birthday

Well… it’s exactly two more months before my female owner’s birthday. This upcoming birthday promises to be different from the previous ones she had. For one, it marks the reaching of a milestone (leave you to figure out what milestone that is).

In addition to that, my female owner has earlier decided to celebrate her birthday across two continents for the first time in her life. Hence, she would be doing an early celebration with her Australian friends and going back home in time to celebrate with her family and friends. With regards to the early celebration, for the first time in her life (or as far as she can remember), someone has actually offered to plan a party for her. And this party is not just organising a dinner plus buying a birthday cake/ gift but actually banding people together to cook a dinner (western style apparently), complete with appropriate ambience. The flip side is that because it is labour intensive, only a handful of friends can be invited.

Sounds exciting; something for her to look forward to, as the year closes in on her like a rushing river.

5

Ah, as usual, I am a little slow. It was my Turtle Pad’s 5th birthday on 23 Oct 10! Cheers to five years of writing. 1267 blog entries, 23206 views. I’ve been writing more than half my life! Hmmm…not sure how many faithful readers I have, especially since my female owner is so guarded about the existence of this website. I think in her 3 years in Brisbane, she only told 3 people about it (one for each year?). Maybe I’m wrong. As for her Singaporean friends, maybe 12 friends? Sometimes I wonder where all the random readers come from, coz I have hits from different continents and that is odd.

Cheers to more good years ahead!

accompany

Today, she felt brain-dead by 1730hr even though she probably didn’t overuse her brain. She finally found out why, after spending about 2 hours by herself.

She needed her metime, even if it meant just clearing emails and other admin stuff. My female owner had such an intense weekend that she didn’t quite realise that it was over until it dawned upon her on Sunday night that she didn’t have the chance to do her laundry. And even today, she had an intense(ly social) day.

Here’s what I mean.

Saturday – woke up early. Spent whole day with Emo Sponge, to accompany him for house-hunting and ended up engaging in “deeper” chats. Joined by two other friends for early dinner and night movie. Met more people briefly at the cinema (after her movie) coz they were watching the movie after.
Sunday – woke up early to accompany housemate to the Gold Coast to test-drive her dream car. Joined by Emo Sponge for early lunch and beach-watching. Went to church, caught up with two friends whom she had not seen for a month. Went for big group dinner.
Monday – woke up early to help Emo Sponge with his rental car issues (i.e. driving through heavy traffic). Proceeded to the hospital to sign papers for employment (1.75hrs!). Went on to uni to meet a friend for lunch and to accompany him for grocery-shopping. Back to the Valley to help Emo Sponge with car.

No wonder she was flat-out. She had been accompanying people to do all the stuff that they needed to get done, that she had forgotten about herself. This is to the point where she is too disengaged to cook or even get groceries.

ES: “didn’t you get groceries when you were with your friend?”
FO: “nooo… was too lazy to…”
ES (grins): “ain’t groceries a must? Not a luxury?”
FO: “oh yah! Aiyah, dun care liao..”

第一次

My female owner had such a random but quirky conversation with Emo Sponge today. It all started when she said that she had given him her “第一次” twice. She meant it as a joke, with reference to her “first time” drinking alcohol at Sanctuary Cove (a joke that came up then coz they took a photo and the waiter commented that it must be her first time drinking) and her first time playing the pokie machine (he chose the machine for her and it was $3 per button).

Emo Sponge reciprocated that he had also given her many of his 第一次 and started listing them out.

1st iphone tutorial he ever given
1st drinking of white rabbit beer
1st eating of my female owner’s mango pudding (this doesn’t make sense)
1st sitting through 2 guys threatening them with axes (that’s a story by itself)
1st rental car rides
1st benz repair experience
1st cooking of Korean pancakes

Later on, my female owner also remembered that she had her first fishing trip with him and someone else on the same boat. And many more, if she bothers to recall.

My female owner then reasoned that it would be fun to track the kind of 第一次 you have with your close friends. Try it!

seed

My female owner got a job. Within three weeks of searching for a temporary administration job and two weeks of searching for a psychology locum position.

What did she tell her friends when she was about to start looking for a job? She said she was trying for any temp office job coz i) she has not graduated yet so not many places would employ her, ii) she is provisionally registered so again, not many places would be willing to take her, iii) she is an international student, so working hours and visa regulations would be a put-off for employers, iv) with only three months left, how would it be possible that she finds a locum position.

