Saturday, November 29, 2008

finger

My female owner finally managed to put a finger to the feeling she has been having regarding going back to Singapore. For a while, she had been wondering why she was feeling blue about leaving Brisbane (the way she felt blue weeks before leaving Singapore to go to Brisbane in Feb this year). She was confused about her feeling coz she knew that she wasn’t sad to “leave Brisbane behind”. (If she is, I would be really upset! That Singapore had been so quickly replaced by Brisbane!)

Today, she finally realised that the feeling she is having is the same as when she was leaving her first job. Many people will cite the last week of their job as being relaxed to the point of just “clocking in the hours” just before they leave. My female owner had resigned from her first job in a rush (to join her second company) and within that one month, she rushed to complete obligations, tidy up her files and prepare for handover.

This is the situation my female owner is facing now. She will be back in less than two weeks’ time. Before she leaves, she has to complete the following:

  • Prepare for her practical exam (and pray that she passes all four stations or risk delaying her programme)
  • Submit her Internship Folio (believe me when I say it’s a mountain of paperwork)
  • Read up on her research data and look at the data (by 1 Dec in fact)
  • Do some RA work (i.e. call up people to do follow-up with them)
  • Continue to see her clients and other routine clinic work
  • Pack her room and move her things to her friend’s house (packing means sorting out her school notes, clothes and other what-have-you into boxes)
  • Consolidate a training manual for a children’s programme
  • Dedicate one day to a church’s event
  • Dedicate a night of celebration or drowning her sorrows (depending on whether she passes her practical exam)

Note: In the midst of all these, she has no time to exercise but has plenty of time to snack.

Friday, November 28, 2008

predictions

Wonder what stressed out provisonally-registered psychologists do to cope? One of them, my female owner's Therapist, started to dabble into horoscope-writing, for three of them (the Therapist, a Singapore Fren and my female owner)


Predictions for 2009:

The dreaded duchess will reappear again to engage us in warfare once more next year - albeit in different disguises.. I believe [Therapist] will be one who has an international background with plenty of mental issues whilst [Singapore Fren] yours was one who was very calculative. I believe [Female Owner]'s duchess will appear in 2010 in the guise of a person with multiple personalities...
these are my predictions for the year ahead as we wind down to a well-deserved break in 2008. 2009 will toss us mountains of challenges to conquer, it will also bring us joy, happiness and that dash of optimism, but only if we are astute enough to see it. But once you have, 2009 will bring rainbows even in the midst of the darkest clouds.
for the latest predictions for your future, please make an appointment with me in Singapore in dec and jan.

yours sincerely,
[Therapist]-the-jester-part-time-oracle

fee

My female owner applied for a fee scholarship from her university but was unsuccessful, despite having outstanding grades (6.67 out of 7) for her first semester and a letter of recommendation from her research supervisor (who is a Professor).

She had prayed to get this scholarship and although she didn’t get it, and did ask God why, she was not sorely upset or disappointed. It was more like, sheesh, now she has to go back to Papa-mama scholarship.

She tried to convince her Onli Fren to invest in her education with promises of free psychological services, neuropsychological assessments and parenting programmes. Onli Fren came up with a compromise – that she will “feed” her when they spend time together in Singapore.

Then my female owner started to wonder why she didn’t have 48 000 friends. Coz if she has, she can ask each one to donate $1 to her education fund.. and that will cover her remaining school fees.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

hamster

My female owner has been largely missing. She got into this routine of reaching school in the late morning (about 1000hr) and staying in school to do what she needs to do until about 0000hr. She likens her situation to a hamster (think of hamsters running tirelessly on their wheel… expending so much energy but going nowhere). Okies, it is not as depressing as I make it out to be.

The places she shuttles to and fro are the two clinic receptions, the computer room, the numerous clinic rooms, the pantry and the washroom. And they are all located on the same level, within a building that is circular. Hence, the hamster bit.

You know, I secretly think that she is clocking such long hours, so that she can avoid exercising. She is so good at replacing an undesirable activity with something that seems more important.

But I must say that she has been productive. Within these few days, she closed 7 client files, completed 3 neuropsych reports, clocked 8 client hours, did some real therapy during some of those sessions, tidied up client files (which cannot be closed), submitted a new research proposal, clocked some RA hours etc etc.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

first

My female owner has been on FB-terms with her first boyfriend. They exchanged some messages recently, with him writing in a manner which he used to write when they were together.

They say that your first love is usually the sweetest and most memorable. Given that my female owner only ever had two boyfriends before and that the second one was a long and painful relationship, it doesn’t take much for anyone to conclude that her first love was indeed her sweetest relationship.

However, to be fair to First Love, it is sweet not just because the other sucks (now I sound like my female owner eh?). There were many other factors too, like the innocent of youth; the times they spent together in each other’s company doing simple things like Maths tutorials (?!), eating fries at Mos Burger, hanging out in school; his personality; his generosity; his humour; his physical fitness (although he was shorter than her, he was fit - always attractive to my female owner) and even his bubbly handwriting. That was a period when they were still growing up, where the future was filled with many possibilities and where there was no time pressure to “establish your career”, “save up enough money for….”.

Of course, with great passion came great emotional outbursts. As quickly as they came together, they started to have frequent quarrels. I think it has something to do with the close physical proximity and extended time spent together – same class, study together after school till late, live in same suburb, same church (he went to church because of her).

Anyway, my female owner has been looking at his photos on FB recently and mused that he is no longer as cute as he used to be. But of course, everyone ages, even the cute ones. Come December, First Love is expecting his first child with the girl he got attached to after breaking up with my female owner.

My female owner hopes that it will be a boy… who will be as cute as his dad (and charm even more girls than his dad when he grows up…)

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

fling

My female owner says she just ended her short fling with her contact lenses – she lost the other side of her new contact lenses last night. It was a fluke accident. She held the lens between her thumb and index finger and switched on the tap to wash it under running water. Unfortunately, the water was hot. Instinctively, she withdrew her hand…. And released her grip on her lens as well. She actually heard her lens hit the bathroom floor but was unable to find it despite using a few different methods and strategies.

Sighz.. this is the first time in her XX years of wearing lenses that she lost both sides so quickly. In fact, the closest she came to in the past was losing one side..

A short fling indeed. 4 months.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

real

I think my female owner misses us.

She dreamt of us yesterday during one of her rare afternoon naps. Or rather, she dreamt that she had not seen us for a long time and in her dream, it was possible for her to visit us (i.e. we lived just down the street or something). The possibility and accessibility to us was so real, that she woke up disappointed... and somewhat sianz..

Awww…

Why do people choose to leave… when saying goodbye is so hard?

Do Try

Demonstrating the difference between “trying” and “doing”

Please try to pick up the pen lying on the table there next to you.

(Most clients will pick it up).

No, I didn’t say to pick up the pen. I said to try to pick up the pen. Please, again, try to pick up the pen.

(At this point, clients typically either pick up the pen again or move their hand close to it, hovering over it, as if their hand were paralysed.)

No, I didn’t say move your hand toward the pen and then stop. I said try to pick up the pen. Can you do it, or is it simply the case that you either choose to pick up the pen or choose not to? What if trying to ask our boss for that raise we’ve talked about is like trying to pick up the pen?


No! Try not. Do. Or do not. There is no try. [Yoda]

speaks

A picture speaks a thousand words...

Thursday, November 20, 2008

gross

My female owner is looking forward to a quiet weekend. All her housemates will be away and so, she will be left alone at home. The house is in a big mess and she reckons that she might do some cleaning, just to appease her OCD tendencies. She was traumatised by a food container that had been left out for days. The spoilt food had become a fertile breeding ground for wiggly worms and flies.

Omigod. So gross.

The sink was choked with large pieces of food and uncleared remnants of food packaging and containers were scattered around the kitchen. And not to mention, the mouldy cheese, wrinkled lemon and kiwis, forgotten and liquefied Krispy Kremes that she saw simply by opening up the refrigerator. She don’t even dare to open the chiller compartment which contains vegetables or perhaps, rotting vegetables.

Simply unbelievable.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

switch

My female owner has been skiving since last week. Almost everyday, she has been going out with friends, either for meals, to say goodbye or for walks. It is as if she is making up for lost time (all those months of suppression… being home alone doing endless work to cooking bland foods – she refuses to add salt into her food coz “it’s unnatural” to not exercising).

