wheelchair

My female owner must have been so traumatised by her extended jog last night (she was reportedly close to tears when she found out, after cooling down, that she was at the wrong pit stop. The correct end point was more than 1km away and she had to jog there by hook or by crook) that it showed in her dreams.

She dreamt that she was told by her pastor that she had to remain in a wheelchair for a period of time…. And that she was not even allowed to stand. My female owner must have had the sub-conscious fear that she had overworked her dodgy knee in the run, even though it didn’t hurt at all. She remembered thinking in her dream “now I am like one of my aged care residents”

*pat pat*

All's good. It's just a dream...

push

My female owner went beyond what she thought she could do today, in terms of physical exercise.

Her original Thursday exercise routine was to walk to and fro work, covering 4.8km in an hour.

Today, she added in an evening jog with her jogging buddies. She expected “the usual round” but ended up going about twice the distance, at a faster pace than her previous jog.

Unexpectedly, she actually went longer and faster. About 50mins of jogging, covering about 8km (it’s hard to gauge) in all. She probably walked a total of 200m in all that distance.

Pushing herself was not easy. At times, her brain just zoned out, and she got into auto-pilot mode. She feared to stop, coz if she did, she might not be able to start again. At other times, she could hear her legs cursing her brain (“darn! Why did you decide to run? Look who’s doing all the hard work!”). She also refused to visualise the distance she had to cover, choosing to yah, zone out. Visualisation often discourages her.

What kept her going? A clear, non-negotiable goal (decided by her buddies who did not consult her), team spirit (everyone was like-minded, so how can she skive right?), verbal encouragement (she knew she “can do it” but somehow, hearing it from someone else is better than self-persuasion), role-modelling (she saw her friends happily jogging but yet was given space to go at her own pace, hence she was inspired but yet, felt little pressure) and periodical pacing (which pushed her pain barriers).

She’s not sure if she can do it (of course she can!) again but for now, its time to nurse her sore left calf and prepare her body for another 4.8km walk tomorrow.

why

My female owner wonders why people tell her that she is warm and friendly when she is actually anti-social and dislikes small talk.

My female owner wonders why her jeans have been hanging precariously at her hips even though she hasn’t lost weight.

My female owner wonders why people put themselves as “available” on MSN when they are actually busy.

My female owner wonders why she is being treated as a child when she is old enough to be a mother of two…or three?

My female owner wonders why she can be so happy and yet so anxious.

My female owner wonders why she distances from most people when they treat her as a friend.

My female owner wonders why she is still so naïve and trusting even after so many years of working in a cutting environment.

My female owner wonders why she doesn’t know how to help her frens with their issues despite being a trained psychologist.

My female owner wonders why her closer frens think that she is assertive when she rarely vocalises her opinions or displeasure and can hardly get her point across when it matters.

My female owner wonders why she is in this field of work when she is an emotional sponge, soaking and absorbing other people’s pain so easily.

My female owner wonders why she is so tall when her parents are not tall at all. Is she a adopted child?

My female owner wonders why she shuns most things dairy because they are "fattening" but would gleefully go for wings, beer and chips anytime.

My female owner (and I) wonders why she loves us turtles so much when she absolutely hates green (to the point that she refuses to use a green white board marker).

she

Random updates about my female owner:

She is trying out another exercise regime that involves walking distances and running with guys. Always good to have hope.

Because of the above, she weighed herself today.

She feels anti-social about her bible study group this week. She reckons coz another person had to go back to her home country. So she is feeling fragile from the recent goodbyes.

Because of the above point, she is hardly on MSN too. But she went on to it in the pm and ended up talking to maybe 7 people?

Only today, she thinks that writing up journal articles is exciting and sexy. Not sure if the feeling would last.

She had such a hilarious, explicit and sumptuous home-cooked dinner just now. Okay, she didn’t do much of the cooking but hey, she did help out somehow.. and tried to feed her guests as much as possible (so Asian. Feed us turtles as much as possible too!!!).She couldn’t believe that her church friend, out of the blue, asked her the exact same (unrepeatable) question that her Impromptu Frens from Singapore asked her. And she still doesn’t know the answer to that question.

She is pissed with her housemates for exceeding the internet download again. What’s their problem?

Because of the above point and other things (not really related to her housemates, some are personal issues), she wants to move out next year and has started praying for a new place already.

She thinks that she will have no friends to spend time with when she comes back to Singapore coz she hasn’t kept in contact with most of them. Her Impromptu Frens have been largely silent, her JC friends are all married, her aikido friends are scattered somehow. As always, she only has her Onli Fren.

Because of the above point, she spoke to a handful of her Impromptu Frens today (refer to point on MSN) and regained some form of connection. Her Onli Fren and another fren said that she is silly. Oh well.

She went to the Queensland Health Service today coz she has some rash or skin infection. Her first experience with the healthcare system. Ah, the doctor was really nice and professional. Better bedside manners than what she had been used to.

She thinks that grocery shopping with a friend is so therapeutic. Especially if they chance upon irresistible deals like 50cents mudcakes/ sponge cakes/ bread. It’s all about timing.

She is so glad that the worst of winter is over. She can even sleep in sports bra these days.

She is looking forward to her Yum Cha session and her Asian supermarket grocery shopping spree tomorrow.

For now, she is going to start on her exciting and sexy journal article.

modules

And so, my female owner’s first week of school is over. Her classes, that is. She is taking two modules this semester. Did I mention before that it is going to be six assignments but no examinations?! That means that she actually has no more written examinations for the rest of her programme. How cool is that.

First module is on gerontology. Yes, there is no escape for her. She experienced the practical side of things during her previous placement. Now, she is learning the theory. Sounds like she has put the cart before the horse, but that is how some things are.