Hence, her conclusion was that it would be easier for her to secure a temp admin job. But God had a different plan in mind. He brought to mind a random conversation she had with her host who is a very good networker. She advised my female owner to inform her contacts (especially supervisors) of her plans to look for work in OZ, coz if she didn’t spread the news, they won’t know her needs. Because of that random conversation she had weeks ago, my female owner wrote to her supervisor at the hospital, asking for “lobangs”. One thing led to another and lo and behold, a job that fits her schedule in more ways than one.

How about a moment to thank God for guiding her path, leading her to the right people and increasing her favour with people? My female owner compromised on her situation and said “a temp admin job will do” but God said “no, I have better things in store in you. You have limited Me. You didn’t think I am able to provide for you, that’s what you compromised and said any job is better than none. You need to think bigger, believe that I can do much more than the natural. Because My love for you necessitates that I take care of you. Even this job, don’t see it as a job to kill time until the end of the year. Believe that there is much more that is going to come out from this seed.”

The wonderful thing is also that in these past three weeks, her time had been filled meaningfully. She managed to complete a manuscript for publication, write the draft of another manuscript, offer emergency help to friends during office hours, read some personal development books, get connected with online sermons, do mini getaways, clear some psychological and spiritual clutter in her life. Without this three weeks of hiatus, she would have been just jumping from one phase of life to another.

distant

Oh no, I realise that I am writing so much less these few months. Age must be catching up on me. Maybe we turtles are drifting apart from our female owner. Maybe things started changing when Sayang entered her world, and Sayang became more real, more interactive and more personal than us turtles who are living on another continent and largely solitary in our behaviour.

And when my female owner had to give up Sayang, her heart broke and she became distant. Disappointed that people treated animals like garbage (“why don’t you just drive somewhere and leave the cat there?”). Cross as well, “I would just leave the dog to die, rather than spend money on her surgery”.

Anyway, I hope she recovers from her emotional upheaval soon. We turtles can’t wait to see her again – counting down the days!

overthink

My female owner acknowledges that she has a tendency to overthink. Overthink how people might feel, overthink how people might think of her, overthink how people might respond to her requests, overthink, over-predicting and over-analysing situations. To the point that she remains stuck in her situation and not progress.

For example, she wanted to ask her supervisor at the private school to be her character referee (just a blanket agreement). But because my female owner knows that her supervisor is having some personal crisis, her thoughts were along the following lines:

“Would I be imposing on her at such a time like this?”
“What if she is too busy with her personal matters and my request just adds a burden to her?”
“What if she is not in the right frame of mind to help me?”

All these conjectures resulted in my female owner not asking her supervisor for help. Until this week, when she went for her second interview at the hospital and they wanted her to get a reference from this supervisor.

Even then, my female owner hesitated and had to seek assurance from Therapist Fren that it was ok to ask her supervisor at such a time. Therapist Fren’s response was wisely sound “well, it’s up to her to decide if she will help you and the important thing is that you ask”

I guess at the end of the day, my female owner is also scared of rejection. Hence, she makes up so many excuses for the other party so as to distance herself from any potential rejections.

ibethel

My female owner had been feeling spiritually hungry for a while. She wants to learn more about God and biblical concepts but has not been particularly satisfied with whatever she is getting, to the point that she finds going to church and bible study burdensome. And God sees her need, I suppose. Coz out of the blue, she got caught into a conversation with a friend about coming over to her house for lunch and watching an online sermon together. My female owner then asked where she got the sermon from and her friend said she subscribed to ibethel tv. Because she is unemployed, my female owner tries to avoid anything that involves monthly subscription and so her reply was that she would look into it when she gets a job. And her friend’s next reply was whether my female owner had a credit card, coz she wanted to get a birthday present for my female owner.

No prizes for guessing what she got for my female owner. Yes, monthly subscription for the website, backdated from April 2010. How blessed. Now my female owner has access to the spiritual food she has been craving for.

Nice Girl

My female owner has nothing really urgent or important to do these days. She is not having much success on the temp job front and has taken to reading as a means of self-improvement and intellectual simulation. She was milling around the Brisbane City Library when she found this book calling out for her.

