believe

Seems like this is a season of contemplation and soul-searching for my female owner. She has been engaged in conversations with Special Fren regarding her psyche. I think Special Fren has come to a point where he has concluded that he has done all he can to bring my female owner to her senses. And now, it’s up to her to make the necessary changes (and stop wallowing in LSE).

My female owner was updating Special Fren about her truncated conversation with Fated Guy with regards to her dreams and future. Truncated, because she had no idea, so the conversation didn’t go far. Special Fren then pointed out “you just refuse to see it”

How true. My female owner has so much in front of her. She has mobility and flexibility in how she want to craft out the next decade of her life (and beyond) and yet, she says she has no future. How tragic.

Her restraints are largely due to uncertainties. What if I stay and something happens at home? But I don’t have money to settle down in Australia! I love the lifestyle here, but my family and peers are in Singapore. What if I can’t find a good job here?

Anyway, she generated some of her thoughts of what she might like to do. And Special Fren told her to stick to the plan, and to believe in her plan.

How apt. My female owner never really believed in her plans, coz I think, she never really believed that she could achieve more than the average Joe in the streets. This just reinforced what happened recently, when, after hearing her reflections on Pursuit of Happyness, Fated Guy modified a quote from the movies for her: "don't ever let somebody tell me I can't do something, not even myself!"

She really needs to start internalise esteem-boosting statements for herself.

herself

Today, my female owner realised that she is the only one who puts herself down.

The seed was planted a few days ago when Special Fren commented that my female owner had a tendency not to acknowledge her strengths and be dismissive when people give affirmations.

Then today, Fated Guy finally remembered to pass her a copy of Pursuit of Happyness. My female owner thought it was just another movie but later on, he emailed her to take note of a particular scenario where the father said to the son, something along the line of “don’t let anyone make you believe you can’t do something, not even me!”

My female owner reckons this email was prompted by the conversation when my female owner tried to convince Therapist Fren and him that she is clumsy and has poor psychomotor skills. Both of them tried to dispute her claim and Therapist Fren finally said “it is hard to change her mind about herself”

Anyway, reading that my female owner wrote back to say that that was an uplifting statement, in the light of her present difficulties. Fated Guy asked how it was relevant and upon reflecting, she realised that the “anyone” in this case was herself. All this while, she had allowed herself to believe that she can’t do things or achieve things.

It was confronting to a certain extent, to realise how she had been slowly destroying herself, especially when no one in her recent history had ever cast doubt on her abilities. In fact, people had been more optimistic and confidant of her than herself. And yes, she dismissed those words of encouragement as people being polite or trying to be supportive. At the same time, she held fast, the negative criticisms of different individuals from her distant past. How lop-sided.

She shared this revelation to Special Fren (who probably understood her psyche the most) and he confirmed that she “is the only one who puts urself down”

And my female owner’s decision, “I want to let go of this”.

special

My female owner still has the habit of giving her closer friends titles or names. And sometimes, an individual might end up with many many names. Seasonal, apparently.

Anyway, one of her ever constant friend is/was Functional Fren, who is currently named Special Fren. I need to note here that the feeling is not mutual, since he calls my female owner his BTW Fren (“I’m doing this thing for you because it’s by-the-way”).

You might remember that my female owner had a bimbo emo night in January when she went invisible because she was crying over something. Special Fren happened to send her a message and she replied and then he asked the all important question of “why are you on stealth?”

Recently, the both of them were online but not talking. It was quite late already and my female owner decided to go invisible for whatever reason. Less than a minute later, Special Fren sent a message saying something like “I think you are still online”

How accurate and scary was that! How did he know? That was his first time leaving such a message on her MSN and he hit jackpot. That’s why Special mah… Know her so well…

contradiction

And so, it was the most hilarious farewell ever.

A short while before my female owner was due to leave Singapore, Mr Walking Contradiction boldly announced that “you sure cry one” when it is time for her to leave Singapore. My female owner obstinately said he was wrong, she was confident that no tears would be shed.

Come Wednesday afternoon, the day she was due to leave. Mr Walking Contradiction met her for an afternoon dessert. On the way back to her house, he played a song “Goodbye” for her in the car. Because it was in a different language, he translated the lyrics as the song was played. It was so hilarious, the funnie tone he used and the misfit of the lyrics (coz it was about two lovers), that my female owner started going into pits of laughter. Mr Walking Contradiction also started laughing.

Alas, as her house drew nearer, my female owner felt a wave of sadness coming over her. Although they had been friends for a few years, my female owner reckoned that the happenings of this holiday had drew them even closer and brought them into a deeper understanding of each other. Having been greatly blessed by Mr Walking Contradiction’s friendship and company, my female owner started to cry for having to say goodbye to him (he was so right).

But Mr Walking Contradiction kept up his funnie translation antics (apparently, the song was so long) and my female owner ended up laughing and crying at the same time. To the point that he looked at her in shock and wondered if she was crying tears of laugher or crying tears of sadness. Methinks he never really figured it out. Exasperated, he finally said “you are the Walking Contradiction!”

again

My female owner had a conversation with her Functional Fren today, after a long while. She always appreciates friends updating her about their lives coz it helps her to feel connected to her friends and also valued (like, they bothered to keep her in the loop about their lives).

So anyway, FF started of the MSN exchange by alerting her to his latest FB update, which, unsurprisingly, is a MBTI analysis of his career choice. Now, FF and her had countless conversations about MBTI. He even did an analysis of her, before knowing her profile, and got it right.