Second module is sex and couple therapy. Well, my female owner figured that she had never really been truly in love and wonders if she will be of any help to couples. Nonetheless, this module sounds fun and credible so she is looking forward to it.

During class today, my female owner finally sorted out her most optimal learning style. She has been bugged by this question for quite a while. She realised that she learns best when someone teaches her the subject matter. Hence, self-study or self-experimentation is not her natural learning style and she figured out that its probably because she is too lazy and unadventurous to try things on her own. Or maybe, she's just too dependant. Whatever the reasons are, she needs to be pushed (or some say, spoon-fed with the information). Otherwise, she will stay in her comfort zone and remain as ignorant and as blur as ever.

anxiety

My female owner experienced really bad anxiety on Sunday night (she doesn’t think its panic attacks coz she wasn’t hyperventilating). She just felt anxious and jittery about whatever she was going to do on Monday. She had to wake up early, practise guitar for an hour, wash her clothes, make a trip to the hospital at a set time to collect some data (and data collection involved a number of steps), make a quick trip to the grocery to get some essentials, rush to uni for her first class of the semester (and hope she sits next to some nice people coz there would be group work involved), psyche herself to go for a jog and eventually, meet I-Fren for a jog.

Very standard, non-urgent or exceptional stuff. But yet, she had million thoughts racing through her head. Different “what ifs” and “what elses” popping into her head. “What if I forget to do something?”, “What else do I need to do?”

She felt so uptight, she knew it was ridiculous and unbecoming. As usual, the day unfolded the way it should be. No dramas.

stir

My female owner created a stir during her bible study group dinner today. She had asked someone to help her with tax return and to do that, she had to fill in a form.

Suddenly, a few people started crowding around her to look at her personal particulars.

Member 1: “Oh, so that’s your Chinese name.”

Member 2 (who had been trying to find out where she stays and called her mysterious coz she always diverted the question and refused to allow him to send her home): “now I know where you stay!”

Member 3-5 (who don't know how old she is and member 3 had been trying to find out for weeks): “fill in the date of birth! Hey! The year as well”

Too bad. My female owner left the year blank, much to their disappointment.

Duh.

starts

School starts tomorrow.

My female owner is not as fearful about this semester, as she was a year ago (for the second semester of the year). Yet, the prospect of starting school again is like “not again!” but yah, I suppose this feeling will pass, and as usual, she will manage whatever comes her way.

My female owner is a fighter. Her pride prevents her from giving up. She may complain heaps about things going wrong or not her way, and binge when doing brainy work but at the end of the day, she delivers whatever that is needed.

This time round, I believe it would be no different. In fact, she will be cramping more into the next 13 weeks of her life. She always says that what she lacks in terms of grey matter, she makes it up through hard work (except that of late, she is trying to work smart instead).

Ah, so fast! She is starting the second half of her programme. Miss her so much… It’s no fun not having someone to crawl towards.

Sacrifice-Bob Fitts- With lyrics.

My female owner chanced upon this song which she never heard it before and loved it immediately. Tells the story of Abraham sacrificing his son and of God's love.

Sacrifice.

brook

My female owner had another guitar lesson today. At this present moment, her skills level is elementary. She can play songs as long as she has the chords and knows the fingering for them. Her strumming repertoire is limited but still “passable”. She can pick up different strumming styles when taught.

Things she still can't do: She can’t play properly with a guitar pick. She can't play with much feelings coz she gets all self-conscious when people look at her play. She can’t work out individualised strumming patterns for songs.

She appreciates the soothing, gentle but firm playing style of her guitar teacher. If her playing is like a volcano erupting (no thanks to her noisy and irregular strumming), his is like the gentle trickling of water in a brook.

At this time, she has no overt goals she is working towards but she reckons that she will work on her rhythm (she always had problems with timing, even with flute), her repertoire of strumming patterns and chords knowledge and maybe, if she is really into it, get a guitar of her own.

irritable

My female owner only video-cams with her parents and recently, her mother commented that she “seems more cheerful and less irritable now”.

That stunned my female owner. She didn’t expect her mother to be assessing her all this time and also, didn’t expect that any changes in her mood (if any) was noticeable or could be picked up through brief video contact.

Anyway, that comment set my female owner thinking about whether she is really more cheerful and less irritable now because things are less hectic (external factors) or because she has been changed from inside out through her newly-renewed relationship with God (internal factors). Maybe it’s a combination of both. Coz she can still be emo even when she has nothing much to do. And how can anyone not be changed, if he/she understands the power of God’s love?

sudden

Might be good for you to know that my female owner is still alive. She has just been busy.

Another one of her bible study group members is leaving Brisbane for a very long time. Possibly for 5 years, as her mother became ill suddenly. As a result, my female owner has been busy spending time with her (take today as an example, she just came home and its 2am already). That kinda throws my female owner off-track with her work plans and got her a little concerned about the progress of her research. She’s not even sure if she has time this weekend to do much work….

Oh man… she really cant work without deadlines. She also hates sudden separations.

fruitful

My female owner says that it has been a fruitful week (not bad, considering that it is only Wednesday).

Firstly, she had a dreaded meeting with her research supervisor which turned out better than she expected, because he was pleased with the statistical analyses she churned for him in March. And he gave her concrete directions for the next steps.

Secondly, she met up with her clinical supervisor from the first externship for the last time ever to get feedback on her written work. With no major changes required, my female owner managed to compile, bind and submit her folio today. End of first placement!

Thirdly, she met up with the lecturer for the course which she is tutoring. This incident deserves more mention. Earlier, my female owner couldn’t decide whether she should take up a tutoring job on top of her research assistant job. So she prayed about it and asked God to give it to her if He wills. Well, she was allocated a position and on finding out what the course was, she wanted to back out. From the course profile, she found out that she had to mark 4 assignments (the bane of all tutors!!) and run two 2-hour tutorial groups. Super bo-hua, she said. On a positive note, she realised that her tutorials are on Wed, and the only public holiday in this semester is on a Wed. So that’s a discount.

