet peeves. Literally, they are PET peeves.
For example, she doesn’t like us to bite each other (even when it is purely accidental, example, during feeding when we get over-excited). Whenever she brings us out for walks in the Living Room, nothing pisses her off more than if we hide ourselves in a corner to snooze (defeats the purpose of a walk, she says). Also, she gets annoyed if she sees us in the same spot in the morning and at night when we return home. To her, it means that the offending turtle(s) has not moved a single inch the whole day – a clear sign of laziness.
For example, she doesn’t like us to bite each other (even when it is purely accidental, example, during feeding when we get over-excited). Whenever she brings us out for walks in the Living Room, nothing pisses her off more than if we hide ourselves in a corner to snooze (defeats the purpose of a walk, she says). Also, she gets annoyed if she sees us in the same spot in the morning and at night when we return home. To her, it means that the offending turtle(s) has not moved a single inch the whole day – a clear sign of laziness.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
contentment
A story was told of a rich industrialist who was disturbed to find a fisherman sitting lazily beside his boat.
“Why aren’t you out there fishing?” he asked.
“Because I’ve caught enough fish for today,” said the fisherman.
“Why don’t you catch more fish than you need?” the rich man asked.
“What would I do with them?”
“You could earn more money,” came the impatient reply, “and buy a better boat so you could go deeper and catch more fish. You could purchase nylon nets, catch even more fish, and make more money. Soon you’d have a fleet of boats and be rich like me.”
The fisherman asked, “Then what would I do?”
“You could sit down and enjoy life,” said the industrialist.
“What do you think I’m doing now?” the fisherman replied as he looked placidly out to sea.
__________________________________________
My female owner spied this story in a church newsletter article, written by her Goat Fren. Half-way through the story, at the point when the rich man as the fisherman why he didn’t catch more fish than required, my female owner thought it was an article about the perils of laziness.
Reading to the end, she realised it was about being contented with your present life. The moral of the story hit her like a sudden big wave. For a while, she had already chastised herself for not being happy even when she is probably the envy of many people who lament that unlike them, she is so lucky, being able to go overseas to study, to get postgrad qualifications etc etc. And consistently in her life, my female owner had said “I would be happy only after I achieve XXX” or “I would be able to enjoy life only after YYY is completed.”
More and more, she realise that her friends are generally not happy as well. It doesn’t matter that they are highly educated, good-lookers, come from a complete family, hold secure or well-paying jobs, healthy with no physical limitations, free from family problems etc. They are just not happy or satisfied with their current state of life.
My female owner feels ashamed of the way she treats life. She is blessed in many ways – loving and supportive family, secure friendships, able-bodied, relatively cerebral, a little flabby but still ok, financially stable, able to pursue a range of leisure activities to occupy herself. Of course, there is more she can ask for, the sky’s the limit, but hey, why isn’t she contented with her current lot in life?
She figures that it’s all in her attitude, her values in life and what she chooses to focus on. She has learnt, contentment starts from within, and not from what one possesses. Discontentment does not come from what one lacks, but from what one perceives to lack.
alarm
My female owner found out today that her parents do not intend to go visiting during Chinese New Year. Ah, so much for reserving the first two days of CNY to meet relatives. Her alarm bells started ringing. She needs to find things to occupy herself, or else she might die of boredom. The forecast is bleak, considering that almost all of her friends are Chinese and among the already small number of friends she has, many are newly married/ parents (i.e. sure no time to meet her).
Sighz.
She decided to jio people for badminton on any of the two days (ha! Her you-never-know-until-you-ask spirit kicked in) and guess what?! By the end of the day, she managed to round up three others to play.
Looks like there are people who don’t really celebrate CNY too!
Sighz.
She decided to jio people for badminton on any of the two days (ha! Her you-never-know-until-you-ask spirit kicked in) and guess what?! By the end of the day, she managed to round up three others to play.
Looks like there are people who don’t really celebrate CNY too!
Friday, January 23, 2009
difference
My female owner, with her idle mind, wonders what's the difference between an intelligent, a clever and a smart person.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
ex-colleagues
My female owner had dinner with some ex-colleagues just now. Hmmm.. it’s beginning to sound as if she has lotsa ex-colleagues. I should take some time to clarify the different categories of ex-colleagues.
The real ex-colleagues are the people who are still working at her former workplace and whom she detests to varying degrees.
The unfortunate ex-colleagues are her friends who are still working at her former workplace for various reasons (i.e. stuck).
The remaining ex-colleagues are her friends who are working in the same organisation or have worked with the real ex-colleagues, and hence, shared a common (often unpleasant) working experience (e.g. some of her Impromptu Frens who are still in service).
The comrades are those who used to work with her but like her, have left the place for greener pastures. Together, they have many years of working together in the same office and survived many classic moments.
Tonight, her dinner was with the comrades. They held different positions in the same office (e.g. some were the lowest life form while one was sandwiched between layers and two others were the lowest life form of the highest class) and together, they shared their individual stories about the horrors of working with inefficient colleagues, mimicked the bosses’ idiosyncratic movements and once again, groused about their “best friends” in the department. It’s funny to see how different people developed different “best friends” even though the collective group of “best friends” was common enemy.
Although the five of them have not gathered for a long time, their shared past made the fellowship was so comfortable, heart-warming and free-flowing that there was an obvious reluctance to say good-bye. Ah, it would be at least 10 months before they would meet up in such a capacity again. Kudos to the organiser for persisting through conflicting schedules to arrange the meet-up!
The real ex-colleagues are the people who are still working at her former workplace and whom she detests to varying degrees.
The unfortunate ex-colleagues are her friends who are still working at her former workplace for various reasons (i.e. stuck).
The remaining ex-colleagues are her friends who are working in the same organisation or have worked with the real ex-colleagues, and hence, shared a common (often unpleasant) working experience (e.g. some of her Impromptu Frens who are still in service).
