Sayang

And so, another animal turned up mysteriously at my female owner's house. And this time, its a super endearing, manja furball cat, whose antics melt my female owner's heart right away. Manja the Cat hang around the house the whole day that my female owner had no choice but to feed her some milk (coz that meant that Manja the Cat didn't have anything to eat the whole day too). My female owner and her friends reckoned that she is a domesticated cat that got lost somehow. They were not sure too, if she was able to hunt for her own food. Anyway, in my female owner's words "she is home now".

Sayang posing for my female owner

she perched herself outside the kitchen the whole day sleeping... my female owner woke her up to take photos.

her patience was rewarded...

and she's full of energy again

when

Something my female owner adapted from another blog.

When she starts cursing at you trying to act all tough
Kiss her and tell her you love her

When she’s quiet
Ask her what’s wrong

When she ignores you
Give her your attention

When she pulls away
Pull her back

When you see her at her worst
Tell her she’s beautiful

When you see her crying
Just hold her and say nothing

When you see her walking
Sneak up and hug her from behind

When she’s scared
Protect her

When she steals your favourite hoodie
Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night

When she teases you
Tease her back and make her laugh

When she doesn’t answer for a long time
Reassure her that everything is okay

When she says she loves you
She really does more than you can understand

When she grabs at your hands
Hold hers and play with her fingers

When she bumps into you
Bump into her and make her laugh

When she tells you a secret
Keep it safe and untold

When she looks at you
Don’t look away until she does

When she says it’s over
She still wants you to be hers

usual

My female owner had another emo moment today as she grappled with her insecurities, self-doubts and fears about the usual things concerning her thesis (will she get it passed by Nov?), her future (to stay or not to stay), her finances (will she be able to get a casual job in Sept, and eventually a professional job?).

Strange but true, my female owner was just surfing her usual news websites when she suddenly found herself on seek.com looking at available jobs in Brisbane. She apparently clicked on some advertisement about furthering your studies in psychology and somehow landed there within a few more clicks. Is that a sign that she better buck up? Even stranger is that the private hospital where she is supposed to be running group therapy is looking for a psychologist (needs to be fully registered though).

She just did some financial check on her bank accounts and realised that her money is running out. Probably can last her for about 6-9 months. This increased her sense of urgency (and poverty) and fantasises of her taking a long road trip vanished quickly. In the first place, she don’t think she can find anyone to travel with and she doesn’t want to do it alone.

And Theseus is giving her problems, no thanks to her supervisor who keeps changing his mind and has been slacking for a few weeks. She ends up writing and revising but not really progressing ahead.

Emo.

guys

My female owner doesn’t like OZ guys very much. She had a few bad experiences with local guys, in terms of their attitudes and values, that she thinks they make lousy partners. My female owner still prefers Asian guys. Top of her list – guys from Hongkong. This started last year, when she was having a random conversation with a 30+ Singaporean guy who asked her about what she was looking for a in a guy. He then recommended Hongkong guys (among the major Asian countries) coz they make good husbands.

My female owner was amused by his recommendation but at that time, she didn’t really know many Hongkong guys well enough to be convinced. One year later, my female owner agrees with his observation. Although she doesn’t know any HK “husbands”, the HK guys in her circle of friends have proven themselves to be reliable, sensitive and of sound character. These include Emo Sponge and Mr S, and two other guys who are in her church group.

Her girl friends think that Malaysian guys are the best. My female owner is half-skeptical coz these girl friends are, erm, from Malaysia. But so far, she has had good experiences with Malaysian guys too. Just not too close to any in particular. But she rather not, coz what if Malaysia and Singapore go to war?

pet

Yah, I was bored of orange, so I changed the skin of my Turtle Pad. It’s just a work in progress, so please don’t pick on the hastily-done design. My female owner promised that she would help me do up my Turtle Pad when she is done with her thesis. So this will do for the time being.

Anyway, did you know that you can keep turtles in Aussie? My female owner figured it out today when her friend took a photo of a turtle in a pet shop and sent it to her. Then, I know this is true, her heart became “itchy” and she wanted to get a(n) (ang-moh) turtle to sayang and call her own.

Everything by Tim Hughes

fitness

And so, this is the eve of my female owner’s return to the “real” world. She has about one more month before she has to submit her thesis. There are bits and pieces of her work in different states of being, awaiting further correction. There is a new group starting on Tuesday and even though she has clearly stated that she is not intending to attend any sessions if she is not running any segment, my female owner knows that she is obliged to turn up for a few.

