girly

My female owner had a highly hilarious day. She had lunch with her uni frens and was scheduled to have afternoon coffee with Fated Guy. Except that in-between her lunch and afternoon tea, Therapist Fren and another gal (who knew about the happenings) started to corner her about Fated Guy and their progress. My female owner was immensely amused by their cross-talk and vivid fantasies about Fated Guy and her. Like how my female owner was not taking the issue seriously and that there was a mental blockage (which was later clarified as “mental resistance”) on her part.

“talk nonsense” was the summary of my female owner’s response.

They started to ask if he showed signs of interest in her and my female owner said no.

“did he introduce his friends to you?” (no!.... “but you went camping with his housemates”)
“did you guys talk about your future?” (yes, but separate futures)

Knowing that they were not convinced, she then asked them to join her for coffee and certainly, it didn’t take much for them to agree. And the best part was, they didn’t want her to tell him they were coming along and instead, to spring a surprise on him. How girly!

Afternoon coffee went well. Much chatter and laughter. My female owner didn’t know if having her friends around caught him off-guarded (he did look shocked) or disrupted his plans but she felt that he interacted well with them (much better than she would have, if roles were reversed). Anyway, Fated Guy and Therapist Fren had been acquainted before in other settings.

Her other friend left quite fast but Therapist Fren stayed till the end to gather “intel” and of course, to amuse herself. Debriefing with Therapist Fren was equally funnie, as she started to build upon her earlier fantasies and broke into fits of giggles.

"you guys were obviously very comfortable with each other" (yah, but that's the same for any friends)
"you guys progressed so fast in such a short time to such personal issues" (progress doesn't mean anything more than friendship, besides, the things we talked about, he also asked you just now. duh)

Oh well, girly fun at her expense. Looks like her ploy didn't work.

notion

Serendipity – is it for real?

That is my female owner’s current MSN tagline. She had it on, ever since she watched the movie with some of her friends last Tuesday (that’s like a week ago!). She didn’t change it, simply because she couldn’t think of any other better lines to put up.

Innocuous it was not. Mr Nice Guy apparently got triggered by this tagline and started talking to my female owner. According to her, it was the longest conversation she ever had with him (note: Mr Nice Guy is a man of few written words, so even 15mins is considered long).

In summary, he was firstly disputing the notion that there is ONE right guy/ soul mate out there for my female owner. He then went on to encourage my female owner to pursue the guy she likes (none in existent, so that was hard for my female owner to follow), saying that guys are waiting for her first move. My female owner was totally lost at this point in time, that sounds like a role reversal.

Anyway, it was refreshing to hear an older guy’s perspective and common sense as it may be, my female owner’s take-away from that discussion was that she should find someone who can support her through her weaknesses as she supports the guy through his. We’ll see.

list

I guess it is only natural (or expected) that people around my female owner are asking her whether she has “found anyone” or “attracted to anyone”.

Curiosity was building up. Second Onli Fren came over recently and asked her. She concluded that “it was too late for my female owner” (?!). A fishing friend asked her if there was anyone in church who caught her fancy. When she said no, he told her to change church.

Influenced by some people in her church, my female owner came up with her criteria list which is almost impossible to meet, based on the available guys in the church. She shared this with a few people, including Onli Fren, who probably reached the same conclusion but was less direct than Second Onli Fren to say it out.

Things heated up during her recent camping trip when her jogging buddies joined forces to bombard her with questions regarding her ideal partner and whether there was any guys in her bible study group (which has a larger than normal ratio of guys: gals) who attracted her. Her jogging buddies then started an unsubstantiated obsession with two guys they had narrowed down for her (with zero inputs from her apparently) which is still on-going.

Actually, my female owner realised recently (like a few days ago) that one of the “short-listed” guys sort-of meet her criteria (she wasn’t sure if he would be intellectually stimulating enough for her coz she hardly engages in conversations with him). In fact, he is probably the one who comes the closest to meeting it. But alas, she doesn’t like him in that way. Only then, my female owner realised the fallacy of a criteria. It can be so sterile, like a shopping list,.. in the absence of chemistry and attraction.