The comrades are those who used to work with her but like her, have left the place for greener pastures. Together, they have many years of working together in the same office and survived many classic moments.
Tonight, her dinner was with the comrades. They held different positions in the same office (e.g. some were the lowest life form while one was sandwiched between layers and two others were the lowest life form of the highest class) and together, they shared their individual stories about the horrors of working with inefficient colleagues, mimicked the bosses’ idiosyncratic movements and once again, groused about their “best friends” in the department. It’s funny to see how different people developed different “best friends” even though the collective group of “best friends” was common enemy.
Although the five of them have not gathered for a long time, their shared past made the fellowship was so comfortable, heart-warming and free-flowing that there was an obvious reluctance to say good-bye. Ah, it would be at least 10 months before they would meet up in such a capacity again. Kudos to the organiser for persisting through conflicting schedules to arrange the meet-up!
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
nua
My female owner is tired of asking people out. So she’s either going to wait for people to jio her out or wait for herself to get out of this anti-social phase.
And so, she stayed home today, with great plans to nua and do some spring-cleaning. It’s amazing to see how similar she is to us turtles. Sleep in the same position for hours, wake up and move around for a while, find some random snack, munch on them, go back to sleep (in the same position), wake up, move around, find other random snack, munch for a while… return to same position. I had a field day just watching her.
Needless to say, she managed to accomplish 50% of her plans – NUA. Spring-cleaning? Maybe tomorrow. I will keep you updated.
And so, she stayed home today, with great plans to nua and do some spring-cleaning. It’s amazing to see how similar she is to us turtles. Sleep in the same position for hours, wake up and move around for a while, find some random snack, munch on them, go back to sleep (in the same position), wake up, move around, find other random snack, munch for a while… return to same position. I had a field day just watching her.
Needless to say, she managed to accomplish 50% of her plans – NUA. Spring-cleaning? Maybe tomorrow. I will keep you updated.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
dubious
My female owner has boundary issues. She thinks that Facebook makes it even harder for her to manage those issues. Being “tao” and passive, she hardly requests to be added to people’s accounts. Majority of the people on her FB took the initiative to add her and my female owner has her fair share of dubious requestors.
- The colleague-turned-insurance-agent who resend his request after being ignored once [ignored, again]
- The ex-boyfriend [ignored]
- The old church-mate of her younger days whom she doesn’t remember knowing and who sent her a FB message to confirm my female owner’s identity [accepted]
- The ex-boss [accepted, on good terms then]
- The young daughter of the third most powerful man in her previous workplace whom my female owner was tasked to help in her research on psychology [accepted]
- The research coordinator of a project she participated in Brisbane [accepted, to prevent awkwardness]
- Someone from my female owner’s JC but she has no idea who she is [neither accept nor ignore]
- The JC class-mate who never failed to be the topic of discussion at every gathering (without her knowledge of course) [neither accept nor ignore]
- People from her first church whom she doesn’t really know or whom she is sure she doesn’t know [neither accept nor ignore]
And the latest, an ang-moh forensic expert who once trained her ex-colleagues and her in possibly criminal profiling or something. My female owner cannot remember. [neither accept nor ignore]
Monday, January 19, 2009
hungry
My female owner’s mother commented that we turtles suffer when my female owner is back home. The reason being that my female owner doesn’t take care of us, whereas at the same time, her father transfers the responsibility back to her. So in other words, no one is claiming responsibility of us!
Sob. Her father tells her to clean the tank and feed us. My female owner stares blankly at him… and forgets about his instructions quite quickly. Even though she plays with us at times, it somehow doesn’t register in her that turtles = living things = need food and clean water.
So we are perpetually hungry these days.
Sob. Her father tells her to clean the tank and feed us. My female owner stares blankly at him… and forgets about his instructions quite quickly. Even though she plays with us at times, it somehow doesn’t register in her that turtles = living things = need food and clean water.
So we are perpetually hungry these days.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
personal
My female owner spent six hours playing the same card game with her Impromptu Frens today. At the end of it, my female owner was horrified to observe how people could take things personally in a game which had no real consequence, leading them to respond with a vengeance and irrationally. It shocked her to see how emotional people can become, to the point of gloating over others’ misfortune, being vindictive in one’s actions, and cheering when others faltered at their turn or get attacked by others. She mused that one could tell a lot about people’s character from watching how they play games.
An eye-opening experience indeed.
An eye-opening experience indeed.
truth
Her Functional Fren told her through sms today “u r 2 trusting”.
Ouch to the correct assessment.
Must have been a continuation from a conversation they had the night before. My female owner had reacted with an incredulous look on her face (i.e. she couldn’t contain her reaction) when she realised that he had bluffed her about something. He, in turn, was shocked that she believed him (hence, it was clear that whatever he was claiming was just a joke but my female owner took him for his word). Although my female owner was quick to dismiss that joke (I can’t think of a better word to describe that piece of inaccurate information), she blurted out “why would anyone lie about that?” For the first time since she knew him, her Functional Fren apologised profusely.
Being too trusting has been one of my female owner’s Achilles’ heels. Other close cousins would be being too accommodating and indecisive. When she was a child, my female owner’s auntie once told her that she was too naïve. Twenty years later, my female owner is still naïve and gullible. Her preferred style of relating to people is with sincerity and truthfulness. That’s why my female owner hates to make small talk with strangers or diplomatic conversations with people she don’t like. She hates having to put up a front and would rather just skip such interactions altogether.
How does one learn not to trust others too much? How does one stop giving people benefit of the doubt? How can one learn to be firm and decisive in light of conflicting observations, evidence and gut feeling? Why can't people relate to one another in truth and honesty?
Ouch to the correct assessment.