She was toying with the idea of backing out, or asking for another course that is on Mon or Tues (where she has her own lessons) but God reminded her that she prayed for this and this is the answer to her prayers.. and pointed out that she has a tendency to reject His answers to her prayers.

Oh well. So she decided to stick with the allocated course.

And today, she found out that things are better than she thought. For one, the number of assignments is cut to 3. And the new lecturer (standing in for the resident lecturer) offered to split the marking for the final assignment (which is academic in nature, the rest are easy marking). Marking in general is also going to be less anal, having to just give grades (e.g. 6, 6+, 7) and not adhere to some specific marking points system. She also found out that her course is the smallest size among all the other courses, so that means she probably has a smaller marking load overall. More importantly, she finds that this course will be relevant for her professional development as it deals with disability.

Ah, so my female owner is now at peace with the tutoring arrangements and is very glad that she accepted God’s answer to her prayers.

Well, fourthly, my female owner has placement again tomorrow and the unusual thing is that, she has updated all her hours and paperwork, so she is not rushing to do any last minute work now. Such a strange phenomenon!

Fifthly, she actually managed to practice guitar on more days than not (since last Friday, when her guitar teacher reminded her again to practice. *sheepish grin*)

Sixthly, she finally sent off a print job for her church friends, after a number of agonising days over design (reminds her of her previous job where she was project manager of countless collaterals and informational materials).

Seventhly, my female owner caught up with her Therapist (impromptu meets), Librarian Fren (rem that fiasco where both were waiting for the other to make the first move?) and Onli Fren (after a long cyber absence of erm... 5 days?).

There you go, a fruitful week (notice I didn’t mention anything about exercising or eating in moderation. Hee).

Via Dolorosa (english, spanish (español))

A song... of Jesus' journey to Calvary on the day of cruxification.

money

My female owner had a sudden change in mindset a couple of days ago.

Those who know my female owner may realise by now that making lotsa money is not one of her priorities in life (if it is, she wouldn’t have resigned from her previous job, or stuck with her ex-bf who was largely financially challenged). And even when people tell her that she can earn big bucks in future (coz she calls herself a “poor student”), she doesn’t get excited at the prospect.

“Just as long as I have enough to get by, coz money is not everything”, she says.

A few days ago, in a conversation with erm, her mum, my female owner suddenly realised that earning money is not just about her getting by. It is also about giving and sowing into God’s kingdom. If she has the earning potential, she should stretch herself in this area.

Ah, so it’s not just about herself anymore. For the first time in her life, she prayed that she would be able to earn lotsa money, so that she can channel the money to where it matters. Money, as the means to an end.

healthy

My female owner is tickled. In his usual weekly update for her bible study group, the leader included a new section on Staying Fit and Healthy. This was apparently sparked off by the number of casualties in the group in the previous week. It was just the way he wrote the section, and his thoughtfulness, that brought a smile to her face and warmed her heart.

Staying Fit and Healthy. I would like to encourage everyone of us to stay fit and healthy this winter. Last week we have a number of people fell sick. If we are physically sick, we will not be able to work or meet people, which means we will not be able to make an impact in people’s life. We are God’s ambassador on this earth, but we cannot function as an ambassador properly if we are bed-ridden. So how to stay fit and healthy:
a) Exercise regularly. Regular exercise helps regulate our heart beat and the flow of our blood. It also help strengthen our muscles. Please approach your doctor to find other alternatives if you think regular exercise will ruin your health.
b) Drink at least 2lt of water everyday.
c) Wear enough clothing to keep yourself warm this winter.
d) Eat enough to sustain you for the whole day (recommended 3 times a day of healthy diet - unless you are fasting).

Yeah, (c) was directed at her. Last Friday, she got chided by a number of people for taking off her sweater and not wearing socks.

axe

My female owner says that the more things she learns to cook, the less options she has when it comes to eating out. This is because she rather not buy food that she can cook. So far, this includes all kinds of fried rice, chicken curry, mapo tofu, stir-fry meats/ vegetables, muffins, some types of noodles, pastas and one new addition today, porridge.

Yes! She cooked her maiden porridge, shredded chicken porridge today, coz she just felt like it. She’s quite happy with it, coz its clean, healthy and piping hot, just right for winer. She thought that it was strange that she took so long to do something so basic.

Still save from the no-order list (mainly because of the complexity of the recipe) are items like laksa, fried chicken wings, Coles's roast chicken (an all-time fave), sweet and sour pork and erm… most kinds of non-Chinese cuisines?

Although she can’t cook Hainanese Chicken Rice, it got the axe, coz she hasn’t found a place which sells it at a respectable standard (not to her cooking… but to her Singaporean taste-buds).

YOU STILL BE FAITHFUL by Bob Fitts with lyrics

My female owner unearthed this yummy old song by chance. Still an old time fave for her.

noh

My female owner has problems saying no, the aussie way.

She was at a CBT party last night. That’s what happens when a group of clinical psychologists get together. They do Cakes and Biscuits Therapy on one another.

The random topics shifted to accents. One of my female owner’s pet fascinations. So many ways to sound one thing. The group tried to get two Canadians and her to speak with an Aussie accent.

“I paked the ca at the ca pak.”

This bewildered my female owner. Why can’t you just pronounce the “r”s?? Strongly agreed by the Canadians.

Anyway, back to Aussie Accent 101. My female owner tried to learn to say no, the aussie way… Noooo. Nnnoooo… Ah, finally someone explained to her that it’s noh… like “no” with a “oh”

Looks like she needs more lessons. For the time being, my female owner is in a dangerous position… since she can’t say no.

bug

My female owner finally realised that it wasn’t really physical or mental exhaustion or aging that caused her to be flat-out. She was actually ill. Yah, that’s her. My female owner always has problems realising when she is ill.

