dear

It's heartwarming whenever someone says he/she misses you or asks when you would be coming back. My female owner has been getting a number of such phrases these days from her Singaporean friends. One friend even thought that she had been gone for six months and was shocked that it has only been 2 months. A few were counting down the days, in expectation of her return, only to realise that she may not be going back after all (we turtles are also counting down!).

Despite these close friendships, my female owner, for as long as I can remember, has intimacy issues. While in a relationship, she finds it weird to use terms of endearment like "darling", "dear", "honey" and feels awkward with public displays of affection. Even for friendships, she seldom regards people as "close" - in fact, that was how the term "Onli Fren" came about. There was a period of time when my female owner felt that she really only had one friend to turn to in times of distress. I remembered the times when she would scroll down her entire handphone contacts and found no one she felt comfortable enough calling out of the blue, when she was feeling blue.

My owners used to quarrel a great deal over her aloofness and my female owner recognised that she has to learn to be more warm in her expression of speech. So ever since she broke up, she tried to be more affectionate, using terms like "dear" with her female friends. Even then, it's only through SMS or MSN, hardly verbal. Then while she was preparing to go over to study, she realised that there were people who had always regarded her as a close friend (just that on her part, she had been too distant).

After so many months, my female owner finds it natural within her to tell her female friends voluntarily that she misses them. For male friends who ask whether she misses them, she would say "yes, I miss you ALL" - as a collective group. She still freaks out though, if they tell her that they miss her (must be PTSD from her previous relationship).

Over in Brisbane, my female owner found herself dealing with physical intimacy issues in different settings. The most scary was in social settings where the locals embrace (pun intended) a culture of hugging/ kissing. While she is alright with goodbye hugs, goodbye kisses on the face and lips really distresses my female owner (especially if the person is a male).

The other scenario which she finds herself in, is in church where there is a culture of holding hands to pray. Although she doesn't mind this, it is something which my female owner is not used to. In some casual settings, some female church friends would link arms/ hold hands with her (as young girls normally do). For this, my female owner also finds that she has to switch mentality in order to assimilate into the culture.

I think these reactions are consistent with her love language, where physical touch is ranked lowest. Hey! I sound like a therapist now. Psycho-analysing my female owner.