Anyway, she also caught the procrastination bug (full-blown). Now, she tends to start work the night before on things she needs to get done for the next day. How heroic! What if someone jio her out for an impromptu activity? Then how is she going to complete her work?! She is certainly over-estimating her ability this time.

After that horrible research paper she submitted recently (and getting a 6 for it and being so upset about it) and a few mishaps yesterday which got her into some hot soup, my female owner decided today to discard (my female owner actually used a vulgarity here… but I insisted on using clean language. It’s my turtle pad after all!) the original research proposal and change to something she has NOT developed interest in. She hopes that she will日久生情 (develop feelings through time). She made the switch because her research supervisor has ready data for her (i.e. she skips the horrible step of recruitment) and she can streamline her workload (since she is most likely going to be his RA working on the same topic anyway). So she gets paid working on her thesis and learning from someone who is a researcher and a practitioner.

Is this called working smart or what? My female owner has reached an age where she is willing to give up frivolous ideals for the convenient reality. Call it mellowing down or jaded. Right now, she rather give up her SM tendencies (doing things the hard way) just so that she can live life properly.

Monday, November 17, 2008

unscathed

Before getting in her current programme, my female owner naively thought that the hardest part about pursuing a Masters course is in getting accepted into the course.

9 months on, she realises that she is so wrong. Getting into the programme no doubt is difficult, but surviving the programme is a totally new ball game.

Not many will go through the programme unscathed. My female owner dare say that all will have, at many points suffered the following: bruised egos, periods of self-doubt, wandering in darkness and blindness, intense emotions such as fear, frustration and helplessness, weight loss (or weight gain), insomnia, panda-looking eyes, regrets and wishful thinking, financial difficulties, pierced spirits, poor health, feelings of being hypocritical and inadequate.

Oh no.. I’m starting to sound so gloomy.. anyway, my female owner has been yearning for home-baked double chocolate chip cookies. She realises (and I’m not surprised at this) that under extreme stress or anxiety, her body cries out for unhealthy food to soothe the mental and emotional upheaval. Healthy foods and exercise do not seem to help.

Given her current bout of stress, I bet she is going to bake another batch soon. And out with the Biggest Loser Competition she is having with her Potahto Fren!

Sunday, November 16, 2008

more

My female owner is feeling more stressed and anxious lately. It is strange, coz technically, her coursework is completed and she has lesser deadlines to meet now. But it seems like the reduction in deadlines is making her feel anxious and stressed. The feeling she is currently nursing is one of she should be completing something even though there are no immediate or urgent deadlines to meet.

Also, because it’s end of semester, my female owner wants to spend more time with her friends (you know, get a life, have a life concept?!). While she is happy doing that, there is still this big nag at the back of her mind that she could be spending the time doing her work. Although my female owner refuses to be a slave to her work, her work conscience screams out so loudly at her, it makes her feel anxious, worried and upset.

My female owner realises that she is a good starter, sustainer… but a poor finisher. To her, being a poor finisher of tasks and goals is as good as not starting, since you don’t accomplish what you set out to do. A good example is the way she exercises. She starts ok, goes on without stopping (if possible) but slows down at the end, precisely because she is reaching the end and knows that the end is within reach.

Oh dear.. I think the pre-going home jitters is getting to her. So many things to do, in so little time. Or maybe she just needs some yummy chocolate chip cookies!

Saturday, November 15, 2008

flown

My female owner is coming home! Yay! Bring out the balloons (opps, maybe not, she’s scared of them!). Bring out the champagne and wings!

Anyway, my female owner had lunch with a Singaporean friend whom she knew only because she was going to Brisbane. The friend also went to Brisbane to do a postgrad in mental health. The difference is that, this friend is going home for good in two days time! Her programme is markedly shorter (1.5 years), with the third being long-distance learning.

My female owner was confronted with how quickly time had flown. It seemed like just yesterday (Feb) when they first met as fellow Singaporeans in big, unfamiliar Brisbane. Memories of times spent together flooded her mind - the meals they had when they were not too busy to meet up; the different places they explored together; the snacks they gave each other when they met; the support and connection they had, simply by being in the same predicament, and same age etc. All of a sudden, it was time to say goodbye to a fellow comrade (ok, I’m being a bit too dramatic here). It's just unbelieveable, how quickly time flew by... The ups and downs the friend experienced are finally over (sort-of).

My female owner also couldn’t help but wonder how she would feel when it is time for her to bid farewell to Brisbane.

Cheers to the good memories!

suppressed

My female owner had an unexpected MSN chat a few nights ago with a fellow animal lover who had been a tremendous source of help when she was down and out because of, humph, me!

Anyway, talking to him, my female owner realised that she had suppressed so many unhappy memories and experiences of that period, to the point that she couldn’t remember the people who were in her team during the deployment, the kind of fun (or anguish) they had as a team, the specific episodes that “made her face turn black”, the stupid decisions that she had to implement etc.

She only remembered global things – that I fell sick (and that she had so many friends who came round to support her), that she was activated at night and left pretty much in the lurch to kick in crisis intervention for a distraught family and groups of colleagues, that she fell out with her bosses over differences in ethical views, that the period was the last straw that broke her back and caused her to say no to her organisation.

bonds

My female owner attended her bible study farewell party today. Her bible study is going to split into two groups in the new year – the working people and the students. Although my female owner is technically a student, she has asked to move to the working group. There are many reasons for that decision which I won’t go into. Takes too long and I wanna sleep early tonight. It’s the weekend you know.

Her bible study group has been a tremendous source of support and stability for my female owner. Although she is always gripping about how young they are, or rather, how conscious she is of the huge age-gap between them and her (and hence, the difference in frequency, interests and needs), she knows that at the end of the day, the group had blessed her more ways than she had blessed them.

Yet, at the same time, she has not developed a strong enough bond to the group. So even though the group is going to split, she doesn’t feel a great sense of loss or reluctance. To her, it is like another stage of life where everyone moves on but still remains largely as friends (or like what some might say, people who leave footprints in your life).

Perhaps 8 months is really too short to feel sad about such things. After all, my female owner and Potahto knew each other as colleagues for more than a year, before they started getting close. Some bonds just need time to develop.

deficits

My female owner has complaints of memory deficits and cognitive blurring.

She absolutely cannot remember several recent past events. It is like things go by her in a flash and even when she try to recall whether she has done certain things, she can’t even find a trigger to help her trace back.

Next, her short-term memory is malfunctioning too. She would set the water to boil on the stove but forget all about it as soon as she goes to her room. By the time she remembers, half the water would have evaporated or her innocent housemates would have switched off the stove for her.

Sometimes she says things in auto pilot, without really processing her thoughts. So things go by, without her really knowing what’s happening. She also finds that her processing speed is slowing (i.e. she is not as quick-thinking or as bright as before).

She described herself as being caught in a big bubble that dulls her hearing, dims her sight and dampens her cognitive functioning.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

compounded

My female owner has been feeling down since yesterday. It all started with the meeting with her research supervisor which felt like all doom and gloom for her.

Come today, she hadn’t resolved the issues he raised during the meeting (coz she didn’t do anything to resolve them after the meeting). However, she received her grade for the Research Methodology course. This was the awful paper she submitted a few weeks ago.

This is where things get complicated (for me). My female owner expected that she might get a “6” (distinction) and in worst case, a “5”. So a “7” (high distinction) is a bonus. When she found out that as predicted, she got a “6”, she became upset that she got a “6”!

And now, she is upset that she is upset that she got a 6, coz she feels that this is really just a small issue, in the larger scheme of things. But hey, if her life had revolved only around school, won't that make that 6 a bigger than usual issue?

She figured that the 6 simply compounded the sunken feeling she had yesterday about her research.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

slow life

My female owner had a pleasant cyber surprise when Potahto asked her, somewhat sheepishly, whether my female owner had received a package from her. This was because my female owner recently received something from the LARS couple and Potahto was wondering if her package (which she sent much earlier) made it to Brisbane.

Quite obviously not. Thankfully, Potahto had the foresight to take a photo of the surprise and what a surprise it was!

Check it out! The turtle was created with this blog in mind.

Sad to say, its whereabouts is in question... Hopefully it will make it to my female owner's home before she leaves for Singapore!

Monday, November 10, 2008

grace

My female owner is going to sit for her one and only written examination tomorrow. Today has been a day where she was bombarded left right centre with God’s grace.

