My female owner attended her second bujinkan lesson on Monday and enjoyed it much more than her first time. There was a new female student and the sensei spent a lot of time with them, teaching them various basic techniques. My female owner found that her aikido background helped her to pick up the moves faster. Bujinkan was refreshing as it extended her knowledge of aikido to include pinning the opponent to the ground, and even taking on more opponents. There was no fixed stance too, which makes the art more realistic. The sensei is after all, a police trainer.
Oh, and as usual, she loved the pain.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
idling
Another day of idling around. My female owner went to school at about 1000hr with high hopes of getting some RA work done. The only things she accomplished at 1700hr were to 1) get the computer to work 2) obtain the key to her supervisor’s room 3) claim for 20 more hours of (undone) work 4) open some envelopes. She probably could claim an hour for those miscellaneous work.
You must be wondering what she did with the remaining hours. Hmm…she brought a new friend around campus for three hours, MSN, emails, calls, banking etc…
And she realised with glee that she is one of the few coursework students who has her own office in school (because of her RA work). Not that she minds hanging around the computer lab coz that’s where exchange of valuable information takes place.
You must be wondering what she did with the remaining hours. Hmm…she brought a new friend around campus for three hours, MSN, emails, calls, banking etc…
And she realised with glee that she is one of the few coursework students who has her own office in school (because of her RA work). Not that she minds hanging around the computer lab coz that’s where exchange of valuable information takes place.
lousy
My female owner has been having lousy days. Her internet connection (read: source of social support) is still not up and might be delayed for 2-3 more weeks as her housemate has just found a new internet provider and they need time to check things out. Her externship placement has reached a stalemate for various reasons and the liaison officer is (deliberately?) uncontactable. That leaves her in a limbo.
Having completed her clinic work, my female owner has a lot of free time on her hands now. Not a good sign, in light of not having internet connection to do her work/ research/ connect with others, frustration with the school’s system (she won’t recommend this programme to anyone at this point in time), having to get used to new housemates (need to be chirpy when she sees them, remember, she is anti-social and sullen by nature) and bible study friends (most are still acquaintances). Gives her a lot of reasons to ruminate and feel sorry for herself (self-pity is probably one of her greatest strengths!). There are other factors contributing to her gloom but suffice to say, today, she felt really alone. Despite having met up with two friends separately who helped her settle some important miscellaneous issues, she felt isolated.
It’s just not the same in Brisbane. You are really alone. No one goes through the same thing as you. No one feels your angst the way you do.
The pastor said on Sunday that sometimes, God pulls you out of your comfort zone and puts you in a new environment to mould you. Perhaps that is really the case for my female owner. She is finding the process of getting back into postgrad studies tougher than last year. Previously, as a dry sponge, she could soak up anything readily. Now, she needs to get rid of past experiences (e.g. of how things had been and if only they stayed the same) in order to embrace new ones. Ah, the smell of fresh challenges awaits her eagerly.
And she can’t believe that she has to deal with work politics as a paying student! She left her former office partly because her inability to thrive in brewing politics. The main difference is that back then, she was paid to endure them but now, she pays to experience them! Amazing world this is.
Today, just two weeks back in Brisbane, my female owner has declared that she hates psychologists. A profession which is supposed to make life better for others, she has experienced so much angst working with them, for them and studying with them. The world needs healing and most certainly, not through psychologists.
Having completed her clinic work, my female owner has a lot of free time on her hands now. Not a good sign, in light of not having internet connection to do her work/ research/ connect with others, frustration with the school’s system (she won’t recommend this programme to anyone at this point in time), having to get used to new housemates (need to be chirpy when she sees them, remember, she is anti-social and sullen by nature) and bible study friends (most are still acquaintances). Gives her a lot of reasons to ruminate and feel sorry for herself (self-pity is probably one of her greatest strengths!). There are other factors contributing to her gloom but suffice to say, today, she felt really alone. Despite having met up with two friends separately who helped her settle some important miscellaneous issues, she felt isolated.
It’s just not the same in Brisbane. You are really alone. No one goes through the same thing as you. No one feels your angst the way you do.
The pastor said on Sunday that sometimes, God pulls you out of your comfort zone and puts you in a new environment to mould you. Perhaps that is really the case for my female owner. She is finding the process of getting back into postgrad studies tougher than last year. Previously, as a dry sponge, she could soak up anything readily. Now, she needs to get rid of past experiences (e.g. of how things had been and if only they stayed the same) in order to embrace new ones. Ah, the smell of fresh challenges awaits her eagerly.
And she can’t believe that she has to deal with work politics as a paying student! She left her former office partly because her inability to thrive in brewing politics. The main difference is that back then, she was paid to endure them but now, she pays to experience them! Amazing world this is.
Today, just two weeks back in Brisbane, my female owner has declared that she hates psychologists. A profession which is supposed to make life better for others, she has experienced so much angst working with them, for them and studying with them. The world needs healing and most certainly, not through psychologists.
Monday, February 23, 2009
day
My female owner has been ruminating about whether she will get along with her housemates. There is always a possibility that things start off well but fizzle out soon after. Anyway, she spent the whole of Saturday with her housemates and found them to be really accommodating and peace-loving.
First, Male Housemate drove them to Rocklea Brisbane Market where the ladies could shop for cheap fresh produce for the week ahead. The three of them had a ball of time trying to teach each other Chinese/ English names of fruits and vegetables. For example, did you know that the Chinese name for bell peppers is simply 大辣椒? My female owner was expecting something classy, at least for capsicums. And if you wondering, how to differentiate the different colours, just put the name of the colour in front: 红/青/黄 大辣椒.
Then Male Housemate kept his promise to bring my female owner to set up a phone and internet line (Now, you need to know that for most part of her life, she had been surrounded by men who do not keep their promises or change their minds at the last minute. Hence, she was not sure if Male Housemate would remember what he said he would do). At their first meeting during the inspection, he had expressed a reluctance to get an internet connection as he did not require one. However, he was still willing to share in the monthly subscription. Male Housemate was a little peculiar in the sense that while he was put off by the set-up fee of $60 each for the phone and internet but he was okay with subscribing to a more expensive internet package ($50/ month for 50G as opposed to $40/ month for 25G) if my female owner wanted more G. In fact, he kept asking my female owner if 25G was sufficient for her (the working assumption is that his wife and him would not be using much).
Then they went for more grocery shopping at the shopping centre and Male Housemate happily wheeled the trolley around. Ah, gentlemanly. My female owner’s type of guy.