Apparently, she caught a cold on her first day of work, coz she was deceived by the sun. Thinking it was going to be a hot and sunny day, she brought a skimpy meant-to-be-worn-in-sunny-Singapore sweater to work, only to find that she had to brave the winds throughout the day/ night.

In addition, there’s a bug that is spreading around her bible study group members and she probably caught something during the week. For some reason (including illness), only 14 people turned up for Friday’s bible study. 6 of the 7 gals were ill while a couple of guys were ill too.

With majority ill, the atmosphere was the most lethargic my female owner had ever experienced. In her hallmark ill fashion, my female owner kept sneezing. She must have been so disruptive coz the chair person stopped half-way to ask if she was ok.

A healthy person (rare commodity!) was assigned to pray for all the sick people in the group… and today, my female owner woke up feeling better than Friday. She didn’t sneeze as much and even managed to attend a birthday party with no dramas…

Yeah, so it’s not aging!

fierce

My female owner received a social feedback that she is actually “quite fierce”. Of course she was shocked that she had been perceived this way. Hmmm…

She hasn’t quite figured out why but its probably due to her words and manner of speech.

Any comments?

bleak

My female owner is flat-out from her first day at placement. She doesn’t quite know whether it’s mental exhaustion or physical exhaustion or simply aging.

Mental because she was over-simulated by new faces, surroundings and information.

Physical because she walks to and fro work. That’s 30mins of brisk walking covering 2.4km per trip. Actually, she went to her placement site yesterday because she had to sign her contract and today, she ended up with a sore right butt today which she couldn’t understand why. Neither can I. I mean, did she use her right butt to walk?

Aging? She was never that exhausted working in her previous organisation, even though she put in longer hours. Or maybe she was, just that she had forgotten. Well, that’s aging too, isn’t it?

Me reckons, as her long-suffering pet, that it’s a combination of all three. How would a psychologist formulate her presenting problems? Maybe, physical exhaustion precipitated by aging, perpetuated by mental degeneration. Hmmm… sounds bleak.

chapter

My female owner says that Chapter 1 of Brisbane09 is concluding tonight and Chapter 2 starts tomorrow.

I never knew she was compartmentalising her life into chapters! Anyway, here’s why there is a need for another chapter.

The main reason is because her second externship starts tomorrow and with its commencement, kickstarts other commitments for the rest of the year (before she returns home. Yay!). She is looking forward to this placement as she would be working with school children. The placement site has good reviews and she believes that it would be more fulfilling and enriching than erm… the previous one (well.. what can be worse than that, right?). In addition, she looks forward to understanding more about the aussie culture through working with young people.

Okay, so one thing leads to another. After her externship, her RA work starts too. She has agreed to meet with her supervisor on a weekly basis. First meeting takes place next Tuesday.

One week after that, school starts. That means two coursework and one tutor load.

So a typical week would look like this. Monday: coursework. Tuesday: coursework + research. Wednesday: tutoring + preparation for placement. Thursday & Friday: placement. Sat? Sun?

On her personal life side, she hopes to continue with the following:

• Losing weight (must admire her for her never-say-die spirit). Believe me, she has a plan.
• Practicing guitar (she decided that maybe flute has to be put on hold, coz she has limited musical genes and neurons)
• Investing time and energy into Brisbane friends (don’t forget people in Singapore!)

In terms of her spiritual walk with God, she has MOVED ON. No longer moving on, but MOVED ON. The emotional and spiritual baggage that she had accumulated over the years no longer has a hold on her. Her mind is now clearer about who God is, about the promises and blessings that she is entitled to, about the faithfulness and steadfastness of God, about how she wants to live her life from now on, about so many things that my tiny paws cannot keep up typing. Her faith has been strengthened through the different experiences she had over the months.

5 months in Brisbane and my female owner has accomplished many things in various domains – academically, spiritually, socially, psychologically, emotionally, musically. Maybe the only thing is that her physical health is not so good now. She also noticed that she is not as mentally alert as before (by the way, she finally decided that she should start taking salmon oil!). Her financial health remains dodgy but it doesn’t worry her atm.

Overall, Chapter 1 closes on a high note. She grew more than she ever imagined or dared to think of when she cried her way into the plane in Feb this year. And what's more exciting for my female owner is that God told her to believe Him for more.

conscience

My female owner’s conscience has caught up with her in more ways than one.

Firstly, her research supervisor is back. Her RA work had come to a standstill since March because of her incompetence in research work. With less than 24 hour’s notice (no thanks to an email she sent him on Monday), she had to give an account of her non-work to her supervisor on Tuesday. Was a super stressful time for her as she prepared herself for the inevitable. Her supervisor was still reasonably kind and gracious towards her, for which my female owner is grateful.

Secondly, the worship coordinator cum guitar teacher (who also lent her his guitar, she calls him 师父 at times) suddenly asked her last night “how is your guitar?”. After all the time he had invested in her, she couldn’t tell him that she hasn’t done much since she played last Friday. Ah, he went on to ask her to practice her guitar one hour a day, before school starts. My female owner meekly agreed coz she knows that she has to practice consistently so that her skills can improve.

This is how my female owner performs generally. She knows what she has to do, but she will only do it when there is an external stimulus. This usually comes in the form of deadlines, accountability to people, examinations. No pressure, no clear goals or directions, no work done. Queen of procrastination.

long

For the first time since she went back to Brisbane, my female owner skipped church last Sunday. The observant reader would know that she was away at the Coast.

My female owner only told a couple of people beforehand that she would be away, on a need-to-know basis (e.g. they wanted to meet her on Sunday but she couldn’t). She didn’t expect any reactions from anyone and was surprised at some of the reactions.

