My female owner’s patience is running thin for certain groups of people. One such group is people who make a mountain out of a molehill.
My female owner recently had a lighthearted discussion with some people where most sated that they could not bring themselves to tell a friend if he/she has body odour. Hence, most of them would just put up with the discomfort. That discussion took place last week and my female owner thought it was over.
Just today, one of them broached the subject on MSN and immediately quoted a verse from the Bible about how the wounds of a friend are better that kisses of an enemy. That, to my female owner, was so off. Not wanting to waste time and energy engaging in a theological argument or pointing out how he had take the issue out of context (there are more to this episode, just that my female owner is skipping the in-between details), my female owner’s reply was “and your point being?”
That was enough for this person to back off with an “erm, never mind”.
Moral victory, so claims my female owner. In the past, she would have explained where she was coming from and her perspective on the issue. But now, she doesn’t want to waste time debating on matters which are unimportant to her. After all, as her Best Fern always says, "I've got limited time and resources".
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
maybe
My female owner is so positive that she is dysthymic that she went to check out her mental bible (aka DSM-IV-TR) to see if she met criteria for any mood disorders. Not major depression she says, not even dysthymia. Her presenting complaints? – poor sleep, loss of interest/ pleasure in things, irritable, social withdrawal, feelings of worthlessness/ helplessness, difficulty concentration, poor memory, sometimes undereating, sometimes overeating, easily tired (especially mentally and socially). No suicide ideation. Hmm.. maybe she is getting there?! Don’t think she has any familial history of mental or psychiatric illnesses though.
Monday, March 29, 2010
endorphins
My female owner relived one of her earliest memories of Brisbane08 yesterday, when she went for a (long) run with I-Fren and another friend. For the first time this year, she felt happy running. Euphoric actually. As if she could just go on and on, carefree and featherweight. Yah, I think she was drugged by the endorphins released and the effect was exacerbated by the company she had.
One for sentimentality (or being stuck in the past, as the non-sentimental individual would argue), she said it was like the “good old times”. Times which she should have treasured more when she was living in them.
One for sentimentality (or being stuck in the past, as the non-sentimental individual would argue), she said it was like the “good old times”. Times which she should have treasured more when she was living in them.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
answer
My female owner had a super emo Sunday, she couldn’t figure out why. She didn’t even have an inkling of what was going to happen.
She attended church as usual. Felt a bit sedated during worship but still ok. Come sermon, she listened as usual. Then about 1700hr, she received watapps messages from her Librarian Fren and Emo Sponge. That is, one from Singapore and one from someone who was in the same room as her. Librarian Fren broached this topic about parents getting older and something in my female owner just snapped. She started to feel sad about being away from her parents and guilty that she has thoughts of staying in Brisbane when just yesterday, her father said to her over video “after you graduate, everything will be ok”.
She continued watapping them on this topic and suddenly found her eyes welling up in tears, so much so that she had to leave the room to avoid unwanted attention. As usual, she went to the toilet and sat on the toilet bowl, crying and wondering what in the world was happening to her. Emo Sponge, true to his name, supported her through the outburst via iPhone(power of technology? Well, it made her upset in the first place). My female owner went back only when she thought her eyes looked normal but unexpectedly, a guy whom she was not close to ask her outright “why you cry?”
Well… what if she doesn’t really know the answer?
She attended church as usual. Felt a bit sedated during worship but still ok. Come sermon, she listened as usual. Then about 1700hr, she received watapps messages from her Librarian Fren and Emo Sponge. That is, one from Singapore and one from someone who was in the same room as her. Librarian Fren broached this topic about parents getting older and something in my female owner just snapped. She started to feel sad about being away from her parents and guilty that she has thoughts of staying in Brisbane when just yesterday, her father said to her over video “after you graduate, everything will be ok”.
She continued watapping them on this topic and suddenly found her eyes welling up in tears, so much so that she had to leave the room to avoid unwanted attention. As usual, she went to the toilet and sat on the toilet bowl, crying and wondering what in the world was happening to her. Emo Sponge, true to his name, supported her through the outburst via iPhone(power of technology? Well, it made her upset in the first place). My female owner went back only when she thought her eyes looked normal but unexpectedly, a guy whom she was not close to ask her outright “why you cry?”
Well… what if she doesn’t really know the answer?
connected
My female owner met up with a random Singaporean for lunch today. Well, not very random but perhaps the way in which she got connected to him was.
A QUT student who was doing the same placement with her at the hospital told my female owner about a fellow Singaporean coursemate who is just completing his doctorate and asked if my female owner was interested in meeting up with him. My female owner said ok. So the two of them made contact via email and it turned out that the guy had interned at her former workplace in 2006, and still remembered my female owner. What a small world.