For too long, my female owner has struggled with being “too passive” and “too nice”. Different well-meaning friends have spoken to her about these two aspects of her personality, urging her to step out and be more assertive. Finally, she is in a position to take action on her erroneous beliefs and maladaptive behaviour.

There is a questionnaire inside the book which was of much interest to my female owner.

Are you a Nice Girl?

1. Do you have a difficult time asserting yourself with service people? (for example, sending a plate of food back, telling a salesperson you are not interested.)
2. Do you get talked into things, including buying things, because you can’t say no?
3. Are you overly concerned about what people think of you?
4. Is it overly important to you that people like you?
5. Are you afraid to say how you really feel out of fear of making someone angry?
6. Do you apologise too much or too often?
7. Do you have friends or acquaintance you don’t really like or have much in common with but fell obligated to continue seeing?
8. Do you often say yes to invitations because you don’t want the person to feel rejected?
9. Do you tend to give in because it makes you feel selfish if you refuse to help someone?
10. Are you afraid people will dislike you if you’re not cooperative?
11. Do you have trouble speaking up as soon as something or someone is unfair to you?
12. Do you hesitate telling someone that he or she has hurt your feelings or made you angry because you don’t want him or her to feel bad?
13. Do you avoid telling someone he or she has upset you because you don’t think it will do any good or will only cause a big problem between you?
14. Do you have people in your life who take advantage of you?
15. O you often take the blame for things just to avoid an argument or to avoid rejection or abandonment?
16. Do you often make excuses for people’s poor behaviour, telling yourself that they didn’t mean it or they didn’t know better?
17. Do you avoid conflicts or confrontation at all costs?
18. Do you get a terrible feeling when someone is angry with you?
19. Do you give someone the benefit of the doubt even when others tell you this person is trouble?
20. Do you give people another chance even when they continue with the same hurtful or inappropriate behaviour?
21. Do you tell yourself that you don’t have a right to complain about a person’s behaviour if you’ve ever been guilty of the same behaviour?
22. Are you attracted to bad boys or people with a large dark side?
23. Do you strongly believe in being fair even when other people are treating you unfairly?

If you answered yes to two or more of these questions, you have some Nice Girl in you no matter how assertive, successful, or self-actualised you think you are.
If you answered yes to more than five of these questions, you still have some work to do in terms of changing the way you view yourself in the world.
If you answered yes to more than ten of these questions, you have an extreme version of the Nice Girl syndrome and will need to do some serious work to rid yourself of the negative and false beliefs that are basically dictating your life.

Sammy's Adventures: The Secret Passage - trailer

My female owner is looking for someone to watch this movie with her when she returns to Singapore. Anyone interested?

outliers

My female owner recently read a book called Outliers: The Story of Success by Malcolm Gladwell. She had read his previous books Blink and The Tipping Point and thought they were quite enlightening. Anyway, my female owner said that three main points stuck out for her.

Firstly, the concept of conscious cultivation, where middle-income parents tend to bring up their children in a way where they are not afraid of communicating with authority figures (e.g. telling doctors how they are feeling), as compared to low-income parents who tend to model passive behaviour to their children.

Secondly, the concept of entitlement, of proactively getting what you deserve, and not letting those things slide because you think you are not entitled to them.

Thirdly, the 10000-hr rule, where success don’t come to people instantly, not even talented people. Rather, it is a matter of hardcore practice and diligence.

Worth a read, she says. Especially if you are a passive person.

old fren

My female owner met up with a long-time friend on Sunday (finally). He was someone who had been instrumental in her growing up years as a teenager into adulthood. They used to spend heaps of time together, serving in the Youth Ministry of her home church. Being 9 years older, he naturally took care of my female owner (and her friends) by driving them around and often paying for their meals. The two of them lost contact for a number of years as their lives diverged. The friend moved to Sydney to read medicine while my female owner got distracted by her BGR and other matters. Even though they had been living on the same continent for about 2.5years, they never contacted each other. There was no need to. But they do meet once a year when he returns to Singapore for a short visit. Even then, the meetup was always initiated by other people.

Anyway, my female owner recently took the trouble to get his contact number because she was visiting Sydney and thought he was based there. Turns out that he is based in Byron Bay, just two hours’ drive away from her. So near! And so they agreed to meet up and finally did so, on Sunday.