After sending them home, Male Housemate trotted off to school to do some work while Female Housemate went to sleep. My female owner read a book and cooked out of boredom. Female Housemate later woke up and attempted to bake a simple cake. And offered some to my female owner. Wahaha! Favour! They were in the living room to talking about cakes and such when Male Housemate came home.
Despite having a long day, he was still in a cheery mood and sat down with them to chit-chat. Another hour of fun chat and intellectual exchange where he asked my female owner about the history of Singapore (?!). My female owner actually managed to provide a fairly accurate account of Singapore’s history (or so she hopes).
In the past, my female owner hardly had the experience of sitting down to chat with her housemates, just for the sake of chatting. This was refreshing for her and certainly in line with how she wanted their relationship to pan out.
First, Male Housemate drove them to Rocklea Brisbane Market where the ladies could shop for cheap fresh produce for the week ahead. The three of them had a ball of time trying to teach each other Chinese/ English names of fruits and vegetables. For example, did you know that the Chinese name for bell peppers is simply 大辣椒? My female owner was expecting something classy, at least for capsicums. And if you wondering, how to differentiate the different colours, just put the name of the colour in front: 红/青/黄 大辣椒.
Then Male Housemate kept his promise to bring my female owner to set up a phone and internet line (Now, you need to know that for most part of her life, she had been surrounded by men who do not keep their promises or change their minds at the last minute. Hence, she was not sure if Male Housemate would remember what he said he would do). At their first meeting during the inspection, he had expressed a reluctance to get an internet connection as he did not require one. However, he was still willing to share in the monthly subscription. Male Housemate was a little peculiar in the sense that while he was put off by the set-up fee of $60 each for the phone and internet but he was okay with subscribing to a more expensive internet package ($50/ month for 50G as opposed to $40/ month for 25G) if my female owner wanted more G. In fact, he kept asking my female owner if 25G was sufficient for her (the working assumption is that his wife and him would not be using much).
Then they went for more grocery shopping at the shopping centre and Male Housemate happily wheeled the trolley around. Ah, gentlemanly. My female owner’s type of guy.
After sending them home, Male Housemate trotted off to school to do some work while Female Housemate went to sleep. My female owner read a book and cooked out of boredom. Female Housemate later woke up and attempted to bake a simple cake. And offered some to my female owner. Wahaha! Favour! They were in the living room to talking about cakes and such when Male Housemate came home.
Despite having a long day, he was still in a cheery mood and sat down with them to chit-chat. Another hour of fun chat and intellectual exchange where he asked my female owner about the history of Singapore (?!). My female owner actually managed to provide a fairly accurate account of Singapore’s history (or so she hopes).
In the past, my female owner hardly had the experience of sitting down to chat with her housemates, just for the sake of chatting. This was refreshing for her and certainly in line with how she wanted their relationship to pan out.
lip read
The first time my female owner learnt about lip-reading was in primary school when she was reading a Sweet Valley High book. In this particular story, a new girl joined the school and although she was fun and friendly, she seemed to ignore certain people. Shortly after, her new friends found out that reason why – she was deaf and needed to look at people in the face in order to read lip.
My female owner met her first lip-reader in church today. He is someone from her new bible study. It is amazing how he adapts to his disability. He can even hold a conversation while driving. And although he is a Caucasian, he taught himself Mandarin and Cantonese! How’s that for being an over-comer of physical difficulties?!
My female owner met her first lip-reader in church today. He is someone from her new bible study. It is amazing how he adapts to his disability. He can even hold a conversation while driving. And although he is a Caucasian, he taught himself Mandarin and Cantonese! How’s that for being an over-comer of physical difficulties?!
Sunday, February 22, 2009
My female owner’s new house is very different from the apartment she lived in last year. While you can call the previous apartment a condominium, the current unit is like a three-room HDB flat. Small and compact. Ha! You can call it a downgrade. Rent remains the same at $150 though.
The almost self-sufficient kitchen. Nice environment to cook, because you can look out into the open as you prepare your food. While it is equipped for Chinese cooking, the kitchen does not having baking materials and the oven is dodgy.
The corridor that leads to the two rooms and the bathroon. The toilet is on the right. No prizes for guessing which is my female owner's room.
Even the bathroom is space-efficient. Squeezing in a shower, a sink, a washing machine, a dryer and a cupboard!
Ah, my female owner's room, as seen from the doorway. Being more spacious, it is probably the only upgrade from the previous apartment. The study table is behind the wardrobe.
The living room. All the furniture was purchased by her housemates. Check out the mini-plant on the table. My female owner was captivated by these minute details. There is a veranda behind the blinds for sunning your laundry.
The almost self-sufficient kitchen. Nice environment to cook, because you can look out into the open as you prepare your food. While it is equipped for Chinese cooking, the kitchen does not having baking materials and the oven is dodgy.
The corridor that leads to the two rooms and the bathroon. The toilet is on the right. No prizes for guessing which is my female owner's room.
Even the bathroom is space-efficient. Squeezing in a shower, a sink, a washing machine, a dryer and a cupboard!
Ah, my female owner's room, as seen from the doorway. Being more spacious, it is probably the only upgrade from the previous apartment. The study table is behind the wardrobe.
The other perspective, from the windows. Check out some of the familiar items! 
The "intellectual" area where my female owner intends to do her work.
The "intellectual" area where my female owner intends to do her work.
carpentry
My female owner embarked on her maiden carpentry attempt a few days ago. Her goal, to build a respectable wardrobe that would not collapse upon loading. Determined not to impose on her housemates, she rejected the Chinese lady’s suggestion to wait for her hubby to return home that night to help her.
And so, she started.
And so, she started.
The box that contains all she needs to build her wardrobe. 36kg worth of materials.
How her wardrobe is supposed to look like.
Nails and parts which made no sense to her at this point in time. Though small, they were nonetheless essential in holding up the wardrobe eventually.
The large materials. Darn heavy!
The finished product! After two hours of sweat and correcting minor errors. 
My female owner thoroughly enjoyed the process of carpentry. To her, it was just like doing a jigsaw puzzle, except that it was three-dimentional. It was exciting knowing that the outcome would be something she likes. She also imagined Jesus (Who was a carpenter) doing His carpentry work. Slowly but surely, putting together random pieces of materials to build something useful.
And yes, no guys needed for this.
moved
My female owner finally moved into her new house yesterday, after one week of procrastination and denial. This is the story of her house-hunting melodrama. She was meant to search for a 2-room unit to share with one of her church friends. After a couple of days of fruitless search and other considerations, my female owner suggested splitting up to which her friend was agreeable.
