a tribute to the fairer sex

A little boy asked his mother, "Why are you crying?" "Because I'm a woman," she told him.

"I don't understand," he said. His Mom just hugged him and said, "And you never will."

Later the little boy asked his father, "Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?"

"All women cry for no reason," was all his dad could say.

The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry.

Finally he put in a call to God. When God got on the phone, he asked, "God, why do women cry so easily?"

God said:

"When I made the woman she had to be special.

I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet gentle enough to give comfort.

I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children.

I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up, and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining.

I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her child has hurt her very badly.

I gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart.

I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.

And finally, I gave her a tear to shed. This is hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed."

"You see my son," said God, "the beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.

The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart - the place where love resides."

well-being

You haven’t heard from me for a long time and that’s because I had been living in fear and on tenterhooks for the past 2 weeks. You see, my female owner was busy preparing for her flute exam and she spent all her spare time at home, practising her songs and other requirements. Her practise area is usually the living room, right next to the balcony. How is this connected to our (I speak for my siblings as well) psychological, mental, physical and emotional well-being? Lots, I must say. Firstly, she plays terribly. Or rather, she screeches, especially on the higher notes. And, being a high grader, she has tonnes of high notes to play. That affects our hearing as we endure the noise pollution. As a result, we get a headache and we can’t rest because of the headache. Secondly, sound produces vibrations and we are sensitive to vibrations. The sound or rather noise vibrations travel through the air and strike us through our shell (which happens to be made of the same material as human being’s fingernails). The end result is that our shells start to experience tremours (think earthquake) and our sense of safety is compromised. Imagine, our shell has always been our source of refuge and protection. To feel it shaking all the time is certainly testing the limits of our psychological well-being. Thirdly, being so miserable, we start to feel depressed and lose our appetite. Not only do we feel vulnerable, we are also low on energy… Nah, this third point is a bluff. We will still eat no matter what. Got you, didn’t I?

ranking system

Women like to complicate matters.

My female owner always put my male owner in a difficult spot by asking this question "You like which tortoise most?" By asking this, she is essentially forcing him rank the four of us in order of preference based on a certain criteria. And what is this criteria? It can be anything that he deems important in ranking us. Say there are four simple items in the criteria - sex of tortoise, size, colour and weight - my male owner still has to decide, are these items equally important? Or is colour more important than the rest? Or is there a ranking among the items too?! And what if she disagrees with his ranking criteria and thinks that he should rank the four of us according to what she thinks is important?

Anyway, my male owner's answer has always been consistent - "I like them the same, because they are ours". Wah.. so sweet and reassuring for us.

"But they are different, there must be some that you like more than others!"

"Each of them is cute in its own ways".

That usually leaves her speechless, unable to continue this one-sided debate. You know what is our answer for which owner we prefer?

"We like them both, because they are our owners."

one lesson learnt

my female owner came home very late last night, so i was kept in the Sick Bay for a really long time. My prolapse was out when she released me from the bucket. Once out, I was so relieved and happy that my prolapse retracted naturally. It's definitely stress-induced. And stress is confining me in one tiny area the whole day.

health scare

my female owner had a health scare this morning. She visited us as usual just before heading off for work. She found me in the feeding tank. This is unusual because I would always climb out of the tank within hours of feeding (you will find out why soon). Anyway, she brought me out (so thankful for that!) and walked away. When she returned, she found out that my prolapse returned. She almost went ballistic. Sheesh. I was trying to hide from her, coz I knew she would turn hysterical. Women. So hard to hide things from them.

Anyway, being the well-heeled turtle nurse, she went to fill up this round bucket with water. I always call this round bucket the "Sick Bay" because she keeps us in it whenever we are ill. It's high, so it prevents us from climbing over and mixing with the rest of our siblings. But it's also cramped, we dont even have leg room to stretch. So we feel even more sick being kept in there.

By the time she came back with the water, my prolapse was gone! Really, honest to God, I managed to retract it back in and I was so relieved. Heh, no Sick Bay for me! Alas, my female owner had other plans - she put me in the bucket, as a "just in case" measure. My heart sank all the way to my prolapse.

