boundaries

My female owner did a super random thing today. She called her brother to wish him a Happie Birthday. She must have shocked him out of his skin. The sound of shock was so audible, it probably could have cut my shell into two. And the more random thing she did – to give him her Twitter username.

Boundaries, boundaries! She needs to be mindful of them.

priority

My female owner has been back for about five days. So far, I get no sense that she has been aussified. Her manner of speech is still largely the same. Her lifestyle, still the envy of people around her. Wake up, wonder what to do, find a friend to entertain her, go out, get entertained (and often blessed), come home, MSN, eat, read newspaper, not watch TV, drink coffee, respond to impromptu jios, meet parents for meals… and the cycle repeats itself.

According to the declarations of my female owner, her top priority for this holiday is spending more time with her family (that technically should include us turtles right??). Her conscience was greatly heightened by her Functional Fren, who confronted her on Tuesday about making time to spend time with her family. That was followed by his daily reminders (or checks via MSN – see the power of technology – “today not going out?”). So far so good. Save for Tuesday when she had her major pigout, my female owner has had at least one meal per day with her family. The converse is true for us turtles. Since Monday, she only fed us once! It’s Saturday already! Boo hoo hoo. Was this how she lost weight? By skipping meals?

cook

My female owner was touched by what her mother said to her recently over video.

M: “what did you have for dinner?”

FO: “err.. curry chicken”

M: “how did you get it?”

FO: “err… anyhow cook loh”

M: “I’m only waiting for you to come home so that….”

“I can taste your cooking” thought my female owner.

“…. I can cook for you everyday.”

Ouh, so sweet. Her mother is just waiting to cook for her yet again… What can separate you from your mother's love? Certainly not physical distance or time.

rocky

Have you ever quarrelled with your parents? What do you do after that?

My female owner was reminded of her rocky relationship with her mother today. From a young age, mother and daughter had problems getting along. Each outing they had would usually end up in a quarrel. This trend was so predictable that her father would instruct her before they went out “don’t quarrel with mummy”. Hardly works. He should have phrased his words positively. Instead of telling her what NOT to do, he could have taught her what to do instead.

During the all famous storm and stress adolescent years, conflicts ran aplenty and there were episodes of shouting matches which sometimes ended with the slamming of doors (only my female owner, not her mum. I wonder where she picked that up from). My female owner had a lot of pride in her and she would NEVER say sorry. She also lacked skills in conflict resolution and her main way of coping with the aftermath of a full-blown argument was … a cold war. Her father, a man with strong linguistic ability and wide general knowledge, had a term for this behaviour. He called it the “non-talking technique”. So there you go, not talking to her mother while she was still seething inside. And when her anger had dissipated, pride prevented her from making the first move to talk to her mother (even casually). Her mother was most certainly the first one to say something to her. Of course, my female owner would reciprocate with an appropriate response.

Thank goodness, these tensions peppered out over the past few years. In fact, non-existent to the point that she literally forgot that they once had a rocky (but strongly bonded) relationship.

multi

My female owner celebrated the first day of the Lunar New Year by visiting her maternal grandmother’s house. Ever since her grandmother passed away in 2002, the extended family stopped celebrating CNY together. It is such a tragic outcome, that when the matriarch/ patriarch of the family passes on, the younger generation tends not to gather during CNY.

Anyway, for probably the third time since 2002, my female owner stepped into the house that forms a large part of her childhood. Weekly visits to grandma’s house where two unmarried aunties also reside, celebrating birthdays with grandma, not being able to speak grandma’s language but still able to feel her love, buying ice-cream for her oldest auntie who is slightly brain-damaged due to yellow fever during her teenage years, interacting with her younger cousins etc.

Eating steamboat with a couple of her relatives today, she realised that her humble family is quite a rojak mix. There are nine siblings in all. Her mother is the third youngest. There is an auntie who is a Muslim and thus, eats only halal food while an older auntie who is a devout Buddhist does not eat beef. Her eldest uncle is a health freak who advocates plant foods and another uncle married a Muslim twenty years younger than him. His children (forgive my female owner for not knowing their names! She probably can’t recognise them on the streets as well.) are of course, mixed and more Malay than Chinese. So many potential disputes over food preferences!

Happily, when CNY comes, the family shares the Chinese part of their lives together. When Vesak Day comes, the Buddhist auntie would cook lotsa food to bring to the temple and distribute her food afterwards. Come Hari Raya, the Muslim uncle would deliver home-cooked yummy food to their home. Ah, the family just needs an ang-moh and an Indian to make it truly multi-racial/ multi-cultural.

finally

My female owner finally celebrated Chinese New Year with her family. She had missed the previous two years for different reasons. Two years ago, she was sent on a business trip to USA by her non-Chinese boss over the CNY period. She had to travel with someone whom she could not get along with and well, basically endure a cold winter in a foreign land with unwelcome company.

Last year, she was in Brisbane, so her family was kinda split across two continents. She spent CNY with her host, who cooked up a great feast, but there’s really no place like home.

This year, there were 7 people present for the traditional steamboat reunion dinner. Her parents, brother, sister-in-law, paternal auntie and the choir director from her parents’ church. A foreigner, he was not able to return home to be with his family. Hence, my female owner’s mother extended an invitation to him.