My female owner says that there is nothing like meeting an old friend (13 years of friendship to be exact). And it’s even more comforting when it happens in a foreign land. Although she knew that he was sporty and an outdoor kind of guy, she didn’t really anticipate that he enjoyed nature the way she did – just exploring, driving around and roughing it out when the weather turns nasty (it was her first time hiking in the rain). So despite the constant downpour, they ended up doing what they set out to do – Natural Bridge.

Natural Bridge, Springbrook National Park is a most unusual geological feature created over millions of years by water tumbling through the roof of a basalt cave.

the week-long downpour had resulted in a large volume of water, thus creating big waterfalls check out the opening where the water rushes through this perspective was taken from Cave Creek, where glow worms can be seen at nightthe aerial view

They also went around exploring other lookouts, targeting waterfalls coz that was what he liked to see. And what better time to chase for waterfalls than during the rainy season!

My female owner says that some things don’t change, and that includes him driving her around (sending her back to Brisbane even) and paying for her meals. In fact, my female owner got scolded for paying for their dinner, coz he felt it was not right that she was paying when she was not working. Just like the old times.

Good for her, she found another (short-term) hiking buddy.

mimi

My female owner paid a long visit to Sayang yesterday. She was deeply blessed coz she did not have transport but her friend (who is taking care of Sayang) ended up offering to fetch her to and fro. And even cooked dinner for her.

My female owner says that Sayang looks/ behaves differently now. With so much attention and human beings around, he is no longer as frisky and attentive. For example, he no longer readily offers his underbelly for stroking. He also has a more adult look. Not as cute as before, but still posseses an easy temperament that makes him endearing. My female owner managed to take some photos of him, looking innocent and young again though.

And oh, she is very proud of the adjustments he made, from being an outdoor cat to an indoor car, from an English speaking household to a Chinese speaking household, from having few baths to one every week, and from being called Sayang to being called Mimi! Must be really confusing for him.

looking at the string... and wondering whether to pounce on it

dark eyes, ginger colour, resembling puss in boots!

probably his latest yoga pose?

like my female owner, he sleeps anywhere, all the time!

hunt

Okay, it’s like officially the third day of “nothing to do”. My female owner was already bored to tears yesterday. Luckily it was Terrific Tuesday yesterday, so she was able to rent cheap DVDs at $1 each (with some spillover effects today). She has a backlog of movies to catch up on.



Really being idle is not her style, but yet also her style. How shall I put it? My female owner struggles to cope with having nothing purposeful to do, but yet there are some things waiting for her to attend to – like writing manuscripts, checking up on PR/ registration matter, practicing her instruments etc. I guess she just needs to have some kind of deadline or event to look forward to, or she will end up feeling lost and meaningless.

On the job-hunt side, my female owner has sent in 11 applications for temporary administration positions. She has received three rejections and non-responses from the rest. She reckons that she is not selling herself right. She knows that she is “overqualified” but has already customised her resume to highlight her relevant administration skills.

She is also trying to hookwink herself into a temporary locum position at a local hospital. Not sure if things will work out because she has not graduated yet. Worse comes to worst, she will just count down to her mother’s coming on 4 Dec. But that is like 2 months away! What a waste of time not to be doing anything constructive.

concrete

It’s a new month, and new challenges beckon for my female owner. For one, she started losing her voice and is now, officially a frog. No thanks to her inability to take precautionary measures and innate tendency to test her limits – think going out, consuming chilli and other heaty foods, talking in crowded places… and alcohol! She is a little upset at having to cancel her Byron Bay plans at last minute.

Also, she has little concrete plans about what to do, moving forward in her life. I mean, she has formulated in her head, an “ideal” plan but whether it works out in real life depends a lot on opportunities, favour (or connections?) and divine intervention.

There are some things waiting for her to do, most definitely. These include tidying up her room, sorting out her photos, doing up journal articles for publication etc, the last of which is the most annoying of course. Looks like there is no better time to do this than now. All she has to do is probably to stop procrastinating and get herself moving.

Over the past two days, the most significant thing she has done was to apply for temporary administration positions. She has not heard from any employers yet and in the midst of her anxiety, has to remind herself that she has barely started and needs to be more patient.