ruminate

Some days are up, some days are down, some days are just upside down. My female owner hasn't been chatting online much these days. She used to initiate conversations but not anymore. She has been bogged down with stuff, whether actual or perceived.

Right now, she's in a "I-miss-my-Singapore-life;-why-did-I-ever-choose-to-come here?" mode. It all started with an insidious Taiwan drama serial which she watched yesterday. All was well and good, until there was a scene whereby the female lead laid her head on the hospital bed, next to her comatose mother. The lead was crying because the mother was diagnosed with some serious/ terminal illness.

That sparked off a whole cycle of ruminations about why she gave up a cushy life, separated from her family, friends, food, turtles (we occupy a irreplaceable position in her heart!), to come here to experience so much uncertainty, lack of control over her situations, instability, challenges, withdrawals from all things pleasurable (aikido, travelling, carefree weekends, financial freedom) and missing out on her friends' important life events like weddings, house-warmings and babies.

Instead, she has to force herself to be extroverted, making small talk with her coursemates and being perky even when she doesn't feel bubbly (she likes her coursemates very much but it's different kind of interaction from real friends). Too energy-zapping. Time passes too fast for her to enjoy non-working life (she won't even call herself a student now). If 5 weekdays days pass too fast, what more the 2 complementary weekend days?

On the other hand, she knows that there's so much in store here for her, especially in the areas of her Christian walk and development of her professional skills... but now she's so spaced out that the only thing she has energy for is rumination...