Must have been a continuation from a conversation they had the night before. My female owner had reacted with an incredulous look on her face (i.e. she couldn’t contain her reaction) when she realised that he had bluffed her about something. He, in turn, was shocked that she believed him (hence, it was clear that whatever he was claiming was just a joke but my female owner took him for his word). Although my female owner was quick to dismiss that joke (I can’t think of a better word to describe that piece of inaccurate information), she blurted out “why would anyone lie about that?” For the first time since she knew him, her Functional Fren apologised profusely.
Being too trusting has been one of my female owner’s Achilles’ heels. Other close cousins would be being too accommodating and indecisive. When she was a child, my female owner’s auntie once told her that she was too naïve. Twenty years later, my female owner is still naïve and gullible. Her preferred style of relating to people is with sincerity and truthfulness. That’s why my female owner hates to make small talk with strangers or diplomatic conversations with people she don’t like. She hates having to put up a front and would rather just skip such interactions altogether.
How does one learn not to trust others too much? How does one stop giving people benefit of the doubt? How can one learn to be firm and decisive in light of conflicting observations, evidence and gut feeling? Why can't people relate to one another in truth and honesty?
Saturday, January 17, 2009
adolescence
My female owner says that she is regaining her lost adolescence (and it is not just because she is still 18 years old). She is doing things that youths do, such as hanging out and boozing at chill-out places and just last night, she tried smoking sheesha. A bit overaged for her maiden dose of nicotine. My female owner is also gaining more knowledge about what makes guys tick by asking her male friends and observing what they say to each other. What she has learnt is both enlightening and distressing. Enlightening because finally she has some answers to her confusion. Distressing because she realises that indeed, all guys are bad! Carbon copies of one another.
prickly
My female owner was slightly emotionally prickly today. It must have been the accumulation of the recent meet-ups where, for some reasons, she found herself discussing about her ex-bf at almost all of them.
The climax came during today’s dinner. While asked for her opinion over some relationship matters, my female owner felt a wave of depressive aura come over her. My female owner then realised that although she is over her ex-bf, she has yet to process certain emotional baggage.
Later, she had a short chat with her Clever Fren who sent her home after dinner. He doesn’t know much about her past relationship but eventually asked why the relationship made her feel hopeless about the future.
My female owner was stunned at the direct question (but you know lah, clever people usually cut straight to the chase). She didn’t realise how negative she had been, Her reply was that at the end of the whole saga, she realised that she doesn’t really understand guys very well.
Her Clever Fren replied in a way that no one ever had, “well, it’s not entirely because of you, he didn’t really understand you”…. That sentence absolved some of her self-blame. When she insisted that she doesn’t want to make herself vulnerable again, the Clever Fren asked her to wait for someone wiser to find her.
Is that possible?
The climax came during today’s dinner. While asked for her opinion over some relationship matters, my female owner felt a wave of depressive aura come over her. My female owner then realised that although she is over her ex-bf, she has yet to process certain emotional baggage.
Later, she had a short chat with her Clever Fren who sent her home after dinner. He doesn’t know much about her past relationship but eventually asked why the relationship made her feel hopeless about the future.
My female owner was stunned at the direct question (but you know lah, clever people usually cut straight to the chase). She didn’t realise how negative she had been, Her reply was that at the end of the whole saga, she realised that she doesn’t really understand guys very well.
Her Clever Fren replied in a way that no one ever had, “well, it’s not entirely because of you, he didn’t really understand you”…. That sentence absolved some of her self-blame. When she insisted that she doesn’t want to make herself vulnerable again, the Clever Fren asked her to wait for someone wiser to find her.
Is that possible?
Friday, January 16, 2009
high
My female owner is having a packed week. She went to NUS twice this week to meet her supervisor and did some freelance work at another place which ate up a good part of her Wednesday.
In-between her work obligations (which included doing up lecture slides and sieving through SPSS data), my female owner also managed to catch up with some friends e.g. her Impromptu Frens in different combinations, a former colleague, a Brisbane Fren, a long-time friend from secondary school.
My female owner is one to feel anxious if she does nothing for more than a day. So even though this week had been hectic and a little sleep-deprived as she juggled work and play, my female owner felt more accomplished as compared to last week. Last minute work is her drug, it just gives her the adrenaline rush and gets her high.
I think she is mad.
In-between her work obligations (which included doing up lecture slides and sieving through SPSS data), my female owner also managed to catch up with some friends e.g. her Impromptu Frens in different combinations, a former colleague, a Brisbane Fren, a long-time friend from secondary school.
My female owner is one to feel anxious if she does nothing for more than a day. So even though this week had been hectic and a little sleep-deprived as she juggled work and play, my female owner felt more accomplished as compared to last week. Last minute work is her drug, it just gives her the adrenaline rush and gets her high.
I think she is mad.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
marriage
My female owner had a heart-to-heart talk with her Second Onli Fren last night at the beach. The topic? Relationships and marriage.
My female owner acknowledges that she is “expiring” and is probably at the back of the bottom shelf of the cupboard. Her Second Onli Fren pointed out that if she were to get attached and eventually get married, my female owner is likely to end up having risky pregnancies, given her age.
Over the past few months, my female owner observes that her married friends tend to be happier than her single friends. She says this because many of her single friends would air their feelings in one way or another. Either that or she does not spend enough time with her married friends/ they don’t come on MSN/ they turn to their partners for support etc.
My female owner wonders if she will be contented with “the standard Singapore lifestyle”. For someone her age, it would be just married, new house, career, maybe planning for kids. She thinks that this lifestyle is most appealing because it is probably the most trialled-and-tested method, providing one with great stability and security. What my female owner appreciates most out of this conventional route is firstly, having a soul-mate and secondly, a house to call her own. Always wanting to be different, she would much rather be married but exploring the world with her partner.
She finds it a pity that one can’t try different options before deciding on a final path… and somehow, the grass always seems greener on the other side.
My female owner acknowledges that she is “expiring” and is probably at the back of the bottom shelf of the cupboard. Her Second Onli Fren pointed out that if she were to get attached and eventually get married, my female owner is likely to end up having risky pregnancies, given her age.
