Now that my female owner is no longer drawing an income (she hasn’t worked out payment details for her RA job yet), she is living on her mother’s money again. My female owner did a rough calculation of how much of her mother’s money was used since she arrived back in Brisbane in July and it came to a grand total of AUD$900 (which includes $600 rent)! That means that for Semester 2, the only expenses she incurred was firstly, the hefty school fees of $10, 815 and the recent spending of AUD$900. The rest of the time, she survived on her miserly $580/ fortnight (for 13 weeks) pay, which somehow covered comfortably, her $300/fortnight rent, food and snacks, transport and occasional dining-outs!
Wow. It’s true. When you have less, you spend less.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
terror
My female owner is shaken by the news of a 28-year-old Singaporean woman who died as a terrorist hostage in Mumbai.
There are many reasons why the news hit her hard, no doubt, possessing similar demographics is one. Looking at the victim’s Friendster account, my female owner had no doubt that the victim was an ordinary Singaporean who went about life minding her own business , just that she was caught in the wrong place at the wrong time and the scent of life was sniffed out from her abruptly. No one would ever expect her to die as Singapore’s first terrorist hostage victim.
Another reason is because of my female owner’s previous work. What was once theoretical knowledge gleaned from case studies, trainings and role-plays have now become reality. No amount of training can adequately prepare one to deal with the harsh realities, cruelty and consequences of terrorism.
My female owner received a further shock to her system when she stumbled upon a video recording of a gunshot scene in Mumbai. Hey, the gunshots she heard were real, the bleeding hand belonged to a human being, capable of feeling pain and shock, the chaos experienced by countless caught on film was real. No longer an enactment for a stupid training video or a thing of distant history. This is fresh, real-time happenings. No denying the trauma being inflicted directly on the victims at the scene and scores of secondary victims.
Confronted with the fragility of life, the uncertainty of tomorrow and the brevity of peace, how would you choose to live your present life?
Certainly by not revisiting the memories of the past and wishing you can rework the regrets and mistakes, or foretelling the future and hoping that things will change for the better, but by relishing in the gift of the present, by embracing whatever that life has to offer, because cliché as it sounds, it is not how long you live, but how you live your life.
It’s a choice that lies within everyone.
There are many reasons why the news hit her hard, no doubt, possessing similar demographics is one. Looking at the victim’s Friendster account, my female owner had no doubt that the victim was an ordinary Singaporean who went about life minding her own business , just that she was caught in the wrong place at the wrong time and the scent of life was sniffed out from her abruptly. No one would ever expect her to die as Singapore’s first terrorist hostage victim.
Another reason is because of my female owner’s previous work. What was once theoretical knowledge gleaned from case studies, trainings and role-plays have now become reality. No amount of training can adequately prepare one to deal with the harsh realities, cruelty and consequences of terrorism.
My female owner received a further shock to her system when she stumbled upon a video recording of a gunshot scene in Mumbai. Hey, the gunshots she heard were real, the bleeding hand belonged to a human being, capable of feeling pain and shock, the chaos experienced by countless caught on film was real. No longer an enactment for a stupid training video or a thing of distant history. This is fresh, real-time happenings. No denying the trauma being inflicted directly on the victims at the scene and scores of secondary victims.
Confronted with the fragility of life, the uncertainty of tomorrow and the brevity of peace, how would you choose to live your present life?
Certainly by not revisiting the memories of the past and wishing you can rework the regrets and mistakes, or foretelling the future and hoping that things will change for the better, but by relishing in the gift of the present, by embracing whatever that life has to offer, because cliché as it sounds, it is not how long you live, but how you live your life.
It’s a choice that lies within everyone.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
finger
My female owner finally managed to put a finger to the feeling she has been having regarding going back to Singapore. For a while, she had been wondering why she was feeling blue about leaving Brisbane (the way she felt blue weeks before leaving Singapore to go to Brisbane in Feb this year). She was confused about her feeling coz she knew that she wasn’t sad to “leave Brisbane behind”. (If she is, I would be really upset! That Singapore had been so quickly replaced by Brisbane!)