True to her lazy and goal-oriented style, my female owner identified the grand total of ONE house to inspect. Not trusting herself to make a good decision, she dragged her Therapist Fren along to provide a second opinion.
The unit, situated near school, was being rented by a Chinese couple. They were looking for an Asian female post-graduate student who would be neat and quiet to take the other room. My female owner fitted the bill perfectly. She could tell that the couple was keen to take her in (among the others who turned up for the inspection).
The Chinese guy told her that he would contact her the next day to let her know his answer. Although the house was pleasant and the couple seemed nice, my female owner was hesitant about staying there. For one, she was plagued by the horror stories she heard about Chinese people not being clean (so sorry, I’m not trying to be racist here). At the same time, she was afraid that they might be too anal for her. And living with couples can be difficult in the event that a disagreement happens. You are automatically the sole minority! Also, her room did not come with a wardrobe and the house did not have internet connection. This meant that her set-up costs would be inflated. There was only one bathroom and one toilet, so that might mean a tight squeeze in the mornings. In addition, my female owner did not inspect other houses, so she might be able to find somewhere more suitable if she put in more effort.Etc etc…
Anyway, my female owner went to bed that night, telling God that if the house was offered to her, she would take it. Obviously, the Chinese guy called her to offer the house to her the next day. Although my female owner said yes, she remained hesitant and two-minds about it. She had thoughts of pulling out even as she moved her stuff in two days later…
Hence, the one week of procrastination before she moved in permanently. My female owner even began wishing that she was staying with church friends or familiar people so that things will be easier for her. However, she was also drawn to the unknown, the experience of learning to adapt to live with real strangers, which is the hallmark of overseas living. She was also attracted to the high possibility of improving her Mandarin and culinary skills. Having a guy in the house also meant that he would probably do all things technical/ electrical (ah, so much for her feminist “who-says-you-need-a-man?” streak). Also, through their actions, the couple did seem genuinely nice, accommodating and neat.
My female owner realised that a great deal of the conflict arose out of her own insecurities, and the lack of trust in God to make things right for her. Once again, she had the mindset of taking matters in her own hands and use her own efforts to gain their favour.
Trust God.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
working group
Brisbane 2009 requires my female owner to adapt to new environments. One of the new things is her new bible study group. Some of you may know that she has opted to move to the working group, as opposed to staying with the student group she was in last year.
Student group was the first bible study group she attended regularly, in a space of seven years. Oh wait, she did attend her Onli Fren’s hubby’s group for a while when she was working.
Anyway, although she did not feel a great sense of loss last year during the farewell party, my female owner (call it delayed response) started to feel a sense of attachment towards the individuals in the Student group, when she returned to church on Sunday and saw them again.
And she started to doubt her decision to move to the Working group. Staying in the Student group would have been an easier option for her. Established friendships, common life-styles, and even, nearer meeting places for their weekly bible study! Moving to a new group causes my female owne to fret over uncertainties and instability.
With these issues brewing in her heart and mind, my female owner made her way to the Working group for the very first time, in a different suburb plagued by the notorious evening traffic jam.
It’s like starting all over again for her as she doesn’t know more than half of the people in the group. Making small talk. Finding out their backgrounds. Introducing herself. Making MORE small talk. Undoing previous experiences. Trying to adjust to new group dynamics and culture. Wondering why she made things difficult for herself. I can’t blame her for wishing she was with the Student group who were baking yummy muffins tonight.
Yet, despite her reservations and awkwardness, my female owner believes that she made the right decision. She can't say that she left the place feeling totally comfortable or at home, but she is willing to give herself time and space to adjust. After all, they are all fellow church friends.
Student group was the first bible study group she attended regularly, in a space of seven years. Oh wait, she did attend her Onli Fren’s hubby’s group for a while when she was working.
Anyway, although she did not feel a great sense of loss last year during the farewell party, my female owner (call it delayed response) started to feel a sense of attachment towards the individuals in the Student group, when she returned to church on Sunday and saw them again.
And she started to doubt her decision to move to the Working group. Staying in the Student group would have been an easier option for her. Established friendships, common life-styles, and even, nearer meeting places for their weekly bible study! Moving to a new group causes my female owne to fret over uncertainties and instability.
With these issues brewing in her heart and mind, my female owner made her way to the Working group for the very first time, in a different suburb plagued by the notorious evening traffic jam.
It’s like starting all over again for her as she doesn’t know more than half of the people in the group. Making small talk. Finding out their backgrounds. Introducing herself. Making MORE small talk. Undoing previous experiences. Trying to adjust to new group dynamics and culture. Wondering why she made things difficult for herself. I can’t blame her for wishing she was with the Student group who were baking yummy muffins tonight.
Yet, despite her reservations and awkwardness, my female owner believes that she made the right decision. She can't say that she left the place feeling totally comfortable or at home, but she is willing to give herself time and space to adjust. After all, they are all fellow church friends.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Ikea
My female owner experienced a little piece of Singapore, when she went with a friend to explore Ikea, situated in a suburb far away from her location. Though the travelling time was long (about 1.5hrs), the journey itself was an enjoyable and eye-opening experience in which she saw other parts of Queensland. Different living conditions, different kinds of folks.
Pity she didn’t bring out her chio camera.
The yummy meatballs.
The familiar trendy décor. Fancy seeing the same things in you would in Singapore Ikea! Ah, that connection brought warm to an otherwise grieving international student.
Even the $1 hotdog was available!
Ah, and the logical person would ask, why did she go all the way to Ikea? To get furniture it seems.
By the end of the day, my female owner is the proud owner of a yet-to-be-delivered-and-waiting-for-her-to-assemble wardrobe. Believe me when I say that she vacillated between two options at the speed of a motorised pendulum. She really needs a decision-maker friend in her life. Too much deliberation, intolerance of uncertainty and lack of prioritising make her a poor and hesitant decision-maker.
And oh, my female owner is wondering if she will be able to set up the wardrobe all by herself. Her first attempt at carpentry. Everyone, cross your fingers and toes.
Pity she didn’t bring out her chio camera.
The yummy meatballs.
The familiar trendy décor. Fancy seeing the same things in you would in Singapore Ikea! Ah, that connection brought warm to an otherwise grieving international student.
Even the $1 hotdog was available!
Ah, and the logical person would ask, why did she go all the way to Ikea? To get furniture it seems.