My female owner, of course, did not recall him at all. So anyway, they met today and my female owner realised that he was the guy that she thought looked like her cousin when she saw him in the past. Things started off a little awkward. Felt a little like a blind date sort-of thing apparently. But they eventually warmed up and started to share experiences and exchange views on various issues. Turns out also that his thesis is being marked by her research supervisor!
Ah, my female owner reckons that this is another person with whom she can have intense simulating intellectual psychological discussions. Someone who speaks her professional language.
A QUT student who was doing the same placement with her at the hospital told my female owner about a fellow Singaporean coursemate who is just completing his doctorate and asked if my female owner was interested in meeting up with him. My female owner said ok. So the two of them made contact via email and it turned out that the guy had interned at her former workplace in 2006, and still remembered my female owner. What a small world.
My female owner, of course, did not recall him at all. So anyway, they met today and my female owner realised that he was the guy that she thought looked like her cousin when she saw him in the past. Things started off a little awkward. Felt a little like a blind date sort-of thing apparently. But they eventually warmed up and started to share experiences and exchange views on various issues. Turns out also that his thesis is being marked by her research supervisor!
Ah, my female owner reckons that this is another person with whom she can have intense simulating intellectual psychological discussions. Someone who speaks her professional language.
intense
My female owner had an intense week. For this week:
Monday – full day at placement, with little break, resulting in an early night
Tuesday – trod off to uni to meet her supervisor, help him with random stuff and the rest of the day is spent recovering from the intense meeting or damage control, prayer meeting at night
Wednesday – stay at home day, running statistics till night (coz of personal inefficiency, not that there were heaps to do)
Thursday – ½ day placement (extra, to clock more hours), flute, dinner and movie
Friday – full day placement, bible study at night
She ended up sleep-deprived, a little burn-out and just plain grumpy by the end of Friday. She ended up sleeping earlier to recuperate from the strain and woke up refreshed on Saturday.
My female owner says that this Saturday had been one of the best Saturdays for a long time. She did a bit of work in the morning and went out for the rest of the day. First to dinner with an intimate group of friends, followed by a dodgy movie (Alice in Wonderland). After that, a good-size group of friends went to Mount Cootha to see the city lights and to star-gaze. Mount Cootha holds happy memories for my female owner, coz of the friends she went up with in the past. The night continued with an adjournment to a house for supper and more meaningful interaction (where everyone actually gets to talk to everyone).
A good way of releasing tension, relaxing and cooling off from the challenges of the week, says my female owner.
Monday – full day at placement, with little break, resulting in an early night
Tuesday – trod off to uni to meet her supervisor, help him with random stuff and the rest of the day is spent recovering from the intense meeting or damage control, prayer meeting at night
Wednesday – stay at home day, running statistics till night (coz of personal inefficiency, not that there were heaps to do)
Thursday – ½ day placement (extra, to clock more hours), flute, dinner and movie
Friday – full day placement, bible study at night
She ended up sleep-deprived, a little burn-out and just plain grumpy by the end of Friday. She ended up sleeping earlier to recuperate from the strain and woke up refreshed on Saturday.
My female owner says that this Saturday had been one of the best Saturdays for a long time. She did a bit of work in the morning and went out for the rest of the day. First to dinner with an intimate group of friends, followed by a dodgy movie (Alice in Wonderland). After that, a good-size group of friends went to Mount Cootha to see the city lights and to star-gaze. Mount Cootha holds happy memories for my female owner, coz of the friends she went up with in the past. The night continued with an adjournment to a house for supper and more meaningful interaction (where everyone actually gets to talk to everyone).
A good way of releasing tension, relaxing and cooling off from the challenges of the week, says my female owner.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
reality
When my female owner quitted her job two years ago to pursue her post-graduate overseas education dream, she knew that she was paying a high price for this decision. By deviating from the norm and possibly regressing into studenthood, she would inevitably be “left behind” in many aspects of adulthood – career, family, finances.
So you might remember that my female owner took a long time to adjust to this detour in life. Eventually, she got used to life as it is, not as it was, or could have been. And she floated along, in bliss, happy to be where she is.
Until come this year, when reality is starting to hit home, that she is really going to graduate and rejoin “adulthood” that she is feeling “oh shit”. No use denying her current state of being. The disparity that was created between her peers and her when she left the cushy life is now even greater and the contrast more stark. Even within her bible study group, people are building futures for themselves through financial investments, property purchases and career advancements.
She has nothing but a doctorate to her name. People try to encourage her that with her qualifications, she can quickly build up something for herself. She knows the reality better than them. She knows where she is, what she has and what lies before her as a new graduate. Hence, it is cold comfort, in fact, she might even consider them as words spoken with good intentions but out of ignorance. The feeling of having to start from scratch again. Of maybe having to make do with small goals or not being able to plan for greater things, given her practical constraints. Sometimes, she gets a little sad thinking about it. But this is the path she has chosen for herself and she will stick by her decision. While the feeling sucks, my female owner says she would still choose to pursue post-grad, but perhaps, with better forward planning, using a different route.
