nut

During the strange dinner recently, my female owner’s aikido instructor impromptuly organised a Christmas Day dinner at his house. My female owner was invited and she gave a vague verbal commitment to the party. She thought nothing much of it, until her aikido instructor called her up a few days later to confirm her attendance and even then, she remained ambivalent because she felt it was weird spending Christmas with him and his family! However, his sincerity during the conversation touched her heart and she ended up giving a firm yes to him. Her aikido instructor even went on to make transport arrangements for her.

My female owner says that her aikido instructor is one of the most sincere and proactive persons around, much needed qualities in maintaining contact with an ultra-passive person like her (in fact, i think in all her close friendships, her friends had been the ones who persisted in engaging her before she finally broke the shy barrier and responded on her own accord. A really tough nut to crack, I must say. Kudos to their patience). Remember I said that she didn’t feel comfortable during her first lesson? Her aikido instructor actually called her a few days later to ask how she is and noted her absence from post-lesson drinks which she normally joined. He also soothed her anxieties about training with so many unknown people.

If my female owner stays on in aikido, it would be largely because of her aikido instructor who never gave up on her as a teacher, and as a friend.

havoc

My female owner went for a strange dinner gathering today. It was organised by her aikido senior and she didn’t know half the people who were in the email list. However she turned up coz she wanted to reconnect with this senior and her aikido instructor.

Dinner was at Hog’s Breath, an Australian restaurant! She realised that she knew everyone but mostly “by face”. However, my female owner says that it was not difficult to bond with them, given their common interest. One particular lady (of dan belt) stood out. She was a very happening mother (of a tertiary student) who practically arm-twisted the table of 9 to drink beer. In fact, she got annoyed at people who did not want to drink. My female owner meekly obeyed.

By the end of dinner, my female owner was persuaded to join them for a drinking session (where no one is allowed to drive, for obvious reasons) at trendy mama's house around New Year’s Day. She tried (in vain) to wriggle her way out of it coz she’s not familiar with this group who are obviously havoc drinkers. This trendy mother even said she could open up her house for them to sleepover. Sounds like something my much younger female owner would do!

dojo

On Tuesday, my female owner did something which she had not done for ten months at least. She went for aikido lessons. This time round, things were different from previous times. Her beloved aikido sensei had resigned from the former school and started his own dojo. Many of his students left the former school to join this new dojo. Coincidentally, Tuesday was the first lesson for this dojo.

Ah, such a novel experience. Training under a void deck. Opening up new tatami mats (my female owner says it’s like fresh bread from the oven). Being in a class full of senior belts (strangely, they were mostly guys; my female owner was still one of the most senior females around, despite not training for so long).

Ten months of non-training showed. Her arms, once ultra-flexible at the joints, were stiff. Her techniques, runny like a wet nose. I won’t even touch on her stamina. It didn’t help that her brown-gold grading partner is now a black belt. The sense of being left behind!

While my female owner enjoyed the class, she felt something within her change. It could be the length of time apart or change in class dynamics, but my female owner didn’t feel as passionate and onz about aikido as previously. It was as if this season of her life is over.

beloved

My female owner has been nursing the feeling that she is losing her friends in Singapore. She hasn’t heard from many of them for quite a while and wonders if this is the sad consequence of being away for too long. It has come to a point where she wonders if there is any point going back to Singapore since she has “no friends” anyway. Yes, she is still in her “no friends” mode for some reasons.

Anyway, what perked her up today was that her beloved aikido sensei wrote her a nice email to update her of his life (good news all the way!) and she even managed to have a short chat with him on MSN.

She misses him. He was someone who believed in her and never failed to encourage her through tough times (whether on the mat or at work). Knowing him changed her life for the better. His kind words, sweet gestures, fabulous story-telling abilities, sincere heart, unending energy, sensitivity and care made it difficult for her to leave Singapore.

Some people and some experiences are just irreplaceable.

fact

I miss my female owner. I am counting down the number of months before she returns home. Probably 9 more months? She plays with us like no one ever does. She also talks to us in her “turtle” voice that keeps us calm and relaxed.

