what if

My female owner says that she will be back in Singapore in 69 days. And it is with fear and trepidation that she awaits the final day. Such an irony isn’t it? For someone who claims that she can’t wait to be home again.

Home is where the heart is. My female owner still regards Singapore as her home. She holds her beloved family and friends close to her heart.

At the same time, her affection for Brisbane (and the lifestyle) is increasing. She knows that she is going to miss her Brisbane friends when she returns to Singapore. They were just talking about having a birthday party for Dec babies and well, my female owner won’t be around for that. For the first time, her MSN contacts for “Brisbane” are more active than the other categories of her life (e.g. “Aikido”, “Colleagues”, “Church”). Just two days ago, someone found out that she would be returning to Singapore in December and later on, asked her privately “how long will you be gone?”

My female owner felt a wave of familiarity as she heard those words, spoken in a well-meaning tone. It was exactly how her friends had asked (“how long will you be gone?”) when she told them that she would be leaving Singapore to further her studies. For the first time, she felt that maybe, home is now Brisbane and she is leaving Brisbane for a foreign country. For how long? She hasn’t decided. 6 weeks? 8 weeks? Depends.

I guess that’s why my female owner is apprehensive about returning home. What if she went home and found out that she can’t fit in anymore? That her friends have moved on with their respective lives and there is a widening gap that can no longer be bridged? That would be heart-wrenching for my female owner.

On the flip side, what if she went home and found that she really loved Singapore and Brisbane, at the end of the day, is just a passing season in her life, an illusion she created (at the cost of more than 100k) just so that she could escape a bad job and a failed relationship? Won’t that make leaving Singapore another painful experience?

You know what, I think my female owner thinks too much for her own good. “Live in the present!” as what one of her friends told her. “Let go of the past!” as many had admonished her. Like it or not, 69 days is going to pass quickly and before you know it, she will be back! Let The Balcony party!!!