Over the past few months, my female owner observes that her married friends tend to be happier than her single friends. She says this because many of her single friends would air their feelings in one way or another. Either that or she does not spend enough time with her married friends/ they don’t come on MSN/ they turn to their partners for support etc.
My female owner wonders if she will be contented with “the standard Singapore lifestyle”. For someone her age, it would be just married, new house, career, maybe planning for kids. She thinks that this lifestyle is most appealing because it is probably the most trialled-and-tested method, providing one with great stability and security. What my female owner appreciates most out of this conventional route is firstly, having a soul-mate and secondly, a house to call her own. Always wanting to be different, she would much rather be married but exploring the world with her partner.
She finds it a pity that one can’t try different options before deciding on a final path… and somehow, the grass always seems greener on the other side.
Monday, January 12, 2009
embrace
The whole cycle starts again.. the counting down of days left, the pressure to want to make each day count, the feeling of ambivalence, of what is going to be left behind and what is going to be experienced in an unknown future, the apprehension of not knowing where home is going to be for the rest of the year, the frantic meeting up of friends (and knowing all is futile, separation is inevitable).
My female owner is fatigued. She doesn’t regret her decision to pursue postgrad. She just wonders why she is not embracing the experience and opportunity as much as she should or would like to. You know, like embrace the moment and not fret about the fuure. Is that “should” a self-imposed expectation? Why do people tell her that they “can’t wait” to return to Brisbane? What is wrong with her? What is behind her reluctance?
My female owner is fatigued. She doesn’t regret her decision to pursue postgrad. She just wonders why she is not embracing the experience and opportunity as much as she should or would like to. You know, like embrace the moment and not fret about the fuure. Is that “should” a self-imposed expectation? Why do people tell her that they “can’t wait” to return to Brisbane? What is wrong with her? What is behind her reluctance?
Sunday, January 11, 2009
punish
I roughly get an idea of what kind of disciplinarian my female owner will be if she is a parent – one for all and all for one! Although Dodo was the only offending turtle this afternoon, the fact the he actually bit and held on to me must have shook her worldview of her “most agreeable turtle” so much that she coped by punishing all of us!
Specifically, she put us all into a container which was too high for us to climb over. Then she fed us (coz her hypothesis behind the biting behaviour was that Dodo was hungry) and left us in that snug container for a couple of hours (space was tight). She felt that we had been so used to a huge personal space in the big and swanky Balcony that we need to get used to being in close proximity again (even if the water was dirty and smelly due to the leftover food).
That, was her way of punishing us. None of us dared to protest. No more biting one another, definitely.
Specifically, she put us all into a container which was too high for us to climb over. Then she fed us (coz her hypothesis behind the biting behaviour was that Dodo was hungry) and left us in that snug container for a couple of hours (space was tight). She felt that we had been so used to a huge personal space in the big and swanky Balcony that we need to get used to being in close proximity again (even if the water was dirty and smelly due to the leftover food).
That, was her way of punishing us. None of us dared to protest. No more biting one another, definitely.
bit
Dodo bit me today. It came as a shock to my female owner who termed Dodo as her “most agreeable turtle”. She responded in the typical Singaporean parenting style. She hit Dodo on his shell to communicate her disapproval. I was quite shocked too, I guess Dodo was just hungry and he saw me as a potentially yummy meal. Fattened and overflowing with goodness. I forgive him.
My female owner was actually in the midst of giving all of us turtles a full body scrub. I’m serious. She used to do that before she left. Armed with a toothbrush and tender hands, she would scrub us turtles from head to toe, top to bottom, limbs to shell and make us all shiny and sparkling clean. Takes some guts coz the grouchy among us would sometimes snap at her.
We turtles hate the process, coz it is nerve-wrecking, uncomfortable and ticklish but the outcome of a full body scrub is always refreshing and liberating. Ahh.
My female owner was actually in the midst of giving all of us turtles a full body scrub. I’m serious. She used to do that before she left. Armed with a toothbrush and tender hands, she would scrub us turtles from head to toe, top to bottom, limbs to shell and make us all shiny and sparkling clean. Takes some guts coz the grouchy among us would sometimes snap at her.
We turtles hate the process, coz it is nerve-wrecking, uncomfortable and ticklish but the outcome of a full body scrub is always refreshing and liberating. Ahh.
alcoholic
My female owner did something which she hasn’t done for a long time. She went drinking with some friends. Her usual drinking kakis are her Impromptu Frens but tonight, she went with two church friends. Ah, so proud of her. She didn’t get drunk or vomit.
She came home a bit intoxicated but still lucid, in control of her actions and certainly not high. Just warm and light-headed. After all, it was only two mixers and a beer.
Hmmm… a sign of alcoholic maturity.. She chose not to drink more, because she could just feel the alcohol building up within her. Anymore at any faster rate would mean a repeat of her tragic past.
She came home a bit intoxicated but still lucid, in control of her actions and certainly not high. Just warm and light-headed. After all, it was only two mixers and a beer.
Hmmm… a sign of alcoholic maturity.. She chose not to drink more, because she could just feel the alcohol building up within her. Anymore at any faster rate would mean a repeat of her tragic past.
Friday, January 09, 2009
reality
Reality is catching up with my female owner. She received a call from her research supervisor today (he is currently a visiting Professor at NUS, on a 6-month stint), asking her to meet him on Monday. To start working for him of course.
After a month of denying that she has RA obligations and thesis research to complete during her summer break in Singapore, she is forced to confront the cold hard truth. It is time to pull up her socks and do some real work.
Anyway, my female owner almost died of boredom over her non-activities in the last two days (can anyone really die of boredom?!). She finally went out again with her Onli Fren for a tai-tai experience. Lazing at a coffee joint with aromatic coffee, premium cake, a good book and (this is optional, depending on whether available) Baby.