So you might remember that my female owner took a long time to adjust to this detour in life. Eventually, she got used to life as it is, not as it was, or could have been. And she floated along, in bliss, happy to be where she is.
Until come this year, when reality is starting to hit home, that she is really going to graduate and rejoin “adulthood” that she is feeling “oh shit”. No use denying her current state of being. The disparity that was created between her peers and her when she left the cushy life is now even greater and the contrast more stark. Even within her bible study group, people are building futures for themselves through financial investments, property purchases and career advancements.
She has nothing but a doctorate to her name. People try to encourage her that with her qualifications, she can quickly build up something for herself. She knows the reality better than them. She knows where she is, what she has and what lies before her as a new graduate. Hence, it is cold comfort, in fact, she might even consider them as words spoken with good intentions but out of ignorance. The feeling of having to start from scratch again. Of maybe having to make do with small goals or not being able to plan for greater things, given her practical constraints. Sometimes, she gets a little sad thinking about it. But this is the path she has chosen for herself and she will stick by her decision. While the feeling sucks, my female owner says she would still choose to pursue post-grad, but perhaps, with better forward planning, using a different route.
deshell
Emo Sponge seems to have made it his personal mission to de-anti-socialise my female owner. He suggested that my female owner start to practice some social organisation by arranging for a dinner among some people this Saturday. He probably thinks it would be easy coz people have already bought tickets to watch a movie (for fund-raising purposes).
My female owner’s response was “what? So stressful!” She used to be the social organiser in Singapore among her Impromptu Frens but that’s about it. Her Onli Frens often had to initiate appointments in order to meet up with her. She also did not do any organising among her aikido friends. She was typically one of those who would turn up for the event and go along with the flow (i.e. not oppose to any suggestions since she didn’t organise anything).
So anyway, my female owner became curious as to why Emo Sponge seemed adamant about deshelling her and deflected the suggestion by asking him for the reasons. Alas, the conversation halted unexpectedly coz it was dinner time. Anyway, my female owner is let off the hook. I can just picture the large grin on her face.
My female owner’s response was “what? So stressful!” She used to be the social organiser in Singapore among her Impromptu Frens but that’s about it. Her Onli Frens often had to initiate appointments in order to meet up with her. She also did not do any organising among her aikido friends. She was typically one of those who would turn up for the event and go along with the flow (i.e. not oppose to any suggestions since she didn’t organise anything).
So anyway, my female owner became curious as to why Emo Sponge seemed adamant about deshelling her and deflected the suggestion by asking him for the reasons. Alas, the conversation halted unexpectedly coz it was dinner time. Anyway, my female owner is let off the hook. I can just picture the large grin on her face.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
masking
My female owner hitched a ride to school from someone today. Over the past months of training, my female owner has learnt not to let go of slight hesitation of responses or responses that seem to be masking the true feelings. In other words, people tend to say what is socially expected at the first instance but when you read into the non-verbals, you can pick out incongruent messages and with gentle probing, can help the person to express these inner feelings and thoughts.
My female owner did just that today in the car. She waited for him to go beyond the surface and was glad she didn’t accept his socially expected answer, coz allowing him space to express himself led to a fruitful conversation. My female owner started asking him questions that she would ask any of her clients and found it fascinating how her friend answered her spontaneously.
She wondered if he even knew that she was doing some form of therapy on him. My female owner mused that if she tried any of those questions (“how would you know if…”, “what did you do that was helpful?” etc) on her psych/counselling/social work friends, they would have retorted almost immediately with, “stop using your psych-speak on me?” So hard to support helping professionals.
My female owner did just that today in the car. She waited for him to go beyond the surface and was glad she didn’t accept his socially expected answer, coz allowing him space to express himself led to a fruitful conversation. My female owner started asking him questions that she would ask any of her clients and found it fascinating how her friend answered her spontaneously.
She wondered if he even knew that she was doing some form of therapy on him. My female owner mused that if she tried any of those questions (“how would you know if…”, “what did you do that was helpful?” etc) on her psych/counselling/social work friends, they would have retorted almost immediately with, “stop using your psych-speak on me?” So hard to support helping professionals.
godmother
My female owner was moping around the house yesterday evening. Her friends had gone out for KTV but she had chosen to stay home (after her short short run – not even 20mins she says) to deal with her never-ending stats. Her housemate was also moping around because of her assignment.
Even though she arranged with Emo Sponge to pop over after KTV to cheer them up, my female owner eventually cancelled the jio coz she decided that she wanted to sleep. However, my female owner ended up watching Korean DVDs (yes, the same series she was watching last weekend) and then surprise surprise, one of her long-time friends started an MSN chat with her (just a side-note, ever since my female owner got iBliss, she feels as if MSN is passé).