Curious, my female owner attempted the same FB quiz... and going through the questions, she started to wonder what might happen if she didnt get the same result as always. Her profile had always been consistently INFP. And surprise surprise, her result was as per usual, INFP! For some reason, my female owner expected something else to appear. Anyway, my female owner can imagine herself in any of the careers suggested. Hmmm..

__________________________________________

INFP - The Idealist

You are a special and sensitive individual that needs a career which is more than just a job. You need to feel that what you do everyday has special meaning and can live your life in accordance to your strong value system. You are focused on constant growth and have a positive outlook on life. Because you are driven to do find meaning and purpose in your work, you will be happiest in careers where you are allowed to work towards those values you hold and towards the greater good of humanity as a whole. Many of the great writers of the world have been INFPs.

Some of your personality traits include:
* Strong value systems
* Warmly interested in people
* Service-oriented, usually putting the needs of others above your own
* Loyal and devoted to people and causes
* Future-oriented
* Growth-oriented; always want to be growing in a positive direction
* Creative and inspirational
* Flexible and laid-back, unless a ruling principle is violated
* Sensitive and complex
* Dislike dealing with details and routine work
* Original and individualistic - "out of the mainstream"
* Excellent written communication skills
* Prefer to work alone, and may have problems working on teams
* Value deep and authentic relationships
* Want to be seen and appreciated for who you are

Some of your suggested careers are:
* Writer
* Counselor / Social Worker
* Teacher / Professor
* Psychologist
* Psychiatrist
* Musician
* Clergy / Religious Workers

incidentally

After a long time of not hearing from him, my female owner received a long distance call from Functional Fren. Such a warm feeling to hear his voice again. It is so different from using MSN. No matter what season they are going through (good or bad), he never fails to make my female owner laugh. Even the way he grumbles brings tears to her eyes.

Their friendship started incidentally. My female owner was tasked to head a research project on youths at his workplace. Youth was also his area of passion. He knew about it and on his own accord, drew out a concept map in different colours for her to help guide her research. My female owner later playfully referred to it as his “love letter”. Over the next couple of years working in cousin organisations, he had been a great source of support for her, in an insane environment. With similar values, mindsets and crankiness, no wonder their friendship grew... functionally.

Functional Fren is also one of the few people who have gained access into my female owner’s vulnerable inner world. Perceptive and observant, he is able to pick out her anxieties and fears without her saying too much. He also has no qualms about confronting her when he sees her drowning herself in self-pity. That’s the way he is to many people around him and my female owner supposes that must have been tiring for him, which explains his aloofness at times.

Ah, she can’t wait to go back to Singapore to meet up with him and the rest of her Impromptu Frens. Sounds as if they had been having tonnes of fun recently.

directions

Within her limited circle of friends, there are a few people who, from time to time, confront my female owner on her issues. I use the word “confront” because that is exactly what they do. They see a problem and they bring it to her attention directly without being euphemistic. Sometimes, she does not even know what her issues are until they start. When she tries to escape or divert the topic, they tell her straightaway to stay the course.

Tonight was another one of those (unexpected) times. This time, it came in the form of her Functional Fren. The MSN conversation started innocently with “how have you been?” She probably pressed his button when she started to say that the life she is living now is like a form of escapism for her. That she will be confronted with the harsh reality in two years time, with no career or savings or direction in life, and the only medal to her name is the title Dr.

Functional Fren then proposed that it was not that my female owner had no directions in life. It was more that she refused to receive directions. That got my female owner confused and she asked for clarifications. It came fast and strong, in the form of questions:

• how are u taking the fact that u are getting ur Doctorate?
• how do u feel about u not having much family obligations ( as compared to me) and leave singapore to pursue ur studies
• how do u feel about you actually the only one following the psych path as compared to your frens here in singapore
• how do u feel abt given the opportunity to study in UQ and best part of it.,. excelling in ur studies
• the thing is.. u need to be contented with all the blessed things u are given with.. and how u want to return God's favour..
• all ur frens here have been giving u the support that u need.. but u kept thinking u CMI..
  so isnt that refusal to receive directions in life?

Confronting but necessary. The conversation then steered towards other pertinent issues that he saw as a “big bloody baggage”. Cyber CBT. My female owner reckons that she needs therapy in addition to counselling...

Functional Fren

My female owner and her Potahto have relinquished their bond as Chopstick Sisters, primarily because they have both put on so much weight that they no longer look like a pair of chopsticks while walking together. They are now considering rename themselves Banana in Pajamas.

Anyway, despite my female owner having a 50% essay deadline in 13 hours, they had an extended MSN chat and the topic soon centred around a common friend, also known as my female owner’s Functional Fren.

Some people have a natural knack for sensing emotional distress and providing crisis intervention at the most opportune timing. Functional Fren is one such person. He is a trained counselor and has always shared with my female owner his passion for helping people on the ground. He was also the friend who supported her through her entire application process (he referred to that support as being my female owner's "inner talk") and unsurprisingly, was the first person she called when she got the news of acceptance. My female owner has seen him in action a number of times, both as a beneficiary of his skills and in his regular job. Although he hardly initiates social contact, he would, if he senses that you need help (as verified by Potahto).

He is effective in his counselling, whether it is face-to-face, over the telephone or through MSN. My female owner had never failed to benefit from those sessions. Not to mention, Functional Fren is also highly intelligent, creative and visionary. These qualities helped to make him into the invaluable counselor that he is.

For a while, Functional Fren had been having self-doubts about staying in the counseling field. My female owner has been quite concerned because he certainly has a gift for listening and helping people to suss out the main issues. Recently, he rekindled his passion and my female owner is really happy to see him fired up once again.