Today, she finally realised that the feeling she is having is the same as when she was leaving her first job. Many people will cite the last week of their job as being relaxed to the point of just “clocking in the hours” just before they leave. My female owner had resigned from her first job in a rush (to join her second company) and within that one month, she rushed to complete obligations, tidy up her files and prepare for handover.
This is the situation my female owner is facing now. She will be back in less than two weeks’ time. Before she leaves, she has to complete the following:
- Prepare for her practical exam (and pray that she passes all four stations or risk delaying her programme)
- Submit her Internship Folio (believe me when I say it’s a mountain of paperwork)
- Read up on her research data and look at the data (by 1 Dec in fact)
- Do some RA work (i.e. call up people to do follow-up with them)
- Continue to see her clients and other routine clinic work
- Pack her room and move her things to her friend’s house (packing means sorting out her school notes, clothes and other what-have-you into boxes)
- Consolidate a training manual for a children’s programme
- Dedicate one day to a church’s event
- Dedicate a night of celebration or drowning her sorrows (depending on whether she passes her practical exam)
Note: In the midst of all these, she has no time to exercise but has plenty of time to snack.
Friday, November 28, 2008
predictions
Wonder what stressed out provisonally-registered psychologists do to cope? One of them, my female owner's Therapist, started to dabble into horoscope-writing, for three of them (the Therapist, a Singapore Fren and my female owner)
Predictions for 2009:
The dreaded duchess will reappear again to engage us in warfare once more next year - albeit in different disguises.. I believe [Therapist] will be one who has an international background with plenty of mental issues whilst [Singapore Fren] yours was one who was very calculative. I believe [Female Owner]'s duchess will appear in 2010 in the guise of a person with multiple personalities...
these are my predictions for the year ahead as we wind down to a well-deserved break in 2008. 2009 will toss us mountains of challenges to conquer, it will also bring us joy, happiness and that dash of optimism, but only if we are astute enough to see it. But once you have, 2009 will bring rainbows even in the midst of the darkest clouds.
for the latest predictions for your future, please make an appointment with me in Singapore in dec and jan.
yours sincerely,
[Therapist]-the-jester-part-time-oracle
Predictions for 2009:
The dreaded duchess will reappear again to engage us in warfare once more next year - albeit in different disguises.. I believe [Therapist] will be one who has an international background with plenty of mental issues whilst [Singapore Fren] yours was one who was very calculative. I believe [Female Owner]'s duchess will appear in 2010 in the guise of a person with multiple personalities...
these are my predictions for the year ahead as we wind down to a well-deserved break in 2008. 2009 will toss us mountains of challenges to conquer, it will also bring us joy, happiness and that dash of optimism, but only if we are astute enough to see it. But once you have, 2009 will bring rainbows even in the midst of the darkest clouds.
for the latest predictions for your future, please make an appointment with me in Singapore in dec and jan.
yours sincerely,
[Therapist]-the-jester-part-time-oracle
fee
My female owner applied for a fee scholarship from her university but was unsuccessful, despite having outstanding grades (6.67 out of 7) for her first semester and a letter of recommendation from her research supervisor (who is a Professor).
She had prayed to get this scholarship and although she didn’t get it, and did ask God why, she was not sorely upset or disappointed. It was more like, sheesh, now she has to go back to Papa-mama scholarship.
She tried to convince her Onli Fren to invest in her education with promises of free psychological services, neuropsychological assessments and parenting programmes. Onli Fren came up with a compromise – that she will “feed” her when they spend time together in Singapore.
Then my female owner started to wonder why she didn’t have 48 000 friends. Coz if she has, she can ask each one to donate $1 to her education fund.. and that will cover her remaining school fees.
