Stats Knight

And so, my female owner met her knight in shining statistical armour. Stats Knight hails from the sunny island of Singapore. He’s someone whom my female owner know through Therapist Fren. They were never really close but he’s a helpful and caring person by nature, always looking out for his friends and feeding them with information to help them along as international students. Recently, my female owner faced an uphill task trying to figure out the discrepancies in her statistical outputs. Stats Knight had always been good in statistics but my female owner never approached him for help coz she felt they were not really close and as usual, she didn’t want to bother people.

But her recent crisis was so overwhelming that she just had to seek help. Stats Knight immediately made time to meet up with her to suss out her issues. He even went the extra mile to print things for her to refer to and “translate” those text into plain English. In fact, he was so excited while fixing her statistical knots that for a while, my female owner thought he actually made statistics look sexy.

Ah, and he rescued her from the bloody thorny snares of statistics, and my female owner says she is a happy girl again (until the next crisis happens).

exhausting

My female owner had been largely anti-social recently, being bogged down with Theseus and given the fact that most of her friends are working or unemployed. Hence, they are really “free” to chillax the whole weekend. However, after starting on her “love letter” to Theseus, she managed to pull herself out for a jog with five of her friends yesterday. She couldn’t really get into the rhythm of running as she normally would but celebrated the fact that she actually went for it.

After jogging, the group of friends ended up at her house for an impromptu home-cooked dinner. Normally her friends would have eaten out. Her housemates and her just pulled together whatever ingredients they had. The guys did their part to buy chicken, wine and rent a DVD – Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. An interesting quasi-artsy film.

Late night, more of her friends gathered together to watch World Cup (since Australia was playing). However, my female owner chose to skip that (in the past she would have joined) and went to bed. Theseus, she says, is exhausting.

fade

My female owner is still feeling blue! She can’t believe it. Is it called burnout? Her Onli Frens in Singapore and Brisbane had separately asked her today if she is ok. They also asked if anything happened. Not that she can identify any earth-shattering event. Maybe it was a slow fade. The sad thing my female owner realised is that, in such times, the people who reached out to her and supported her are everyone else but her church friends (except for Emo Sponge). It kinda screams out to her that despite all the times she spent with her church friends, at the end of the day, she feels more comfortable opening up to other friends, friends whom she has spent time one-on-one with, building an emotional and psychological intimacy. The nature of the church group setting makes it difficult for her to spend time with any one individual meaningfully. Hence, these non-church friends were the ones who could pick out her distress and subsequently, respond in comforting ways. Friends she probably should prioritise and spend more time with.

ice-cream

My female owner had another lunch with Fated Guy on Sunday. This time, it was pre-arranged. He asked her if she was going to be at uni on Sunday coz he wanted to arrange a possible outdoor trip with her in one of the coming weekends.

A baby husky they played with at the cafe. My female owner took photos WITH him, thus providing evidence that she is not scared of dogs.

Because it was also the university’s birthday celebrations, they decided to walk around after lunch (i.e. procrastinate from doing work) to explore the festivities. Was fun exploring with him, my female owner said, coz he was naturally curious while my female owner needs that added push in order to go beyond her comfort zone.

Anyway, my female owner spotted a popular ice-cream brand which was highly recommended by her housemate and Emo Sponge. At first, she wanted to buy it. But then, she had a humongous ice-cream dessert the night before, so by the time they returned to the stall, the guilt took over her and she decided she didn’t want it.

The sinful ice-cream sundae my female owner had on Saturday with Mr Nice Guy. The counter guy got a shock when she placed the order, coz it looked as if she was getting it for herself.

Fated Guy then asked if she tried it before and she said no. So he egged her to get it and said he would get one himself. And in true passive style, after being persuaded, my female owner said ok. They spent a few minutes looking at the selection. With so many choices, my female owner couldn’t believe her ears when he said he would go for “chocolate and macadamia”, coz that was the very flavour she was eyeing on.

Check out the selection here. How likely is it to choose the same flavour as someone you barely know? My female owner ended up choosing another flavour, just to be different. Apparently, just turn the cup upside down, holding the stick in your hand, and the cup acts as a protective shield. Such a clever design!

