Ah

Ah Beng was walking along his work area one day and saw his fren Ah Mute.

Ah Mute can't speak so he needs to use sign language to communicate.

Ah Mute signalled why Ah Beng wasn't at work. Ah Beng than look around and gathered some leaves under the tree and stood on them. He looked at Ah Mute and pointed down at the leaves.

Ah Mute was now confused.. Later Ah Seng passed by and saw Ah Beng standing on the leaves.

Ah Mute then signal Ah Seng on what Ah Beng was trying to say..

Ah Seng then typed down in his handphone and showed it to Ah Mute.

"Aiyo so simple, Ah Beng Is On Leave!"

hymns

My female owner finally sent an email to the church wind ensemble she used to play with today. The reason was that someone started sending out some hymn jokes.

Do you know your HYMNS?
The Dentist's Hymn........ .......Crown Him with Many Crowns
The Weatherman's Hymn........ There Shall Be Showers of Blessings
The Contractor's Hymn........The Church is One Foundation
The Tailor's Hymn........ .......Holy, Holy, Holy
The Golfer's Hymn........ There is a Green Hill Far Away
The Politician's Hymn........ .........Standing on the Promises
The Optometrist' s Hymn........Open My Eyes That I Might See
The IRAS Agent's Hymn........ ......... ......... ...I Surrender All
The Gossip's Hymn........ ......... ......... ......... ..Pass It On
The Electrician' s Hymn........ ......... ......... ..Send The Light
The Shopper's Hymn........ ......... ......... ...Sweet Buy and Buy
The Realtor's Hymn......... I've Got a Mansion Just over the Hilltop
The Massage Therapists Hymn ............ He Touched Me
The Doctor's Hymn........ ......... .The Great Physician

The emails started shooting around and my female owner couldn’t help but ask “any hymns for the psychologist?”

And the answers came quite quickly:

Take Thou Our Minds, Dear Lord
God Be In My Head
Whispering Hope

Haha!

She also received a short email from one of the veterans of the ensemble who asked how she was and added that he was waiting for her to return to join them. My female owner thought that he was referring to the ensemble and replied accordingly. It turned out that he was referring to joining his organisation. The history is that, before she left for Brisbane, he had briefly broached the subject to her, but my female owner had forgotten about it until today. My female owner is not keen coz it’s a governmental department dealing with restricted information.

After all, my female owner didn’t resign from the civil service, to hop back into the civil service. Then she might as well have taken a sponsorship!

Anyway, more hymns were compiled by the end of the day. You probably can find one that suits you.