The only thing that cheered me up was that my elder brothers, Dodo and Dona, left their morning basking spots immediately to check if I was ok. They hovered around the bucket, trying to look in to see if they could do anything for me. I felt so touched. For all the hours I spent talking with Nanook, my sister, she didn't leave her favourite corner to show me some sisterly care. She wore her usual "did-anyone-call-my-name" look on her face. In times like this, I start to understand why my female owner is so exasperated with her.

why i enjoy being a turtle

Ten reasons why it's good to be a turtle.

1) We are expected to be slow, so people have little expectations of us. Hence, life is less stressful for us.

2) We are hardy. Think stone-age. We are likely to survive any drastic climatic changes in the environment.

3) We do not need to do silly tricks to entertain our owners, unlike our canine or feline counterparts.

4) We don't have to care for our young. Just lay the eggs and leave the hatchlings to fend for themselves.

5) We help our owners to save money. We don't need an elaborate living environment, are simple eaters and don't need grooming.

6) We are quiet. Hence, we don't annoy ourselves or others.

7) We are always home.

8) We have minimal pet obligations to fulfill. It is perfectly legitimate for us to bask in the sun the whole day and to hide in dark corners at other times. No sweat.

9) We have good temperaments. No matter how you try to scare us, we won't bite. Hence, we make good companions for men who are traumatised by their overbearing partners.

10) Finally, we are the colour of nature. We blend in with all things natural and brings healing to the injured soul.

"to lose weight"

ever heard of how pets will resemble their owners? for example, if the owner is gentle and kind, the pet is likely to be so. if the owner has curly hair, the pet (if possible) will also have curly fur. i think i take after my female in one area - the uncontrolled eating... and natural consequences that follow (being fat/ lazy). even though I’m saying this, I’m not admitting to being a greedy turtle. Read my beak (I don’t have lips). What I am saying is, if anyone (including my female owner) wants to accuse me of being fat/ lazy/ greedy, he or she needs to realise that I’m merely taking after my female owner. So it’s not my fault. I’m just predisposed to looking fat/ lazy/ greedy, because of my family background. Yah, I know, some of you might be saying “but you were the one who tried to charm your way to your male owner’s heart at the pet shop” (read the blog “my cute and happy wriggle”). That’s precisely my point, I wasn’t trying to seduce a female human being! Let me fish out one simple example before I go to bed. Ever since I entered this household (about 4.5 years ago), my female owner has been consistent in one aspect – she is always saying that she want to lose weight. So far, no results. Recently, she went to the USA for a 2-week holiday. Before she left, she started eating all sorts of local delights, because, in her words “I don’t know if I’m going to come back alive, so this may be my last chance eating local food”. Over there, she lived on instant noodles, canned tuna, biscuits and instant soup. As a result, she came back (yes, she came back alive, so all that gorging was uncalled for) lighter by 2 kg. Ah, her lose-weight-plan has finally kicked into action and bore fruit. With this newfound weight (she had never been so light for a long while), she went on an eating spree! You know what’s her reason? “I missed local food and it’s time to catch up!” There you have it, she always has a valid reason to indulge in food. I believe that the smaller number on the weighing scale contributed to her current spree. I think her mantra for the next 4.5 years will remain the same – to lose weight.

the unexpected feast

Remember my last entry when I talked about my owner and her parents going away for holidays and leaving us turtles at home to fend for ourselves (okay, the last part is my own perception)? My brother, Dodo, chided me when I whined about my insecurities about being left at home alone, with no one to feed us. Usually good-natured and even-tempered, he told me to be more trusting of my owners. After all, they brought us up when we were still tiny and never once did any of us starve. With such good track record, I shouldn't fear that we would be left uncared for.

My brother couldn't be more right - not only were we well-taken care of by our temporary turtle-sitters (they cleaned the balcony regularly), we were definitely well-fed. A container of turtle pellets (see photo) usually lasts us for more than one month (under the strict ration of my female owner). However, this time, we finished one whole container within a span of 13 days! It’s like being able to indulge in buffet everyday, rather than subjected to limited ala-carte fare.