So eerie, she says. The similarities and coincidences are freaking her out.

continues

And the story continues…

My female owner decided to go to uni early on Sunday to work on some statistics (for her mother). She caught a lift from her housemate who dropped her near the library. Hence, my female owner decided to make a detour to the library to drop off some books before going back to her office to start work.

As she walked away from the library, lo and behold, she saw Fated Guy from a distance. The look of shock on his face mirrored hers. He was on the way to lunch (coincidentally, he had tabao-ed the leftovers from their dinner on Friday – just two Vietnamese rice rolls) and asked if my female owner was going to have lunch. For those who are curious, he said that he decided to go to school that Sunday to do work (and this is something he had not done in a long time).

And yes, they ended up having (impromptu) lunch at a café and he bought her coffee, since they “met by chance”. More sharing took place. A little about religion and weight. How diverse.

Some parts of the conversations were classic, especially this part where he said to her (after sharing about how he meets random people on his backpacking trips/ school and they become friends), “actually, I am very shy”. Accompanied with a sheepish grinz.

Such a familiar statement!

expand

My female owner realised with horror that her “Onli Frens” in Brisbane seems to be her church friends. She was so distressed, she called up Therapist Fren to unload. Anyway, here’s why.

Thursday before Good Friday till Monday after Easter: Gold Coast with church group (slot in I-Fren whom she met briefly for jogging – she doesn’t really consider him as a “church friend” but a “personal friend”, if it makes sense). Dinner after jogging with church group.

Tuesday: last minute movie night at her house with some church friends

Wednesday: movie with some church friends

Thursday: home dinner with some church friends

Friday: meant to have dinner with the female church friends, but my female owner couldn’t bear the thought of that, so she went out with a non-church friend (Fated Guy). She came home about 2000hr and chatted with some church friends who were over at her house for bible study (from a different group)

Saturday (today): she went for her maiden baby shower of a non-church friend. In the evening, when she got home, some church friends were at her house (coz someone just moved in and they had helped to move earlier). She declined to go for yet another dinner with them (same group as Thursday night actually).

Sunday: What can I say? Church group?

A brief tally if I may:
In ten days (Thursday before Good Friday till today), she met
- Mr Nice Guy for 6 days
- Emo Sponge for 9 days
- Another guy for 9 days
- Another gal for 7 days (her new housemate)

I reckon it’s really time for her to expand her social network. You think?

friends

My female owner’s holiday is coming to an end. She is getting worked up about it, coz she really wants to extend her stay in Singapore, just to make up for lost time (over moping).

My female owner says that one mindset she is repenting from is her tireless claim that “I have no friends”. Everyone, say hooray! No more rolling of eyes.

Again and again, through this holiday, my female owner finds herself being blessed by different pockets of friends. Friends who initiate meet-ups, insist that they have to meet up and shift around their schedules just to fit into hers. Friends who keep paying for her meals and other expenses coz “you are a student”. Friends who say “so good to see you again!”. Friends who plan activities she enjoy, drive her around, repair her computer, locate things she wants to buy. Friends who spend time listening to her whines, gripes and outbursts.

Although she has been going out most days, there is still a list of friends whom my female owner has not met up with. Call it procrastination, lazy or poor planning, if you will. I will say it’s passivity! Therapist Fren says my female owner has issues about people wanting to be friends with her. I wonder why.

My female owner acknowledges that given her passivity, many of her friendships have been sustained by her friends’ proactiveness in maintaining contact. In addition, she has finally figured out that it is really ok, and in fact, heatwarming to meet up long-time-no-see friends even if they are not really close.

family group

My female owner is experiencing “party fatigue”. Over the past week, she had been to so many gatherings and appointments that she is feeling the strain on her energy level. It didn’t help that she hasn’t been sleeping enough and her nose is giving her problems.

I-Fren says that she should be more selective about her parties. My female owner’s counter argument is that each party is made up of people from different segments of her life and there is no better chance to meet up with them but at these parties. So it sounds as if she would keep attending parties and appointments!

Anyway, one such party was with her Family Group frens (newly coined!). This group is made up of four couples. Two couples are her direct friends (e.g. Couple Frens) whereas the other two are her friends’ friends. Anyway, before u get bored with who’s who, just know that three couples are married and one is dating. There are two babies in the group – 6mths and 18 mths. And yes, my female owner has the honour of being the only single in the group.