The conversation was worth it, she says, to have skipped a social appointment.
Firstly, she found out that she is going to be a godmother soon! Yes, her friend is expecting a baby and what an honour to be the first to know about this (besides family). Her friend and her hubby had agreed a few years ago that my female owner would be the godmother to their first child and they are honouring their promise.
Hmm.. i wonder what kind of godmother she will be. If looking after us is anything to judge her by, my female owner is likely to be largely absent and laissez-faire, giving the child lotsa freedom to explore his world. Ah, but if he falls ill or get into trouble, would drop everything to take care of him.
Secondly, her friend, despite not being a Christian, actually encouraged my female owner with Christian truths. Being caught up with her current situation, my female owner had lost the bigger picture of the current season of her life and through her friend, she was reminded of how God brought her to Brisbane, took care of her and in the process, transformed her life. The transformation must have been so obvious, coz her friend noted that she is much happier now. Ah, such heartwarming feedback, given at a low point of her life, just cheered her up.
Today she woke up, determined not to let her circumstances get her down. After all, doctorate stress is transient (and to be expected, really) and the process of going through the situation is character-moulding.
Even though she arranged with Emo Sponge to pop over after KTV to cheer them up, my female owner eventually cancelled the jio coz she decided that she wanted to sleep. However, my female owner ended up watching Korean DVDs (yes, the same series she was watching last weekend) and then surprise surprise, one of her long-time friends started an MSN chat with her (just a side-note, ever since my female owner got iBliss, she feels as if MSN is passé).
The conversation was worth it, she says, to have skipped a social appointment.
Firstly, she found out that she is going to be a godmother soon! Yes, her friend is expecting a baby and what an honour to be the first to know about this (besides family). Her friend and her hubby had agreed a few years ago that my female owner would be the godmother to their first child and they are honouring their promise.
Hmm.. i wonder what kind of godmother she will be. If looking after us is anything to judge her by, my female owner is likely to be largely absent and laissez-faire, giving the child lotsa freedom to explore his world. Ah, but if he falls ill or get into trouble, would drop everything to take care of him.
Secondly, her friend, despite not being a Christian, actually encouraged my female owner with Christian truths. Being caught up with her current situation, my female owner had lost the bigger picture of the current season of her life and through her friend, she was reminded of how God brought her to Brisbane, took care of her and in the process, transformed her life. The transformation must have been so obvious, coz her friend noted that she is much happier now. Ah, such heartwarming feedback, given at a low point of her life, just cheered her up.
Today she woke up, determined not to let her circumstances get her down. After all, doctorate stress is transient (and to be expected, really) and the process of going through the situation is character-moulding.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
rut
My female owner is slowly sinking into depression she reckons. She went running with some friends just now and while exercise is widely regarded to be the best (and quickest) remedy for lifting low mood (due to the release of dopamine and all that), my female owner found that she was even more blue afterwards. It didn’t help that the run reminded her of the good times she had with her jogging kakis.
Ah, she needs to get herself out of this rut, most definitely.
Ah, she needs to get herself out of this rut, most definitely.
sponge
We finally heard from my female owner today. About one week of non-contact. Her mother almost went into a hissy fit trying to nail her down all this past week. My female owner had been struggling with her stats. She describes it as going in circles, not knowing if what she is doing is right and even when she reaches some conclusion, she doesn’t know if she used the right route. How scary that must be, if this symbolises one’s life?
Happily, someone offered to be her emo-sponge, to listen to her gripes if she needed to offload anything, and she has accepted the offer. This is significant coz my female owner is highly selective in who she really opens up to. However, for now, she is saying that she will be ok. In some sense, my female owner seems to be putting on a brave front – after all, how can a psychologist not be able to manage stress?
My female owner tried to describe her emotions over the past week and she couldn’t really do it. Not depressive. Not sad. Not tearful. Maybe anxious? Maybe tense? Maybe preoccupied (with stats)? Not happy. Not playful. Not light-hearted. Maybe grouchy?
Ah, probably masked feelings. She meets up with her friends regularly but she couldn’t smile from the heart. She still enjoys the times they had, having meals, chit-chatting etc, but yet, experienced no alleviation from the mental stress of her research. On certain days, she wishes she could isolate herself socially so that she can immerse herself into stats.
I think my female owner is just stressed, acutely stressed. She feels alone in this journey in an instrumental way. She has been blessed with lotsa support and encouragement from friends in both continents. It’s just that instrumentally, none of them could help her with stats.
But she will get through this. She always does.