Quite a refreshing day of make-believe for the Onli Frens (more for my female owner I must say…before she gets suck back to reality!)
After a month of denying that she has RA obligations and thesis research to complete during her summer break in Singapore, she is forced to confront the cold hard truth. It is time to pull up her socks and do some real work.
Anyway, my female owner almost died of boredom over her non-activities in the last two days (can anyone really die of boredom?!). She finally went out again with her Onli Fren for a tai-tai experience. Lazing at a coffee joint with aromatic coffee, premium cake, a good book and (this is optional, depending on whether available) Baby.
Quite a refreshing day of make-believe for the Onli Frens (more for my female owner I must say…before she gets suck back to reality!)
Thursday, January 08, 2009
vision
My female owner sleeps like a koala and eats like a cow. She demonstrated the first portion aptly, by sleeping through the whole of yesterday afternoon… night till this morning. Sure, she woke out intermittently to have her meals and eye-drops but that’s about it.
For those who are wondering how my female owner’s vision is, she says that it is clear but not sharp. She likens it to the stage where you would consider checking your eye power because things are not so clear and subsequently, make a new pair of spectacles.
Good news is that there is no more tearing, no sign of infection or inflammation. The feeling, she says, is surreal. After about 20 years of being dependant on glasses to aid her sight… it is hard to believe that perfect (or at this point in time, normal) vision can be attained so easily. Sad to say, she has to abstain from exerising for at least a week.
For those who are wondering how my female owner’s vision is, she says that it is clear but not sharp. She likens it to the stage where you would consider checking your eye power because things are not so clear and subsequently, make a new pair of spectacles.
Good news is that there is no more tearing, no sign of infection or inflammation. The feeling, she says, is surreal. After about 20 years of being dependant on glasses to aid her sight… it is hard to believe that perfect (or at this point in time, normal) vision can be attained so easily. Sad to say, she has to abstain from exerising for at least a week.
hazy
My female owner made through her LASIK operation alive. There were some points in time when she felt like saying, stop, I don’t want to continue.. Ahh.. the strange noises from the machines around her and the burnt smell of her very own tissue. Even the mere three drops of anaesthetic freaked her out. What if she could still feel pain? How does being zapped by a laser feel like?
The aftermath of the surgery was even more traumatic. She couldn’t really open her eyes and look ahead. The most comfortable level was heads-down, looking at the ground. She kept tearing.. A very sorry state indeed. Given that it was at a public hospital, and she was dressed in white and black, I won’t be surprised if people thought she just lost a loved one. Her clarity of vision was as similar to those few times she was drunk.. restricted and hazy.
Ah, so she rushed home to sleep. Her mother made her take the sole sleeping pill prescribed by the doctor. Her maiden consumption of a sleeping pill. Didn’t help at all.
Anyway, her vision improved after those hours of forced rest. Hopefully tomorrow will be a clearer day!
The aftermath of the surgery was even more traumatic. She couldn’t really open her eyes and look ahead. The most comfortable level was heads-down, looking at the ground. She kept tearing.. A very sorry state indeed. Given that it was at a public hospital, and she was dressed in white and black, I won’t be surprised if people thought she just lost a loved one. Her clarity of vision was as similar to those few times she was drunk.. restricted and hazy.
Ah, so she rushed home to sleep. Her mother made her take the sole sleeping pill prescribed by the doctor. Her maiden consumption of a sleeping pill. Didn’t help at all.
Anyway, her vision improved after those hours of forced rest. Hopefully tomorrow will be a clearer day!
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
risk
2 more hours and my female owner will be at the hospital, waiting to do her LASIK. In her classic scenario-planning/ fortune-telling style, her predominant thought is “what if I go blind?”
My female owner is not a risk-taker. At times when she seems to take risks or do dangerous things, it is usually out an emotional rash-ness, e.g. pissed off by someone or when the consequences are trivial. Otherwise, she tends towards the trialled and tested routes and hesitates to venture out into unchartered waters. In addition, my female owner takes a long time to make important decisions, because she weighs all the pros and cons and ends up being stuck. The cons will somehow negate the pros and she is none the wiser on which path to take.
Her non-risk taking behaviour can be exemplified in the major decisions she make in her life - a career in the public service where an iron rice-bowl is more or less guaranteed, a conventional tertiary education where working hard/ rote learning gets you somewhere, a career choice that is definitely marketable. Even driving. She took such a long time (about 5 years) to get over the “risk” of getting into an accident while driving.
“What if?”
“What if?”
My female owner generally needs to be assured of success before she embarks on any major decision. She does not really tolerate uncertainty very well, unless uncertainty can be controlled by her actions.
Doing LASIK (see? I’m still on topic) brings about a great level of uncertainty that is out of her hands. Thinking of how irreversible the decision is freaks her out. The post-operation care is tedious – no bathing, no exercising, no rubbing of eyes, minimal computer and TV exposure, no sudden movements, no driving etc… One of the reasons why she agreed to do LASIK is because she is tired of living in fear and what-ifs, when the rest of the world is moving on..
Ah, but at crunch time, she is starting to panic and wonder if LASIK is the way to go. Haiz...The way she is coping with her insecurities is to keep praying for God’s protection. All the best!
My female owner is not a risk-taker. At times when she seems to take risks or do dangerous things, it is usually out an emotional rash-ness, e.g. pissed off by someone or when the consequences are trivial. Otherwise, she tends towards the trialled and tested routes and hesitates to venture out into unchartered waters. In addition, my female owner takes a long time to make important decisions, because she weighs all the pros and cons and ends up being stuck. The cons will somehow negate the pros and she is none the wiser on which path to take.
Her non-risk taking behaviour can be exemplified in the major decisions she make in her life - a career in the public service where an iron rice-bowl is more or less guaranteed, a conventional tertiary education where working hard/ rote learning gets you somewhere, a career choice that is definitely marketable. Even driving. She took such a long time (about 5 years) to get over the “risk” of getting into an accident while driving.
