release

This entry is long overdue. I meant to write it on 1st July, coz that marked the beginning of the second half of 2009. I wanted to do a traditional “half a year has flown by, let’s see what my female owner is up to” entry. Out of curiosity, I went back to the entries I made last year… and I realised that my female owner actually returned to Singapore on this day (4th july) for a two-weeks break.

My female owner can’t help but laugh at the irony of things. She was so busy last year that she had to squeeze out time to return home. This year, she had a clear-cut “free” period but didn’t capitalise on it to return home. Oh well.

She says that there is an old Chinese saying “旧的不去新的不来”. This means “old things don’t go, new things don’t come”. Hence, if she doesn’t release her Singaporean lifestyle, memories and habits, she cannot embrace new ones. It is very much like clothes. You need to clear your wardrobe once in a while in order to make way for new clothes. Now that my female owner is gaining more functional fats, she is taking a second look at her collection of clothes and realises that there are some stuff that were purchased as long ago as 2001! Time to discard those unwearables!

And she doesn’t want to spend her time in Brisbane, wishing for things she miss in Singapore and return to Singapore eventually, to regret not experiencing much of Brisbane/ Australia. Anyway, back to main topic of the night – review of 2009.

2009, as mentioned many times, is my female owner’s year of dedication to God. In truth, one should dedicate her entire life to God. My female owner is NOT saying that 2009 is the only year intends to dedicate to God. Rather, this is a year of renewal and refreshing, after so many years wandering and wondering in the wilderness.

When my female owner first attended her church services and programmes in 2008, she was taken aback by the love and devotion that people had for God. She remembered telling herself that she could never love God in such measure. This year especially, she started to understand and experience God’s love not only for this season of her life but through the years she was in Singapore. She started to fall in love again, with God.

My female owner struggles with being consistent in her walk with God. This is especially so, when she is preoccupied with things (she forgets or becomes too tired) or am feeling upset about things (she curls up and hibernates from everything including God). Even now, there are times when she doesn’t feel like going for bible study or church because something gets her down. Yet, she finds it easier to conquer her fleshy “nua-ness” and pull herself together. Christianity is not about doing things when you feel good. Pray, even when you don’t feel like it. It empowers you. Worship, even when you’ve got heaps of things to deal with. God is still faithful. Read the Bible, because it is God’s love letter to her. It brings LIFE.

In the recent past, she had been challenged several times to step out of her comfort (but dysfunctional) zone: to confront the demons of her past (call them out by names, and proclaim victory over them), to contribute more to her bible study group (rather than to sit back one corner and relac), to invest time in building godly relationships (despite her ambivalence). All these required her to act in spite of her passive personality and to make a conscious decision to be bold and proactive. Overcoming her nua-ness, through a greater revelation of God’s love, it is her personal dedication to God.

The second half of 2009 promises to be more hectic for my female owner in terms of schoolwork, personal and social life and churchwork. All the more she needs to depend on God for strength and to help her manage her time and resources more efficiently. Time to extend her tents.