lousy

My female owner has been having lousy days. Her internet connection (read: source of social support) is still not up and might be delayed for 2-3 more weeks as her housemate has just found a new internet provider and they need time to check things out. Her externship placement has reached a stalemate for various reasons and the liaison officer is (deliberately?) uncontactable. That leaves her in a limbo.

Having completed her clinic work, my female owner has a lot of free time on her hands now. Not a good sign, in light of not having internet connection to do her work/ research/ connect with others, frustration with the school’s system (she won’t recommend this programme to anyone at this point in time), having to get used to new housemates (need to be chirpy when she sees them, remember, she is anti-social and sullen by nature) and bible study friends (most are still acquaintances). Gives her a lot of reasons to ruminate and feel sorry for herself (self-pity is probably one of her greatest strengths!). There are other factors contributing to her gloom but suffice to say, today, she felt really alone. Despite having met up with two friends separately who helped her settle some important miscellaneous issues, she felt isolated.

It’s just not the same in Brisbane. You are really alone. No one goes through the same thing as you. No one feels your angst the way you do.

The pastor said on Sunday that sometimes, God pulls you out of your comfort zone and puts you in a new environment to mould you. Perhaps that is really the case for my female owner. She is finding the process of getting back into postgrad studies tougher than last year. Previously, as a dry sponge, she could soak up anything readily. Now, she needs to get rid of past experiences (e.g. of how things had been and if only they stayed the same) in order to embrace new ones. Ah, the smell of fresh challenges awaits her eagerly.

And she can’t believe that she has to deal with work politics as a paying student! She left her former office partly because her inability to thrive in brewing politics. The main difference is that back then, she was paid to endure them but now, she pays to experience them! Amazing world this is.

Today, just two weeks back in Brisbane, my female owner has declared that she hates psychologists. A profession which is supposed to make life better for others, she has experienced so much angst working with them, for them and studying with them. The world needs healing and most certainly, not through psychologists.