“What if?”
“What if?”
My female owner generally needs to be assured of success before she embarks on any major decision. She does not really tolerate uncertainty very well, unless uncertainty can be controlled by her actions.
Doing LASIK (see? I’m still on topic) brings about a great level of uncertainty that is out of her hands. Thinking of how irreversible the decision is freaks her out. The post-operation care is tedious – no bathing, no exercising, no rubbing of eyes, minimal computer and TV exposure, no sudden movements, no driving etc… One of the reasons why she agreed to do LASIK is because she is tired of living in fear and what-ifs, when the rest of the world is moving on..
Ah, but at crunch time, she is starting to panic and wonder if LASIK is the way to go. Haiz...The way she is coping with her insecurities is to keep praying for God’s protection. All the best!
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
wonders
My female owner wonders what people say when they look at her.
The working people (erroneously) comments “wah, good life, on holiday” or “so you very free now right?”
The envious whinges “so good, your parents pay for your education”
The spiritually discerning points out “make your life count for God, you are not here by chance or mistake”
The encouragers (usually her closer friends like Potahto) nudges her “it’s tough, but I know you can make it”
The pro-marriage ones hurry “find an ang-moh boyfriend and get married leh”
The confused questions “wah, why your course so long” or “Doctorate not PhD meh?”
The curious asks “So you prefer Singapore or Brisbane?”
The long-lost friends wonder "so what are you doing now?"
The (deluded) Onli Fren insists “I told you already, you are my Smartest Fren!”
The (anxious) Second Onli Fren urges “come back soon leh, I am waiting for you to buy a house together”
The Couple Frens smile with glee “our first child (aka your god-child) is safe in your hands”
The young wannabe-psychologists exclaim “you are my idol!”
Us turtles whisper “we miss you”
The family demonstrates “we love you so much, we will make the necessary sacrifices to support you through this journey”
God promises “For I know the plans I have for your life, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future”
The working people (erroneously) comments “wah, good life, on holiday” or “so you very free now right?”
The envious whinges “so good, your parents pay for your education”
The spiritually discerning points out “make your life count for God, you are not here by chance or mistake”
The encouragers (usually her closer friends like Potahto) nudges her “it’s tough, but I know you can make it”
The pro-marriage ones hurry “find an ang-moh boyfriend and get married leh”
The confused questions “wah, why your course so long” or “Doctorate not PhD meh?”
The curious asks “So you prefer Singapore or Brisbane?”
The long-lost friends wonder "so what are you doing now?"
The (deluded) Onli Fren insists “I told you already, you are my Smartest Fren!”
The (anxious) Second Onli Fren urges “come back soon leh, I am waiting for you to buy a house together”
The Couple Frens smile with glee “our first child (aka your god-child) is safe in your hands”
The young wannabe-psychologists exclaim “you are my idol!”
Us turtles whisper “we miss you”
The family demonstrates “we love you so much, we will make the necessary sacrifices to support you through this journey”
God promises “For I know the plans I have for your life, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future”
entice
Nanook is ill. She hasn’t been moving much since a few days ago. She simply spent her days in one single spot and My female owner, being her, took a few days to notice it. In her typical dismissive style, she thought that Nanook was just being lazy…
Haiz…
Anyway, so my female owner tried to entice Nanook to eat by putting Nanook into the feeding container. Not only did Nanook not eat, she actually fell asleep in the container, with her head and limbs extended outwards. My female owner, bless her soul, thought that Nanook drowned. It is NOT funny. She was so scared, she shook the container to see if Nanook would move.
Thankfully she did. Still alive… but ill. I wonder why. Nanook refused to talk.
This was where Nanook spent her time. The rest of us tried to get near to her but she ignored us. Refused to give us any eye contact!
Haiz…
Anyway, so my female owner tried to entice Nanook to eat by putting Nanook into the feeding container. Not only did Nanook not eat, she actually fell asleep in the container, with her head and limbs extended outwards. My female owner, bless her soul, thought that Nanook drowned. It is NOT funny. She was so scared, she shook the container to see if Nanook would move.
Thankfully she did. Still alive… but ill. I wonder why. Nanook refused to talk.
Monday, January 05, 2009
optimistic
My female owner heard the most optimistic line for 2009 recently. Her acquaintance was asking her when she would complete her studies. My female owner’s reply was “2010” and the acquaintance’s response was “isn’t that next year?”
Put in that perspective, it does makes one feel as if my female owner will be able to attain her professional aspirations fairly soon.
2008 had been a year of self-discovery and gaining self-awareness of who she really is. It was also a year of realising what she has been blessed with, and what she lacks in terms of character. It was also about learning more about her weaknesses, her natural style of appraising situations and her personal working styles and preferences. In addition, a time of accepting and loving herself after all the introspection and self-critique have been done and believe it or not, learning to come of age. Of accepting that her youth is almost all but gone and that by now, at her current age, she has reached (hopefully) a certain level of maturity and therefore, should conduct herself in a manner that commensurates with her age. You know, cannot behave like a teenager anymore.
Through the process, my female owner has become more confident of herself. She is more aware of what she appreciates and what pisses her off. While she once would dispense endless benefit of doubt to people who do dodgy things and bend her back backwards to accommodate others, my female owner is now more firm and discerning when interacting with people and indeed, more particular about people behaving properly (i.e. higher expectations of others). Ah, so she’s not Ms Nice anymore... and trying not to be Ms Gullible anymore.