Happily, someone offered to be her emo-sponge, to listen to her gripes if she needed to offload anything, and she has accepted the offer. This is significant coz my female owner is highly selective in who she really opens up to. However, for now, she is saying that she will be ok. In some sense, my female owner seems to be putting on a brave front – after all, how can a psychologist not be able to manage stress?
My female owner tried to describe her emotions over the past week and she couldn’t really do it. Not depressive. Not sad. Not tearful. Maybe anxious? Maybe tense? Maybe preoccupied (with stats)? Not happy. Not playful. Not light-hearted. Maybe grouchy?
Ah, probably masked feelings. She meets up with her friends regularly but she couldn’t smile from the heart. She still enjoys the times they had, having meals, chit-chatting etc, but yet, experienced no alleviation from the mental stress of her research. On certain days, she wishes she could isolate herself socially so that she can immerse herself into stats.
I think my female owner is just stressed, acutely stressed. She feels alone in this journey in an instrumental way. She has been blessed with lotsa support and encouragement from friends in both continents. It’s just that instrumentally, none of them could help her with stats.
But she will get through this. She always does.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
derail
My female owner is feeling blue over the state of her thesis. She is still circulating around the same data analysis she started on one year ago. She was so close to finishing one chapter of her thesis when her supervisor told her to redo the second part of the analysis. This yielded an entirely different trend of results, which also means that she did much writing up in vain too.
She says that doing stats is like a dull, numbing pain. Sometimes, she feels it as a stab to her heart. Literally, a sinking feeling as she sits in front of the computer wondering if she is doing the right thing, checking that her syntax is written correctly (checking all the dots and lines), and hoping that she gets some decent results.
She cries out for somebody to release her from the bondage of statistics. So ruminative, she says. My female owner tries to find some joy in her stats but is unable to see the light out of the tunnel. She is so ready to derail.
She says that doing stats is like a dull, numbing pain. Sometimes, she feels it as a stab to her heart. Literally, a sinking feeling as she sits in front of the computer wondering if she is doing the right thing, checking that her syntax is written correctly (checking all the dots and lines), and hoping that she gets some decent results.
She cries out for somebody to release her from the bondage of statistics. So ruminative, she says. My female owner tries to find some joy in her stats but is unable to see the light out of the tunnel. She is so ready to derail.
Monday, March 15, 2010
ibliss
Ever since my female owner got her iphone (which she named as ibliss), her life changed.
For one, MSN has lost a bit of charm. WatApps is more intriguing for her. But certainly more exclusive since not everyone has an iphone. So she would still use MSN.
For seconds, iphone helped her get closer to someone (yes, within 2 days!) who speaks her language and shares similar views on different things (but please don’t misunderstand, there is no hidden meaning to what I just said). My female owner believes that just as MSN helped her build some meaningful friendships, the iphone can also be used in a similar fashion.
For thirds, she set up a Twitter account, but not like she would really use it, she reckons.
Did I also say that she shocked many people when they found out that she got an iphone? Some stared at her in disbelief, some said they didn’t expect her to get one. Others were thrilled. One person (from Singapore) actually said that she couldn’t believe that my female owner would get one but refused to elaborate when my female questioned her. And later on, my female owner mentioned in passing that she couldn’t get her DVD to play on her laptop and the person’s response was “now you know what I mean when I said I didn’t expect you to get an iphone?”
Sighz… still a tech-idiot..
For one, MSN has lost a bit of charm. WatApps is more intriguing for her. But certainly more exclusive since not everyone has an iphone. So she would still use MSN.
For seconds, iphone helped her get closer to someone (yes, within 2 days!) who speaks her language and shares similar views on different things (but please don’t misunderstand, there is no hidden meaning to what I just said). My female owner believes that just as MSN helped her build some meaningful friendships, the iphone can also be used in a similar fashion.
For thirds, she set up a Twitter account, but not like she would really use it, she reckons.
Did I also say that she shocked many people when they found out that she got an iphone? Some stared at her in disbelief, some said they didn’t expect her to get one. Others were thrilled. One person (from Singapore) actually said that she couldn’t believe that my female owner would get one but refused to elaborate when my female questioned her. And later on, my female owner mentioned in passing that she couldn’t get her DVD to play on her laptop and the person’s response was “now you know what I mean when I said I didn’t expect you to get an iphone?”
Sighz… still a tech-idiot..
Sunday, March 14, 2010
stress
My female owner described her weekend as stressful and sleep-deprived. Friday ended as per normal – she went for bible study and got home early. Since she felt that she worked hard all week, she treated herself to unlimited Korean DVD, until she fell asleep at 0100hr or sth like that. She woke up at 0800hr coz her housemate was having a brekkie party with some people and she promised to help to cook. Well, my female owner didn’t really do much but she couldn’t sleep after waking up anyway.
