vulnerable

My female owner has been preoccupied with two things recently. One – Theseus. Given that it is already mid-June and she is not progressing with him in terms of her goals for this month, my female owner is rightfully panicking.

Second – Fated Guy. All along she had thought of their friendship as well, fated. Coz they seem to get along well, despite the short length of time, share similar interests and have similar personalities and predispositions. My female owner says that she feels as if time flies whenever they are together coz they don’t run out of things to say and they laugh easily over trivial things. However, recently, he had been doing a few things that might be beyond what a normal friend would do. Perhaps, what a very good guy friend would do, and maybe that’s what it’s all about.

Therapist Fren has the most details about what he has been doing and gets entertained teasing my female owner about it. However, at the end of the day, she tells my female owner to be open about possibilities. My female owner has been rejecting all these possibilities.

Whether or not Fated Guy is interested in her, my female owner cannot deny that they are getting closer, psychologically and emotionally, based on the nature of things they share with each other. With each revelation, my female owner feels more and more vulnerable, more and more exposed. While they are just friends, she sometimes gets the feeling that their interaction is similar to romantic partners. And she is reacting internally “if this is what entering into a romantic relationship is about – being open and vulnerable, then maybe I don’t want it”

So the distress and apprehension she feels is really about the realisation that she has an ambivalent-anxious attachment style, that when people get too close to her, she starts to put up defences so that they cannot come nearer in. She knows that deep down, she doesn’t want to risk being hurt, whether by friends or romance (hence, she had been so selective and guarded). And for Fated Guy, he would be returning to his home country in two months’ time and my female owner knows she would be upset when he leaves, just as she had been when her Jogging Kaki went home. So, the closer they are now, the more hurt she would be later.