Having travelled this path once in 2008 does not make going back to Brisbane in 2009 any easier. In fact, my female owner is already starting to feel a host of insecurities. Being her second year, she can no longer hide behind the excuse of being new to the country. She is assumed to have adapted to being an international student. Schoolwork is expected to be easier this year. Externships more manageable. She wants to live a proper life in Brisbane, but is not sure if she will be able to manage her time and workload decently. Her personal expectations have increased, the things that she hope to do or accomplish, the personal development that she wants to see unfold…
spent
My female owner really spent the whole day at home! The closest she came to going out was to jio someone out for jogging… but the person couldn’t make it in the end (not that my female owner was sorely disappointed!). She spent her day doing some school work in the living room (not bad for a start) … and ended up watching 6 episodes of Korean drama serials with her father! Ah.. this is enviable life.
Sunday, January 04, 2009
inkling
In her attempt to self-therapy, my female owner tried to sit with the discomfort of being at home by herself today.
You see, she has this inkling that the reason why she keeps going out with friends is because she does not like being alone at home, when she can be outdoors doing something more fun. The way she copes with her anxiety and tries to avoid the feared situation is to meet up with her friends at every waking moment. I mean it literally, coz I’ve observed that if my female owner has nothing to do at home, she would simply sleep.
This pattern of behaviour has left her feeling largely unaccomplished in the area of her schoolwork. Maybe she is just being too harsh on herself. My female owner brought back RA work but has not started on anything simply because she isn’t home most of the time. Ah, I suspect that she is trying to procrastinate too!
Anyway, my female owner has been home for about 2.5hours now (since she woke up) and is starting to feel restless, lethargic and sluggish. Not sure how long she can last and how productive she will be today!
You see, she has this inkling that the reason why she keeps going out with friends is because she does not like being alone at home, when she can be outdoors doing something more fun. The way she copes with her anxiety and tries to avoid the feared situation is to meet up with her friends at every waking moment. I mean it literally, coz I’ve observed that if my female owner has nothing to do at home, she would simply sleep.
This pattern of behaviour has left her feeling largely unaccomplished in the area of her schoolwork. Maybe she is just being too harsh on herself. My female owner brought back RA work but has not started on anything simply because she isn’t home most of the time. Ah, I suspect that she is trying to procrastinate too!
Anyway, my female owner has been home for about 2.5hours now (since she woke up) and is starting to feel restless, lethargic and sluggish. Not sure how long she can last and how productive she will be today!
80-20
My female owner updated her organiser recently and was astonished at the number of times she had been meeting her Impromptu and Onli Frens.
This pattern reminded her of the 80-20 rule (or the Pareto Principle) she was taught as a young leader in church more than 10 years ago. Spend 80% of your time with 20% of the people in your cell-group (i.e. the people you want to develop as future leaders). She did just that and her investment was worthwhile as many of her girls turned out to be leaders in their own right.
Anyway, back to her personal observation that she probably spent 80% of her available time with 20% of her friends over the past few weeks (my female owner also realised that she wore 20% of her clothes 80% of the time and that she probably visited 20% of her usual haunts 80% of the time). My female owner decided to “branch out” and meet other friends from other segments of her life. After all, they are also important to her.
Starting from Thursday evening, within three days, she met:
- 2 former cell-group girls and a former youth leader for dinner
- 2 ex-colleagues for lunch
- Group of aikidokas for training and supper
- Second Onli Fren for stayover
- theusualgang (her group of 8 JC Frens whom she had not met for ages) for lunch
- a subgroup of theusualgang (i.e. Couple Frens and her Ex-儿子) for badminton and dinner
- a former church friend for supper
In-between all these, she also tried to spend more time at home.. and had dinner with her parents on Friday and lunch on Saturday. She even helped her mother make samosas! But alas, she hasn’t spent time with us turtles. She still needs to prioritise her time!
This pattern reminded her of the 80-20 rule (or the Pareto Principle) she was taught as a young leader in church more than 10 years ago. Spend 80% of your time with 20% of the people in your cell-group (i.e. the people you want to develop as future leaders). She did just that and her investment was worthwhile as many of her girls turned out to be leaders in their own right.
Anyway, back to her personal observation that she probably spent 80% of her available time with 20% of her friends over the past few weeks (my female owner also realised that she wore 20% of her clothes 80% of the time and that she probably visited 20% of her usual haunts 80% of the time). My female owner decided to “branch out” and meet other friends from other segments of her life. After all, they are also important to her.
Starting from Thursday evening, within three days, she met:
- 2 former cell-group girls and a former youth leader for dinner
- 2 ex-colleagues for lunch
- Group of aikidokas for training and supper
- Second Onli Fren for stayover
- theusualgang (her group of 8 JC Frens whom she had not met for ages) for lunch
- a subgroup of theusualgang (i.e. Couple Frens and her Ex-儿子) for badminton and dinner
- a former church friend for supper
In-between all these, she also tried to spend more time at home.. and had dinner with her parents on Friday and lunch on Saturday. She even helped her mother make samosas! But alas, she hasn’t spent time with us turtles. She still needs to prioritise her time!
Friday, January 02, 2009
hit
Today is a significant day for many people. It’s the first day of school for all school-going children. Even more anxiety-provoking for children entering primary one and their equally anxious parents.
My female owner got a kick watching the parents wait/ loiter/ linger outside the primary school near her house. Aiyah, go school only mah. How scary can that be? When your child is in a safe place?
Seeing the crowd outside the school, my female owner’s mother started to recount about the time when my female owner was in primary school. She had gone for Chinese tuition at a HDB flat nearby. Upon reaching her house void deck, she saw her mother waiting for her. Without warning, her mother came towards her and hit her.
Of course my female owner got the shock of her life. She soon realised that her mother had thought that tuition had ended half an hour earlier than what it should be and so, her mother assumed wrongly that my female owner had gone gallivanting and hit her out of anger. And of course, her mother was deeply embarrassed then… and obviously remembers that episode untilnow.
That was the version my female owner had lived with almost 20 years of her life. Today, she heard a slightly different perspective. Her mother told her that when she didn’t return home at the time she thought my female owner was supposed to, her heart was pounding with fear that my female owner had gone missing. Hence, she hit her out of fear and anxiety. So, it wasn’t really out of anger.. it was just a projection of her anxiety..