She hitched a ride from a friend to the shopping centre to sign up for a mobile plan. While all logic and rationale thinking supported her intention to get a one-year plan at $29, my female owner ended up on an impulse buy of an iphone with a two-year plan. It was impulse because it was only in that shop did she realise that she could get onto a two-year plan even though her visa is valid for only one year.
That purchase threw her off track for the rest of the weekend. She found it extremely stressful switching phones (the last time was in late 2007) and had to spend some time making the new phone usable at least. Then her laptop probably got jealous of the attention of new kid on the block that it went bonkers on her stats programme, causing her to scream “just shoot me”. At 1700hr, she dutifully went jogging with a few friends. The leader was merciful and they did a fast but short round around his house. (Phew!)
Dinner was meant to be a cosy group of friends but people started pulling people and the group exploded (to 15 pple?) with very random people (here’s more stress). Ended up with differences in opinions about where to eat and where to have drinks. Didn’t help that food was bad. My female owner kept emphasising to her friends that it’s the company that matters. That might have calmed some nerves.
Thankfully, a small cosy group later (literally later) adjourned to someone’s house for slow drinking and chit chat. At least the night ended better than it started. My female owner ended up sleeping at about 0300hr coz she was “counselling” someone over iphone (?!).
Come Sunday, my female owner was woken up by messages to her new phone (think: not enough sleep). She also couldn’t sleep in coz she needed to do work/ flute etc before church. Because she couldn’t bear the thought of an extra big group of people going for dinner, she ended up not going for dinner with her friends (again).
Flat out, she says. The most stressful weekend for her. She ain’t sure why but she reckons its her conscience at the back of her mind, reminding her that she had done nothing for the weekend, plus poor sleep.
She hitched a ride from a friend to the shopping centre to sign up for a mobile plan. While all logic and rationale thinking supported her intention to get a one-year plan at $29, my female owner ended up on an impulse buy of an iphone with a two-year plan. It was impulse because it was only in that shop did she realise that she could get onto a two-year plan even though her visa is valid for only one year.
That purchase threw her off track for the rest of the weekend. She found it extremely stressful switching phones (the last time was in late 2007) and had to spend some time making the new phone usable at least. Then her laptop probably got jealous of the attention of new kid on the block that it went bonkers on her stats programme, causing her to scream “just shoot me”. At 1700hr, she dutifully went jogging with a few friends. The leader was merciful and they did a fast but short round around his house. (Phew!)
Dinner was meant to be a cosy group of friends but people started pulling people and the group exploded (to 15 pple?) with very random people (here’s more stress). Ended up with differences in opinions about where to eat and where to have drinks. Didn’t help that food was bad. My female owner kept emphasising to her friends that it’s the company that matters. That might have calmed some nerves.
Thankfully, a small cosy group later (literally later) adjourned to someone’s house for slow drinking and chit chat. At least the night ended better than it started. My female owner ended up sleeping at about 0300hr coz she was “counselling” someone over iphone (?!).
Come Sunday, my female owner was woken up by messages to her new phone (think: not enough sleep). She also couldn’t sleep in coz she needed to do work/ flute etc before church. Because she couldn’t bear the thought of an extra big group of people going for dinner, she ended up not going for dinner with her friends (again).
Flat out, she says. The most stressful weekend for her. She ain’t sure why but she reckons its her conscience at the back of her mind, reminding her that she had done nothing for the weekend, plus poor sleep.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
wish
My female owner was ruminating (just a little) about how she wished she is more x, y or z (e.g. smarter, more musical) when God prompted her, in His gentleness, to stop wishing she is somebody else, coz He made her her. And if she doesn’t stop wishing she is somebody else, then it would be very difficult to be used by God (or even just develop herself) coz her energy would be spent chasing after something she is not. And getting all upset in the process.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
marathon
My female owner had this strong surge of inspiration yesterday to complete a marathon before she turns 30. This surge was triggered by her friend who said that he was considering doing the marathon this year at the Gold Coast. This means that she would have a training buddy, at least in theory!
My female owner had always believed that anyone can complete a marathon as the process is as much mental as it is physical. And she is a closet maschoist who likes to experience pain (think painful aikido locks and eccentric flute teacher). Since she is sort-of in an intellectual marathon, struggling through her thesis, she reckons that it would be complementary, to complete a physical (and mental) endurance challenge.
Nonethelss, she decided to hold her horses and lie low, coz there is real hard work and commitment associated with this decision and she wants to decide after thinking it through rationally. Today, she says that she found another person who wants to do the marathon. Alas, but also a guy. Anyway, she reckons she can pull together a few hard-core runners to train together if she is serious about this.