According to my female owner, within these 9 months, many things will change in her friends’ lives. At least two are expecting babies (first-time parents!) and would be parents by the time she returns, one good friend just proposed and would be preparing for his wedding (which my female owner would probably miss, as usual), others would be getting married, a few in her Impromptu group would be changing jobs (and hopefully feasting in greener pastures), one friend emigrating to Australia!, others exploring postgraduate options etc etc. Even in terms of aikido, some of her juniors would have either overtaken or caught up with her in terms of their belt. When my female owner was back recently, she was amazed to find that she was still one of the most senior female aikidokas in the dojo. This won’t be the case anymore when she returns at the end of the year.

My female owner was discussing with her Therapist about how being away for an extended amount of time means that she misses out on not just her friends’ significant life-events but also, seemingly routine/ mundane things like group gatherings and events. And how they have to reach further into their memories to find shared experiences to relate and connect with their friends. For example, when she was back recently, my female owner cannot count the number of times when her Impromptu Frens made references to the “seafood lunch” or “that time at Arab Street”, only to end off with “oh, you were not back yet”.

Nothing depressing about it, just a fact of life. That’s how friendships go through the test of time and space. What survives become stronger.

My female owner often wondered what she would remember of Brisbane when she looks back at this season of her life in the future. She can only remember 2008 as a hectic year where she did not have the liberty to soak herself in overseas living. 2008 was a landmark year for her in a “what doesn’t kill you make you stronger” way. Previously, whenever she experienced tough times, she would tell herself,” you lived through junior college, you can live through anything”. Now, the marker has been updated to 2008 (needs a update anyway, you cannot always live on memories of your youth). Now, whenever she feels challenged, anxious or overwhelmed, she would think back of 2008, the crazy year, and know that she had triumphed over worse times.

second

My female owner attended her second bujinkan lesson on Monday and enjoyed it much more than her first time. There was a new female student and the sensei spent a lot of time with them, teaching them various basic techniques. My female owner found that her aikido background helped her to pick up the moves faster. Bujinkan was refreshing as it extended her knowledge of aikido to include pinning the opponent to the ground, and even taking on more opponents. There was no fixed stance too, which makes the art more realistic. The sensei is after all, a police trainer.

Oh, and as usual, she loved the pain.

bujinkan

My female owner finally had a Monday night free and she joined a couple of her friends for street-fighting training. Yes, you read it right. She found some street-fighting kakis to sweat her fats away (and possibly to damage her knee further).

The class had about 8 students and one instructor and training was conducted in an open grassland under the moonlight. A short distance away from that grassland were some sheep and cows (some of my female owner’s favourite animals). How romantic and rustic! Almost everyone wore black, adding to the flavour of street-fighting training (think ninjas in training!).

My female owner later found out that she was learning the art of bujinkan, a lesser known Japanese martial art. She found the style was very different from aikido, being more aggressive, involving kicks and opposing the opponent’s attack/ strength, rather than flowing with it. My female owner definitely had fun tumbling around last night (I told you she is trying to lead a more “normal” life now).

The only thing was that she ended up with some skin rash on her elbow and her ankle today.. courtesy of her ambivalent allergy to grass.

special

My female owner finally heard from her aikido instructor. He sent her an email when he was in Japan attending a once-in-four-years International Aikido Federation congress. Yeah, bet you didn’t know that there are such things as aikido conferences.

Well… my female owner said that she would have gone, if she were still in Singapore.

Anyway, he apologised for not writing to her earlier because he had been caught up with work. Ah… he made it up with a good long email, updating her about his life and aikido happenings. Makes her wanna return home fast to train again.

Aikido makes up such a huge part of her life. It’s not just the philosophy or the exercise or friends that made this sport so special to her. Through the training, she learnt to be ambidextrous (sort-of), to relate to people from all walks of life, to be humble and teachable, to be alert (not quite there yet I must say), to be disciplined, to collaborate with others, to care for others, to enjoy pain (haha), to basically be a better person.