First, her Potahto Fren (haven’t been writing about her for a long time) pointed her into the direction of a potential part-time job which she can fit into her schedule while she is back in Singapore (eh, I thought my female owner is supposed to be on holiday!). The person liaising with my female owner turned out to be a previous intern at her former workplace! Although it is not certain if she’ll get the job, my female owner is thankful for the opportunity. At least there is hope, as she puts it.

Second, she had a nice chat with Mr Squabbles who shared about Jesus being one's sole focus in life (sounds so goody-two-shoes suddenly!).

Third, her mother emailed her to say that God led her to attend a talk on Lasik (which soothed her anxiety) and to speak to an Assoc Prof about it. This in turn opened the way for my female owner to undergo Lasik during the short time she is back in Singapore and yet, get follow-up sessions in Australia!

Fourth, although her night client seemed like she was not going to cancel her appointment, she had to in the end (God answered my female owner’s desperate prayers). This allowed my female owner to stay home and have more time to revise for her examination.

Fifth, she received two things in the mail. A VCD on aikido sent by the LARS couple weeks ago (tsk tsk to the snail mail, but always nice to get something from back home) and a Executive Dean’s Commendation congratulating her for her good results last semester. Arriving on the eve of her examination, the latter made it in the nick of time to remind my female owner not to rest on her laurels. It also reminded her of God’s grace and provision, shining through her weaknesses and lack (i.e. her poor memory, long break from studying, battles with home-sickness and other issues).

Cheers!

Sunday, November 09, 2008

gem

My female owner’s long-time Couple Fren finally spoke to her on MSN. According to my female owner, it must have been the first time since she returned to Brisbane that they chatted! That’s like 3.5 months of non-contact.

Nonetheless, my female owner felt that they have reached a stage where they are secure in the strength of their friendship. Hence, long silences do not represent a drifting apart of their emotional ties. Rather, they signal the confidence both parties have in each other, knowing that they can depend on each other when the situation calls for it.

Hmm.. Old friends are like gems… They add sparkle to your life.

testimony

My female owner had a recent experience of being used by God to speak to others.

You see, she was scheduled to share a testimony in her bible study group last Friday. Last Sunday, when she found out that she had to share a testimony, her first reaction was reluctance (because she is anti-social and don’t like to talk about personal issues) and then, bo-pian, knowing that she has no way out, she asked God what she should share.

God told her to share about how He brought her through the healing process from her previous BGR and the biblical lessons she learnt. My female owner was lagi more reluctant to talk about that and she cried (quietly) as she wrestled with God about this. And she avoided preparing for testimony for the whole week, hoping that she might find something else to talk about.

Come Friday, she conceded that she should obey God and at 1800hr, started to organise her thoughts (bible study starts at 1900hr). My female owner couldn’t get the words to flow smoothly and in her struggle, she actually teared. She finally left it half worked out because she felt God saying that He would help her find the words when it was time to share.

And so, she went ahead with the testimony during bible study, saying upfront that she was not willing to share this! Anyway, by the end of bible study, two people came up to her to share about their similar experiences while two others told her that it was a powerful testimony. My female owner was truly amazed at the response.

One of them spoke to her again today and told her that while she was sharing, he felt God’s presence very strongly and that God was speaking directly at him. While his spiritual mentor had not been able to persuade him on certain issues, my female owner’s testimony convicted his heart and caused him to start doing certain things.

Ah, the power of obedience to God. My female owner was stunned at how God had used her (unknowingly, coz she didn’t think that anyone would be impacted by her testimony).

Saturday, November 08, 2008

memories

I was going to sleep when I realised that today is a significant day… sort of. One year ago on this day, my female owner had a video-conferencing interview with her dream school. That day changed the trajectory of her life (and us turtles) forever, as she did well enough to pass the interview.

One year passes by so quickly.

One thousand memories later, she’s in the midst of living a life that she had been dreaming of, for more than five years.

Although she doesn’t know where she is headed to after she graduates, my female owner realises that the journey is more exciting than the destination. Hence, she is going to create thousands of thousands memories during this journey.

Stay tuned.

alone

My female owner enjoyed herself yesterday, being at home and studying. She is doing it again today. Her usually noisy and crowded house is unusually quiet today, with no one at home except her. The anti-social side of her is very contended to be left alone. Even in Singapore, she was always happy when she was alone at home (we turtles are always home, but we don’t make a lot of noise) and even more so, when her parents were away for holidays. Just a sense of serenity and tranquillity that doesn’t come often for her.

My female owner wonders how she is going to fund the next three months of her life. Her tutor pay stops this week, meaning that from next week onwards, she has to once again, rely on her mother’s financial support for her daily expenses/rent/misc. Credit to her, my female owner actually got through the entire semester without using her mother’s money.

Going back to Singapore, she has absolutely no money to call her own (is the government going to hand out anymore money?!). She had given her mother all her money when she was preparing to go over to Brisbane earlier this year. Everything she spends will therefore be out of a goodwill fund from her mother. That means that she cannot afford to splurge or indulge (maybe this will help her stay out of trouble. Haha!) To support herself and maintain some sense of independence, my female owner doesn’t mind doing some part-time work to tide over for the period she will be in Singapore. Anyone got any lobang? I need to advertise, coz she needs money to stock up on our food too! (This is called forward planning.)

Ah, I suppose this would be a nice time to have a boyfriend…

Friday, November 07, 2008

skip

My female owner finally started studying for her examination next week. This is probably the first time that she has been so last minute in her preparation. What she lacks in terms of natural ability, she has always tried to make up for it by putting in extra effort to the point of diminishing returns. Meaning that the outcomes she get sometimes do not commensurate with the amount of effort/ sacrifice she puts in.

A very good example would be during her junior college days when she struggled with every single subject she took. Almost everyday, she studied with her then-boyfriend at fast food joints. She remembered times when she would prepare for a test the next day while he would be doing a tutorial that was long overdue. And he would end up doing well for the test while she barely passed.

Such is the difference between natural ability and man-made efforts.

Anyway, she received the results for her written assignments for the module she is studying for today. (These were the assignments which caused her a great deal of stress a few weeks ago, because the module is double-weighted). While she didn'd do too badly as compared to others in the class, she lost enough marks to disqualify herself for a "7". She also realised that even without going for the examination, she would get a "4" for the module and still maintain a GPA of above 5.5.

Ah, maybe she should just skip the examination and move on with life.

anger

Over the years, I have seen how my female owner struggle with intense negative emotions – anger, depression and stress. Sometimes anxiety. In such times, using her emotions to guide her actions tended to cause her to be rash and do things on impulse (only to regret later).

Both my female owner and I have learnt that growing older does NOT protect one from behaving like a teenager. Neither does pursuing a postgrad in psychology.

After a long time of not feeling so “intense”, my female owner experienced what she called the “maddest day of her life in Brisbane” today. Cutting a super long story (of grievances short), she was very angry with her second clinical supervisor (Mr Dubious).

She didn’t realise how emotionally aroused she was until her Therapist called her for a random chat (such uncanny timing, given that her Therapist had been MIA for almost a week). Blurting out her anger, my female owner soon found herself in tears over the situation. And shortly after, she was laughing and crying at the same time, much to her confusion (my female owner later found out that she was probably having hypoxia).

My female owner realised that the more she ventilated, the angrier she became. She ended so annoyed that she decided to camp in school to pretend to do some work after her last client appointment ended at 2030. She just didn't want to go home to a house full of people (there are 5 other people in her house now) and force herself to make small talk when it is not in her nature to do so. She just wanted to be herself (which is not talking to anyone if she doesn't want to).

While her Intuitive Fren (who spent some time dissecting her emo outburst) felt that it was odd of her to do that ("if you can only be yourself when you are alone, then how would people know the real you?"), her Onli Fren (who also tried to hear her out despite her competing priority) felt that it was perfectly understandable ("this is the -female owner's name- I know!"). The MSN exchanges were helpful in reducing her angst to a more acceptable level.

To top the night off, her Impromptu Frens called her for a chat. Again, another round robin catch-up with everyone in the group.

How to stay upset, when there are so many friends to lift your spirits??

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

blonde

My female owner is very peeved with her second supervisor. So peeved, she is seething with anger inside her, but with the picture of calm on the outside.

Given that he is one of her first contact with a male Aussie blonde, my female owner has almost sworn off Aussie guys.

All guys are bad. ALL. GUYS. ARE. BAD.

Includes everyone, of the male species, still true in the present, not an historical fact, that they are NOT good.

Okay, I think she is catastrophising and really mad.