Things continued to simmer with some of her church friends when they came together to dine and talk. Despite not really knowing everyone that deeply, they shared their romantic ideals and failures.

Her mother! Got involved today, when she asked my female owner to sign up for some government match-making network. Gosh. Did she really think that this social network thing would work? When told, Potahto wondered aloud why the government had not given up on my female owner, given her advance age. Her rong-ge, came out of nowhere, and asked her the same question too. And there are countless others who had been expressing interest in her (lack of) love life. Too many to list.

gender

Another one of those pensive days… its her parents’ wedding anniversary. 34th it seems. And also, her ex-bf’s birthday. So you can imagine what she is thinking about. Truth be told, my female owner often wonders what happened to him. More of curiosity than pinning (good heavens, no!).

Anyway, a guy recently declared to her a few times, that “girls are troublesome, so it’s better to remain single”. Hmmm… the male version of her “all guys are bad” statement. She was actually taken aback to hear this coming from a Christian brother, spoken with great exasperation and frustration too. I wonder what happened to him.

And another guy (who was around) was lamenting how unreasonable girls are, to expect guys to understand them, when they keep changing their minds. And together, they (the two guys) said that girls should just say what they want, instead of hinting or expecting the guy to know.

Oh well… gender differences. My female owner, being out-numbered and trapped in a car (that's the best place to have a captive audience), wisely listened and displayed (professional?) empathy for their difficulties.

prickly

My female owner was slightly emotionally prickly today. It must have been the accumulation of the recent meet-ups where, for some reasons, she found herself discussing about her ex-bf at almost all of them.

The climax came during today’s dinner. While asked for her opinion over some relationship matters, my female owner felt a wave of depressive aura come over her. My female owner then realised that although she is over her ex-bf, she has yet to process certain emotional baggage.

Later, she had a short chat with her Clever Fren who sent her home after dinner. He doesn’t know much about her past relationship but eventually asked why the relationship made her feel hopeless about the future.

My female owner was stunned at the direct question (but you know lah, clever people usually cut straight to the chase). She didn’t realise how negative she had been, Her reply was that at the end of the whole saga, she realised that she doesn’t really understand guys very well.

Her Clever Fren replied in a way that no one ever had, “well, it’s not entirely because of you, he didn’t really understand you”…. That sentence absolved some of her self-blame. When she insisted that she doesn’t want to make herself vulnerable again, the Clever Fren asked her to wait for someone wiser to find her.

Is that possible?

jolted

It’s Christmas! My female owner has mixed feelings about Christmas. She got together with her ex 8 years ago on Christmas. The day that changed her life. The trajectory of her life.

Every year, she thinks about how life could have been, if she hadn’t gone steady with him. Not many people may know, but my female owner did tell her ex that she wanted to break up a few months after getting together. In response, he persuaded her to stay together and even scolded her for being a timid turtle (锁头乌龟). Ah, and she caved in under his persuasive powers. So soft-hearted!

Being back in Singapore, my female owner has a nagging fear of meeting him on the streets. What would she do? What would she say? More importantly, how would she feel? Anger? Disgust? Disdain? Certainly not anything positive. Once in Brisbane, my female owner thought she saw him in her peripheral left vision in the lecture theatre after church service. She was jolted out of her seat. A split second later, her logic (of the impossibility of that happening) took over and she quickly calmed herself down.

Frens

The day started wrong for us turtles. My female owner had a big hand in it. She was supposed to spend the day at her Onli Fren’s house, cooking and baking (so auntie!). Clueless about what Asian dishes to cook, my female owner suggested brewing turtle soup as a joke. Somebody please tell her that things can never be joked about. It was ever more scary when she identified Nanook and myself as the main ingredients (coz we are not as smart as the boys, and we are her ex-bf’s pets).

Oh well… it was with a big sign of relief when she left the house, without us. She sounded so serious at one point in time, coz she said that I should be cooked, because I eat more than Dodo!

Anyway, it turned out to be a relaxing nua day for my female owner as she spent the time with her Onli Fren and Baby. The sweetener came when her Second Onli Fren came by. Ah, a rare chance to be surrounded with her Onli Frens!