By the end of the day, my female owner is the proud owner of a yet-to-be-delivered-and-waiting-for-her-to-assemble wardrobe. Believe me when I say that she vacillated between two options at the speed of a motorised pendulum. She really needs a decision-maker friend in her life. Too much deliberation, intolerance of uncertainty and lack of prioritising make her a poor and hesitant decision-maker.
And oh, my female owner is wondering if she will be able to set up the wardrobe all by herself. Her first attempt at carpentry. Everyone, cross your fingers and toes.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
1 down
One week down and 40+ more to go before my female owner returns home. Ah, just about the same amount of time required for a foetus to come to full term. Also the same length of time for an aikido newbie to train and to go for his first belt (blue) grading. In the same train of thought, that was the same amount of time my female owner took, from picking up flute for the first time to sitting for her Grade 3 examination.
So many other random things one can accomplish in 40 weeks. What do you plan to accomplish? If you don’t know where you are going, then it doesn't matter where you are going.
My female owner hasn't really worked out her plans for this year. Yes, 12.5% of the year is gone and she has yet to sort out her thoughts. I'm sure she will eventually, before the year is out.
So many other random things one can accomplish in 40 weeks. What do you plan to accomplish? If you don’t know where you are going, then it doesn't matter where you are going.
My female owner hasn't really worked out her plans for this year. Yes, 12.5% of the year is gone and she has yet to sort out her thoughts. I'm sure she will eventually, before the year is out.
us
Before she left last week, she managed to get a turtle family photo. See how slim I look. Camera angles can be deceiving!
From bottom left in clockwise fashion: Dona, Nanook, Nooki, Dodo
This is how I really look. Ouh, so bloated right?
fruitful
My female owner had one of her better days in Brisbane today.
She had her day planned out in general terms.
Buy some groceries to bring to new house (more on that next time).
Go to new house to cook lunch (aka instant noodles).
Go to school to close her client files and meet the clinic manager.
Go back to new house to meet her housemate to discuss matters.
Reach back temporary lodging at about 2100hr.
The day turned out more fruitful than expected. She did get groceries and cook at her new house. She completed her client files and received the ok to pass her internship at 197 hours.
In addition, she
Caught up with a number of her coursemates who were in the computer lab.
Found out that she lost 1kg since last Friday!
Had a freshly cooked dinner delivered to her by her Therapist Fren (impromptu!)
Had an intimate talk-cum-laughing-session with her Therapist Fren.
Walked to her new house with her Therapist Fren
Spoke to her new housemate for two hours. Got to know him better (more on that next time).
Soothed her anxiety about her new place (again, will update in due time).
Improved her Mandarin. Learnt new words, even in writing.
Moved her things from her Therapist Fren’s house to her new house.
Got home at 2330hr, flat-out but happier than yesterday.
A fruitful day indeed.
She had her day planned out in general terms.
Buy some groceries to bring to new house (more on that next time).
Go to new house to cook lunch (aka instant noodles).
Go to school to close her client files and meet the clinic manager.
Go back to new house to meet her housemate to discuss matters.
Reach back temporary lodging at about 2100hr.
The day turned out more fruitful than expected. She did get groceries and cook at her new house. She completed her client files and received the ok to pass her internship at 197 hours.
In addition, she
Caught up with a number of her coursemates who were in the computer lab.
Found out that she lost 1kg since last Friday!
Had a freshly cooked dinner delivered to her by her Therapist Fren (impromptu!)
Had an intimate talk-cum-laughing-session with her Therapist Fren.
Walked to her new house with her Therapist Fren
Spoke to her new housemate for two hours. Got to know him better (more on that next time).
Soothed her anxiety about her new place (again, will update in due time).
Improved her Mandarin. Learnt new words, even in writing.
Moved her things from her Therapist Fren’s house to her new house.
Got home at 2330hr, flat-out but happier than yesterday.
A fruitful day indeed.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
brisbane 09
Like the prodigal son, my female owner went for church service today, the first time in about two months. She entered the service, humbled from the revelation she had last night and weary from one week of (mal)adjustment.
My female owner knew she was still upset about being in Brisbane, coz she teared while talking to a friend who was just asking her “so how, are you still upset (they last met on Friday) about coming back?” Was good that the friend was sitting quite a distance away, having her lunch, so she couldn’t see my female owner’s tears. Anyway, that was the kind of mood my female owner brought with her to church.
Service was held in a lecture theatre with no air-conditioning on. Despite that, my female owner was ready to bare her heart and soul to God. She knew she had to return to God. During the short praise and worship session, the word PASSIVE screamed out at her.
Passive in reaching out to God, passive in this relationship she has with God. Passive in seeking God, passive in saying and asking God for directions and answers to important questions in her life.
She also realised that after an exhausting year in 2008, she simply has no strength to fight as hard as she did last year. The road ahead contains the same kind of bumps as last year and some others, in the form of rigid systems, staff and politics. She has been questioning herself, why psychology? Why be so ambitious and pursue a doctorate? Why couldn’t she be contented with life in Singapore, and just stay employed as she was?
God asked her why she kept going to friends for help and advice and not to Him. Why didn’t she trust Him enough? Why did she take things upon herself and behave as if there is no God?
God dealt with her emotions too. He showed that it was ok to feel sad coz it was part of being human. What was not ok was that she forced herself to not to feel sad, thinking that Christians should not feel sad. What He wanted her to do instead is to bring her unhappinesses etc to Him and not hoard them in her heart.
Like flashes of lighting, God bombarded her, some from the Bible, some regarding her situation.
Rejoice always. In your circumstances. My joy will be your strength.
Not by might, nor by power, but by My Spirit, says the Lord of hosts. Who are you, O great mountain? Before Zerubbabel you shall become a plain!
I am the same yesterday, today and forever. What you once experienced as a youth, I can do much more than that. Don’t let your age deter you.
I am faithful. See what I have done for you in 2008? I am faithful.
Seek ye first the kingdom of God and all His righteousness, and all these will be added unto you.
Draw near to Me and I will draw near to you.
I can do exceedingly abundantly above all that you can ever think or dream of.
I know you, I made you. Come to me, don’t struggle on your own.
So many words of life, as my female owner waited on the Lord today.
Moving forward, my female owner asked God to show her what He had in store for her for Brisbane 2009. The guiding verse for 2008 was Proverbs 3:5-6. She wants a guiding verse for this year too.