My female owner says that the dynamics in a “family group” is really different from what she is used to (most of her groups are made up of singles or just dating couples). The topics and focus tend to revolve around in vivo hyperactive babies/ toddlers who keep their parents busy by walking around (my female owner appreciates us turtles in this aspect, coz she can leave us to our own devices for hours and we wont get into any accidents). Somemore she really don’t like babies (even though babies tend to like her coz of her round face). She can’t decide which is worse – entertaining random babies or making small talk with adult strangers. To her, they are two sides of the same coin.

My female owner wonders if there will come a time when she will find it difficult to fit into family groups...

burden

My female owner wonders what it means for a friendship when one person finds that he does do things just to avoid conflict, as an obligation or worse, out of fear. All relationships require sacrifice. What happens when the giving becomes a burden and not out of the willingness of one’s heart. It’s akin to staying in a (dying) romantic relationship so that the partner would be not devastated or because you feel indebted to the partner for the nice things he had previously done. Staying on for sentimental memories? How healthy is that?

What depressing thoughts she has, on Christmas Eve.

overheard

Overheard: True friends stab you in the front, not the back.

My female owner wonders how many true friends she has. Or even, what does it mean to be a true friend? Or, is there such a thing as a true friend?

She ruffled a few feathers recently when she kept insisting that she has "few friends". Many hearers rolled their eyes in disbelief. A parallel vein of discussion involved others who urged her to find more friends (not to be anti-social etc).

My female owner generally invests a lot in her friendships. Hence, she is selective and protective of her friendships. With such intensity, it is not surprising that she has time, energy and resources for only a small number of people. Yet, she likes it this way. She says that quality is more important than quantity. Idealist? Maybe. Her fren once asked her, what happens if your friends do not reciprocrate your actions? Won't you be hurt?

koreans

“A-ni-yo!”

My female owner experienced an influx of Koreans recently. There has always been a “baseline” Koreanness in her life because of one of her Jogging Kakis and her friend’s boyfriend. Then recently the other Jogging Kaki introduced her to his Korean hairstylist (which I think should be a sign to my female owner to SOS her spikey fringe which she cut off a few weeks ago out of desperation). So my female owner ended up in some conversations with her.

Then I mentioned the two Korean guys whom she was forced to socialise with recently. Guess what? They came back to her group twice, once to her house and once, today during dinner. Using halting English, paper and pen to communicate, they still manage to get out good laughs. One of them even teased my female owner and Mr Nice Guy about getting married (not sure why he did that but he probably thought they were pretty close since they were always sitting close to each other). To that, Mr Nice Guy put his arms around my female owner and said “yay”, and my female owner said, “yes we are, but not to each other”. Wahaha! That’s how platonic their friendship is.

The Korean guys then brought in two more Koreans for dinner too. One with a similar name to my female owner, which kinda confused many people who firstly, can’t remember names (yes, even after one year of being together) and secondly, can’t differentiate the phonetics of the two names.

My female owner is impressed by the warmth of these Koreans. They make effort to know the people in her group, as if they were the ones who had been around for a long time. One of them would go around shaking everybody’s hand whenever he came and whenever he left. He also apologised for being late. The other would take the initiative to move around to talk to people even though his English is really elementary (e.g. he came to the other side of the table to interact with my female owner). One of the newest ones, came up to my female owner privately to ask for her name again, coz he couldn’t remember it (yah, despite it being same sounding as his female friend!).

Ah, my female owner’s first attempt to be inclusive seems to have paid off. Koreans are spawning in her group. Hopefully they stay, coz they had been a blessing in more ways than one.

“a-da-sok!”

verified

My female owner had an interesting MSN conversation with her 荣哥 today. 荣哥 is a friend from junior college whom she acknowledged as her “brother” (hence, rong-ge) and he called her “neh mei” (referring to her as a younger sister). Over the years, they grew apart but still managed to maintain contact… and the namesakes.

He finally initiated contact with her via MSN (see how passive my female owner is?!) in response to her misleading MSN tagline which suggests that she would be back from Brisbane for good shortly. He was somewhat disappointed when he found out that she was still returning to Brisbane.