She had prayed to get this scholarship and although she didn’t get it, and did ask God why, she was not sorely upset or disappointed. It was more like, sheesh, now she has to go back to Papa-mama scholarship.
She tried to convince her Onli Fren to invest in her education with promises of free psychological services, neuropsychological assessments and parenting programmes. Onli Fren came up with a compromise – that she will “feed” her when they spend time together in Singapore.
Then my female owner started to wonder why she didn’t have 48 000 friends. Coz if she has, she can ask each one to donate $1 to her education fund.. and that will cover her remaining school fees.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
hamster
My female owner has been largely missing. She got into this routine of reaching school in the late morning (about 1000hr) and staying in school to do what she needs to do until about 0000hr. She likens her situation to a hamster (think of hamsters running tirelessly on their wheel… expending so much energy but going nowhere). Okies, it is not as depressing as I make it out to be.
The places she shuttles to and fro are the two clinic receptions, the computer room, the numerous clinic rooms, the pantry and the washroom. And they are all located on the same level, within a building that is circular. Hence, the hamster bit.
You know, I secretly think that she is clocking such long hours, so that she can avoid exercising. She is so good at replacing an undesirable activity with something that seems more important.
But I must say that she has been productive. Within these few days, she closed 7 client files, completed 3 neuropsych reports, clocked 8 client hours, did some real therapy during some of those sessions, tidied up client files (which cannot be closed), submitted a new research proposal, clocked some RA hours etc etc.
The places she shuttles to and fro are the two clinic receptions, the computer room, the numerous clinic rooms, the pantry and the washroom. And they are all located on the same level, within a building that is circular. Hence, the hamster bit.
You know, I secretly think that she is clocking such long hours, so that she can avoid exercising. She is so good at replacing an undesirable activity with something that seems more important.
But I must say that she has been productive. Within these few days, she closed 7 client files, completed 3 neuropsych reports, clocked 8 client hours, did some real therapy during some of those sessions, tidied up client files (which cannot be closed), submitted a new research proposal, clocked some RA hours etc etc.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
first
My female owner has been on FB-terms with her first boyfriend. They exchanged some messages recently, with him writing in a manner which he used to write when they were together.
They say that your first love is usually the sweetest and most memorable. Given that my female owner only ever had two boyfriends before and that the second one was a long and painful relationship, it doesn’t take much for anyone to conclude that her first love was indeed her sweetest relationship.
However, to be fair to First Love, it is sweet not just because the other sucks (now I sound like my female owner eh?). There were many other factors too, like the innocent of youth; the times they spent together in each other’s company doing simple things like Maths tutorials (?!), eating fries at Mos Burger, hanging out in school; his personality; his generosity; his humour; his physical fitness (although he was shorter than her, he was fit - always attractive to my female owner) and even his bubbly handwriting. That was a period when they were still growing up, where the future was filled with many possibilities and where there was no time pressure to “establish your career”, “save up enough money for….”.
Of course, with great passion came great emotional outbursts. As quickly as they came together, they started to have frequent quarrels. I think it has something to do with the close physical proximity and extended time spent together – same class, study together after school till late, live in same suburb, same church (he went to church because of her).
Anyway, my female owner has been looking at his photos on FB recently and mused that he is no longer as cute as he used to be. But of course, everyone ages, even the cute ones. Come December, First Love is expecting his first child with the girl he got attached to after breaking up with my female owner.
My female owner hopes that it will be a boy… who will be as cute as his dad (and charm even more girls than his dad when he grows up…)
They say that your first love is usually the sweetest and most memorable. Given that my female owner only ever had two boyfriends before and that the second one was a long and painful relationship, it doesn’t take much for anyone to conclude that her first love was indeed her sweetest relationship.