No wonder she misses training with fellow aikidokas, so much so that she did some rolling in her huge living room just now..

family

My female owner has a few friends who had studied in her current university and who attended her current church when they were there. They unanimously told her that the church is like your family. My female owner certainly agrees with them on this point, but I guess she has been finding it hard to let go of her “family” in Singapore.

Her “family” in Singapore would be her aikido kakis. The group is made up of people from diverse backgrounds – you have students, working adults, male, female, young and not-so-young, Malaysians, Singaporeans, Filipinos, varying levels of education, blue-collared workers, white-collared workers – but everyone gelled together. There was no elitism or discrimination.

They saw one another at least 2 times a week for practice and sometimes hang out together during the weekends, watching movies, karaoke, arcades and buffeting. Whenever grading approached, they would rally around the graders to help them polish up their techniques and would spend their Sunday in the grading hall, just to lend support and take photos. (They were the reason why sometimes we won’t get fed on Tuesdays or Thursdays – coz my female owner would come home about midnight, after practice and by then, she would be busy with other things).

When they found out that she was leaving, they were the first to arrange a coordinated goodbye party (that resembled, comically, a wedding dinner!). Over the past few months, they kept asking her when she would be coming back. Even when they found out that she was coming back, they asked if she would going back to train with them, coz they were afraid that she would not. The many things they did for her and with her had filled her life with many sweet memories...

Such warmth and care, no wonder they are irreplaceable in my female owner’s heart. She looks forward to seeing them again. 8th July.

exasperated

My female owner decided to attend aikido lesson yesterday at the spur of the moment. It must have been about a month since she attended her last lesson. She has been losing enthusiasm largely because of the time spent travelling to the dojo, especially on a Monday night (her busiest days are Mondays and Tuesdays).

Anyway, off she went, but first to pick up her aikido friend at his house. What was meant to be a 5 mins’ drive away, resulted in a 15 mins’ hunt for his house (in the next suburb). She took so long, he called her to find out if she was lost (haha. So insightful of him).

Well, class was not as fun as she hoped, coz there were some newcomers who slowed down the pace of the class. My female owner was particularly pissed with an ang-moh young lady, who had an extra-ordinarily large reaction when she performed a tight “nikyo” lock on her. If you don’t know what I mean, basically, that ang-moh couldn’t take the pain when my female owner performed the technique on her and kept instructing her afterwards on how the lock should be done (soft and painless).

My female owner was really annoyed at this. That’s not how aikido should be practised. The execution should be precise and tight enough for the opponent to feel the effect. If you want something soft, try taiqi or something. In addition, my female owner has a reputation of choosing to be gentle so much so that people would want to partner her for certain techniques (knowing very well that she would not be rough with them). No wonder she felt insulted (especially since that lady seems like a junior belt).

There were a couple of other strange characters in the class which made training trying. So that added to my female owner’s exasperation. To top it off, her instructor spoke to her at the end of the class regarding membership fees, and said that “actually, I thought that you would be coming more often.” My female owner would have gone for more lessons if she could! Duh. (she's grouchy eh)

There’s no place like your home dojo…

catchup

My female owner managed to catch her aikido instructor online today. He had been largely missing due to his work. Although the conversation was short, it was oozing with warmth. Ever since she left, her aikido instructor started using the term “my dear” to address her. For many reasons, it warms my female owner’s heart to hear that. And he is the only male friend whom my female owner actually says directly that “I miss you”. Although my female owner has intimacy issues, she probably found it easier to be expressive with him since he’s old enough to be her father.

At her farewell party, my female owner took this photo, to capture his hands, the hands that guided her from a white-belt who struggled through her psychomotor and visual-spatial deficits to learn the basic techniques, to her current belt (and still slow in picking up new things!). Over the couple of years, he showed her such patience and love and created so many good memories for her. At times, they would also exchange tales about their pets (i.e. his dogs and us!).

On a related note, I know my female owner still misses her aikido friends very much. The feelings intensify on Monday evenings (if she goes for aikido training in Brisbane) and every Tuesday evenings till night (coz that's the time she would be at aikido class in Singapore). She chats with her aikido friends but nothing beats training, having suppers (totally unheard of Brisbane) and going out together (not to mention, those nights at St James).