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

bujinkan

My female owner finally had a Monday night free and she joined a couple of her friends for street-fighting training. Yes, you read it right. She found some street-fighting kakis to sweat her fats away (and possibly to damage her knee further).

The class had about 8 students and one instructor and training was conducted in an open grassland under the moonlight. A short distance away from that grassland were some sheep and cows (some of my female owner’s favourite animals). How romantic and rustic! Almost everyone wore black, adding to the flavour of street-fighting training (think ninjas in training!).

My female owner later found out that she was learning the art of bujinkan, a lesser known Japanese martial art. She found the style was very different from aikido, being more aggressive, involving kicks and opposing the opponent’s attack/ strength, rather than flowing with it. My female owner definitely had fun tumbling around last night (I told you she is trying to lead a more “normal” life now).

The only thing was that she ended up with some skin rash on her elbow and her ankle today.. courtesy of her ambivalent allergy to grass.

creaks

My female owner has been trying out the strengthening exercises at home and she is happy to note that she is experiencing less pain in her knee now. She still gets the pain when there’s hard impact with the ground (e.g. jogging or running) but thinks that it is lower in intensity. Going up and down gentle slopes is less aching now. She’s not sure if it’s a placebo effect of sorts… you know, like you think you are slimmer just because you ran 2km just now.

The scary thing that came out of the strengthening routine is that she notices that her knee creaks everytime she extends it.. and she can feel things (bones? cartilage?) moving beneath her knee cap. Try to imagine slotting in the wrong key into a key-hole and you can still turn the key but not open the door. It’s that kind of feeling.. strange movements felt and heard in the unseen.

Monday, November 03, 2008

knee

Wah, two days sped past me! Didn’t realise that I haven’t been updating my Turtle Pad. Ever since upsetting everyone with my accidental escape, I have been trying to lie low.. and not ruffle any more shells. Word has it that my brothers tried to tell my female owner’s father about my escape by hovering near the fencing to grab his attention. Unfortunately, he couldn’t read turtle language well enough to decipher what they were trying to tell him.

Maybe some updates about my female owner. She went walking/ jogging with her housemate today. Didn’t perspire much because they covered a short distance. So when she reached home, she decided to do some of the exercises Mr Physio “prescribed” her (there were 7!!). It was good that her housemate acted as the resistance for one of the exercises. And the housemate did feel the difference between her two legs, with one being more in control than the other.

Ordinarily, my female owner is NOT one to be consistent with exercising or routines. But because Mr Physio took the trouble to go to her house to work out her problem and work through the different exercises with her despite having examinations round the corner, my female owner felt that she cannot 对不起 him. So she decided that she has to do those exercises regularly.

Ah, see how long she can last this time!

Saturday, November 01, 2008

physio

My female owner had a scare last night, because her friend had undergone knee operation. Apparently his knee had been affected through years of martial art, rugby and track. While my female owner cannot claim to have done years of aikido, badminton and jogging, she still identified with the possibility of having to go under the knife to correct her knee problem.

Today, she had an opportunity to ask another physio fren about her knee. Because they had time, Mr Physio (also one of her jogging kakis) was able to spend some time figuring out her knee problem. He diagnosed her problem as m……… Yes. My female owner wasn’t bright enough to remember the condition, or to even write it down. According to him, the lining between the knee joints might have torn because of the high impact activities she used to do.

He also assessed her left leg muscles (specifically the inner thighs) as being weaker than her right leg muscles, and demonstrated some exercises that would help to strengthen those muscles (my female owner was even instructed to write them down) and tone her body (haha!). Happily, he also assured her that operations are not common occurrences.

Ah, for once, my female owner is the client. She had a taste of being questioned about her symptoms (and found that she was not able to express herself clearly), being taught rehabilitation skills (now she understands that value of a therapist doing something alongside with the client), being clueless about what to expect (and so the therapist should be confident and reassuring), receiving a diagnosis (in a layperson point of view), gathering evidence (which convince her of the problem) and even discussing about homework compliance!

Friday, October 31, 2008

escape

I think I mentioned once before, that being a driving instructor for decades, my female owner’s father has developed a good and strong heart to deal with shocks and unexpected turn of events.

His good and strong heart brought him through yet another shock two days ago. You see, my female owner’s mother had been away for more than a week. So life’s been pretty boring, with just her father in the house. And despite all her mother had said in the past about how my female owner shouldn’t waste money bringing us to the vet etc, I know that her mother really cares for us (at this point, I realise that I’m getting very long-winded).

So anyway, I missed her mother and knowing that she would be back yesterday, I decided to find a way to spring a surprise on her. My plot was to welcome her back, by waiting for her in her room. And as luck would have it, on Wednesday, my female owner’s father forgot to replace the fencing that kept us in the Balcony, and with all my mighty might, I climbed out of the Balcony and headed towards the master bedroom.

As I was a day early, I decided to snooze under a cupboard… and my great escapade probably tired me out so much that I overslept… and woke up only when her mother returned home and turned the house upside down trying to locate me (she has a knee problem and is quite round, but she has to go on her fours in search of me).

Sob, so much for trying to surprise her. My attempt became a nasty shock to the elderly couple. In addition, Dodo, my gentle alpha male brother, chided me for being the sole author of that fiasco. My female owner also almost had a heart attack when her mother told her that I was missing ("your big-head turtle went missing")

Big-head??

Thursday, October 30, 2008

why

My female owner has no class or assignments deadlines to attend to anymore, but she is still not able to complete her work in time for the next day... she wonders why...

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

normal

My female owner had been “enjoying” herself since last Friday. Or rather, living a more “normal” life.

Friday: went to school for a few hours and bible study at night. Stayed back after bible study to mingle with her friends (unlike the past, when she would rush home to do work)

Saturday: did some work at home, before going to an in-house Iron Chef competition by the guys in her bible study group. (very impressive culinary skills). Played an impromptu game of Articulate with her church friends – sort-of won the game coz she picked a really clever partner. Had a nice chat with all her impromptu friends from Singapore.

Sunday: did some work at home. Went to church in the afternoon and went out for dinner with her friends after that (unlike the past when she would go straight home to do some work).

Monday: rushed through an assignment (horribly), saw a client at night. Went jogging later at night. Noticed that her agility has waned. Could be her weight or knee problem.

Tuesday: went to school for the afternoon to do some client work. Went for evening case presentation. Attended a 3-hour long prayer meeting after that.

Notice that her days did not include grocery shopping or window shopping... she's still "not there yet" in terms of having enough time.

So, there’s more breathing space now. Although there are still many things screaming for her attention, they are largely procrastinate-able… as long as she stay clear of those people who are waiting for her to get her butt moving. Haha.

Monday, October 27, 2008

power

My female owner just handed in an awful assignment today. She probably should have prayed about it instead of being so confident about writing a good piece of work. It was a research proposal for her thesis project. Her supervisor just got back to Brisbane last night and met her at 1400hr to go through her write-up with her. The thing is, the assignment was due at 1600hr.

His feedback (regarding design) threw her off-track and by the time the session was over, she had only 70mins to make conceptual changes (not correct typo errors type of changes). And she was in BIG PANIC.

Coz she had to perform a power analysis to get a ballpark sample size for the two studies she will be doing and to do that, she needed an online software. To use that software, she needed to download it first but as everyone knows, you can’t download programmes on school computers.. And she didn’t have time to go home (obviously). She needed to do that power analysis + remedy her proposal asap.

She tried sourcing for other softwares online that might not require a download and soon realised that she was fighting a losing battle. She smsed two of her coursemates who might be able to help… but they were not home. Then she fell back on (you guessed it!) good-old MSN to see if there was anyone online who might understand what she needed.

Lo and behold, her Intuitive Fren was innocently online minding his own cyber business. And very quickly, he became her online, real-time tech-cum-stats-data-generator. For some good reason (high IQ – intuitive quotient?), he was able to follow her vague instructions to i) download this software ii) choose the right test (??) iii) key in certain numbers in specific boxes to churn out the sample size she needed. To be honest, she wasn't even sure if he would be able to understand what she wanted, since the programme can be overwhelming for first-time users.

Happily, he was. In fact, he was patient enough to go through the various permutations she had in mind and like any good helpdesk, asked questions to clarify what her design was about. He even sent her a copy of the output to make sure that things were correct.

This was what he had to do for her, as quickly as possible, even though he was not familiar with the programme. Choose the right options, key in the right numbers to generate the right output.