However, to be fair to First Love, it is sweet not just because the other sucks (now I sound like my female owner eh?). There were many other factors too, like the innocent of youth; the times they spent together in each other’s company doing simple things like Maths tutorials (?!), eating fries at Mos Burger, hanging out in school; his personality; his generosity; his humour; his physical fitness (although he was shorter than her, he was fit - always attractive to my female owner) and even his bubbly handwriting. That was a period when they were still growing up, where the future was filled with many possibilities and where there was no time pressure to “establish your career”, “save up enough money for….”.
Of course, with great passion came great emotional outbursts. As quickly as they came together, they started to have frequent quarrels. I think it has something to do with the close physical proximity and extended time spent together – same class, study together after school till late, live in same suburb, same church (he went to church because of her).
Anyway, my female owner has been looking at his photos on FB recently and mused that he is no longer as cute as he used to be. But of course, everyone ages, even the cute ones. Come December, First Love is expecting his first child with the girl he got attached to after breaking up with my female owner.
My female owner hopes that it will be a boy… who will be as cute as his dad (and charm even more girls than his dad when he grows up…)
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
fling
My female owner says she just ended her short fling with her contact lenses – she lost the other side of her new contact lenses last night. It was a fluke accident. She held the lens between her thumb and index finger and switched on the tap to wash it under running water. Unfortunately, the water was hot. Instinctively, she withdrew her hand…. And released her grip on her lens as well. She actually heard her lens hit the bathroom floor but was unable to find it despite using a few different methods and strategies.
Sighz.. this is the first time in her XX years of wearing lenses that she lost both sides so quickly. In fact, the closest she came to in the past was losing one side..
A short fling indeed. 4 months.
Sighz.. this is the first time in her XX years of wearing lenses that she lost both sides so quickly. In fact, the closest she came to in the past was losing one side..
A short fling indeed. 4 months.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
real
I think my female owner misses us.
She dreamt of us yesterday during one of her rare afternoon naps. Or rather, she dreamt that she had not seen us for a long time and in her dream, it was possible for her to visit us (i.e. we lived just down the street or something). The possibility and accessibility to us was so real, that she woke up disappointed... and somewhat sianz..
Awww…
Why do people choose to leave… when saying goodbye is so hard?
She dreamt of us yesterday during one of her rare afternoon naps. Or rather, she dreamt that she had not seen us for a long time and in her dream, it was possible for her to visit us (i.e. we lived just down the street or something). The possibility and accessibility to us was so real, that she woke up disappointed... and somewhat sianz..
Awww…
Why do people choose to leave… when saying goodbye is so hard?
Do Try
Demonstrating the difference between “trying” and “doing”
Please try to pick up the pen lying on the table there next to you.
(Most clients will pick it up).
No, I didn’t say to pick up the pen. I said to try to pick up the pen. Please, again, try to pick up the pen.
(At this point, clients typically either pick up the pen again or move their hand close to it, hovering over it, as if their hand were paralysed.)
No, I didn’t say move your hand toward the pen and then stop. I said try to pick up the pen. Can you do it, or is it simply the case that you either choose to pick up the pen or choose not to? What if trying to ask our boss for that raise we’ve talked about is like trying to pick up the pen?
No! Try not. Do. Or do not. There is no try. [Yoda]
Please try to pick up the pen lying on the table there next to you.
(Most clients will pick it up).
No, I didn’t say to pick up the pen. I said to try to pick up the pen. Please, again, try to pick up the pen.
(At this point, clients typically either pick up the pen again or move their hand close to it, hovering over it, as if their hand were paralysed.)
No, I didn’t say move your hand toward the pen and then stop. I said try to pick up the pen. Can you do it, or is it simply the case that you either choose to pick up the pen or choose not to? What if trying to ask our boss for that raise we’ve talked about is like trying to pick up the pen?
No! Try not. Do. Or do not. There is no try. [Yoda]
Thursday, November 20, 2008
gross
My female owner is looking forward to a quiet weekend. All her housemates will be away and so, she will be left alone at home. The house is in a big mess and she reckons that she might do some cleaning, just to appease her OCD tendencies. She was traumatised by a food container that had been left out for days. The spoilt food had become a fertile breeding ground for wiggly worms and flies.