The beauty of old friends is that you connect with each other easily and gosh, they realised that they had not seen each other for close to two years. In fact, they couldn’t trace back their last meet.

Anyway, the reason why I bring him up is because 荣哥 lives very near her ex-boyfriend (aka my previous owner) and had seen him around a few times. 荣哥 made mention of him. Without intending to sound cynical, my female owner’s first thought was finally, someone has verified that her ex is still alive. She also learnt that he seems to have degenerated. She felt a tinge of sadness for him but well…

pondering

Recently, my female owner has been pondering about her concept of friendship.

What does it mean to be a best friend? Can you only have one best friend, or is it possible to have a few best friends? But doesn’t “best” mean only one? What does it mean to be friends? How do you distinguish between “friends”, “acquaintances” and “people you know”?

This year, my female owner realised that her concept of friends is highly selective and restrictive. She found that she made the mistake of lumping “close friends” and “friends” into one category. All along, in her mind, the hallmark of a true friendship is when she can have a reciprocal emotional and intimate relationship with the person. Finally, she realises that this is better termed as “close friends”. Obviously, my female owner has a small group of “close friends” whom she values greatly. Their interactions can swing from frivolous topics to intense sharing.

Friends are people whom she spends time with perhaps because of similar life circumstances or common interests. Interactions are mostly on a social basis. Nothing too intense or private. For some reason, my female exudes a friendly aura even though she really isn’t sociable, proactive or forthcoming. Again and again, she discovered that many friends regarded her as closer than she regarded them and worse still, she probably upset a number of people along the way because of this.

Perhaps it is possible to insert another category of friends – good friends – for people whom she is closer to… but don’t share too much emotional things with. After all, not many people are comfortable with such touchy-feely stuff.

line

An Onli Fren is someone who bothers to ask when you are returning from overseas, remembers the date, convinces her husband to drive to the airport to fetch you, more than a month before you are due to return.

An Onli Fren is also someone who asks about your availability, takes leave in accordance to what you say, more than a month before you are due to return.

An Onli Fren is also someone who tirelessly helps you to pay your credit card bill or call up the credit card company whenever you send out an SOS.

Well, my female owner got into a little tight spot recently with her Onli Fren terminology. One of her friends protested (unprovoked) that having such a name just devalues the significance of her other friends (which also includes him). In his words, “we are standing on a thin line now”. Without being defensive, my female owner then told him the story behind this title.

He responded empathetically and said “So sad. Okay, I will still be your friend… and I will get more wires so that I can strengthen this line. And I will get God to bring a bridge of love”.

Ah, so sweet. There you have it… another friendship established. Well sort-of. Not that my female owner would run to him if she has issues. So strange, she says. But it is good to know that she has such sweet friends around.

ecstatic

Been such a long while since I heard from my female owner. For a couple of days, I thought she disappeared from the surface of the earth and wondered seriously, if I (and the rest of us turtles) would ever see her again.

It turns out that she had been busy playing host to Second Onli Fren (or baby-sitting as she puts it). Things they did included eating at Nando’s (Potahto would be familiar with this), citycating along Brisbane River, photo-taking at Southbank, having ice-cream (growing fatter actually) there, baking muffins, making mango pudding, and nuaing at one of my female owner’s friends house, staying over and shopping (again!).

And she fitted all these into her regular schedule of school and work. No wonder she vanished into thin air!

To add to that, my female owner escaped Brisbane to Noosa Heads (north of Brisbane) for a getaway with her church friends over the weekend. 9 of them stayed over in a gorgeous villa on Friday night, each paying only $40 for that million dollar experience (comes with a heated pool cum jacuzzi) and awesome fellowship.

They were joined by 9 others on Saturday (the non-stayers) for a day at the beach. While waiting for the non-stayers to come, the first group went for a short bushwalk along the Coastal Trail where they were treated to scenic views of the beach and ocean. Unexpectedly, they even spotted a mother whale and her baby swimming by… and a koala high up in the eucalyptus tree. All these sightings for free! My female owner did not take any photos coz her friends had cameras and so, she said to check her FB for photos.

