social phobia

My female owner had a random moment today, that led to an eye-opening experience.

She was heading towards her lift lobby when she noticed a Caucasian hurrying towards it. Being the typical shy Singaporean, she hoped that the guy would be gone by the time she reached the lift lobby.

Alas, he was still there when she reached the lift lobby. (The building she lives in has 10 storeys and that means, only 20 units, so it’s a really small community and people usually greet one another).

Mr C: “Hi, how are you?”

FO: “Good”

And finally remembering to return the greeting for probably the first time in her stay at Brisbane, FO continues “And how are you?”

Mr C: “Good. Hey, you know what? I’m trying to fix up a BBQ later in the evening. Why don’t you come down later and join in?”

The time was about 4.30pm then. My female owner was stunned coz she hates being thrown in a new social situation where she doesn’t know anyone. However, not one to give untrue excuses (like “thanks but I’ve got an appointment later”), she mustered a weak “ok”.

Mr C went on to talk about other things and sealed that 2-min encounter with “So come on down at 7pm later”

Almost instantly, my female owner felt a great sense of regret for (in chronological order)
i) Not walking slower to the lift lobby (which would mean she would have avoided him).
ii) Saying” And how are you?” – a greeting that probably opened Mr C for a conversation
iii) Not declining the invitation

Being a “professional psychologist in training”, she knows that avoidant behaviour is the worst way to overcome a fear, coz avoiding simply negatively reinforces the person to remain fearful. Also, knowing that she will definitely have to help anxious, social phobics overcome their fear of new social situations, she mulled over whether
i) It’s ok NOT to go, even though she did muster a weak “ok”
ii) She should go, just to challenge her personal social phobic genes.

After consulting some of her church friends (whom she had dinner with) and discussing how to ease into the party, she decided to go.. despite not knowing Mr C’s real name and not being sure if she would even recognise him, given her lousy facial recognition abilities. (The only thing she knows is his apartment number.)

Nervously, she stepped out of her apartment, 15 mins after 7pm and waited for the lift. Lo and behold, when the lift door opened, Mr C was in the lift. Wahaha. So coincidental. He was on the way to his apartment to get some glasses and brought her down to the BBQ area and introduced her to the group.

So there you have it, my female owner, immersed herself into one of her greatest fears and dislikes head-on. Being the only Asian in a big group of Westerners, she had to act quickly to fit in. AND it wasn’t as difficult or nerve-wrecking as she thought it would be. She managed to maintain conversations with people from Germany, USA, Russia, South Korea (the only other Asian, who popped into the party later), Australia (of course!) and Scotland. Cool.

Oh yah, and she found out the name of Mr C.

[Mr C later made himself known to everyone in the building, coz one of the attendees got drunk and in anger, kicked the glass panel leading to the lift lobby with her boot. The glass panel cracked from the impact and Mr C left a note on the door to apologise to the residents. He now runs the risk of being evicted from the apartment.]