Omigod. So gross.
The sink was choked with large pieces of food and uncleared remnants of food packaging and containers were scattered around the kitchen. And not to mention, the mouldy cheese, wrinkled lemon and kiwis, forgotten and liquefied Krispy Kremes that she saw simply by opening up the refrigerator. She don’t even dare to open the chiller compartment which contains vegetables or perhaps, rotting vegetables.
Simply unbelievable.
Omigod. So gross.
The sink was choked with large pieces of food and uncleared remnants of food packaging and containers were scattered around the kitchen. And not to mention, the mouldy cheese, wrinkled lemon and kiwis, forgotten and liquefied Krispy Kremes that she saw simply by opening up the refrigerator. She don’t even dare to open the chiller compartment which contains vegetables or perhaps, rotting vegetables.
Simply unbelievable.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
switch
My female owner has been skiving since last week. Almost everyday, she has been going out with friends, either for meals, to say goodbye or for walks. It is as if she is making up for lost time (all those months of suppression… being home alone doing endless work to cooking bland foods – she refuses to add salt into her food coz “it’s unnatural” to not exercising).
Anyway, she also caught the procrastination bug (full-blown). Now, she tends to start work the night before on things she needs to get done for the next day. How heroic! What if someone jio her out for an impromptu activity? Then how is she going to complete her work?! She is certainly over-estimating her ability this time.
After that horrible research paper she submitted recently (and getting a 6 for it and being so upset about it) and a few mishaps yesterday which got her into some hot soup, my female owner decided today to discard (my female owner actually used a vulgarity here… but I insisted on using clean language. It’s my turtle pad after all!) the original research proposal and change to something she has NOT developed interest in. She hopes that she will日久生情 (develop feelings through time). She made the switch because her research supervisor has ready data for her (i.e. she skips the horrible step of recruitment) and she can streamline her workload (since she is most likely going to be his RA working on the same topic anyway). So she gets paid working on her thesis and learning from someone who is a researcher and a practitioner.
Is this called working smart or what? My female owner has reached an age where she is willing to give up frivolous ideals for the convenient reality. Call it mellowing down or jaded. Right now, she rather give up her SM tendencies (doing things the hard way) just so that she can live life properly.
Anyway, she also caught the procrastination bug (full-blown). Now, she tends to start work the night before on things she needs to get done for the next day. How heroic! What if someone jio her out for an impromptu activity? Then how is she going to complete her work?! She is certainly over-estimating her ability this time.
After that horrible research paper she submitted recently (and getting a 6 for it and being so upset about it) and a few mishaps yesterday which got her into some hot soup, my female owner decided today to discard (my female owner actually used a vulgarity here… but I insisted on using clean language. It’s my turtle pad after all!) the original research proposal and change to something she has NOT developed interest in. She hopes that she will日久生情 (develop feelings through time). She made the switch because her research supervisor has ready data for her (i.e. she skips the horrible step of recruitment) and she can streamline her workload (since she is most likely going to be his RA working on the same topic anyway). So she gets paid working on her thesis and learning from someone who is a researcher and a practitioner.
Is this called working smart or what? My female owner has reached an age where she is willing to give up frivolous ideals for the convenient reality. Call it mellowing down or jaded. Right now, she rather give up her SM tendencies (doing things the hard way) just so that she can live life properly.
Monday, November 17, 2008
unscathed
Before getting in her current programme, my female owner naively thought that the hardest part about pursuing a Masters course is in getting accepted into the course.
9 months on, she realises that she is so wrong. Getting into the programme no doubt is difficult, but surviving the programme is a totally new ball game.
Not many will go through the programme unscathed. My female owner dare say that all will have, at many points suffered the following: bruised egos, periods of self-doubt, wandering in darkness and blindness, intense emotions such as fear, frustration and helplessness, weight loss (or weight gain), insomnia, panda-looking eyes, regrets and wishful thinking, financial difficulties, pierced spirits, poor health, feelings of being hypocritical and inadequate.