Moving ahead in these final weeks, struggling to get out of her sleepy slumber (with the long arms of subconscious anxieties pulling her back down), my female owner has decided that the focus for the rest of winter would be encapsulated into Fs

i) Mental fitness – to complete her thesis
ii) Physical fitness – jogging and minimal snacking (healthy on the hips and pocket)
iii) Spiritual fitness – time to grow more in God

hiatus

My female owner took an unplanned hiatus from Theseus , starting Thursday. Don’t worry, she plans to return to him tomorrow. It all started when she submitted her Main Introduction to her supervisor on Thursday and then, she realised that she had nothing more to do, until he reverted to her on Study 2, 3 and the Introduction. I mean, she can’t write the General Discussion if the studies are not confirmed right? So like a wandering spirit, my female owner had to look for other things to do. This were some of the randoms she got up to:

Thursday: Cooked dinner for friends plus Masterchef (second last episode)
Friday: Lunch with friend at a restaurant she never been to, afternoon of DVDs, church at night
Saturday: Early morning drive (2am) to Tweed Heads to wait for sunrise (really so ENG hoh), Taiwanese brekkie, Property inspection with friends in the arvo, Seafood dinner with other friends at night
Sunday: Church, KFC dinner with friends (see Thursday) and final episode of Masterchef

Intersperse these four days with heaps of food, snacks, chocolates, DVDs in free pockets of time, NO exercise, LOTSA sleep. My female owner knew that any of her high achieving friends would have packed more meaningful and goal-oriented activities if they had a hiatus like her. But really, my female owner ain’t feeling as if she is up to any achievement-driven endeavours. She did feel quite bad about being slothy, gluttony and nua but reckons all would be back to full swing starting tomorrow when she has to meet her professor and her supervisor who would most likely get her to butcher her write-ups.

graduation

My female owner attended her first convocation of her friends today. She had never been able to make it for previous ceremonies. It was a heart-warming experience, as she soaked up the celebrative and joyous occasion. Behind every happy graduand’s smile lies the untold stories of undying support and faithof much-treasured family and friends. The pride of these supporters shone radiantly on their faces as they pose for photos with the graduands.

the round bonnet - remember my female owner likes round things?

Finally, graduation becomes a reality for my female owner. Seeing her Therapist Fren don on her magnificent gown and cutesy (probably not the right word to use here, since its supposed to be grand and scholarly) bonnet was a good reminder for my female owner that she is getting there. Much closer to the finishing line than ever before. She just gotta keep going and soon, she can say that she has arrived.

what is a graduation without props?

Defying Gravity Glee Lyrics

A song that Special Fren shared with my female owner, to encourage her through this season of her life

birthday!

Has it been a week since I last wrote? I was away, celebrating my sister and my birthday! We turned 8 on 14 Jul 10. Time flies, even when you are a turtle. Dodo and Dona gave us birthday kisses and hugs and did a birthday dance for us. Such lovely brothers. My female owner also sent her birthday greetings all the way from Downunder and made an announcement on Facebook. Posted up a photo of us too. Not the same without her. But life goes on, and hey, I’m proud to say that we turtles are growing to be like her – independent and free-spirited!

routine

After about two weeks of dedicated work, my female owner has more or less settled into a routine with Theseus. Not actually the most exciting thing in her life, but at least, she is no longer as angsty and distressed over him. She has set up a "home office" kind of thing. She wakes up, starts working on him at about 10am. She normally starts by doing a day time-table and goal-setting. Keeps up a steady pace until about mid-arvo where she decides if she wanna go jogging. Her decision is based on many factors like the weather, her sense of achievement for the day and finally her motivation level. At night, she takes a breather by watching Masterchef on her lousy TV where reception goes bad religiously at the same time as Masterchef. The great mysteries of life.

Her social life is integrated into her work routine, and she makes it a point to do a few hours of work a day, no matter what. If not, weekend is pay-back time. While she has isolated herself much of the time, God had been taking care of her in the sense that her friends have been more proactive in asking about her state of being. Some of them have kinda become her personal cheerleader, waving her on, showering her with heaps of encouragement and understanding, and providing practical aid such as cooking meals and even resort to pulling her away from Theseus at strategic times.

Ah, wondering if she is beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel?

balance

My female owner reported having a more balanced weekend. It took me a while to get updates from her coz she has developed an obsession with Theseus. So hard to pull her away from him these days. I seriously think that for her, Theseus is the short form of “these days, its just us”.

Anyway, her happening weekend started with Mr Nice Guy coming over to cook Singapore Chilli Crab for her. They went to the market to choose the crab together. Awesome flavour, she said. My personal take? I’m not too big on crabs, coz they have shells, like us turtles. Plus, at 1.6kg, so near Nanook’s weight, too close for comfort.

The chopped up crustacean

double double boil and trouble

fire burn and cauldron bubble ... sort of
just like the original, apparently

At night, she pulled herself out for a birthday dinner. Not very close to this person but she thought she better start building closer ties with people, rather than brood in her these-days-its-just-us cave. Her baker housemate, made the yummy cake you see below.

After dinner, my female owner actually skipped drinks (she quitted?!) and trotted off to a friend’s house for a sleepover. They had plans to hang out together on Sunday by going to church and having lunch together. My female owner made it home by mid-arvo and took a rare Sunday nap. Having said that, it shocked her to wake up to find the sky in darkness. Sun sets really early in Brisbane winter.