Should she? Does she have enough time? The marathon is in early July and she hasn’t ran for months. Plus her dodgy knee…
My female owner had always believed that anyone can complete a marathon as the process is as much mental as it is physical. And she is a closet maschoist who likes to experience pain (think painful aikido locks and eccentric flute teacher). Since she is sort-of in an intellectual marathon, struggling through her thesis, she reckons that it would be complementary, to complete a physical (and mental) endurance challenge.
Nonethelss, she decided to hold her horses and lie low, coz there is real hard work and commitment associated with this decision and she wants to decide after thinking it through rationally. Today, she says that she found another person who wants to do the marathon. Alas, but also a guy. Anyway, she reckons she can pull together a few hard-core runners to train together if she is serious about this.
Should she? Does she have enough time? The marathon is in early July and she hasn’t ran for months. Plus her dodgy knee…
Monday, March 08, 2010
dinners
My female owner and her housemate hosted a dinner for two common friends today. Great fun, as usual, over a simple fare of DIY sushi. This kind of fellowship provides her with that intimacy and emotional connectedness which she says have been lost in her current bible study group due to its sheer size. In small groups of 4-5, people tend to open up and be more candid with one another. Over tonight’s dinner, my female owner established a new household rule for dinner parties: what is said during dinner remains within the four walls (and if you find that you are not invited over for dinner anymore, you know why).
Overall, my female owner enjoys having friends over for dinner. If she has a choice (e.g. has her own house), she would do it on a weekly basis. Invite up to 4 people over each time, just for a casual meal and to get to know them better. Secretly (well, maybe not, since I’m writing it out already), she has ruled out a few types of people whom she would ask over for dinner – stingy people and people who can’t keep secrets.
Overall, my female owner enjoys having friends over for dinner. If she has a choice (e.g. has her own house), she would do it on a weekly basis. Invite up to 4 people over each time, just for a casual meal and to get to know them better. Secretly (well, maybe not, since I’m writing it out already), she has ruled out a few types of people whom she would ask over for dinner – stingy people and people who can’t keep secrets.
Stanthorpe
My female owner did something she never thought she would do. She went camping with a group of mainly strangers over the weekend, to Stanthorpe Apple & Grape Harvest Festival. While it was not as fun or intimate as her other camping trips, the experience was still worthwhile. Here are some random shots of what she came across.
Taken just to show that she was really at Stanthorpe
My female owner's first sighting of an apple tree. Seeing how small apple trees are, my female owner seriously doubted the story of Newton being hit by a falling apple while sitting under an apple tree.
A campsite like no other. Composting toilet!
We turtles know that we are never far from her heart.
An unexpected treat while driving along the highway. The photo did not do justice to what she saw.
The parade along the streets. Her housemate thought the red fruit was a strawberry. How can it be? If it is an APPLE and GRAPE festival.
Taken just to show that she was really at Stanthorpe
My female owner's first sighting of an apple tree. Seeing how small apple trees are, my female owner seriously doubted the story of Newton being hit by a falling apple while sitting under an apple tree.
A campsite like no other. Composting toilet!
We turtles know that we are never far from her heart. 
An unexpected treat while driving along the highway. The photo did not do justice to what she saw.
group therapy
After 4 weeks and 8 sessions, my female owner finally completed her maiden course of CBT for anxiety disorders. As an observer, that is. She was observing how her research supervisor ran a course of CBT and she says that in the process, she probably had some vicarious therapy done on her.
For starters, she finally could feel the “pain” of having to attend therapy consistently, twice a week for three hours each time. My female owner said that every time she woke up on those mornings, she struggled to get out of bed. The first thought would always be, “I want to call in sick” but her commitment to her supervisor always cried out louder in the end and she would somehow be able to get her grumpy body out of bed.
Some takeaways my female owner got from the course:
Be kind to yourself.
Be willing to pay the minimal cost – e.g. tolerate some level of anxiety.
Take credit for any improvement – don’t say the environment got better.
It is not the situation you are afraid of, it is the consequences of the situation.
vicarious therapy indeed.
For starters, she finally could feel the “pain” of having to attend therapy consistently, twice a week for three hours each time. My female owner said that every time she woke up on those mornings, she struggled to get out of bed. The first thought would always be, “I want to call in sick” but her commitment to her supervisor always cried out louder in the end and she would somehow be able to get her grumpy body out of bed.
Some takeaways my female owner got from the course:
Be kind to yourself.
Be willing to pay the minimal cost – e.g. tolerate some level of anxiety.
Take credit for any improvement – don’t say the environment got better.
It is not the situation you are afraid of, it is the consequences of the situation.
vicarious therapy indeed.
Saturday, March 06, 2010
briefly
Sorry for taking so long to update my Turtle Pad. My female owner has been occupied with several things, so it has been difficult trying to nail her down for updates too. Here are some quick updates:
She is enjoying her hospital placement very much. The best ever, she says.