As what Aussies will say, it’s time to stop mucking around with God.
passivity
My female owner is enjoying her stay at her temporary place, so much so that she is reluctant to move out. Housemate has been very warm and easy to talk to (despite the huge age-gap!). Everyday, they would laugh over silly things together. It seems as if their thinking styles are similar, thus the ease in connecting. My female owner had never been close to any of her housemates in the past, coz she never made the effort to get to know them better. Talk about passivity. This time round, Housemate had been the one approaching her to talk to her and as per her usual wait-for-others-to-make-the-first-move-before-i-become-friendly self, my female owner stayed passive but reciprocated her friendliness when she approached.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Yourself to Blame
If things go bad for you
And make you a bit ashamed
Often you will find out that
You have yourself to blame
Swiftly we ran to mischief
And then the bad luck came
Why do we fault others?
We have ourselves to blame
Whatever happens to us,
Here is what we say
"Had it not been for so-and-so
Things wouldn't have gone that way."
And if you are short of friends,
I'll tell you what to do
Make an examination,
You'll find the faults in you...
You are the captain of your ship,
So agree with the same
If you travel downward
You have yourself to blame
by Mayme White Miller
wake-up
After indulging in self-pity for five days, my female owner got a little waking-up call from her current housemate. For those who are wondering, she is currently bunking in with a church friend until she moves to a permanent place.
Her housemate, a young and chatty girl from China, always enters her room to talk to her about things that are on her heart. Last night was no exception. Housemate came back from bible study, all charged up and excited because of the sharings she heard from others in the group.
My female owner could see the hunger in her, to experience God in a real and personal way. That yearning and desire to be used by God in the greatest way possible, to bless others and to lead others to Him.
In the midst of her busyness, self-indulgence and fun-seeking in Singapore, my female owner had lost her focus. She was literally taking a spiritual holiday and not cherishing the time she had and the season she was in.
God brought to mind the prayer she made together with her Intuitive Fren at the front pouch of his relative’s house on the night she met up with him in Singapore. The prayer they made, to seek God fully and to never let go, until God shows His power to them. She was earnest in her prayer then and would have gone on to pray more if time and place permitted. But oh, how easy it was, for my female owner to be consumed by her fleshy desires and distracted by her own emotions, and to sweep that prayer to the back of her mind.
Coming back to Brisbane, my female owner did not make the effort to meet anyone from church, unless necessary. It was as if she was trying to avoid this part of her life. She is due to join a new bible study group, leaving behind people whom she is closer to. Because of social anxiety, unfamiliarity with half of the members and apathy, she did not announce her arrival to them. An email would suffice but she didn’t. So many things have changed since she left Brisbane and returned. It is just so easy to live in denial and mope around and then feel guilty about it.
The waking-up call was good. It is time to live in the present and not in the memories of the past.
Her housemate, a young and chatty girl from China, always enters her room to talk to her about things that are on her heart. Last night was no exception. Housemate came back from bible study, all charged up and excited because of the sharings she heard from others in the group.
My female owner could see the hunger in her, to experience God in a real and personal way. That yearning and desire to be used by God in the greatest way possible, to bless others and to lead others to Him.
In the midst of her busyness, self-indulgence and fun-seeking in Singapore, my female owner had lost her focus. She was literally taking a spiritual holiday and not cherishing the time she had and the season she was in.
God brought to mind the prayer she made together with her Intuitive Fren at the front pouch of his relative’s house on the night she met up with him in Singapore. The prayer they made, to seek God fully and to never let go, until God shows His power to them. She was earnest in her prayer then and would have gone on to pray more if time and place permitted. But oh, how easy it was, for my female owner to be consumed by her fleshy desires and distracted by her own emotions, and to sweep that prayer to the back of her mind.
Coming back to Brisbane, my female owner did not make the effort to meet anyone from church, unless necessary. It was as if she was trying to avoid this part of her life. She is due to join a new bible study group, leaving behind people whom she is closer to. Because of social anxiety, unfamiliarity with half of the members and apathy, she did not announce her arrival to them. An email would suffice but she didn’t. So many things have changed since she left Brisbane and returned. It is just so easy to live in denial and mope around and then feel guilty about it.
The waking-up call was good. It is time to live in the present and not in the memories of the past.
Friday, February 13, 2009
心酸
My female owner is still upset about being back in Brisbane. She checked around and found out that being homesick is normal and common. My female owner finds that she is grappling with the same issue of procrastination, except that now, she is also homesick and 心酸 (literally heart sour) about leaving．
Eating is no longer a pleasure, just a functional human activity. Sleeping, no longer sweet and yummy, but a means of temporal escape to a land of fantasy. Yet, I must add, she ends up dreaming of people in Singapore! MSN? Cold comfort, in a land away from home.
At the same time, her schoolwork hounds her. Client files to close. Case study to rewrite. Supervision records to update and record. External placement runs into problems. God knows what else she missed out. Oh yes, courses to register for. Deadlines to meet so that she can transfer to another programme. Her RA work. Buried under her inefficiency.
Questions. Anxiety. Insecurities. Fantasies. Wondering if all this is worth it. And would she ever know the answer? And if she does, will it be too late? If too late, too late for what?
Ruminations. Fear. More fear.
Lost.
This is what homesickness does to you.
Eating is no longer a pleasure, just a functional human activity. Sleeping, no longer sweet and yummy, but a means of temporal escape to a land of fantasy. Yet, I must add, she ends up dreaming of people in Singapore! MSN? Cold comfort, in a land away from home.
At the same time, her schoolwork hounds her. Client files to close. Case study to rewrite. Supervision records to update and record. External placement runs into problems. God knows what else she missed out. Oh yes, courses to register for. Deadlines to meet so that she can transfer to another programme. Her RA work. Buried under her inefficiency.
Questions. Anxiety. Insecurities. Fantasies. Wondering if all this is worth it. And would she ever know the answer? And if she does, will it be too late? If too late, too late for what?
Ruminations. Fear. More fear.
Lost.
This is what homesickness does to you.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
hunting
Although my female owner is stressed over finding a suitable place to stay in, she has calmed down enough (or resigned to her situation) to muse over the process.
Much as she wished that God will simply drop a house into her lap, the way He did last year, she is starting to see how this process is moulding her.
For one, it is taking her out of her comfort zone. A passive person by nature, my female owner is now being forced to actively pursue something which she needs. In addition, she cannot afford to procrastinate too much. Trust me when I say that she is taking her own sweet time. It’s an avoidant strategy, so if she can’t find a place, she can say that she didn’t try hard enough. Rather than pia all the way and then fail to get a place.
She is also forced to hone her decision-making skills and make decisions in light of various options and factors. With so many choices, it is getting hard for my female owner to decide.