Once again, my female owner was blessed by the help from her clever friends... Everyone, breathe easy now..

everyday

My female owner likes this photo very much. It was a random photo taken from one of the bus-stops near her house, as part of her mission to take some everyday angles or objects that most people would not take notice of, before she left for Brisbane. (Speaking of bus-stops, her Potahto and Functional Frens used to get annoyed with her, coz my female owner seemed to have direct buses which would bring her anywhere worth going in Singapore. Unlike their homes, which are much more ulu). Well, she got her retribution. Her current location in Brisbane is near the school and that's about it. Everywhere else is inaccessible...

There are many reasons why she likes this photo. Firstly, for the near symmetry of the blocks of flats and the tree. Secondly, the contrast of the colours of the building and the tree (and man-made vs nature). Thirdly, the shape of the tree. Finally, for the simple fact that it has been her home for more than ten years.

This angle, incidentally, is what I see, whenever my female owner brings me to the vet by bus… I would look back, in the direction of home, wishing and praying that she would turn around and bring me home immediately. It never happens. I always end up at the vet’s. *sulk*

This is the perspective we see, while waiting for the bus to arrive. Far behind is that church that she grew up in.

weak

My female owner had the worst period of the semester last week. I might have mentioned it before. She had two heavy duty assignments due on Monday, a case presentation on Tuesday night (which her dubious supervisor didn’t get back to her on her slides, so she was literally on her own during the presentation) and an early morning competency assessment (i.e. practical role-play) on Wednesday. Throw in tutorials on Monday evening and a client on Monday night and full day lessons (from 0900 to 1600hr), she was hardpressed for time to prepare for the competency assessment which was worth 50% of her grade.

For the competency assessment, students would be given 1 of 8 possible scenarios to demonstrate their clinical skills. It was a children and adolescent module and my female owner had zero experience working with this population. She has never explained a CBT model to an adult (surprise surprise, for all the hours she had clocked, she hasn’t done the very basic!) much less a child (and having to modify her language to suit a child’s level of understanding).

In addition, my female owner had a bad experience last semester with competency assessments. Both times, she was allocated the most challenging scenarios and for one, given a very low grade by her tutor (who would be the child role-player in the current assessment) and that rocked her confidence. Plus, her anxious clients who terminated on her made her question her ability to relate to the Western population.

And my female owner was very frustrated with the situation she was in, because she was the only person in the cohort who had to do a case presentation at night (slot was randomly allocated early into the semester) followed by that early morning assessment (slot allocated by surname – now you know why). She felt so disadvantaged. She wished that she could either skip the case presentation (she could, if she was not presenting… and many of her coursemates did that) or have a later time-slot for her assessment (change of surname? She could have requested for an afternoon slot).

And since she was already frustrated, she went jogging at 1am and got home at 2am on Tuesday morning, adding to her miry situation.

To cope with this helpless situation, she did something which she seldom do. She started to pray really hard and asking for God’s grace and favour to be upon her (for an easy scenario etc). She also prayed specifically to get a “7” (high distinction) for this module as it is the easiest module among the rest. And she started quoting the verse in 2 Cor 12:10 “When I am weak, then I am strong.” Meaning that when she is weak, she is then strong in Jesus, because rather than relying on herself, she is saying that He will be her strength. This time round, she was really weak, because she had no time to prepare herself decently (compare this to her other coursemates who wrote out scripts and even spent some time role-playing with one another).

Happily, my female owner was given a simple scenario to demonstrate her skills. The tutor in question tried to make things difficult and my female owner was caught off-guard. But she managed to remedy the situation somewhat. It was a short and sharp pain for my female owner, preparing for that assessment, as compared to writing up a case study for the other 50% of the grade.

So, the lecturer sent out the marks yesterday, and my female owner fell through the cracks.. “6” is a 76 to 84. “7” is a 85 to 100. She got 84.5. So she was in a no-man’s land… and could be given either a “6” or a “7”. She wrote to her lecturer and also prayed about it.. and was delighted when her lecturer (without being persuaded by my female owner) said that she would bump her up to a 7.

Praise God. A battle won.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

list

My female owner can’t wait to go home. She know that time will fly really fast and before she can say “I’m going home!”, she will be home. But the logical side of her knows that she has to go through quite a bit of work before she can bid Brisbane temporal farewell.

So here’s her to-do list till Dec

Coursework
- Written exam on 11th Nov
- Competency assessment on 4th Dec
- Internship folio on 5th Dec
- Resource development task
Research
- Compile research questionnaire for printing by end Nov
- Ethics approval for project asap
- Identify recruitment avenues for project
Clinic
- Clock 45 hours more (plus usual client/ supervision preparation etc)
- One adult neuropsych report by end Nov
- Two child neuropsych reports by 3rd week Nov
- Close all her client files (she has 18 clients now, 7 of which can be closed now)
Misc
- Pack her stuff to move (to dunno where)

cute

My female owner was a little high today. I think she was so tired of pia-ing for school that she lost control of herself and started talking a lot during bible study discussion (with about 7 other gals).

They ended up laughing with (or at?!) her and kept commenting that she’s very cute (I don’t think they mean the japaneses-kawaii-oh-so-pretty-polka-dots-cute kind of cute, but the funny, amusing kind). At times, it wasn’t even because she said anything. Just the look on her face. Even the mother of one of the gals who was there commented that my female owner is cute. And this mother can’t really speak English! (My female owner ended up being the translator for the group, can you believe that?! Her lousy Mandarin was functional in Brisbane).

Also at bible study group, she had her problematic knee checked by her physio-fren for cartilage problems but no sign of that. It was good news in one sense but puzzling in another coz she still doesn't know why her knee would act up at random times, causing her to walk/run strangely. Now she is not sure if she over-reacted to her knee pain..

Thursday, October 23, 2008

blog

Guess what?!

This Blog is two today! Happie birthday to Blog, Happie birthday to Blog, Happie birthday to Blllooooooogggg.. Happie birthday to Blog!

Wahaha. Looking back at what I said I wanted to do one year ago, I realised that I haven't really renovated this Blog the way I wanted to. The only thing I did was to change the skin from green to blue.. =I Turtles are really slow and steady yah? I think I will do the same thing this year... shed the old skin and get new skin (just like what my reptile snake friend does regularly...)

Anyway, to all my human friends, thank you very much for your support. Without you, there is no me.

clocking

My female owner had an early day. She was meant to start at 0930hr and end at 2100hr. However, her clients at 1630hr and 1900hr cancelled their appointments. So she managed to reach home before 1800hr, when there was still light!

My female owner recently reached a point where she doesn’t really care about her clinic hours anymore. Clocking hours for the sake of hours is taking the joy out of learning and helping others. In addition, she has a dubious supervisor who cancels on her too! Best.

She still has an assignment due on Monday but is taking her own sweet time in doing it. Ideally she should complete it by tomorrow, so that her research supervisor (who is in Beijing now) can vet it. But given that she hasn’t started on it… she’s not too optimistic if she can complete it within 12 hours…

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

soup

We turtles are home alone with our female owner’s father. Her mother has gone to Yunnan for one of her holiday escapades. He’s a funny man. He takes care of us really well, but fantasises of home-brewed turtle soup all the time. I think he salivates whenever he sees Nanook, the juiciest looking of us all.

This is her... looking sad and gloomy.

That is Nanook in front and Dodo, my beloved eldest brother, trying to climb over her.. Definitely having problems! Dona and I were just minding our own business..

special

My female owner finally heard from her aikido instructor. He sent her an email when he was in Japan attending a once-in-four-years International Aikido Federation congress. Yeah, bet you didn’t know that there are such things as aikido conferences.

Well… my female owner said that she would have gone, if she were still in Singapore.

Anyway, he apologised for not writing to her earlier because he had been caught up with work. Ah… he made it up with a good long email, updating her about his life and aikido happenings. Makes her wanna return home fast to train again.

Aikido makes up such a huge part of her life. It’s not just the philosophy or the exercise or friends that made this sport so special to her. Through the training, she learnt to be ambidextrous (sort-of), to relate to people from all walks of life, to be humble and teachable, to be alert (not quite there yet I must say), to be disciplined, to collaborate with others, to care for others, to enjoy pain (haha), to basically be a better person.

No wonder she misses training with fellow aikidokas, so much so that she did some rolling in her huge living room just now..