She is gaining momentum with her thesis. It’s in the storming stage now, where her supervisor and her are trying to firm up their research ideas, in order to meet her ambitious deadline of 31 Aug.
Flute practices had been tough, as she has unlearn many of the wrong techniques that she was taught or never corrected when she was learning in Singapore. However, her perseverance paid off as her teacher congratulated her on a job well done.
Bible study group has been more challenging than expected/ necessary as she grapples with systemic changes and constant unfamiliar faces. In fact, this situation gives her more anxiety than any of the other situations mentioned.
Weight management has been good. Did I tell you that she must have lost weight (though still flabbier than pre-Brissy) coz she can fit comfortably into her Singapore working clothes now (i.e. no more squeezing)? In fact, some clothes which she bought when she was 21! Hooray!
Exercising. Non-existent. No more kakis, no more drive. Although she is open to jogging again, if she can find reliable buddies.
She is enjoying her hospital placement very much. The best ever, she says.
She is gaining momentum with her thesis. It’s in the storming stage now, where her supervisor and her are trying to firm up their research ideas, in order to meet her ambitious deadline of 31 Aug.
Flute practices had been tough, as she has unlearn many of the wrong techniques that she was taught or never corrected when she was learning in Singapore. However, her perseverance paid off as her teacher congratulated her on a job well done.
Bible study group has been more challenging than expected/ necessary as she grapples with systemic changes and constant unfamiliar faces. In fact, this situation gives her more anxiety than any of the other situations mentioned.
Weight management has been good. Did I tell you that she must have lost weight (though still flabbier than pre-Brissy) coz she can fit comfortably into her Singapore working clothes now (i.e. no more squeezing)? In fact, some clothes which she bought when she was 21! Hooray!
Exercising. Non-existent. No more kakis, no more drive. Although she is open to jogging again, if she can find reliable buddies.
Wednesday, March 03, 2010
seasons
Heavy rains ushered in the start of autumn. My female owner says it is not a nice feeling at times, especially if you gotta walk 15mins in the rain to get home from the bus-stop. Anyway, my female owner reckons that she will live by the seasons for a good part of the year. This is what she means:
Autumn (mar till may): Ride out the final placement and get herself out without any drama.
Winter (jun to aug): Work exclusively on thesis. Aim to submit 31 Aug. (squeeze in a getaway?)
Spring (sep to nov): Season of new beginning, get paperwork done for PR and job-search.
Sounds like a plan?
Autumn (mar till may): Ride out the final placement and get herself out without any drama.
Winter (jun to aug): Work exclusively on thesis. Aim to submit 31 Aug. (squeeze in a getaway?)
Spring (sep to nov): Season of new beginning, get paperwork done for PR and job-search.
Sounds like a plan?
Monday, March 01, 2010
turning 30?
You know you are turning 30 when…
You find that suddenly the world’s full of cute babies that you simply must stop to coo at.
You love nothing better than a night in watching interior design and cooking programmes.
You have absolutely no clue what’s no.1 in the charts.
You are obsessed with property.
You say things that sound horribly like things your parents would say.
You get more excited about a roast on Sunday than a night out clubbing.
You try to outdo your friends in a “who can throw the best dinner party’ competition.
You become powerless to resist the lure of self-assembly furniture.
You always have enough milk.
You realise you left school a long, long time ago.
Instead of complaining about old people who take ages to get off the bus, you complain about school children who use bad language.
You worry about your parents’ health.
You come to face to face with the realisation that you are but passing through this life… and if you don’t settle down and have kids soon it might be too late… and you really ought to be doing something with your life… and you’re destroying millions of brain cells every time a quick drink turns into a big night out… and look at that – a full set of non-stick saucepans and you get a milk pan thrown in…
(adapted from Turning 30, Panchal & Jackson)
You find that suddenly the world’s full of cute babies that you simply must stop to coo at.
You love nothing better than a night in watching interior design and cooking programmes.
You have absolutely no clue what’s no.1 in the charts.
You are obsessed with property.
You say things that sound horribly like things your parents would say.
You get more excited about a roast on Sunday than a night out clubbing.
You try to outdo your friends in a “who can throw the best dinner party’ competition.
You become powerless to resist the lure of self-assembly furniture.
You always have enough milk.
You realise you left school a long, long time ago.
Instead of complaining about old people who take ages to get off the bus, you complain about school children who use bad language.
You worry about your parents’ health.
You come to face to face with the realisation that you are but passing through this life… and if you don’t settle down and have kids soon it might be too late… and you really ought to be doing something with your life… and you’re destroying millions of brain cells every time a quick drink turns into a big night out… and look at that – a full set of non-stick saucepans and you get a milk pan thrown in…
(adapted from Turning 30, Panchal & Jackson)
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My siblings and I
From top left: Dodo, Dona, me (Nooki) and Nanook