The three gals had known one another for more than 10 years and Second Onli Fren (the youngest of the three) couldn’t help but compare where each of them were in terms of life stages. Onli Fren had progress the most in her life – graduated, worked, got attached, married, honeymoon-ed, pregnant, baby. Second Onli Fren: graduated, worked, attached. Female owner: graduated, back to studies.

Ah.. true to her second nature of being a turtle, my female owner was the slowest in life. As what Onli Fren said “you wasted your youth on him”. So true. 7 years of her life with a guy who personifies AGAB. No thanks to her indecisiveness, naivety and blind faith. There’s nothing she can do about the wasted years and dwelling about the lost years ain’t going to bring back her youth.

What does Jesus say about this? Perhaps Jeremiah 29:11? My female owner’s favourite verse.

first

My female owner has been on FB-terms with her first boyfriend. They exchanged some messages recently, with him writing in a manner which he used to write when they were together.

They say that your first love is usually the sweetest and most memorable. Given that my female owner only ever had two boyfriends before and that the second one was a long and painful relationship, it doesn’t take much for anyone to conclude that her first love was indeed her sweetest relationship.

However, to be fair to First Love, it is sweet not just because the other sucks (now I sound like my female owner eh?). There were many other factors too, like the innocent of youth; the times they spent together in each other’s company doing simple things like Maths tutorials (?!), eating fries at Mos Burger, hanging out in school; his personality; his generosity; his humour; his physical fitness (although he was shorter than her, he was fit - always attractive to my female owner) and even his bubbly handwriting. That was a period when they were still growing up, where the future was filled with many possibilities and where there was no time pressure to “establish your career”, “save up enough money for….”.

Of course, with great passion came great emotional outbursts. As quickly as they came together, they started to have frequent quarrels. I think it has something to do with the close physical proximity and extended time spent together – same class, study together after school till late, live in same suburb, same church (he went to church because of her).

Anyway, my female owner has been looking at his photos on FB recently and mused that he is no longer as cute as he used to be. But of course, everyone ages, even the cute ones. Come December, First Love is expecting his first child with the girl he got attached to after breaking up with my female owner.

My female owner hopes that it will be a boy… who will be as cute as his dad (and charm even more girls than his dad when he grows up…)

first time

My female owner came across wedding photos of her first ex-boyfriend on FB today (put up by his wife's sister apparently). Her first reaction was "wah! he put on weight liao, not as cute as last time." So mean right (esp when she has also put on weight). But apparently, the moment my female owner first saw him, she knew that this was the kind of guy she would like (but at that point, she never thought that they would be together). We turtles never met him before, because this thing happened about 10 years ago, before we were born. The other person who probably remembers him (besides their classmates) is my female owner's Onli Fren, who kinda evolved to be his grandmother. Hmm..strange human relationships.

Anyway, despite the breakup, I know that the two of them managed to revert to friends after a while (I mean, he's on her FB whereas my male owner is not). The three of them even met once in the late night to play pool (when no one was attached to anyone). I think my female owner was amused to see how the two men tried to outwin each other, in a battle of not just pool, but ego.

At the end of the day, my female owner feels happy that he has found someone to share his life with (although the photos were put up recently, he actually got married a few years ago), is doing very well at his career and still looking quite boyish.

BGR

Last night, my female owner attended a BGR seminar which was organized by her church. (Wahaha. She’s still into such things?! Why did she even bother going?) A few church leaders spoke on how to choose a suitable partner based on biblical principles. The content was nothing new to her; the questions asked during the Q&A, juvenile (having “been there done that”).

At the same time, the content reminded her of the several mistakes she made in the past in this area of her life, especially the “non-negotiables” she compromised on. Although there were many times during the relationship when my female owner had a nagging feeling that one day, she would look back and kick herself for staying so long in it, my female owner refused to give up on the relationship because she thought that love would cover all cracks. Now she’s kicking herself.

Anyway, my female owner felt over-aged in that lecture theatre, which was probably filled with an audience of largely undergraduates who may not have been in any BGR before. However, she was struck by the insights and wisdom of the speakers whom she reckoned to be about the same age as her. Ah, if only she had spent her time on more worthy causes in the past. Now she feels like an immature child in an adult body.

Time to start growing up!