One smsed her on Sunday itself, about dinner time, to ask if she was ok and if she would like to join them for steamboat at someone’s house. My female owner replied to say that she was at the Coast and assumed that the information was communicated to the rest of the group.

To her surprise, someone else smsed her on Monday to ask if she was ok since she didn’t see her on Sunday.

Yesterday, during prayer meeting, another tapped her from the back and exclaimed “so long never see you!” (my female owner was stunned coz she just saw him the previous Friday).

And the funniest took place today, when another one smsed to say that he hadn’t seen her for so long (but it had only been 5 days…) and asked if she had gone on holiday or something. He also expressed surprise that she was at the prayer meeting. My female owner was amused coz firstly, why would he be surprised, secondly, she spoke to him after prayer meeting and he didn’t ask her anything then.

But actually, 5 days can be a long time. My female owner did miss her church friends when she was at the Coast. Just weird, she says, being away from them.

birthday

It’s our birthday today (that's me on the left and Nanook on the right)! 7 years old! As old as a child starting primary school.

My female owner always celebrated our birthdays. She usually spends some time in the Balcony and sings us a birthday song. We will miss the song this year, since she’s gallivanting in Brisbane.

Just on this topic, Functional Fren was freaked out last night when my female owner publicised her birthday wishes for us over MSN and FB. He couldn’t figure out why people would wish turtles happy birthday (what’s wrong with that?!) and told my female owner to get a boyfriend.

Huh? Potahto Fren and my female owner were perplexed by the randomness of his comments.

He then explained that at least a boyfriend would respond to her greetings. To which my female owner’s retort was that even ordinary friends would acknowledge birthday greetings… except maybe Functional Fren coz she didn’t remember him responding to her birthday wishes a few months back.

Wahaha. And yes, he was caught and had to apologise for his non-response then.

Still on this topic, Onli Fren shares the same birthday as us, and got “upset” that she wasn’t mentioned in my female owner’s MSN tagline. My female owner explained that she was just one of Onli Fren’s many friends, whereas she was the world to us turtles (so true!) And being Onli Fren, she sent us her birthday greetings too! So sweet.

Still still on this topic, my female owner told Intuitive Fren last week that it would be our birthday today and his response was “how old would they be?” Seven years old was the answer. “Time to cook them”. Wah. Didn’t know we have so many enemies. My female owner said that he had to queue up after her father who had been waiting in line for a long time.

Still still still on this topic, Dodo and Dona came over to give us a birthday pat just now. Such tender-hearted brothers!

So there. The joy of pets’ birthday is meant to be shared and embraced by others. Have a great day too.

spit

My female owner went missing over the weekend! Well.. she had approximately 48hours of no internet access. In case you are wondering which ulu part of Australia she ran off to, can I just say that she headed off to Goldcoast? Yes, again. This time, to be with Therapist Fren and boyfriend (who works there). Haha. Yah, she was apparently a mega-big lightbulb. Agenda of the weekend: Hair-cut, steam-boat, shopping, sight-seeing. Not a bad itinerary, considering that my female owner reached the Coast at about 1730hr on Saturday, after a lunch party at her host’s house.

As always, Goldcoast never fails to amaze her and she took many random photos as usual. I’ve arranged it according to her itinerary.

Hair-cut

Sorry no photos. She didn’t really like the cut.

Steam-boat

Steamboat is always a popular option for winter.

A precious commodity in Brisbane... Egg tofu

Left0vers from Saturday became dinner for Sunday, topped up with good old Mee Goreng and Soya Bean drink

Shopping
No photos. She was too busy shopping.

Sight-seeing at The Spit. Yes, The Spit!

Big waves at The Spit According to my female owner, there were HEAPS of dogs here..

Err... I think they are looking for the mistress of the house. Must have left her behind..Cutesy beagles out for a run... How about a turtle outing one day?

Happy happy. Look at her front paws flying in the air.

The Abominable Doggie?

An unexpected find nearby: Max Brenner!

guitar

I said that I would write about my female owner’s guitar practicing efforts.

She was scheduled to play again today. Actually the worship coordinator had scheduled her to play ALONE after the first time but she threw up a mini-fit (I’m exaggerating here) about it. So he ended up having to play with her again. Poor guy coz he ended up being on duty three weeks in a row.

My female owner first learnt to play the guitar when she was about 13 or 14 years old. Someone from her first church put together a basic guitar course booklet and many gals from her group joined the class. The main thing my female owner struggled with was figuring out the chords to play in a song and help came in the form of a compilation of songs in a chords book. Hence, her repertoire of songs was restricted to the contents of that chords book and ad-hoc chord sheets that people passed around.

For many reasons, my female owner stopped playing the guitar after a few years.

Fast forward to today. By “no choice” (that’s another story in itself), she picked up the guitar again. Rusty and laden with a sense of responsibility (that since she agreed to help out with being a musician, she better pull up her socks), she agreed to meet the worship coordinator on a Saturday in preparation for her first slot. She never expected that session to morph into a weekly guitar class with other students.

She was amazed at how things, in terms of learning things, have changed over 10 years. The internet now holds the keys to self-improvement. Chords for songs and chord charts are now freely available online. There are even instructional videos teaching you how to play specific songs, in accordance to the original sound tracks. In terms of individualised coaching, the coordinator started at her current skills level and erm…. must have lowered his standards considerably as he modified the strumming patterns and chords while balancing the technical aspects to maintain a decent standard. His patience and example helped my female owner to develop a wider repertoire of techniques and to sandpaper off the rust that had accumulated.

