consolidate

My female owner couldn’t believe what she heard yesterday.

Despite the storm which was allegedly the worst South East Queensland had experienced since 1974 (In her usual oblivious state, my female owner didn’t realise that fact, until someone told her that the ferry services were cancelled and many places were flooded. She actually thought that heavy rain was similar to those she experienced in Singapore during the monsoon season), she went for a coordination meeting for externs who were also involved in the residential aged care placements.

The project coordinator updated that one of the externs who couldn’t make it for the meeting sent an email to tell her that “the externship had been very good and he was getting a lot of unique experiences”.

My female owner couldn’t believe her ears. Is that guy for real? Very good experience?

My female owner tried to consolidate some of her thoughts on the placement but didn’t get very far coz she was tired. Here’s part of what she says:

The placement at the residential aged care facility provided me with learning experiences that most other clinical psychologists-in-training would not have access to. The project coordinator affirmed us that we are the experts in this area, and that we are the trailblazers in providing clinical interventions to a population that has never had access to psychological services. I’m not sure if I agree with her.

From the word go, I was faced with the challenges of introducing the concept of psychological services to a cohort which has survived two world wars and are used to being fiercely independent and also, to gain the support of the staff at the facility who had little clue about our purpose. I learnt quickly, the need to be creative, flexible and patient as I adapted my textbook knowledge of psychotherapies to the raw reality of working with old-old adults (above 85 years old). They often do not understand the role of a psychologist, and tended to regard me as one of the volunteers/ staff whose job was to listen to their stories. They were not interested in therapies or working on their issues. They had reached a point of their lives where they were no longer interested in self-improvement. Rather, they were either looking back into the past to recount the days of youth, or in one of the residents’ words “just waiting to die”. Besides the physical barriers of ill-health, poor sight, bad hearing, cognitive impairment affecting communication, I also had to try to neutralise my accent so that I could be understood. So much to overcome, just to have a decent conversation, what more, therapy.

For a long time, I struggled with my professional self-concept. What could I value-add to these residents that volunteers and staff are already not doing? What more could I gain in terms of clinical training, besides active listening, reframing and reinforcing desirable behaviours? I was not developing my skills in assessment, formulating and treatment. I was frustrated at my non-learning.

Many times, I felt stuck and helpless as residents told me about their pain, their disabilities, their losses, their grief and their unmet desires. How do I respond to such pain? There is so much truth in their sufferings that CBT (“you need to change your thoughts”) feels so much more cold and heartless. You can only listen up to a certain point. After that, you start to wonder if this is all you can do. Listen and....? If I had a magic wand, I would not hesitate to wave over them, so that they could experience less pain, physically and emotionally. Working there, I reached a point where I do not wish to grow old. Let me die before I lose my functioning.