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

today

My female owner went for a late night/ early morning jog yesterday/today and reached home at 2am. That’s probably the latest/ earliest she ever jogged. She agreed to go jogging even though she was hardpressed for time because she felt worn out from her schoolwork. As she was physically tired by the time she started jogging, she mused that she must have sleep-jogged and sleep-talked.

Today, she must have had the look of stress and weariness tattooed on her face because some of her course-mates asked her if she was ok. And even when she said she was “oook”, one of them didnt look too convinced and tried to cheer her up.

Even though she was sleep deprived (she had an early class this morning) and tried to sleep early tonight, she found that she was not able to.

Her original plan was to sleep early so that she could wake up early to prepare for yet another competency assessment tomorrow (countless it seems!). Plan failure!

Hmmm… Insomnia? Stressed?

Monday, October 20, 2008

long distance

I just realised that my female owner is having a long-distance relationship(s)…. with us turtles of course! (who else were you thinking about?)

I mean, think about it. She left behind her cushy life in Singapore to venture into unknown Brisbane, with nothing more than her overweight luggage and well-wishes of her family and friends. 9 months on (the same amount of time taken for her Onli Fren to become a mother), she has found “substitutes” for just about anything she left behind – room (an upgrade in fact), friends (church and unchurched, not very close but good enough), colleagues (in the form of her coursemates), job (tutoring to get by), computer (thanks to her silent brother who sponsored a laptop). She even got herself things she never had in Singapore – a potted plant, 7 extra kg (and counting), basic culinary and baking skills. The only things/ persons she didn’t find replacements for are firstly, her parents (irreplaceable!) and us turtles!!

You see, she could have, but she didn’t. She chose not to. Coz she is committed to this long-term-long-distance relationship she has with us. 8 years with my brothers and 6 years with Nanook and myself. Some of my female owner’s closest friends do not even know her for that long!

Such great charm we have, for the puny sizes we are. =)

Saturday, October 18, 2008

call

My female owner received another call from Singapore today. Her Impromptu Frens calling her impromptu-ly... inviting her to join them at Vivocity. Well… It’s always nice to receive calls from home, especially if you are not expecting them. Once in a while, her Functional Fren would contact her and that usually brightens her day. Given that most of the calls she makes these days are regarding work and that not many people chats on the mobile, I can see why "chatting calls" perk her up.

My female owner says that mobile charges in Brisbane is high. Local SMS costs $0.25 while international SMS costs $0.35! Given that the costs don’t differ much, my female owner naturally prefers to send international messages.

Using mobiles to make local calls are a killer. $0.39 just to connect a call. $0.29/30 secs thereafter. The luxury of chatting on mobile phones (like Singapore) is non-existent in Brisbane apparently. There were a few times when my female owner ended up paying about $5.00 for a phone-call! Exorbitant prices!

Using a landline to call mobile phones is not a luxury either. My female owner hasn’t work out the cost yet (different service providers and different plans provide different price plans, but they are usually time-based). Some say it’s sometimes cheaper to use a mobile phone to call. Landline to landline is more stable. It is $0.17/call on her housephone.

Friday, October 17, 2008

essay

Time to write about my female owner’s day. I have nothing much to write, because the same old stuff, that she’s being swarmed by work, no thanks to her poor organisational skills and time management.

Oh yes, let me write about her essay-marking experience.

She realised that you can predict whether an essay will be good right from the beginning, when you read the introduction (or lack of it).

Secondly, the amount of space dedicated to the first section (and easiest) part of the essay. For 8 marks out of 40, some students use half the permitted space to address this first section.

Thirdly, number of references (just turn to the back page). If you can count the number of references on one hand or a half, chances are, you will have to spend a long time on the essay, trying to reasons to give out mercy marks.

While she spent many painstaking nights marking those essays, she did enjoy the experience (she’s a well-know sadist-masochist, she likes to do things the hard way…)

mango

My female owner didn’t think she was depressed yesterday. Today she is not sure, but she thinks she is just stressed and falling apart. And she realised it in an ironic way.

Her church friend had been meaning to give her some mangoes since last Sunday. Because she didn’t go for the usual service, she didn’t get her mangoes. So just now, the church friend contacted her on MSN to arrange to pass her the mangoes tomorrow. My female owner’s reply was “Yay! Mangoes! The bestest thing that happened to me this week.”

And this friend expressed shock at her statement. My female owner then realised that her reply was telling of how terrible her week was, that mangoes, mere fruits, were the bestest thing for her this week.

(Ah, and my female owner wants to ask her Onli Fren, do you remember who mango is?)

Thursday, October 16, 2008

BMW

My female owner’s family is moving on!

Her brother just bought a 1 year old sports car… and her mother just bought a new car (pending CoE). In the midst of an economic crisis!

And here she is, in Brisbane where cars are cheap and aplenty, relying on the (un)trusty BMW – Bus, MRT, Walk.

Hopefully she can drive the new car when she comes back (or maybe she needs five years to habituate to the new car, just like the previous car...)

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

pours

It never rains but pours apparently.

My female owner lost her computer lab access card and her photocopy card today. Once again, she found herself searching the ground and surroundings for lost items. And in her usual pessimistic-optimistic way, she told herself that things could be worse – she could have lost her clinic keys which were usually in the same pouch as her cards..

She found it frustrating to be losing things.. I can see why. She’s works in an “organised mess” mode. She may seem messy… but she knows where her things are. Until recently, so it seems.

To add to her frustration, she wore her old pair of contact lens today. The difference to her vision was stark.

poor vision + uncomfortable lens (her right eye was hurting all the way) = health issues (unlike previously thought)

She felt so lousy (add in fatigue and heavy workload and an uncooperative knee) that she started to feel feverish. Everything was swirling into a incoherent tangle.

My female owner can only hope and pray for better days ahead. Like what she told her Onli Fren, she is walking by faith now, since she can’t walk by sight (pun intended).

worse

My female owner started the day well. Despite not having enough sleep, she went to school happily. Tuesdays are her most relaxing days, because she has full day lessons. Yes, I said it right. Rather than having to prepare for client sessions, she can actually sit back and receive knowledge from others. Isn’t it sad? That’s her form of relaxation.

Anyway, the day started to turn bad along the way… one key turning point was when she lost one side of her contact lens. She recently made new ones before going back to Brisbane and because of her fatigue, she actually lost grip of the right side and just like that, it was gone.

Another downer (note, I won’t even talk about school-related matters) is that she realised that her knee problem (yes, she’s aging) could be more serious than she thought. And one of her fave activity, aikido, may aggravate the condition.

While she mourn over the loss of her contact lens (didn't help when her friend (i won't mention who) laughed at her over MSN), she tried to comfort herself that things could be worse.. like health problems… then she realised that her knee is a health problem.

But really, things could be much worse. Can someone please convince her of that??

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

shocks

My female owner has reverted to her junior college days, somewhat. She took a nap last night for 2.5hrs and ended up sleeping at 0600hr today. She woke up at 1300hr (slept through sunshine and renovation from outside and next door). Amazing sleepy head! In her junior college days (eons ago, apparently), she used to go home after school to sleep and wake up when it was dark and work through the night, before going to school. Upside down cycle indeed. My female owner is just more productive at night I think.

Anyway, she had a few shocks today.

Firstly, her Grandma client who used to torment her by not coming. She found out that Grandma’s 26 year old daughter (the one who forced Grandma to go for parenting programme with my female owner) is gay. It was shocking because she usually brings her three-year old daughter (through IVF) to sessions.

Seems like it is trendy these days for gay couples to procreate through IVF. My female owner has another female gay couple who came to her with issues concerning their three-year old daughter. Sounds similar, except that this mother is in her very early 20s. My female owner was also amazed at Grandma’s openness to her daughter’s sexual preferences (who disclosed her orientation 9 years ago).

While Grandma hated coming for those sessions early in the programme, Grandma is now willing to come by herself. Grandma and my female owner even had a little chat about how Grandma had changed over the past few months and Grandma said that what made her change was that my female owner was so nice. Hmm… no free sessions for saying that! She even shocked my female owner by recounting what my female owner said in previous sessions (my female owner always felt that Grandma was not fully engaged during the sessions).

The second major shock was that my female owner found out that one of her students in her tutorial had sought psychological help at the clinic. My female owner cannot put a face to the name but she recognised the name. The student had applied for an extension and attached the email to her assignment. My female owner wished she could do something to help her. She ended up writing a little note of encouragement/ acknowledgement before marking her written assignment. My female owner was impressed by the quality of her work, even though it was half-written. However, she could not pass the paper.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

decision

My female owner visited her friend’s church today. It was the first time my female owner attended a Baptist service. Quite a pleasant experience, it turned out. The flow was similar to a traditional Methodist service, from the “methodical” order of worship, to the quieter style of worship, right down to the demographics of the congregation.