My female owner was encouraged (actually, she was more relieved and shocked) today when he suddenly turned to her to say that she had improved greatly since the last time they played. Well, there’s certainly more room for improvement (which at this point I must say that I am glad she is not in Singapore coz we turtles have suffered a good 3.5 years when she was trying to master the flute!) and the real acid test would be when she plays alone in future. She is NOT looking forward to it.

learnt

Random things my female owner learnt today:

i) Guyatt Park is windy.
This is a nearby park that overlooks the river. She was there with Therapist Fren for brekkie (0830 to 1200hr). She didn’t believe her friends who warned her that Guyatt Park would be windy and hence, spent a good part of the morning battling the wind. This leads to the second thing she learnt today:

ii) Battling wind and cold makes you hungry and tired
She ended up snoozing 3.5hrs in the afternoon, exhausted from the morning’s events.

iii) Simple brekkie is heavenly, as long as the company is right
Menu was homemade cinnamon toast, homemade pancakes with honey, coffee with biscuits to dip in.

iv) Shortcut to powerpoint
She learnt that when you are in the presentation mode, you can get to the exact slide you want by pressing the slide number and “enter”. She used to use the forward and backward buttons to get to where she wanted to.

v) Ingredients to yummy potato salad
Potatoes (of course!), eggs, celery, bacon, onion, buttermilk, sour cream, mayonnaise, ranch (?!), dill, parsley

vi) Erm… her Bluetooth on her laptop is throwing a fit. She can’t get it to work.

7-6

My female owner had a mini-disappointment on Tuesday. She received an email from her course coordinator regarding her exam results.

Reading the email (pasted below), my female owner’s first thought was “oh no! I got a 6 (distinction) coz I couldn’t find RCTs, Cochrane review and meta analyses for my specialised topic”.

Hi everyone
Congratulations on completing the Clinical Health Psychology course. I will be forwarding the tip sheets in due course.

A couple of comments regarding the essays; the standard was high and the assignments were a pleasure to mark. Highest marks went to students who drew on RCTs, Cochrane reviews and meta analyses to create an evidence-based tip sheet.

Exam marking: Higher marks were given to students who prepared treatment programs that integrated more complex issues (eg collaboration with other members of the health team, principles of promoting adherence/MI, and resolution of grief/stress/relationship distress) with standard principles of CBT.

True enough, when she opened the excel file containing everyone's marks, she saw that she received a “6”. What she didn’t expect was that if she had gotten another mark (i.e. 84 instead of 83), she would have been bummed up to a “7”.

So near yet so far. A miss is as good as a mile. She would be lying if she said she wasn’t disappointed. Especially when she saw that people who scored in the 70s also received a “6”. It was like she worked so hard but just couldn’t make the cut…. by one mark. And she kept wondering where she could have scrapped together another mark.

Wednesday came and she found out that she got a “7” for her counselling module (thankfully). Hence, it was like a bitter-sweet conclusion for her first semester. A 7-7 would have been perfect. A 7-6 acceptable. A 6-6 devastating.

Although she couldn’t understand why this happened (she prayed for a 7-7), my female owner made the choice to find her comfort in God. So she prayed about it and asked God to show her learning points about this incident.

The Father's Song (Matt Redman)

I have heard so many songs
Listened to a thousand tongues
But there is one
That sounds above them all

The Father's song
The Father's love
You sung it over me and for eternity
It's written on my heart

CHORUS:
Heaven's perfect melody
The Creator's symphony
You are singing over me
The Father's song
Heaven's perfect mystery
The king of love has sent for me
And now you're singing over me
The Father's song

organise

I wanted to write something about my female owner but I dunno what. And so, I decided to chronicle her day. After a few hectic weeks of having fun, my female owner finally found the time to sit down yesterday, to organise her week. One clear sign is that she managed to put in her appointments for the week, BEFORE the events are over.

Even though she is taking her well-deserved break (to my female owner, every break is well-deserved), my female owner decided that she had to set some goals or else she would waste her time and accomplished nothing. Her break is time-limited as her next placement would commence next week. After some thoughts, she worked out the following goals for today:

- Placement objectives writeup
- Three psychological reports
- Placement reflection writeup
- Consolidate placement hours
- Supervision records
- File papers
- Clear room
- Practice guitar (she is playing again this Friday, more of this another day)
- Jogging at 5pm

She completed everything, except her three psychological reports and supervision records (yay, the most troublesome stuff). It didn’t worry her coz she knew that she would not be able to complete all the paperwork anyway. And yes, she even managed to stick to her original plan and extricate herself to go for a jog.

My female owner almost convinced herself not to go jogging again (“the weather is too cold”, “haven’t done much of the paperwork”) but in mid-pm she got involved in an MSN conversation with one of her bible study friends and the topic revolved around exercising. Although it seemed like a conversation, my female owner was actually persuading herself to stick to her original plan to jog.

It was a half-hearted attempt, in the sense that she jogged for half the usual route and started walking all the way. She knew that she could jog all the way if she set her mind to it, but she didn’t want to battle with her mind. She felt that it was good enough that she got out of the house and got her butt moving. Hmmm… not sure if this is going to help her get fit, since she didn’t perspire much.

The extra icing of the day was the different conversations which she had with Potato, Onli Fren and Functional Fren. The few people whom she keeps in regular contact with but for some reasons, haven’t really heard from them for quite a while. She even managed to speak a few words to her housemates (usually she can go through the whole day without seeing them or speaking to them).

There you have it, a quiet but productive day for my female owner.

sunrise

My female owner went to the Coast again last Saturday, this time with some friends from her former bible study group. My female owner has been to the Coast a few times before but with different people each time doing different things. Hence, each trip is special in its own ways.