Oh no.. I’m starting to sound so gloomy.. anyway, my female owner has been yearning for home-baked double chocolate chip cookies. She realises (and I’m not surprised at this) that under extreme stress or anxiety, her body cries out for unhealthy food to soothe the mental and emotional upheaval. Healthy foods and exercise do not seem to help.
Given her current bout of stress, I bet she is going to bake another batch soon. And out with the Biggest Loser Competition she is having with her Potahto Fren!
9 months on, she realises that she is so wrong. Getting into the programme no doubt is difficult, but surviving the programme is a totally new ball game.
Not many will go through the programme unscathed. My female owner dare say that all will have, at many points suffered the following: bruised egos, periods of self-doubt, wandering in darkness and blindness, intense emotions such as fear, frustration and helplessness, weight loss (or weight gain), insomnia, panda-looking eyes, regrets and wishful thinking, financial difficulties, pierced spirits, poor health, feelings of being hypocritical and inadequate.
Oh no.. I’m starting to sound so gloomy.. anyway, my female owner has been yearning for home-baked double chocolate chip cookies. She realises (and I’m not surprised at this) that under extreme stress or anxiety, her body cries out for unhealthy food to soothe the mental and emotional upheaval. Healthy foods and exercise do not seem to help.
Given her current bout of stress, I bet she is going to bake another batch soon. And out with the Biggest Loser Competition she is having with her Potahto Fren!
Sunday, November 16, 2008
more
My female owner is feeling more stressed and anxious lately. It is strange, coz technically, her coursework is completed and she has lesser deadlines to meet now. But it seems like the reduction in deadlines is making her feel anxious and stressed. The feeling she is currently nursing is one of she should be completing something even though there are no immediate or urgent deadlines to meet.
Also, because it’s end of semester, my female owner wants to spend more time with her friends (you know, get a life, have a life concept?!). While she is happy doing that, there is still this big nag at the back of her mind that she could be spending the time doing her work. Although my female owner refuses to be a slave to her work, her work conscience screams out so loudly at her, it makes her feel anxious, worried and upset.
My female owner realises that she is a good starter, sustainer… but a poor finisher. To her, being a poor finisher of tasks and goals is as good as not starting, since you don’t accomplish what you set out to do. A good example is the way she exercises. She starts ok, goes on without stopping (if possible) but slows down at the end, precisely because she is reaching the end and knows that the end is within reach.
Oh dear.. I think the pre-going home jitters is getting to her. So many things to do, in so little time. Or maybe she just needs some yummy chocolate chip cookies!
Also, because it’s end of semester, my female owner wants to spend more time with her friends (you know, get a life, have a life concept?!). While she is happy doing that, there is still this big nag at the back of her mind that she could be spending the time doing her work. Although my female owner refuses to be a slave to her work, her work conscience screams out so loudly at her, it makes her feel anxious, worried and upset.
My female owner realises that she is a good starter, sustainer… but a poor finisher. To her, being a poor finisher of tasks and goals is as good as not starting, since you don’t accomplish what you set out to do. A good example is the way she exercises. She starts ok, goes on without stopping (if possible) but slows down at the end, precisely because she is reaching the end and knows that the end is within reach.
Oh dear.. I think the pre-going home jitters is getting to her. So many things to do, in so little time. Or maybe she just needs some yummy chocolate chip cookies!
Saturday, November 15, 2008
flown
My female owner is coming home! Yay! Bring out the balloons (opps, maybe not, she’s scared of them!). Bring out the champagne and wings!
Anyway, my female owner had lunch with a Singaporean friend whom she knew only because she was going to Brisbane. The friend also went to Brisbane to do a postgrad in mental health. The difference is that, this friend is going home for good in two days time! Her programme is markedly shorter (1.5 years), with the third being long-distance learning.