My female owner enjoyed the service through and through. Her favourite part was the magnificent mix of musicians. Pipe organist (how rare!), backed by a grand pianist and a mini ensemble of violinists, trumpeters and saxophonists. There was even a guitarist and a drummer. A full strength choir added to the charm of the service.

Will Graham, grandson of Billy Graham, preached on Matthew 27:11-26. He used that passage where Pilate allowed his people to set free Barabbas (a notorious prisoner) over Jesus (whom he found no fault) to preach the gospel. It was a very direct message – “making no decision about Jesus is making a decision about Jesus”. The altar call, to receive Jesus, was equally direct – “come up to the front if you want to receive Christ”.

My female owner was stunned at the simplicity of the message. Her little faith caused her to think that no one would respond. To her astonishment, a handful of people from the small congregation responded to the message. It’s not about preaching an emotional message or trying to pull off a persuasive message. It’s the anointing of God moving through the preacher that draws people to God. My female owner felt ashamed at her lack of faith, being blinded by her (psychological) logic.

And even through that gospel message on a lazy Sunday morning (been ages since my female owner woke up early to attend a morning service!), my female owner caught her take-home message.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

encouragement

My female owner finally went jogging tonight, after procrastinating for 11 days (she was supposed to start on 1 Oct) and not running for a few weeks.

It was a hard run for her, even though the distance was shorter than what she used to cover. And yes, in case you are wondering, she didn’t suddenly turn over a new leaf and go on her own accord. She was jioed by her usual jogging kakis.

Running with them had always been a good experience for my female owner. Although they were fitter than her and obviously able to run faster and cover greater distance than her, they would run along side her to encourage her to go faster and longer. No matter how much she whined about the cold weather or not being able to run anymore, they would still meet her at where she is (patiently and without condemn), to challenge her to stretch herself. The run never fails to end with a word of affirmation.

That’s the power of encouragement, it can help someone to go beyond what she thinks she can do, to achieve more than what she believes she can reach.

Go encourage someone today.

birth

A lazy day for my female owner.. She stayed up till 0400hr this am marking what she calls “bloody lousy essays”. She’s a tutor for a second-year course and part of her job responsibility is to mark her students’ assignments. 37 2500-word essays. She says that it is a surreal feeling, being on the other side of the fence now.

And so, she slept in today and woke up at 1300hr! Half the day gone.

Random thoughts flow through her mind, even as she procrastinates on starting her work..

Her Onli Fren has given birth, two weeks early. Based on her psychological assessment of his early arrival, my female owner is of the professional opinion that the baby is smart, driven, has a mind of his own and most importantly, kind-hearted and empathetic, eager to relieve his mother of the burden of pregnancy.

My female owner, being a little premature, thinks that she was never really ready to face the world being forced out of her mother’s womb, so that she could be born before the end of the year. Her mother wanted my female owner to “save” a year in terms of starting school. But my female owner’s argument was that had she been born in January, she would have an extra 12-month period to develop her physical, cognitive and emotional capabilities… and probably do better than her peers in her growing up years and possibility be leading a different life now.

Ah, the joy of blaming others for one’s lack of success!

Friday, October 10, 2008

economics

All of a sudden, my female owner’s economy changes.

Once, the currency AUD: SIN held steady at 1:1.33. In a matter of few days, AUD:SIN is 1:0.97.

In addition, the Singapore government declared today that Singapore is now in a recession.

My female owner has never understood economics. She never took it at junior college. She chose Further Maths over Economics. Or rather, she chose to be with her kakis who were taking double maths double science. Her Onli Fren thought that my female owner would do well in Economics but sigh, that potential was never nurtured.

Anyway, here are some questions which has been bugging my female owner

1) Why is the USD negatively correlated to the AUD?
2) Why is the USD strengthening against the SIN, if USD is in the dumps?
3) What does it mean when the AUD government says that it is reducing the banks’ interest rates? What does it mean for consumers?
4) Why would reducing interest rates weaken the AUD?
5) What happened recently that caused the AUD to be weaker than the SIN?
6) Why is the SIN stronger than the AUD, despite Singapore being in recession?

And most importantly, in the near future, will the SIN continue to get stronger relative to the AUD??

My female owner feels out of sync with the turn of tides, coz she changed her AUD at 1:1.33. So technically, while things should be cheaper, she is still living in the past, where everything cost 30% more than it should. At the same time, she is getting less buck for her labour as a tutor!

Bad timing!

Thursday, October 09, 2008

love-hate

My female owner is feeling drained and zombified, especially after a 12-hr day with 7 appointments, none of which was cancelled.

0930 to 1000: tutors meeting
1200 to 1415: neuropsych assessment
1500 to 1545: supervision with first supervisor
1545 to 1615: supervision with second supervisor
1630 to 1745: therapy session with a teenager (her favourite age-group!)
1900 to 2000: parenting session with a pair of funny parents
2000 to 2100: parenting session with a single mother

Yes, and in-between breaks, she made client calls, printed materials, wrote case-notes and had an MSN chat with her Potahto Fren.

After one hectic week in school (she submitted two assignments early this week), where she lost track of time and space and herself, here’s a list of what she has to do by next Friday

- 2 neuropsych assignments (worth 60% altogether)
- 1 research presentation
- 2 case formulations (my female owner is convinced that her current supervisor hates her)
- generate slides for 1 case presentation
- mark 36 lousy essays
- 1 ethics form
- familiarise herself with two new neuropsych kits to administer next Friday
- endless outdated case notes to update
- type out 4 or 5 supervision records (she lost count of how far behind she is)

Things she hopes to find time to do… somehow.. because they need to be done by the following week anyway…
- close at least 5 client files
- score 4 neuropsych tests (2 IQ tests and 2 achievement tests which will take eons apparently)
- score a number of psychological measures submitted by her clients
- update her internship record of practice
- organise her room (or home office, depends on how you look at things)
- compile her research questionnaire
- start preparing for her competency assessment

No wonder she has a love-hate relationship with time. She hopes it will fly faster so that she could come home.. but yet, if it flies faster, means her stress and anxiety level increase exponentially too...

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

slaps

My female owner felt as if she received a few slaps in the face today. The slaps were mainly for allowing herself to be dysthymic for longer than necessary. For the longest time ever, she has looked at her life through a “deprived” lens. No matter what stage of life she was in or what she has achieved, she would conclude that she has not achieved enough, or that she has lost something.

Today, her course-mate told her as a by-the-way sort of thing that she has stage 1 lymphoma (diagnosed early this year). Her course-mate had a previous bout of cancer about 10 years ago and this would probably be considered a relapse. My female owner was stunned at the news. It was the first time in her life that she knows a peer who has cancer and the person looks as normal as anyone. And not only that, her peer has moved on and chosen to live a full life. Such a courageous attitude towards life!

Also, during night class, she found out how someone’s client fell into depression after sustaining a hand injury at work. A random accident that caused her to miss a semester of school, to lose and gain weight, to seek psychological treatment, and to question her dream of being a veterinarian (hey, we need more of animal docs around!)

The fragility of life and health confronted my female owner twice today. Peaceful life and good health, blessings that should never be taken for granted.

Ah, but my female owner still feels blue.. now she feels blue for being blue…

Monday, October 06, 2008

Procrastination Party

My female owner hosted a Procrastination Party last Friday! In the spirit of procrastination, I’ve taken my own sweet time to tell you about this.

The Procrastination Party was attended by three Singaporean psychology postgrad students who decided a week before that the best thing to do when you have multiple deadlines looming, is to meet up for a chill-out session.

And so, preparations started on Thursday, when they met for dinner at nearby Toowong (if you live at Ang Mo Kio, Toowong is Bishan) before going for grocery shopping.

My female owner and her Therapist Fren started cooking at 1530hr…and was joined by her Organised Fren at about 1800hr. And despite their hard work, the first dish that was ready at 1900hr (besides the dessert which was baked first) was the salad…which was pre-mixed and bought at a reduced cost of $1.50!

First dish to be ready after 3 hours.. Fetta cheese not included.
So much for their hard work!