Of all her trips, this must be the one that has a specific itinerary, besides being the good old famous “free and easy”. Agenda of the day:

• Leave Brisbane at 0430hr
• Catch the sunrise
• Architectural walk
• Brunch
• Hike at Mt Tambourine
• Back in Brisbane by the pm

Armed with warm clothings, four cameras, a bag of mini-apples, a grumpy car, lack of sleep but boundless energy, the group of four set out to embrace their first sunrise together. The foursome was headed by a steady driver cum professional sounding tour guide who was sustained despite by his lack of sleep by his ever-reliable single neutron, a dodgy talking street directory who tended to provide superfluous information and kept asking “where are we?”, an earthworm-fearing lass who was thrown into the deep end of the rainforest in the name of exposure therapy, and of course, my female owner, the social loafer who literally took the back seat of the car (yay! No need to read maps for once!).

Despite a wrong turn and a scary twist, they managed to arrive just in time to witness the breaking of dawn such a picture-perfect photo

civilisation in the backgroundshe likes the textures and layers of colours here... (reminds her of Nyonya kuehs...)
Photographer at work, the source of most of the nice photos..

My female owner wanted to capture the canoeist who was rowing across the rising sun (can you spot it)? She hopes that one day, she can also do something similar.

The two of them, always whining to each other about how they miss home.. They must be thinking about home when this photo was taken.

this was what they came here for

The sun has risen!

so early... and yet, there are signs of human activities

The foursome. Apparently, they did many things with their shadows..

Artist impression of the group

Just showing a random mid-morning shot, see the difference in colours...

release

This entry is long overdue. I meant to write it on 1st July, coz that marked the beginning of the second half of 2009. I wanted to do a traditional “half a year has flown by, let’s see what my female owner is up to” entry. Out of curiosity, I went back to the entries I made last year… and I realised that my female owner actually returned to Singapore on this day (4th july) for a two-weeks break.

My female owner can’t help but laugh at the irony of things. She was so busy last year that she had to squeeze out time to return home. This year, she had a clear-cut “free” period but didn’t capitalise on it to return home. Oh well.

She says that there is an old Chinese saying “旧的不去新的不来”. This means “old things don’t go, new things don’t come”. Hence, if she doesn’t release her Singaporean lifestyle, memories and habits, she cannot embrace new ones. It is very much like clothes. You need to clear your wardrobe once in a while in order to make way for new clothes. Now that my female owner is gaining more functional fats, she is taking a second look at her collection of clothes and realises that there are some stuff that were purchased as long ago as 2001! Time to discard those unwearables!

And she doesn’t want to spend her time in Brisbane, wishing for things she miss in Singapore and return to Singapore eventually, to regret not experiencing much of Brisbane/ Australia. Anyway, back to main topic of the night – review of 2009.

2009, as mentioned many times, is my female owner’s year of dedication to God. In truth, one should dedicate her entire life to God. My female owner is NOT saying that 2009 is the only year intends to dedicate to God. Rather, this is a year of renewal and refreshing, after so many years wandering and wondering in the wilderness.

When my female owner first attended her church services and programmes in 2008, she was taken aback by the love and devotion that people had for God. She remembered telling herself that she could never love God in such measure. This year especially, she started to understand and experience God’s love not only for this season of her life but through the years she was in Singapore. She started to fall in love again, with God.

My female owner struggles with being consistent in her walk with God. This is especially so, when she is preoccupied with things (she forgets or becomes too tired) or am feeling upset about things (she curls up and hibernates from everything including God). Even now, there are times when she doesn’t feel like going for bible study or church because something gets her down. Yet, she finds it easier to conquer her fleshy “nua-ness” and pull herself together. Christianity is not about doing things when you feel good. Pray, even when you don’t feel like it. It empowers you. Worship, even when you’ve got heaps of things to deal with. God is still faithful. Read the Bible, because it is God’s love letter to her. It brings LIFE.

In the recent past, she had been challenged several times to step out of her comfort (but dysfunctional) zone: to confront the demons of her past (call them out by names, and proclaim victory over them), to contribute more to her bible study group (rather than to sit back one corner and relac), to invest time in building godly relationships (despite her ambivalence). All these required her to act in spite of her passive personality and to make a conscious decision to be bold and proactive. Overcoming her nua-ness, through a greater revelation of God’s love, it is her personal dedication to God.

The second half of 2009 promises to be more hectic for my female owner in terms of schoolwork, personal and social life and churchwork. All the more she needs to depend on God for strength and to help her manage her time and resources more efficiently. Time to extend her tents.

curl

My female owner is in an angsty kind of mood now. She’s pricked by issues concerning her work, placement, finances, housemates and erm, weight. Annoyances that add up. She tries not to express them out (hence, I’m not writing them down here) as she doesn’t want to gripe about “everyday matters”. There are bigger issues out in the world. Yet, she knows that she is doing herself a disservice too, by suppressing her negative emotions. Not good for the heart. That’s when she starts to curl up and get restless and blow this big bubble around her to insulate herself.

My female owner takes after her father in this aspect. Her father keeps his emotions/ temper in check by putting up with things and turning his anger inwards. Hence, he hardly raised his voice at his children. However, when he explodes, he really explodes. My female owner had been on the receiving end of his explosion before. During one incident, he threatened to disown her (now, the issue was apparently quite minor – when my female owner was really 18 years old, she wanted to go on an overseas trip with another female friend).

Nyonya

Besides her regular work, my female owner is currently watching the Little Nyonya on DVD. The Little Nyonya was a highly popular and successful local drama serial aired from Dec 08 to Jan 09. The storyline featured the trials and tribulations of a beautiful peranakan girl (and later, her daughter. Both characters were acted by the same person). The story spanned a few generations and highlighted the rich peranakan culture, practices and mouth-watering foods.

Watching the serial was bitter-sweet for my female owner. Sweet in the sense that it helped her to connect to her Asian heritage amidst all the angmoh influences. Bitter in the sense that this also made her miss home more. This is especially so, when my female owner reached episode 13. This episode was the first episode she watched when she was back in Singapore last Dec. By then, the story had reached the seconding generation and she had no idea of how the characters developed earlier. It was somewhat surreal for my female owner to watch the episode (and subsequent ones) again and experience those eureka moments as she began to connect the missing links.