My female owner was confronted with how quickly time had flown. It seemed like just yesterday (Feb) when they first met as fellow Singaporeans in big, unfamiliar Brisbane. Memories of times spent together flooded her mind - the meals they had when they were not too busy to meet up; the different places they explored together; the snacks they gave each other when they met; the support and connection they had, simply by being in the same predicament, and same age etc. All of a sudden, it was time to say goodbye to a fellow comrade (ok, I’m being a bit too dramatic here). It's just unbelieveable, how quickly time flew by... The ups and downs the friend experienced are finally over (sort-of).
My female owner also couldn’t help but wonder how she would feel when it is time for her to bid farewell to Brisbane.
Cheers to the good memories!
Anyway, my female owner had lunch with a Singaporean friend whom she knew only because she was going to Brisbane. The friend also went to Brisbane to do a postgrad in mental health. The difference is that, this friend is going home for good in two days time! Her programme is markedly shorter (1.5 years), with the third being long-distance learning.
My female owner was confronted with how quickly time had flown. It seemed like just yesterday (Feb) when they first met as fellow Singaporeans in big, unfamiliar Brisbane. Memories of times spent together flooded her mind - the meals they had when they were not too busy to meet up; the different places they explored together; the snacks they gave each other when they met; the support and connection they had, simply by being in the same predicament, and same age etc. All of a sudden, it was time to say goodbye to a fellow comrade (ok, I’m being a bit too dramatic here). It's just unbelieveable, how quickly time flew by... The ups and downs the friend experienced are finally over (sort-of).
My female owner also couldn’t help but wonder how she would feel when it is time for her to bid farewell to Brisbane.
Cheers to the good memories!
suppressed
My female owner had an unexpected MSN chat a few nights ago with a fellow animal lover who had been a tremendous source of help when she was down and out because of, humph, me!
Anyway, talking to him, my female owner realised that she had suppressed so many unhappy memories and experiences of that period, to the point that she couldn’t remember the people who were in her team during the deployment, the kind of fun (or anguish) they had as a team, the specific episodes that “made her face turn black”, the stupid decisions that she had to implement etc.
She only remembered global things – that I fell sick (and that she had so many friends who came round to support her), that she was activated at night and left pretty much in the lurch to kick in crisis intervention for a distraught family and groups of colleagues, that she fell out with her bosses over differences in ethical views, that the period was the last straw that broke her back and caused her to say no to her organisation.
Anyway, talking to him, my female owner realised that she had suppressed so many unhappy memories and experiences of that period, to the point that she couldn’t remember the people who were in her team during the deployment, the kind of fun (or anguish) they had as a team, the specific episodes that “made her face turn black”, the stupid decisions that she had to implement etc.
She only remembered global things – that I fell sick (and that she had so many friends who came round to support her), that she was activated at night and left pretty much in the lurch to kick in crisis intervention for a distraught family and groups of colleagues, that she fell out with her bosses over differences in ethical views, that the period was the last straw that broke her back and caused her to say no to her organisation.
bonds
My female owner attended her bible study farewell party today. Her bible study is going to split into two groups in the new year – the working people and the students. Although my female owner is technically a student, she has asked to move to the working group. There are many reasons for that decision which I won’t go into. Takes too long and I wanna sleep early tonight. It’s the weekend you know.
Her bible study group has been a tremendous source of support and stability for my female owner. Although she is always gripping about how young they are, or rather, how conscious she is of the huge age-gap between them and her (and hence, the difference in frequency, interests and needs), she knows that at the end of the day, the group had blessed her more ways than she had blessed them.
Yet, at the same time, she has not developed a strong enough bond to the group. So even though the group is going to split, she doesn’t feel a great sense of loss or reluctance. To her, it is like another stage of life where everyone moves on but still remains largely as friends (or like what some might say, people who leave footprints in your life).