Menu:
Appetisers: Italian Bruschetta, Mushroom Pizza
Main dish:
Fish and Potato Pie with Salad
Desert:
Warm Chocolate Brownie topped with Vanilla Ice-cream

See how pretty the Italian Bruschettas are

That's the pre-mixed salad on the left and the mushroom pizza on the right. Simply gorgeous!

Fish and Potato Pie. Note that the dishes were all very healthy. No salt and cooking oil was used at all (only olive oil)

The super sinful brownie. Simply heavenly!

Here’s what went into that sinful brownie… ALL the chocolate bars and that entire block of butter... (more chocolate was added in later, as per recipe!)

Melting the fats together

Adding the cheery eggs (another 2000KJ)

Check out the brand of the brownie-muffin.

And the lemon tea which took two hours to cool, and the subject of much laughter.

And the party ended at 2330hr...

Sunday, October 05, 2008

Yangtze Turtles - China Girl

An article on how scientists tried (in vain) to breed two very rare ancestors of mine... Poor grandma... The weight of the turtleworld rests upon you...
_______________________________________________________

SUZHOU, China - She's around 80 years old. He's 100. Breathless scientists watched as the world's most endangered turtles successfully mated.

But the attempt to breed the species' last known female with the last known male in China has failed because the eggs didn't hatch, disappointed conservationists said Saturday.

The elderly pair can try again next year, part of a delicate attempt to keep the species alive. Just four known Yangtze giant soft-shell turtles are left and three are male.

The only female was found in a Chinese zoo just last year after a long and desperate search. She was quickly protected with a surveillance camera, a guard and bulletproof glass, and given the nickname "China Girl."

A successful batch of baby turtles would be a welcome environmental win for China. The country's efforts to save its pandas are famous, but scientists have said about 40 percent of China's mammal species are endangered. Pollution and hunting almost erased the Yangtze turtles.

Conservationists were thrilled this spring when the female and male finally were introduced, nudged each other curiously and slowly got down to business. Artificial insemination was deemed too risky.

Within weeks, dozens of eggs were found in the sandy nesting area at the Suzhou Zoo, about an hour's drive west of Shanghai. Conservationists predicted possible hatchlings by early August. But this week, they said the effort had failed.

"Unfortunately, none of the eggs successfully hatched this time," Stephen C. Sautner, a communications official with the Wildlife Conservation Society, said in an e-mail Saturday.

While more than half of the eggs seemed fertile, the embryos died early, a statement released Wednesday by the U.S.-based Turtle Survival Alliance said. The statement did not indicate whether the female turtle's age was a factor and instead blamed years of a low-calcium diet.
"A number of the eggs had very thin or cracked eggshells, suggesting that the diet of the animals prior to breeding was not optimal," the statement said.

Besides the pair that mated, the only other known Yangtze turtles are two males in Vietnam.

For years, the female turtle's keepers at the Changsha Zoo hadn't even known what kind of turtle she was or that she was one of the last of her kind. The zoo responded last year to an urgent appeal sent to all of China's zoos, saying it had a female that looked like the turtle in the photo sent with the appeal.

A team of experts from the U.S. and China then prepared her for the potentially stressful move to the Suzhou Zoo, about 600 miles away.

"I hate to call this a desperation move, but it really was," Rick Hudson, co-chair of the turtle alliance, said at the time.

Now, settled together in Suzhou, the two turtles are preparing for another attempt next year with a high-calcium diet of whole fish, whole crayfish and chicken necks, meant to result in eggs with stronger shells.

During a visit to the zoo Saturday, the turtles were nowhere to be seen. Their watery home was split by a metal gate to keep the male and female separate until the next breeding season. The male can be too aggressive otherwise, workers explained.

"We've worked very hard on this," said Liu Jinde, the director of the organization that manages the zoo. "Wait until next year. We ought to succeed. The turtles are very healthy."

He said one reason breeding failed this year was the hurry to get the turtles mating soon after the female joined the male at the zoo this spring.

There is, after all, not much time left. Though it isn't clear how long Yangtze turtles can live, the female's fertility is the key. Conservationists had been relieved when the newly discovered female at 80 years or more was still producing eggs.

Now the turtles' supporters must wait until spring, when the female should be ready for the next attempt.

The turtle alliance is optimistic. Despite their advanced ages, the two turtles "should be in top form" next year, its statement said.
_______________________________________________________

Here's some info on their mating process. Shouldnt such things be kept between the pair??

Saturday, October 04, 2008

World Animal Day

It's World Animal Day today!

Yeah!

The Animal Concerns Research and Education Society in Singapore also has some events planned out to celebrate OUR day.

And since I'm at it, here's my yearly campaign about not abandoning your pets:




Friday, October 03, 2008

thirsty


My sister, Nanook, loves reading... or is she just thirsty?

Thursday, October 02, 2008

can't

My female has lost track of time. Seriously speaking. Sometimes she can’t remember the day, sometimes it’s the date. At times, she can’t recall what happened just the day before. She can’t remember her clients’ names or faces.

It’s a good kind of busy, she says. The kind of busy where she’s happy to be working all the time. However, she knows that she’s going to reach breaking point soon, given her increasing distractibility and self-absorption.

Oh well… Just 2 more months I reckon. Now she’s going to mark her lousy year 2 essays…

bar of soap

My female owner felt that she had the best research supervision session today, ever since she started meeting up with her research supervisor (RS). Three times in all, if my maths don’t fail me.

Happy to say, he scaled down her project even more. She originally had to conduct two studies, one with questionnaires and one with an intervention. Today, he said that she can do without the second study (which is much harder to complete). By playing around with the various data she will be collecting from the first study, he showed her how she could expand her study into three studies. Amazing! Without doing more work! Grinning, he told her that the good way to say it is “manipulating the variables”, and the bad way to say it is.. (are you ready?) “mind masturbation”, where you just keep thinking about how to relate all the variables. Wahaha. My female owner couldn’t stop laughing at his “bad” term.

RS went on to share with my female owner many things about being a postgraduate and working in a university.

Among many of the things, he told her to have more confidence in herself (“you are good, so show it”). That she is already a postgraduate student, so she needs to think and behave like one (e.g. be an independent worker). He also said that she should not be afraid to show her intelligence (which he reckons its because of her being an Asian, and a female and having worked in other settings) or else the university cannot distinguish her “from a bar of soap” (?!).

For the third time, he offered her a job as his research assistant and my female owner finally accepted the offer, with details to be confirmed. And he asked her for her previous assignment (which she submitted to him last semester) so that he could use it for his upcoming teaching trip to Beijing. He also spoke about looking for opportunities to publish her work (not that she has done any!).

My female owner realised that RS is a strategist (he taught her how to present her research proposal to “shut them up”). She’s convinced that she would certainly benefit from his supervision and under his guidance and mentorship, develop her clinical maturity.

Thinking about what he said and what he did during the session, my female owner realised that RS is probably the first person in authority who showed so openly that he believed in her and her abilities, without her having really proven herself (e.g. through his class in the previous semester, her grades (of which he contributed a good one) and her research write-ups) Is that what Carl Rogers meant when he said “unconditional positive regard”?

flair

My female owner has been missing. The more deadlines she has, the less she does. She translates her time and energy into procrastinating activities. I seriously believe she has a natural flair for this. Like yesterday, she went to school to do some administrative things… and ended up going for a three hour impromptu dinner with her only other Asian coursemate. All the way to Sunnybank, 20mins drive away, which is an Asian enclave.

Then they went back to school at about 2100hr to continue their work… with all good intentions… but they started chatting about other stuff. You know, those heart-to-heart kind of chat? And so my female reached home about midnight and continued her work. She realised that she probably should do work at home, instead of trying to work in school.

And she went to school today, tired and zonked out. When she was about to start work after having an impromptu lunch with her Therapist Fren, she realised that her research supervisor replied to her email regarding her research proposal and had offered a consultation time 5mins from that time she read the email. And so, she ran off to his office for an impromptu meeting… that lasted 1hr 45mins. More on that later.

After the meeting, she went off to find her Therapist Fren again to walk home together. Learning from her lesson the previous day, my female owner intended to work at home. But her Therapist Fren invited her into her house... And my female owner went in and spent some time chatting again. When she finally got home at 1800hr, she had her dinner… and went to take a nap (sleep-deprived rem?) for two hours!

And woke up with the “oh-shit” feeling. Queen of procrastination indeed.

My siblings and I

My siblings and I
From top left: Dodo, Dona, me (Nooki) and Nanook