Needless to mention, watching the DVD made her recall again and again, the two months she spent here in Singapore. And yes, her synapses extrapolated (or catastrophised) the fact that she won’t be coming back to Singapore till end of the year. Yet, she realises too that it is no good to allow her heart to fly back to Singapore while she is physically in Brisbane. That’s not going to help her maximise this season of her life. So yes, she reckons she should guard her heart from wandering off and keep it focused on the present reality.

completed

My female owner completed her first externship today. When she first started her placement at the end of March, she felt that she would never be able to see this day, although logically, she knows that this day would arrive. With a sign of relief, she walked out of the facility for the last time today, as a trainee psychologist.

She spent a total of 15 weeks, working two days a week, at the aged care facility. Clocked 100 hours of direct clinic contact hours. This included running a 9-session CBT group (it was meant to be 10 sessions but my female owner was too lazy to run the last one. Also, she was pissed at having to do a memory training as well), a 2-session memory workshop and 89 hours of individual sessions. She also had the privilege of attending two training sessions, one on experiential learning of what it is like to have dementia (participants were kept in a small room, wearing a mask on their faces and had cotton bud in one ear, mini grains in their shoes. They had to accomplish certain tasks according to a prescribed method or sequence.) and the other was on person-centred therapy for people with dementia.

In her work, she encountered residents with varying state of cognitive and/or physical impairment. Most obviously, individuals with different kinds of dementia: Alzheimer’s, vascular and even alcohol-induced . Mobility covered the whole spectrum, from those who were bed-ridden or had a leg/s amputated or used wheelers/ walking sticks to those who were perfectly mobile. Medical conditions included cancers, osteoarthritis, lymphodema, renal and urinary problems, heart problems etc. Psychological problems ranged from grief and loss over death of loved ones, independence, control and physical functioning, depression, anxiety, behavioural issues, non-adherence to medication treatments.

From the various diversional therapists, she learnt more about Australia: how to bake pumpkin scones, the existence of cane toads, how to eat vegemite with crackers and cheese (yum! She says), gardening, cooking, Brisbane music festival etc etc.

Through observing them at work, my female owner picked up valuable techniques in relating to older adults. Besides speaking louder and slower, she learnt to acknowledge them by their preferred name, to make small talk with them, to speak to them at their eye-level and before doing anything, tell them exactly what she would be doing. She began to see the residents as individuals, with years of experiences shaping them into the persons they were. My female owner learnt the importance of remembering their likes and dislikes, e.g. their preferences while drinking coffee or tea, the kind of activities they enjoyed and even, where they preferred to sit in communal activities.

As a psychologist, my female owner struggled to make herself relevant to the residents. They often saw her as an available person to listen to their life stories and were not prepared to do any active therapy (and she totally understands their point of view). Hence, my female owner did heaps of reminiscence therapy with the residents. She learnt very quickly that residents were not ready for the traditional CBT. Hence, she intervened using subtle CBT messages e.g. she drew out the positive things residents were doing for themselves, kept reinforcing them and worked with them to look for more ways to enhance their psychological well-being.

In her opinion, my female owner did not receive adequate clinical supervision. Her clinical supervisor was as naïve as her with regards to the inner workings of an aged care facility and would propose ideas that showed a lack of understanding of the practical constraints that externs faced in their placement. Often, my female owner felt like a guinea pig as her supervisor would ask her if XXX should be done for the next batch of externs who would be doing similar placements. Many times, my female owner felt like telling her to quit thinking about future batches and concentrate on supervising her current externs first.

Such a long post. Maybe one day, I will write more about my female owner’s experiences. For now, suffice to say that she is ready to move on to other things (which unfortunately includes tonnes of paperwork and writing up a folio for this placement).

reconnect

My female owner finally reconnected with her Librarian Fren yesterday, after a couple of months of non-contact. The re-connect was particularly ticklish as it turned out that both were waiting for each other to make the first move, but for different reasons.

FO: yo woman!
LF: wha, finally. I was thinking if I never go online or visible online, then I would never be able to talk to you. ha ha
FO: still say loh
LF: you always put the "dun disturb me" sign. so scary
FO: I see you a couple of times.. but you nv talk to me!
LF: dun dare to talk to you
FO: ?
LF: aiyo, u still dare to say!!
FO: like you said, it’s ALWAYS. Its to ward off evil. You are not evil.
LF: wha...who you trying to escape????? stalker!!!
FO: the rest know that they can talk to me anytime!!! Only YOU!!! Err..some dodgy people lah but I block liao
LF: ha ah!!! then ok liao what. what for need to put the sign
FO: habit liao
LF: what the...????
FO: I feel insecure putting myself as available
LF: you are schizo!!! wha...I know what you mean
FO: like putting myself up on sale
LF: that's y I always go invisible
FO: then how you talk to people?
LF: I feel more secure that way
FO: you worse than me loh
LF: then I talk to the ones I wanna lor
FO: so obviously I am NOT on the list
LF: then you always have the stop sign. Cannot talk to you
FO: WHAT?!
LF: then I come online
FO: so its still my fault. Damn
LF: you also never talk to me. ha ha!!!!
FO: I did! But you didn’t respond
LF: like now only??!! Huh???
FO: got once!
LF: when??? Where got??? I never received that MSN loh
FO: in those rare moments you put yourself as visible
LF: or must be once of thoe times when I had to abandon my post to do walking around duties. ha ha
FO: yah, bad timing. Always blame it on timing
LF: life is too serious as it is. ha ha
FO: ya loh. Someone said you dropped off from the surface of the earth. I was very tickled by that image
LF: who’s that la. whaliao

Haha. Both of them are so funnie. They spent the first five minutes squabbling about whose fault it was for the non-contact.