off

It’s one of those days when my female owner feels mega-ly off. First, she didn’t want to go to church because she felt off. Funnily, she ended up reaching in time for pre-service prayer and that helped. Then, she didn’t want to socialise with people, so she sat at the side and of course she didn’t go for dinner (having spent all her money on drinks the night before).

And today, for the first time, she mulls whether taking up this doctorate programme is a mistake. That perhaps, if she could turn back time, she wouldn’t have pursued it. Life would have still gone on peaceably. Working in her previous organisation (or moving on?!), creating a niche for herself in youths, drawing a steady income, being surrounded by familiar and soothing people/ things/ lifestyle, attaining a dan belt in aikido?. The list goes on. Life might have been simpler.

This year, 2010, began for her, as shaky as 2008 did. Uncertainty, self-doubts, moodiness, split-personalities, inner conflicts, questioning and hypothesising filled her days. Getting and subsequently, rejecting the offer increased her sense of guilt towards her parents and self-condemnation. (Hence back to her wondering if taking up this doctorate was a bad mistake).

My female owner says that she is likely to be transiting from her quarter-life crisis (which started when she was about 23 years old) straight into mid-life crisis. Ah.. a through-train! Wonder if Dodo has any mid-life crisis, since he’s turning ten this year.