My female owner likens finding a suitable place to choosing a life partner. No room is perfect, each with strengths and flaws. It is about deciding what you can live with or forgo. When you sign the lease, you give up the chance of staying in a better place should one come around later. By not committing to any, you leave your options open, but you may end up with poor quality houses later on as the better rooms are taken.
This may not apply to all room-hunters but for my female owner, she needs to take into consideration, her parents’ feelings. For a while, she was toying with the idea of sharing houses with guys coz the places which appealed to her were generally occupied by guys. But after talking through with her Onli Fren, my female owner may give up this option, coz her parents would have concerns about her safety.
Anyway, like what Onli Fren said, all guys are bad!
Much as she wished that God will simply drop a house into her lap, the way He did last year, she is starting to see how this process is moulding her.
For one, it is taking her out of her comfort zone. A passive person by nature, my female owner is now being forced to actively pursue something which she needs. In addition, she cannot afford to procrastinate too much. Trust me when I say that she is taking her own sweet time. It’s an avoidant strategy, so if she can’t find a place, she can say that she didn’t try hard enough. Rather than pia all the way and then fail to get a place.
She is also forced to hone her decision-making skills and make decisions in light of various options and factors. With so many choices, it is getting hard for my female owner to decide.
My female owner likens finding a suitable place to choosing a life partner. No room is perfect, each with strengths and flaws. It is about deciding what you can live with or forgo. When you sign the lease, you give up the chance of staying in a better place should one come around later. By not committing to any, you leave your options open, but you may end up with poor quality houses later on as the better rooms are taken.
This may not apply to all room-hunters but for my female owner, she needs to take into consideration, her parents’ feelings. For a while, she was toying with the idea of sharing houses with guys coz the places which appealed to her were generally occupied by guys. But after talking through with her Onli Fren, my female owner may give up this option, coz her parents would have concerns about her safety.
Anyway, like what Onli Fren said, all guys are bad!
learnt
My female owner learnt a few random things today.
According to her faithful weighing scales located in the school’s pharmacy, she maintained her weight loss from her peak of 63.35kg in Brisbane (measured at the time when Potahto and her started this beer and wings championship, which by the way, they never got down to doing. It was either one or the other). However, she is still slightly heavier than just before she left for Singapore. About 350g heavier lah. But overall, she gained about 4kg since she first stepped into Brisbane.
She probably just had the best haircut in her life, with a number of people telling her that it looks nice/ makes her look younger etc. It even crossed cultures, with aussies singing praises of her haircut. Either that, or her last hairdo was a year-long disaster and so, the contrast was refreshing.
One can actually perspire in Brisbane. The weather is amazingly scotching and humid. She perspires more in Brisbane than in Singapore playing badminton.
Behavioural signs that she is not coping well with stress include her not replying to emails requiring her inputs and being on invisible mode on MSN. An even more serious sign is when she skip her binge-eating tendency and transit into a non-eating mode.
Though not a surprise, she can certainly do with more planning and less spontaneity in her life.
According to her faithful weighing scales located in the school’s pharmacy, she maintained her weight loss from her peak of 63.35kg in Brisbane (measured at the time when Potahto and her started this beer and wings championship, which by the way, they never got down to doing. It was either one or the other). However, she is still slightly heavier than just before she left for Singapore. About 350g heavier lah. But overall, she gained about 4kg since she first stepped into Brisbane.
She probably just had the best haircut in her life, with a number of people telling her that it looks nice/ makes her look younger etc. It even crossed cultures, with aussies singing praises of her haircut. Either that, or her last hairdo was a year-long disaster and so, the contrast was refreshing.
One can actually perspire in Brisbane. The weather is amazingly scotching and humid. She perspires more in Brisbane than in Singapore playing badminton.
Behavioural signs that she is not coping well with stress include her not replying to emails requiring her inputs and being on invisible mode on MSN. An even more serious sign is when she skip her binge-eating tendency and transit into a non-eating mode.
Though not a surprise, she can certainly do with more planning and less spontaneity in her life.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
hit
My female owner says that the first night alone in Brisbane is always one of the hardest to cope with, coz that's when reality hits you and you realise that you are really alone. It happened to her last night. Laying on a sleeping bag without a pillow (she was still on a bed), in a foreign room that is not hers, the sinking feeling of being alone and on her own crashed into her being.
Overnight, she replaced her sense of security and connectivity to a network of support and established relationships with an unfamiliar surrounding and an unknown future waiting for her to explore and build.
Some random things which she know she will miss in Singapore (besides her usual activities):
Being able to nominate her parent(s) as a contact person in times of emergency. In Brisbane, there is no one close enough and she used to list some random friend.
Being able to open her fridge and choose anything she wants without restrictions.
Having access to cheap food, thus not having to think constantly about what to cook and working out a budget.
A sense of rootedness and stability.
My female owner finds these two days very difficult to cope with. House-hunting has been difficult. Houses are scarce and hunters are plentiful. She is living out of a suitcase, restricted in terms of clothes, stationary and other logistics as she is bunking in with someone till she finds somewhere permanent. Right now, she is really like one of us turtles, living with a shell. Wahaha.
Overwhelmed by uncertainty and anxiety, my female owner decided to give up house-hunting for a while and focus on other things. A short chat with her Onli Fren also brought her focus back to God. That calmed her down somewhat. Things will get better, definitely.
Overnight, she replaced her sense of security and connectivity to a network of support and established relationships with an unfamiliar surrounding and an unknown future waiting for her to explore and build.
Some random things which she know she will miss in Singapore (besides her usual activities):
Being able to nominate her parent(s) as a contact person in times of emergency. In Brisbane, there is no one close enough and she used to list some random friend.
Being able to open her fridge and choose anything she wants without restrictions.
Having access to cheap food, thus not having to think constantly about what to cook and working out a budget.
A sense of rootedness and stability.
My female owner finds these two days very difficult to cope with. House-hunting has been difficult. Houses are scarce and hunters are plentiful. She is living out of a suitcase, restricted in terms of clothes, stationary and other logistics as she is bunking in with someone till she finds somewhere permanent. Right now, she is really like one of us turtles, living with a shell. Wahaha.
Overwhelmed by uncertainty and anxiety, my female owner decided to give up house-hunting for a while and focus on other things. A short chat with her Onli Fren also brought her focus back to God. That calmed her down somewhat. Things will get better, definitely.
chio
My female owner bought another chio gadget recently, her Lenovo S10 netbook.