The psychologist would say… maladaptive way of coping with negative emotions..
My female owner got a kick watching the parents wait/ loiter/ linger outside the primary school near her house. Aiyah, go school only mah. How scary can that be? When your child is in a safe place?
Seeing the crowd outside the school, my female owner’s mother started to recount about the time when my female owner was in primary school. She had gone for Chinese tuition at a HDB flat nearby. Upon reaching her house void deck, she saw her mother waiting for her. Without warning, her mother came towards her and hit her.
Of course my female owner got the shock of her life. She soon realised that her mother had thought that tuition had ended half an hour earlier than what it should be and so, her mother assumed wrongly that my female owner had gone gallivanting and hit her out of anger. And of course, her mother was deeply embarrassed then… and obviously remembers that episode untilnow.
That was the version my female owner had lived with almost 20 years of her life. Today, she heard a slightly different perspective. Her mother told her that when she didn’t return home at the time she thought my female owner was supposed to, her heart was pounding with fear that my female owner had gone missing. Hence, she hit her out of fear and anxiety. So, it wasn’t really out of anger.. it was just a projection of her anxiety..
The psychologist would say… maladaptive way of coping with negative emotions..
point
My female owner was going out yesterday when her father said to her “what’s the point of coming back to Singapore if you are always going out?”
Ouch. The inevitable has happened. Her parents are making noise now. My female owner was a little upset at the timing, coz she did spend Sunday and Tuesday evenings with them.
My female owner then stayed home today to make up for lost time. Unfortunately, her parents spent the day sleeping. By the time they got up and were ready to go out, my female owner had to go for a dinner appointment!
What bad timing.
Three cheers for trying!
Ouch. The inevitable has happened. Her parents are making noise now. My female owner was a little upset at the timing, coz she did spend Sunday and Tuesday evenings with them.
My female owner then stayed home today to make up for lost time. Unfortunately, her parents spent the day sleeping. By the time they got up and were ready to go out, my female owner had to go for a dinner appointment!
What bad timing.
Three cheers for trying!
Thursday, January 01, 2009
water
New year, new resolutions. For a few years now, my female owner has stopped making resolutions, because she forgets what they are after a while.
But not making goals for your life is akin to wasting your life away. There is a Chinese saying that goes something like, if you do not know where you are going, that’s where you are going.
I think I need to convince my female owner to start thinking about what she wants to achieve in 2009 and to perhaps take some steps to concretise those goals. The failure to do so will mean crying over lost time and wasted opportunities at the end of 2009. After all, her youth is really slipping through her fingers like water through the dams.
But not making goals for your life is akin to wasting your life away. There is a Chinese saying that goes something like, if you do not know where you are going, that’s where you are going.
I think I need to convince my female owner to start thinking about what she wants to achieve in 2009 and to perhaps take some steps to concretise those goals. The failure to do so will mean crying over lost time and wasted opportunities at the end of 2009. After all, her youth is really slipping through her fingers like water through the dams.
formality
It’s a new year! My female owner ushered in the new year unceremoniously, by playing Bang! with a group of friends in a games café. The group of friends merely interrupted their game for a brief moment, to cheer for the new year.
Unceremonious.
That’s the way my female owner spent her birthday too. She wasn’t referring to the friendships that kept her company as being unceremonious. In fact, she was appreciative of those. Rather, my female owner was talking about the introspection and self-reflection she did for both events (birthday and new year).
Absolutely zero.
Her internal state at the moment is – another year has past, another year beckons. What’s new? Life is so cyclical. One year passes, one year begins. Spends the year struggling through various challenges and obstacles, only to what? End the year and start another year with the same story.
Years blur into one timeline. It is now difficult to differentiate one year from the next. Birthday cakes are getting crowded with candles. Candles, each representing a year of one’s life, seem to lose their individual significance in the pillars of wax. She is ready to admit that she is old, that for a while now, she feels as if she is going through the motion of life.
Many asked: “How did you celebrate your birthday?”. My female owner’s reply: “with some friends”. My female owner wonders, how do people actually celebrate their birthdays? What does “celebrate” mean?
For a short period on her birthday, my female owner was alone by choice (or fluke, for those who know the story). Her Second Onli Fren was upset when she found out, as she could not accept the thought of my female owner being alone at home on her birthday. However, my female owner wasn’t upset at all. She has reached a stage where she has conceptualised birthdays as a formality to acknowledge one’s successful aging over the past year.
Unceremonious.
That’s the way my female owner spent her birthday too. She wasn’t referring to the friendships that kept her company as being unceremonious. In fact, she was appreciative of those. Rather, my female owner was talking about the introspection and self-reflection she did for both events (birthday and new year).
Absolutely zero.
Her internal state at the moment is – another year has past, another year beckons. What’s new? Life is so cyclical. One year passes, one year begins. Spends the year struggling through various challenges and obstacles, only to what? End the year and start another year with the same story.
Years blur into one timeline. It is now difficult to differentiate one year from the next. Birthday cakes are getting crowded with candles. Candles, each representing a year of one’s life, seem to lose their individual significance in the pillars of wax. She is ready to admit that she is old, that for a while now, she feels as if she is going through the motion of life.
Many asked: “How did you celebrate your birthday?”. My female owner’s reply: “with some friends”. My female owner wonders, how do people actually celebrate their birthdays? What does “celebrate” mean?
For a short period on her birthday, my female owner was alone by choice (or fluke, for those who know the story). Her Second Onli Fren was upset when she found out, as she could not accept the thought of my female owner being alone at home on her birthday. However, my female owner wasn’t upset at all. She has reached a stage where she has conceptualised birthdays as a formality to acknowledge one’s successful aging over the past year.
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My siblings and I
From top left: Dodo, Dona, me (Nooki) and Nanook