Ahh… the aroma of the different foods activated the hunger pangs in us turtles. Nanook, in her usual paranoid self, asked if the family was going to serve turtle soup. For some BIG reason, she always feel insecure that her status as the largest family pet will flip to become the most nutritious family food.

point

My female owner was going out yesterday when her father said to her “what’s the point of coming back to Singapore if you are always going out?”

Ouch. The inevitable has happened. Her parents are making noise now. My female owner was a little upset at the timing, coz she did spend Sunday and Tuesday evenings with them.

My female owner then stayed home today to make up for lost time. Unfortunately, her parents spent the day sleeping. By the time they got up and were ready to go out, my female owner had to go for a dinner appointment!

What bad timing.

Three cheers for trying!

dinner

For those who are wondering, yes, my female owner’s mother was appropriately surprised when she came home from work to find my female owner at home. In her words, “I almost had a heart attack!”

Anyway, they went out for a traditional Chinese dinner to celebrate my female owner’s mother’s birthday.

Yummy!

The menu...

the "traditional" shot which my female owner's parents readily obliged Samsui Ginger Chicken. My female owner fulfilled her cravings for yummy chicken Puk Kay & Tong Sam with Black Chicken Soup. Not sure what that means, but as long as it's not turtle soup... I don't careAnything spicy is good...

unwanted

I was looking forward to seeing my female owner last night. I was so disappointed (the rest of my siblings too). This was what happened.

My female owner’s Onli Fren (hubby and baby included) and her Second Onli Fren received her at the airport. In spite of her paranoia about her plane crashing (no thanks to some bad press recently; seriously, my female owner never felt so jittery before, especially when they kept putting on the seat-bealt sign in anticipation of turbulence), my female owner landed safely at about 2000hr. After cooing at Baby and giving some professional opinion about him, my female owner headed home with her Second Onli Fren. Passing by Ikea at Tampines along the expressway, they made an impromptu detour towards it. By then, it was about 2100hr. My female owner decided to get her Second Onli Fren to call her father to let him know that she would be back about 2300hr to surprise her mother.

Over the telephone, her father started to say some stuff that Second Onli Fren could not understand. Perplexed, she passed the phone to my female owner. His first words to my female owner were:

“Don’t come home tonight. Come back tomorrow at about 9-10 in the morning”

??

It turned out that her father did not want her to go home last night!!! Rather, he wanted her to stay away till today so that she could turn up on her mother’s actual birthday to surprise her.

Then where did he expect my female owner to stay?! This is where one starts to understand what being “Onli Frens” meant. My female owner looked over to her Second Onli Fren who readily agreed to house her for the night (and I’m sure, for as many nights as my female owner needed).

Ahh.. my female owner mused about being in a situation where her father did not want her to go back and being uncontactable from everyone (she didn't have any SIM card). For a while, my female owner felt that she could disappear from the surface of the earth and no one would even know.

pride

My female owner’s mother’s colleague recently took a lift from them (this was a day when my female owner tagged along in her father’s car to pick her mother up from work, before dropping at the MRT on the way home to go for aikido. She was apparently trying to squeeze in some family time in order to soothe her conscience). During the short 15mins ride, my female owner found out certain things that astonished her.

The colleague told her that that her mother is very proud of her (and has obviously been talking about her to her friends. So embarrassing!). More surprising for my female owner were the things that made her mother proud. Firstly (but expectedly), for being able to pursue postgrad studies. Secondly, for being able to bake (check out the mini muffins she baked for her father’s birthday party!).

Thirdly (this is the most astonishing part), for going to church and bible study regularly. My female owner never knew how much this meant to her mother, until that day.

absence

My female owner freaked out her parents by going missing online since Wednesday. Her mother (an woman of great anxiety) resorted to sending her an email yesterday morning to ask if she was ok and set a time for MSN video-conference last night.

And so, I finally heard my female owner’s voice after an absence of 4-5 days. Don’t think she’s in a good mood, coz she didn’t ask about us. In fact, her mother took the initiative to tell her about us - that we have all been well...and greedy.

Not good.

healing

Remember the 5-liner email my female owner’s brother sent her?

My female owner replied with a 500-word email (see the stark difference between siblings?!) on the same day.

8 days later (on Monday), he replied with a 7-liner email.

My female owner with another 500-word email (its purely coincidental, approximate lengths of both replies). She expected a reply few weeks down the road. Surprise, surprise, he replied late Monday night, with about 12-lines.

Wahaha. He’s really improving eh. My female owner’s mother used to compare their personalities and said that he’s the introvert whereas my female owner is the extrovert. But since my female owner is really an introvert (she doesn’t like big groups very much and would exhibit some social avoidance behaviour at random times), her brother must be really the introvert of introverts.

He never really paid much attention to us, when he was living at home. We turtles kinda shared our Balcony (how generous of us!) with his guinea pigs and single hamster. He had three pigs. For some reason, he bought two males and one female. You can imagine how traumatised the female pig was. She was proliferating like crazy! The baby pigs were cute, but we turtles were never allowed to go near them. Oh well. The mother pig eventually died at childbirth.. right in the middle of our Balcony!