And, with that ecstatic high she experienced since Thursday morning, no wonder my female owner suffered an emotional crash on Saturday. She started to talk less and became quiet. It was so visible that her church friends wondered if she was ok. I think my female owner was socially over stimulated, if there’s such a condition.

Ah, fun times indeed. Now to settle the financial, emotional and time debts..

speechless

My female owner had a mini outburst today because of what someone said to her yesterday. Instead of internalising her emotions (as what she would normally do), she decided to clear her system by talking to I-Fren about it (since he would know where she was coming from). Yah, the outburst came from the sharing coz she had suppressed her reactions for a good part of yesterday.

Looks like my female owner is still in the early stages of establishing her sense of self, clarifying her values/ beliefs and recognising her internal compass. Brisbane09 has been a fruitful journey for her in countless ways. Having said that, the more she grew/ learnt/ discovered, the more she realised that there are so much more she wants to work on in terms of character building, personal development and spiritual maturity. And each challenge she faced (like yesterday) presents a chance for her to respond in a more appropriate manner, and to reflect on how she has changed.

My female owner says that while she was speechless (as she normally would be when caught offguarded) when her friend said something uncalled for (in her opinion), the way she handled the aftermath was less emotional and rash than before. Well, she did realise that she needs to work more on thinking on her feet and conflict management. For now, she has decided to move on and let go of her negative emotions. She has sort-of worked out her values and beliefs with regards to the issue and if approached by anyone, she knows what she will say to stand by her choice of actions. Of course, at this point in time, it still has to be an amiable exchange, and not a sudden confrontation. Otherwise, she would be speechless again. At the end of the day, my female owner is still not up to that sort of intense interpersonal exchange.

For now, my female owner thinks that it would be great if people will listen first and not jump to conclusions.

sudden

Might be good for you to know that my female owner is still alive. She has just been busy.

Another one of her bible study group members is leaving Brisbane for a very long time. Possibly for 5 years, as her mother became ill suddenly. As a result, my female owner has been busy spending time with her (take today as an example, she just came home and its 2am already). That kinda throws my female owner off-track with her work plans and got her a little concerned about the progress of her research. She’s not even sure if she has time this weekend to do much work….

Oh man… she really cant work without deadlines. She also hates sudden separations.

practice

My female owner says she had an awesome worship practice last night.

Okies, this is the background. A while ago, she agreed to help out with playing music in her bible study group. They decided to start her off on guitar first, even though they needed keyboardists, because she was more familiar with guitar. However, because she played the instrument sporadically over the past ten years and was/ is in need of more consistent practice, the decision was made for her to play alongside a seasoned guitarist first. So that’s what they did last night. Two worship leaders, two guitarists and one extra guitarist (who happened to be in the house).

And you know my female owner. She enjoys playing music with people. Just adds to the synergy, she says.

For example, there was a slow song where the lead guitarist starting plucking the strings. On hearing that, my female owner switched from strumming to just using her pick to go down the strings gently. This resulted in a quiet and soothing mood. The two of them became so caught up with the music that they totally missed the worship leader’s hand signals to increase volume and finally, out of exasperation, she had to verbalise her instructions “go louder and strum!” Always fun to play differently but complementary (just like her flute and piano pieces).

And of course, working in a team with like-minded people who are forgiving and tolerant of her inadequacies was uplifting and inspiring. Correction was done in the spirit of love and pain (on the part of the guitarists mainly!) was endured willingly for the greater objective. In spite of time pressure, the session was marked with laughter, joy and energy. Even though my female owner had rehearsed for worship with other people in her younger days (think: more than 10 years ago), this was an eye-opening experience. She saw that her friends were not doing things as a matter of routine or mere practice. They were striving for excellence in the way they conceptualised the worship session, great attention to details and persistence in working out the stuck points, with the sole aim of leading the rest of the group into an intimate time of worship on Friday.

It was a refreshing change for my female owner as well.

