relearn

“why make a promise you can’t keep?”

That was Intuitive Fren’s response when she commented that he keeps all his promises (my female owner was referring to “concrete” promises such as doing something together and not those vague ones like “you can always come to me if you need help” type). Well, it makes sense doesn't it?

For a good part of her life, my female owner had come across men who broke her trust, didn’t keep their promises or left her feeling insecure because of their flippant words. I must first say that I am not writing this to attack males or to insinuate that females are holier than thou. I’m just writing about my female owner’s experience.

A big chunk of her negative experiences came from her previous relationship. One thing that always stuck in her mind was how he claimed that he had quit smoking but time and time again, he would be caught red-handed. Other times would be when he promised to do things for her or with her but did not. My female owner had forgotten the details of most of these incidents, but they were enough to cause her to decide that she could depend on no one, but herself. That independent streak is still evident in some of her actions and decisions now.

A less hurtful but long-lasting impact would come from some of her male friends in Singapore. They would make plans to do things together but the guy would pull out last minute. It came to a point when my female owner didn’t know if something was really going to take place until the set time itself. It was difficult to make plans and certainly safer to make plans involving more than just two people. Of course this did not happen all the time and there were many memorable experiences my female owner had with her male friends when they did keep their promises (think Turtle Museum!).

But you know, the overall experience would go something along the lines of… “I couldn’t trust my partner for big things…. And even in smaller things, the actions of my male friends made me feel insecure”

So going over to Brisbane, my female owner found herself having to relearn her flawed concepts of men (when she was a teenager, her piano teacher actually told her that she did not want to get married because husbands take up place at home!). There are indeed guys who do what they say they would do. There are those who gave her a sense of security because of their dependability, patience and wisdom. There are others who anticipated her needs and offered help even before she asked or realised that she needed it. Others yet, impressed her with their attention to details, sensitivity to others’ feelings and erm, culinary skills (hey, this is not surprising given that not many of her Singaporean male friends can cook). Gee… she must have had really bad experiences in the past to have to relearn so much.

No guy (or gal) is perfect and once in a while, people will disappoint (including her). But I guess the important thing for my female owner is that she has developed a more balanced view of men, after being disillusioned for so many years.