Her chillaxing weekend continued with her favourite Masterchef at night and because at 2200 she made a crazy goal of reaching 10000 words in her General Introduction (she was at 9046 then), my female owner then stayed up till 0230 to satisfy her machosistic tendencies.

sleep

It’s the time of the night again, when my female owner wonders if she will be able to sleep properly. She changed her sleeping pattern somewhat last night. She decided not to set an alarm for waking up this morning, so that she could reduce the pressure of having to sleep soon enough in order to sleep at least 7 hours. That could have worked, coz she fell asleep in no time. The only trouble was that she ended up sleeping till about 10am. But she celebrated the fact that sleep came easy and undisturbed for once. In her words, better to sleep more and sweetly, than to sleep just nice and poorly.

My female owner says too that suddenly, her friends had been rallying around her. Second Onli Fren called her out of the blue from Singapore, coz she noticed that my female owner had been absent from MSN for a while. And has still been calling her. Special Fren sensed that she was feeling stressed one night and encouraged her not to lose heart and think positively. Then Emo Sponge, who had been missing from her life for a number of weeks now, messaged her randomly to ask how she was coping and affirmed her fighting spirit. He also pointed out everyone goes through bad seasons and this just happens to be my female owner’s time. Mr S also did his part in dispensing sleep hygiene tips and reminded her not to work on Theseus just before bedtime. And out of the blue, Therapist Fren also sent an email to cheer her on in her journey with Theseus, offering her listening ear in dire times.

My female owner was so touched at these gestures of love and encouragement that erm, she actually teared twice on two different days. She felt so undeserving of this outpouring of support. After all, she hadn’t exactly been the best company in recent weeks.

alone

My female owner had been feeling alone in her battle with Theseus. Alone coz she doesn’t openly share her distress with people (after all, it is only a thesis and there are bigger issues, like poverty and natural disasters, in the world to deal with) and may honestly share a little when people ask her how she is coping (otherwise, it’s the polite “yup, its tough but I will get there” response). And because she is socially withdrawing from people, it increases her aloneness. She spends her time in her room (closed door), frantically reading and typing away. She doesn’t come out to chat with her housemates (hasn’t seen them properly for days). She avoids big social gatherings. Her choice of social interactions has been narrowed down to uni friends (coz she feels they can understand her pain without her saying too much) or one-on-one appointments with selected church mates (who ask to meet her). She hides on MSN. She hasn’t been able to sleep properly, either being unable to fall asleep, or when she does, wake up several times in the night. And she has been so frustrated with this that she has considered taking sleeping pills. Alas, she is not one for medication. She has conflicting thoughts and feelings about her situation and most definitely, she is upset with herself for being upset about something as simple and straightforward as writing a thesis. Ah, another one of her "I SHOULDN"T be feeling this way" traps.

Adele - Make You Feel My Love - Lyrics

balance

My female owner had been striking a reasonable balance between Theseus and personal time-out over the week (in her opinion – considering that she completed a paper and watched two movies, all episodes of Masterchef, had dinner with Mr S three times, coffee twice, jogging once, shopping once, lunch with uni friends once). As usual, she felt that she could have done more, but nonetheless, a good start for a cerebrally intense July. Unlike last weekend, she declared this weekend as Getaway WITH Theseus. She intends to work really hard (and efficiently) on her General Introduction and aims to write about 10000 words (how many blog entries is that?). Already, she had made progress in the right direction by firstly, coming up with the skeletal framework of the introduction (and discussion) and secondly, transferring all her existing references to Endnotes (whatever that is, too high-level for a domestic turtle to interpret). Now all she has to do is to keep writing, reading and thinking. Her goal for today is 1500 words and she has 491 words already. Sounds like progress.

platonic

Ever since Mr S and my female owner cleared the air about their status on Tuesday, my female owner felt a sense of liberation about their relationship. It is as if they can now freely interact with each other without second-guessing intentions and motivations, without any strings attached and instead, enjoy a true platonic friendship. They must have felt even more comfortable now, coz they had no qualms about meeting impromptuly for a late-night movie last night – meeting three days in a row! Once again, he would drive about 45mins to get to her house and send her home in the exact opposite direction of his house (think north and south) from their favourite cinema but that is his prerogative, with no ulterior motives on his part.

My female owner says that knowing him had been good for her (she is not sure if the feeling is mutual but he has also acknowledged that he values the friendship). Amidst all her friends in Brisbane, he is one of the few who could relate to her emotionally and psychologically with ease and confidence. He also availed himself when she was emo and directly labelled her feelings when she could not bring herself to do so. It helps also that he is older than her coz it’s like a breath of fresh air, being able to tap into his years of experience and wisdom, instead of putting up with erm…. I shall not go on lest I offend anyone.

race

My female owner aims to complete Paper 3 today. Her supervisor is going away for two weeks this Saturday and she hopes to submit something to him before he leaves. Never mind that he might not have the time to read the paper before he leaves (he is apparently still sitting on Paper 2). It is just one of the time pressures she created for herself in order to get moving on Theseus.

She finally realised or accepted that working on Theseus is really a solo expedition. A journey she has to undertake, endure and complete by herself. While she has many friends cheering her on the sidelines (and she is very grateful for their tireless support), they are in no position to assist with the technicalities and the difficulties she might face. It’s an endurance race to the finish. A race she claims as her own. And she has every intention to finish a winner.