She bought it in anticipation that she would be travelling for long hours for her external placement and possibly staying at other people’s houses from time to time.
It was the first time she bought an electronic gadget without being accompanied by a tech-expert. She felt really proud of herself, for taking this step of independence, to decide on a tech item by herself. (Who says you need a man to help you with such things?!)
Given the rush she was in (coz she procrastinated on purchasing this big-ticket item until the day before she was flying off), the only things my female owner did were to check whether the wireless connection worked and to download Acrobat Reader. She also tried to install MSN messager to replace the Windows messager which was already in the netbook. Somehow it didn't work.
After reaching Brisbane, she realised that horrors of horrors! She forgot to install Word applications on her netbook. That means that she can’t really do any schoolwork on her chio netbook. She escaped this problem previously coz she passed her laptop to her friend who helped her to install all the necessary applications.
Maybe she needs a man (for such purposes) after all.
Anyway, she is trying to find a suitable name for her netbook. Any suggestions? Her netbook is white and chio... so she wants something more feminine and pure...
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
glum
My female owner had a grouchy and gloomy day, walking under the sweltering Brisbane sun in a bid to find a house. Apparently, she has a lot on her mind, with accommodations and daily living arrangements being a high priority. She also needs to complete her internship at her school asap. Plus her RA work, freelance work and other daily hassles, she was THE picture of glum.
Her Therapist Fren told her not to be so harsh on herself. After all, it was only her first day back in Brisbane. But you know my female owner, she gets overwhelmed easily, when things are uncertain and she is hard-pressed for time.
Her Therapist Fren told her not to be so harsh on herself. After all, it was only her first day back in Brisbane. But you know my female owner, she gets overwhelmed easily, when things are uncertain and she is hard-pressed for time.
Monday, February 09, 2009
repeats
And so history repeats itself, in a way. Slightly more than a year ago, my female owner spent her last night in Singapore wondering what the future holds in a land she never visited before. Having survived one year and celebrated many successes along the way, my female owner is still feeling the same kind of apprehension, fear and insecurity as she did a year ago before she left.
It doesn’t comfort her to know that she has “been there, done that”, and that the second year is reputed to be much easier than the first. It doesn’t warm her heart, to know that much as she is leaving behind good friends in Singapore, there are friendships in Brisbane waiting for her to rekindle, invest and cause to blossom.
It makes her upset, knowing that she is probably unable to return to Singapore till the end of the year. One year away from her loved ones. Still the same her, depressive, reluctant and lost… wondering what she got herself into. Somehow, having said goodbye twice doesn’t make it any easier..
The emo side of her wants to quit and remain in Singapore, because her heart is here. The logical side of her (fortunately, this side is usually stronger in crucial times.. except in the department of BGRs) knows she has to move on with her life and to complete the journey that she has chosen to start.
It doesn’t comfort her to know that she has “been there, done that”, and that the second year is reputed to be much easier than the first. It doesn’t warm her heart, to know that much as she is leaving behind good friends in Singapore, there are friendships in Brisbane waiting for her to rekindle, invest and cause to blossom.
It makes her upset, knowing that she is probably unable to return to Singapore till the end of the year. One year away from her loved ones. Still the same her, depressive, reluctant and lost… wondering what she got herself into. Somehow, having said goodbye twice doesn’t make it any easier..
The emo side of her wants to quit and remain in Singapore, because her heart is here. The logical side of her (fortunately, this side is usually stronger in crucial times.. except in the department of BGRs) knows she has to move on with her life and to complete the journey that she has chosen to start.
Sunday, February 08, 2009
again
My female owner did it again. She got drunk/ high/ tipsy hanging out with her Impromptu Frens. As usual, she made a spectacle of herself with her usual symptoms (as what Potahto puts it) – getting aggressive if her drink was taken away from her, leaning over at people for support, knocking out for a period of time and crying when conscious.
My female owner, in spite of her delirium last night, was upset during the time she was not herself. For the first time in a long time, all her Impromptu Frens (including a new addition who responses to impromptu jios, but level of commitment not tested out) turned up for an event and she didn’t maximise the precious limited time available.
Instead, she walked straight into temptation by devouring beer and red wine at the same time and playing number guessing games. And that meant that she couldn’t interact with her friends meaningfully or even say a proper farewell to them.
Although not the youngest in the group, my female owner is probably the youngest in terms of mental age and exposure to the “real world”. It makes her deeply embarrassed to recall how she has once again inconvenienced her friends; to the girls who had to escort her to the toilet many times and to her Clever Fren who inadvertently had to send her home since he was the only one who drove. To the new addition, who fortunately or unfortunately, was drinking with them for the first time and was (I’m sure this is unfortunate) sitting next to her. He thus had to deal with her nonsense and randomness like “can you zip up my bag?”. According to Potahto, his response, after some fumbling, was “there is no zip!”. Now, who is the sober one? There was a zip on the uncomplicated bag.
But at the same time, my female owner is warmed by their friendship, kindness and care. In their own ways, they have all made sacrifices during this period to catch up with her. For reasons like this, it makes leaving even more difficult!
My female owner, in spite of her delirium last night, was upset during the time she was not herself. For the first time in a long time, all her Impromptu Frens (including a new addition who responses to impromptu jios, but level of commitment not tested out) turned up for an event and she didn’t maximise the precious limited time available.
Instead, she walked straight into temptation by devouring beer and red wine at the same time and playing number guessing games. And that meant that she couldn’t interact with her friends meaningfully or even say a proper farewell to them.
Although not the youngest in the group, my female owner is probably the youngest in terms of mental age and exposure to the “real world”. It makes her deeply embarrassed to recall how she has once again inconvenienced her friends; to the girls who had to escort her to the toilet many times and to her Clever Fren who inadvertently had to send her home since he was the only one who drove. To the new addition, who fortunately or unfortunately, was drinking with them for the first time and was (I’m sure this is unfortunate) sitting next to her. He thus had to deal with her nonsense and randomness like “can you zip up my bag?”. According to Potahto, his response, after some fumbling, was “there is no zip!”. Now, who is the sober one? There was a zip on the uncomplicated bag.
But at the same time, my female owner is warmed by their friendship, kindness and care. In their own ways, they have all made sacrifices during this period to catch up with her. For reasons like this, it makes leaving even more difficult!
two
Everyone of us turtles has been in denial of my female owner’s impeding departure. We are not coping well. Nanook is hiding in her corner, Dodo in his. Dona in his and hey, me too. So basically, all of us are just sulking in our corners. Refusing to admit that my female owner is going away for a long time, again.
