Nice Girl

My female owner has nothing really urgent or important to do these days. She is not having much success on the temp job front and has taken to reading as a means of self-improvement and intellectual simulation. She was milling around the Brisbane City Library when she found this book calling out for her.

For too long, my female owner has struggled with being “too passive” and “too nice”. Different well-meaning friends have spoken to her about these two aspects of her personality, urging her to step out and be more assertive. Finally, she is in a position to take action on her erroneous beliefs and maladaptive behaviour.

There is a questionnaire inside the book which was of much interest to my female owner.

Are you a Nice Girl?

1. Do you have a difficult time asserting yourself with service people? (for example, sending a plate of food back, telling a salesperson you are not interested.)
2. Do you get talked into things, including buying things, because you can’t say no?
3. Are you overly concerned about what people think of you?
4. Is it overly important to you that people like you?
5. Are you afraid to say how you really feel out of fear of making someone angry?
6. Do you apologise too much or too often?
7. Do you have friends or acquaintance you don’t really like or have much in common with but fell obligated to continue seeing?
8. Do you often say yes to invitations because you don’t want the person to feel rejected?
9. Do you tend to give in because it makes you feel selfish if you refuse to help someone?
10. Are you afraid people will dislike you if you’re not cooperative?
11. Do you have trouble speaking up as soon as something or someone is unfair to you?
12. Do you hesitate telling someone that he or she has hurt your feelings or made you angry because you don’t want him or her to feel bad?
13. Do you avoid telling someone he or she has upset you because you don’t think it will do any good or will only cause a big problem between you?
14. Do you have people in your life who take advantage of you?
15. O you often take the blame for things just to avoid an argument or to avoid rejection or abandonment?
16. Do you often make excuses for people’s poor behaviour, telling yourself that they didn’t mean it or they didn’t know better?
17. Do you avoid conflicts or confrontation at all costs?
18. Do you get a terrible feeling when someone is angry with you?
19. Do you give someone the benefit of the doubt even when others tell you this person is trouble?
20. Do you give people another chance even when they continue with the same hurtful or inappropriate behaviour?
21. Do you tell yourself that you don’t have a right to complain about a person’s behaviour if you’ve ever been guilty of the same behaviour?
22. Are you attracted to bad boys or people with a large dark side?
23. Do you strongly believe in being fair even when other people are treating you unfairly?

If you answered yes to two or more of these questions, you have some Nice Girl in you no matter how assertive, successful, or self-actualised you think you are.
If you answered yes to more than five of these questions, you still have some work to do in terms of changing the way you view yourself in the world.
If you answered yes to more than ten of these questions, you have an extreme version of the Nice Girl syndrome and will need to do some serious work to rid yourself of the negative and false beliefs that are basically dictating your life.