Perhaps 8 months is really too short to feel sad about such things. After all, my female owner and Potahto knew each other as colleagues for more than a year, before they started getting close. Some bonds just need time to develop.
Her bible study group has been a tremendous source of support and stability for my female owner. Although she is always gripping about how young they are, or rather, how conscious she is of the huge age-gap between them and her (and hence, the difference in frequency, interests and needs), she knows that at the end of the day, the group had blessed her more ways than she had blessed them.
Yet, at the same time, she has not developed a strong enough bond to the group. So even though the group is going to split, she doesn’t feel a great sense of loss or reluctance. To her, it is like another stage of life where everyone moves on but still remains largely as friends (or like what some might say, people who leave footprints in your life).
Perhaps 8 months is really too short to feel sad about such things. After all, my female owner and Potahto knew each other as colleagues for more than a year, before they started getting close. Some bonds just need time to develop.
deficits
My female owner has complaints of memory deficits and cognitive blurring.
She absolutely cannot remember several recent past events. It is like things go by her in a flash and even when she try to recall whether she has done certain things, she can’t even find a trigger to help her trace back.
Next, her short-term memory is malfunctioning too. She would set the water to boil on the stove but forget all about it as soon as she goes to her room. By the time she remembers, half the water would have evaporated or her innocent housemates would have switched off the stove for her.
Sometimes she says things in auto pilot, without really processing her thoughts. So things go by, without her really knowing what’s happening. She also finds that her processing speed is slowing (i.e. she is not as quick-thinking or as bright as before).
She described herself as being caught in a big bubble that dulls her hearing, dims her sight and dampens her cognitive functioning.
She absolutely cannot remember several recent past events. It is like things go by her in a flash and even when she try to recall whether she has done certain things, she can’t even find a trigger to help her trace back.
Next, her short-term memory is malfunctioning too. She would set the water to boil on the stove but forget all about it as soon as she goes to her room. By the time she remembers, half the water would have evaporated or her innocent housemates would have switched off the stove for her.
Sometimes she says things in auto pilot, without really processing her thoughts. So things go by, without her really knowing what’s happening. She also finds that her processing speed is slowing (i.e. she is not as quick-thinking or as bright as before).
She described herself as being caught in a big bubble that dulls her hearing, dims her sight and dampens her cognitive functioning.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
compounded
My female owner has been feeling down since yesterday. It all started with the meeting with her research supervisor which felt like all doom and gloom for her.
Come today, she hadn’t resolved the issues he raised during the meeting (coz she didn’t do anything to resolve them after the meeting). However, she received her grade for the Research Methodology course. This was the awful paper she submitted a few weeks ago.
This is where things get complicated (for me). My female owner expected that she might get a “6” (distinction) and in worst case, a “5”. So a “7” (high distinction) is a bonus. When she found out that as predicted, she got a “6”, she became upset that she got a “6”!
And now, she is upset that she is upset that she got a 6, coz she feels that this is really just a small issue, in the larger scheme of things. But hey, if her life had revolved only around school, won't that make that 6 a bigger than usual issue?
She figured that the 6 simply compounded the sunken feeling she had yesterday about her research.
Come today, she hadn’t resolved the issues he raised during the meeting (coz she didn’t do anything to resolve them after the meeting). However, she received her grade for the Research Methodology course. This was the awful paper she submitted a few weeks ago.
This is where things get complicated (for me). My female owner expected that she might get a “6” (distinction) and in worst case, a “5”. So a “7” (high distinction) is a bonus. When she found out that as predicted, she got a “6”, she became upset that she got a “6”!
And now, she is upset that she is upset that she got a 6, coz she feels that this is really just a small issue, in the larger scheme of things. But hey, if her life had revolved only around school, won't that make that 6 a bigger than usual issue?
She figured that the 6 simply compounded the sunken feeling she had yesterday about her research.
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My siblings and I
From top left: Dodo, Dona, me (Nooki) and Nanook