Having been casted in a helping role where people look to her for help/ direction and being on her own (i.e. independent) for so many years (yah, she felt that she couldn’t depend on her ex-boyfriend to fulfil his promises), my female owner was thankful that she could “sit back and relax” while the lead guitarist figured out the technicalities of the songs and modified the level of difficulty to suit her proficiency (the Chinese sometimes call this “eat snake” but she begs to differ, she is just allowing someone better to take the lead). She didn’t have to find a solution to any issues and left the “hard bits” for him to play. Even something as simple as tuning the guitar, my female owner felt so relieved that she could just hand it over to someone to do it for her. Ah, basking in the shadow of someone else’s talents.

meals

My female owner always enjoyed one-to-one meals with people as it gives her an opportunity to get to the other person better and relate on a more personal level. Not surprisingly, different people elicit different responses from her.

My female owner met B for dinner last night. B is a fellow Singaporean friend who took care of her when she first came to Brisbane. They meet up for dinner once every few weeks. Although my female owner appreciates his friendship and kindness, she got bored quickly. As usual, B talked about how much he earns doing research and tutoring, statistics/ econometrics and Singapore drama serials/ artistes. Frivolous and/or out of her league. On a better day, he would talk about politics. Not really my female owner’s area of interest, but better than the other usual topics.

My female owner had a totally different experience with W whom she met for lunch today. W is a PhD psychology student. Due to their busy schedules, they meet for lunch once every few months. The lunch turned out to be more than a catch-up session. God was clearly involved in the conversation as it steered naturally from coursework and exam woes to how they need to choose to honour God even when they face pressure from others to conform to worldly standards in their training. The two of them started sharing testimonies of God’s relevance in their training and how some of the “scientific knowledge” of the field contradicts the Bible. Psychology, if not harnessed in the right spirit, can actually turn people (psychologists and clients) away from God. Christian psychologists are in a dangerous position because of the self-centred nature of the discipline and do need to be able to discern the Truth from deception.

My female owner went away, feeling more convicted of the need to meditate and apply the word of God in the different areas of her life. It is so easy to fall into the trap or routine of gathering knowledge, without testing it against what the Bible says. This conversation was spiritually stimulating for my female owner as it stirred up a fundamental issue that not many had been able to identify or engage with her.

So there, two different meal partners, with different outcomes.

blessed

My female owner says that it never rains but pours. There are some Saturdays where she would spend the whole day at home because she has no social appointments and there are some Saturdays where she is totally “socialised”.

Today is one such Saturday. In fact, a Saturday where she felt extremely blessed and taken care of. Her first appointment was at 0930hr. She walked over to a church friend’s house for some informal guitar class. She was quickly showered with food (snacks, cookies, instant noodles, tea) and engaging conversations by the occupants of the house. Guitar class was fun, with four people learning from one another. One person (Mr Nice Guy) left just before lunch to get something from his house in a nearby unit. He never returned.

He later called to say that he cooked lunch for everyone, so could they go over in ten minutes? Wow! And he is the Mister Chef of the bible study group. Yummy fried rice and potato cakes. So the four of them had impromptu lunch, watching Running in Heels on his widescreen TV.

Blessed by the lunch, my female owner then left for a BBQ birthday lunch party (chicken wings and mushrooms!) at South Bank. The birthday gal was her ex-bible study group member from the student group. People came and went and eventually, there were about 11 people who remained. 10 of them were from the student group (before it split three ways). My female owner had a great time just catching up with them over random silly topics (chest hair and third nipples?!) and yummy food (mango pudding and brownies!). That session left her with a “meeting up with old friends” kind of feeling. Because of the rare opportunity of meeting them in a group setting, my female owner decided not to watch Terminator (around the same place) with her current bible study group members (working group).

After the party ended, she dutifully went home to study and even had a three-way MSN chat with her Onli Frens while she was studying.…. but not for long.

The movie had also ended and her current bible study group friends called her out for dinner. Because she needed transport to wherever they were going, one driver came to fetch her. The heartwarming thing was, the driver was not even going for dinner. So he made a detour just to bring her to the others before heading home. Mr Nice Guy who was also in the car had no intention of going for dinner. But because the driver didn’t know the way to the dinner venue, he decided to go along for dinner in order to direct the way.

Dinner was nice, with a cosy group of friends. And to top it off, dessert at Sunnybank! What a blessed day, full of fellowship and yummy (home-cooked) food.

Okay, I think it is really time for her to study now.