The chiropractor's hymn - STAND UP, STAND UP.
The electricians hymn - SEND THE LIGHT.
The poor person's hymn - I CARE NOT FOR RICHES.
The rainmaker's hymn - SHOWERS OF BLESSING
The surgical patient's hymn - I LONG TO BE PERFECTLY WHOLE. T
he day you find out you're pregnant hymn - O HAPPY DAY.
The day you find out you're NOT pregnant hymn - O HAPPY DAY.
The Mountain Home Builder's Association hymn - MY HOUSE IS BUILT UPON A ROCK
My kid's getting even with me hymn - O THEY TELL ME OF A HOME.
The ranger station hymn - ON A HILL FAR AWAY.
The physical therapist hymn - ONE STEP AT A TIME.
The divorced person's hymn - OUT OF MY BONDAGE.
The WIDE LOAD hymn - PASS ME NOT.
The rescuer's hymn - SEEKING THE LOST.
The fisherman's hymn - SHALL WE GATHER AT THE RIVER.
The last payment hymn - SINCE I CAN READ MY TITLE CLEAR.
The seamstress hymn - SOWING IN THE MORNING.
The dater's hymn - THE NIGHT IS FAST PASSING.
The thirsty person's hymn - THERE IS A FOUNTAIN.
The slingshot hymn - THERE IS A ROCK.
The telephone repairman's hymn - THERE'S A CALL COMES RINGING.
The dieter's hymn - THOU, MY EVER LASTING PORTION.
The chain gang hymn - GO LABOR ON.
The hiker's hymn - WALKING IN THE SUNLIGHT.
The car accident hymn - WE SAW THEE NOT.
The lawyer's hymn - WHEN ALL MY LABORS AND TRIALS ARE OVER.
The street crossing guard hymn - WHY DO YOU WAIT?
The prisoner's hymn - WOULD YOU BE FREE?
The home builder's hymn - A MIGHTY FORTRESS
The parade master's hymn - FLING OUT THE BANNER.
The weatherman's hymn - FROM EVERY STORMY WIND THAT BLOWS
The Darning Association's hymn - HOLY, HOLY, HOLY.
The Girdle Association's hymn - HOW FIRM A FOUNDATION.
The caterer's hymn - ALL THINGS ARE READY, COME TO THE FEAST.
The salesman's hymn - ALMOST PERSUADED.
The insurance man's hymn - BLESSED ASSURANCE.
The cowboy's hymn - DAY IS DYING IN THE WEST.
The accountant's hymn - EARTH HOLDS NO TREASURES.
The traveler's hymn - FAR AND NEAR.
The scuba diver's hymn - FAR AWAY IN THE DEPTHS.
The whisperer's hymn - HARK! THE GENTLE VOICE.
The whining spouse hymn - HAVE THINE OWN WAY.
The wagon master's hymn - HE LEADETH ME.
The hearing aid salesman's hymn - HEAR THE SWEET VOICE.
The lost traveler's hymn - HERE WE ARE BUT STRAYING PILGRIMS.
The oxen hymn - HIS YOKE IS EASY.
The new kid in the class hymn - I AM A STRANGER HERE.
The rookie hang glider's hymn - I AM DWELLING ON THE MOUNTAIN.
The Vegetable Grower's Association hymn - I COME TO THE GARDEN ALONE.
The explorer's hymn - I HAVE HEARD OF A LAND.
The watch repairman's hymn - I NEED THEE EVERY HOUR.
The Job Service hymn - I WANT TO BE A WORKER.
The ironing lady's hymn - I'M PRESSING ON.
The distiller's hymn - I REACHED THE LAND OF CORN AND WINE.
The lost dog hymn - I'VE WANDERED FAR.
The half time Alaska hymn - IN THE LAND OF FADELESS DAY.
The birthday hymn - IS IT FOR ME?
The night watchman's hymn - IT MAY BE AT MORN.
The nervous groom's hymn - JUST A FEW MORE DAYS.
The perfect person's hymn - JUST AS I AM.
The drunkard's hymn - LEAD ME GENTLY HOME.
The psychiatrist hymn - LET US WITH A GLADSOME MIND.
The pie maker's hymn - PEACE, PERFECT PEACE.
The Gold Collector's Association hymn - PURER YET AND PURER.
The Rock Collector's Association hymn - ROCK OF AGES.
The dynamite specialist hymn - SAFELY THROUGH ANOTHER WEEK.
The race car hymn - SPEED AWAY.
The payment book hymn - WE GIVE THEE BUT THINE OWN.
The escaped convict's hymn - FLEE AS A BIRD.
The coal miner's hymn - SOMEWHERE THE SUN IS SHINING.
An Alternative Hymn for LTA and the ERP gantries --- And Can it Be that I Should Gain
The Hymn for Peer Pressure --- Come Let Us Join Our Friends Above
The Trumpeter's Hymn --- Blow Ye the Trumpet Blow.
The Big Band's Hymn --- Christ Lay in Death's Strong Bands
The Weatherman's Hymn --- Lo He Comes With Clouds Descending
The Port Operator's Hymn --- Come To The Water. :)
The Hymn for Impatient People --- Come Thou Long Expected Jesus
The Hymn for the Pro-China faction --- Day is Dying in the West
The Pro-Globalisation Hymn --- In Christ there is no East or West
The Hymn for Slow Learners --- We Understand it better By and By

banana

Please take test to check how stress you are....


The Banana Test

There is a very, very tall coconut tree and there are 4 animals.
King Kong, an Ape, an Orangutan and a Monkey pass by.
They decide to compete to see who is the fastest to get a banana off the tree.

Who do you guess will win?
Your answer will reflect your personality.
Think carefully . . . Try and answer within 30 seconds


Got your answer?

Now scroll down to see the analysis.




















If your answer is: Orangutan = you're sick
Ape = you need a break
Monkey = worse, you are supposed to be in the hospital right now..
King Kong = I think you better take 1 year leave..
.......



Why?! ????












.......


A Coconut tree doesn't have bananas!

Obviously you're stressed and overworked. Take some time off and relax! â?º

________________________________

Did you get the correct answer? Guess what happened to my female owner? First, she thought the trick was in the number of animals (she somehow missed the "ape") and she guessed "monkey".

She sent the trick to two seniors. Despite being warned, one chose the orang utan and the other chose the ape. Wahaha. All psychologists and all fell for the trick! They are stressed indeed.

irony

In a small town, a person decided to open up a brothel, which was right opposite to a church. The church & its congregation started a campaign to block the brothel from opening with petitions and prayed daily against his business.

Work progressed. However, when it was almost complete and was about to open a few days later, a strong lightning struck the brothel and it was burnt to the ground.

The church folks were rather smug in their outlook after that, till the brothel owner sued the church authorities on the grounds that the church through its congregation & prayers was ultimately responsible for the destruction of his brothel, either through direct or indirect actions or means.

In its reply to the court, the church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection that their prayers were reasons for the act of God. As the case made its way into court, the judge looked over the paperwork at the hearing and commented: "I don't know how I'm going to decide this case, but it appears from the paperwork, we have a brothel owner who believes in the power of prayer and we have an entire church that doesn't."

gender

A Spanish teacher is explaining "House", for instance, is feminine: "la casa". "Pencil", however, is masculine: "el lapiz".

A student asked, "Which gender is 'computer'?" Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computadora"), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ("el computador"), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won.