My female owner, on her part, has been kept busy in her last week of Singapore. Once again, in her ex-boss’ words, she over-committed herself. The major culprit, her freelance interviewing job, which takes up all her free time at home. In case you are wondering why she is doing only that at home, that’s because the next culprit, comes a close second. That is, a last-ditch effort to meet up with her friends AND still spending enough time at home with her parents.
My female owner ended up sleeping late, waking up early and feeling stressed. At times, she even wonders what she got herself into as a result of her poor time management skills, inability to prioritise her tasks and lack of planning skills.
Today, she finally decided that it was time to check the details of her flight. And the only reason why she got down to doing it, was because her Impromptu Frens COMMITTED (wahaha, such a foreign concept!) themselves to seeing her off this time round (and indulging in yummy Popeye at the same time) and she didn’t want them to make a wasted trip.
Oh well… two more sleeps. TWO. That’s as many front paws as I have.
My female owner, on her part, has been kept busy in her last week of Singapore. Once again, in her ex-boss’ words, she over-committed herself. The major culprit, her freelance interviewing job, which takes up all her free time at home. In case you are wondering why she is doing only that at home, that’s because the next culprit, comes a close second. That is, a last-ditch effort to meet up with her friends AND still spending enough time at home with her parents.
My female owner ended up sleeping late, waking up early and feeling stressed. At times, she even wonders what she got herself into as a result of her poor time management skills, inability to prioritise her tasks and lack of planning skills.
Today, she finally decided that it was time to check the details of her flight. And the only reason why she got down to doing it, was because her Impromptu Frens COMMITTED (wahaha, such a foreign concept!) themselves to seeing her off this time round (and indulging in yummy Popeye at the same time) and she didn’t want them to make a wasted trip.
Oh well… two more sleeps. TWO. That’s as many front paws as I have.
Thursday, February 05, 2009
stopover
My female owner has been running around attending to various aspects of her life. This is, after all, the last week of her time in Singapore. She tends to over-commit herself due to her varying interests, whims and fancies and pays the price by sleeping late and being stressed.
Anyway, she brought a visitor home on Monday. Her Intuitive Fren who is currently holidaying here. They met earlier through an impromptu jio and decided to stopover to say hi to her parents. Wahaha. Been a long time since she introduced us turtles to any of her friends. Ah, the first thing she did when she introduced me was (yes, you guessed it), to point out how fat I was.
How’s that for self-esteem?
Anyway, she brought a visitor home on Monday. Her Intuitive Fren who is currently holidaying here. They met earlier through an impromptu jio and decided to stopover to say hi to her parents. Wahaha. Been a long time since she introduced us turtles to any of her friends. Ah, the first thing she did when she introduced me was (yes, you guessed it), to point out how fat I was.
How’s that for self-esteem?
Monday, February 02, 2009
world
My female owner went out today for badminton with her Impromptu Frens. It was unusual, coz she hardly goes out on Sundays, choosing instead to stay home to be with her family. That also goes to say that she hasn’t been attending church for most of her Sundays. In a feeble attempt to soothe her conscience, my female owner has declared that she has stopped trying to wake up in time for church. This is despite the faithful efforts of her Onli Fren who tried to accommodate her impromptu lifestyle by jioing her to go to church on Sunday mornings itself. Quite a tall order, especially since my female owner tends to hang out late on Saturday nights. Not sure if it is purely coincidental, but the sole of my female owner’s shoe came off during badminton today. This caused her Christian Librarian Fren to comment that she has a “broken sole”. Wahaha. So punny.
Anyway, my female owner’s hiatus from Busy Brisbane is coming to an end. Being a swinging jobless single mature adult is quite an experience. From seeing how your peers have moved on to set up their own families, to feeling left behind because your once-comrades have advanced up the corporate ladder, to watching how quickly the world has changed while you are in your own postgrad bubble, my female owner feels a sense of disconnect from the “real world”. In her world, there is no progression to another stage of family life. In her world, she fades to near obscurity in comparison to her once-comrades whose career horses are carrying them far into their promised lands. And in her world, she is somewhat shielded from the raging economic downturn. After all, life is about spending within the meagre pay you get as a dodgy research assistant.
Meeting up with people in this neutral capacity, they start to reveal themselves in ways she never saw before. The good, the bad and the ugly. Having more time to reflect on herself and on life, she sees so many things that she wants to be, but is not. Her flaws become crystal clear, her strengths, as exciting as cracks forming on the bathroom wall.
Human nature. Such an interesting phenomenon to observe and muse over. Trying not to be too trusting is tiring. Where to draw the line between giving benefit of the doubt and mistrust? Being scheming? Goes against her straightforward nature. Blame it on her secondary school principal who ingrained in her to “call a spade a spade”. Just say things as they are.
Life is living in the present. It does not start when my female owner gets her doctorate and rejoins the workforce, or when she achieves some other milestones. My female owner’s world may be different from her contemporaries, but it is by no means inferior or dodgy.
Anyway, my female owner’s hiatus from Busy Brisbane is coming to an end. Being a swinging jobless single mature adult is quite an experience. From seeing how your peers have moved on to set up their own families, to feeling left behind because your once-comrades have advanced up the corporate ladder, to watching how quickly the world has changed while you are in your own postgrad bubble, my female owner feels a sense of disconnect from the “real world”. In her world, there is no progression to another stage of family life. In her world, she fades to near obscurity in comparison to her once-comrades whose career horses are carrying them far into their promised lands. And in her world, she is somewhat shielded from the raging economic downturn. After all, life is about spending within the meagre pay you get as a dodgy research assistant.
Meeting up with people in this neutral capacity, they start to reveal themselves in ways she never saw before. The good, the bad and the ugly. Having more time to reflect on herself and on life, she sees so many things that she wants to be, but is not. Her flaws become crystal clear, her strengths, as exciting as cracks forming on the bathroom wall.
Human nature. Such an interesting phenomenon to observe and muse over. Trying not to be too trusting is tiring. Where to draw the line between giving benefit of the doubt and mistrust? Being scheming? Goes against her straightforward nature. Blame it on her secondary school principal who ingrained in her to “call a spade a spade”. Just say things as they are.
Life is living in the present. It does not start when my female owner gets her doctorate and rejoins the workforce, or when she achieves some other milestones. My female owner’s world may be different from her contemporaries, but it is by no means inferior or dodgy.
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My siblings and I
From top left: Dodo, Dona, me (Nooki) and Nanook