Anyway, my female owner was really happy to be on “talking terms” with her brother. To begin with, two introverted siblings meant that they hardly talked. The huge age gap also made it difficult for them to find common grounds. But then again, there are mixed-sexes siblings who get along really well. I heard that her decision to enter into a relationship with my male owner created a great rift between them years ago, coz her brother was harsh towards my male owner and my female owner felt slighted.

So you see, that relationship really cost my female owner a lot in terms of family ties, time, mental health, spiritual walk, friends maybe, wasted opportunities (but without the relationship, there won’t be us and you won’t be reading this!). For instance, she delayed going for her postgraduate studies for my male owner and even changed church to one which my male owner felt comfortable in.

Back to the siblings. My female owner used to think that the only time they would communicate would probably be when something bad happens to the family. She was sort-of right. Christmas 2006, her mother was rushed to the hospital and that was when they spoke more than 2 sentences to each other. After that, it was back to baseline.

Perhaps coming here, across two continents, this would be the beginning of the healing for both of them?

tough tongue

My female owner's mother has a tough tongue but a very soft heart. She examplifies "her bark is worse than her bite". Having worked all her life in a psychiatric hospital, taking care of patients with schizophrenia and the like, it's easy to understand why she needs to have a tough tongue.

My female owner often joked that her mother brought her up, treating her like one of her patients. Oh, the rod was never spared. In fact, there were more than one lying around the house. Hmm.. somehow that translate into how my female owner tries to discipline us turtles. Whenever we do something wrong (yes, we make mistakes as pets too... usually it's about pooing or peeing indiscriminately around the house), my female owner would rap our shells to let us know we did something wrong. Sometimes, she may hit us on our heads too, causing us to retract our heads in shock. But we never change our behaviour. Wahaha. It's turtles' rights to poo and pee anywhere.

Anyway, the point I was trying to make is that, although my female owner's mother had been telling her not to come back in July, the moment my female owner confirmed that she would be coming back, her mother immediately swung into action to check out airfares for her. Apparently she did not want to pressurise my female owner to come back, in case my female owner could not complete her work over in Brisbane. That's why she told my female owner not to come back (but secretly hoped otherwise?)

brother

My female owner had been meaning to send her brother an email but, yes you guessed it, she sat on her “meaning” for so long that her brother finally sent her an email today. It’s so embarrassing.

So anyway, her brother, being the introverted man, wrote a grand total of 5 sentences in the email. In three of the sentences, it was about her coming back for their father’s 60th birthday in July and he offered to subsidise her airfare.

Wow! First he got her a laptop to bring over to Brisbane and then now, he offered to subsidise her airfare. He had never been so proactive in reaching out to her before. The siblings are generally “quiet lovers”. That sounds a bit wrong, but what I mean is that, they don’t demonstrate their love for each other in overt ways.

My female owner felt really touched by his offer. She was also shocked, coz she had just started praying to God to provide the finances to fly home. (She never really expected a positive answer apparently). Anyway, she rejected her brother's offer of assistance (then pray for what right? she's so strange!).

The email, though short,… cemented her decision go home in July! YEAH!!! My female owner is coming home! Bring out the champagne! Chicken wings! And fries!

card

We received something from our female owner today! Well, not really us turtles, but my female owner’s mother. It was a Mother’s Day card! For some reason, Australian Post was really fast with the delivery. It apparently found its way here within the week. The same can’t be said for mails sent from Singapore to Australia. My female owner had to wait ages for her documents to be sent over.

I was also about to say that my female owner hardly writes any cards for her parents. In fact, the last time she did, she was probably still a child. Her parents, on the other hand, would give her birthday cards with some short personal messages on them.

My female owner used to receive them with apprehension. Coz you see, her parents didn’t approve of our owners’ relationship. So many years ago when they first started dating, her parents used to write long letters to her, expressing their disappointment and disapproval. She would come home to find letters on her bed or table. At night, one parent would knock at her door and spend the next hour talking AT her. Even the birthday cards used to have cryptic messages like “choose wisely”.

My female owner definitely caused her parents a lot of sleepless nights and grief during that turbulent period. It’s hard to really understand why my female owner chose to be with my male owner despite the opposition (if she didn’t do what she did, we won’t be here anyway). I don’t think my female owner can fully explain her decision even now.

It’s a pity that something so intimate like letter writing left her with such unpleasant memories. My female owner kept all the letters from her parents but never read the last few coz she was too tired to. The letters also stopped coming after a period of time. My female owner finally threw away the letters last year, when she was sure there was no turning back in the relationship. Oh well, that also meant she threw away all the letters and cards which my male owner gave her.

suan me

My female owner has a "suan me" face. She gets teased by her friends wherever she goes (the main culprit at the moment would be her ex-colleagues). Her "suan me" face extends to her own family.

She MSN-ed home today and her father asked her how things were. She replied that she's been busy with work... and her father replied with a loud laugh: "who asked you to choose such a tough course? hahahahahaha"

Poor female owner! My shell almost cracked (not with laugher, but with empathy) when I heard that.