Yum.

promises

Recently, my female owner announced that she would be going overseas for about 2 weeks. That means that she won't be able to feed us for, let me count... 7 times. Oh well, her parents will turtlesit us then. No issue. She's always going off somewhere anyway. Later, my female owner updated her news release. Her parents are going for a 5-day holiday during that 2-week period! My siblings and I started to panick. FIVE days of being left at home alone?? No food and water?? Please don't test us. I know we will pass the test, given our good genetic make-up but can we not subject ourselves to unnecessary torture... please?? I promise to be good. I promise not to eat too much and I promise never to step on Dodo or Dona in order to climb over the tank. Is somebody hearing my pleas?

turtleneck

It has been a long time since I came here. Blame it on the weather. Singapore has suddenly turned really hot and humid. In a water-scarce environment like my balcony, it’s really hard to find the time to think and mediate. All you really wanna do is to snooze your life away. Animals like to hibernate when it’s winter. I prefer to be inactive when it’s hot. Peace is being able to be at rest… when your surroundings become heated up. Anyway, many things have changed since the last time anyone heard from me. One of the most significant thing is this. Yes, that’s right, a photo of me. My beloved female owner’s digital camera suddenly gave up on life and refused to snap any more photos for her. Either that or the camera has developed an allergic reaction to terrapins. Whatever it is, my female owner was trying to snap a photo of me when the camera blanked out on her. (I must add that I look grouchy because of the weather. Can you imagine wearing a thick turtleneck 24/7 in sunny Singapore??). The camera was never revived. So this photo which you see before you is really precious. It’s the last photo ever taken on her camera! She's quite upset because the camera was a gift from my male owner...

The turtles' picnic

Found this story interesting... Maybe I should go meditate on it until my next feeding.. adious

A family of turtles once decided to go on a picnic. Turtles, being naturally slow about things, took seven years to prepare for their outing. Finally the turtle family left home looking for a suitable place for their picnic.

During the second year of their journey they found a place ideal for them at last! For about six months they cleaned up the area, unpacked the picnic basket, and completed the arrangements.

Then, to their dismay, they discovered they had forgotten the salt. A picnic without salt would be a disaster, they all agreed. After a lengthy discussion, the youngest turtle was chosen to retrieve the salt from home. Although he was the fastest of the slow-moving turtles, the little turtle whined, cried, and wobbled in his shell. He finally agreed to go on one condition - that no one would eat until he returned.

Fair enough, the rest of the family decided, and the little turtle left. Three years passed and the little turtle had not returned. Five years rolled by, then six. Then, in the seventh year of his absence, the oldest turtle could no longer contain his hunger. He announced that he was going to eat and began to unwrap a sandwich.

At that point the little turtle suddenly popped out from behind a tree and shouted, "See! I knew you wouldn't wait. Now I am not going to go get the salt!"

Like the little turtle in the story, some of us waste our time waiting for people to live up to our expectations. We are so concerned about what others are doing that we don't do anything ourselves. We're worried that other people are going to let us down, so we live in fear and suspicion. We often think the worst of others, not realising that it's our very lack of faith that leads to the result we dreaded. The family of turtles would have waited for the little turtle to return. In fact, they did; seven years they waited. Eventually the oldest turtle was forced to stopped waiting because of the little turtle's mistrust. In the same way, we often bring out the worst in other people because we expected nothing better from them.

So choose to see the good in people. Don't waste time judging others while not doing anything to improve yourself. If we were like the little turtle in the story, we would all suffer.

Maslow's Law

I think my female owner is really busy these days. It was our feeding day yesterday. She realised it, so she came into the balcony to get our feeding tank, gave it a good scrub and filled it up with fresh water. As the night was still young (maybe 9pm), she decided not to feed us yet. So we waited…. And waited…. And waited…. And without warning, the lights went out close to midnight and it struck us only then that she forgot all about us!

So much for waiting.

You must be wondering why I’m so uptight about being fed. I learnt from somewhere that a certain Abraham Maslow’s Law states that the most basic needs are physiological and that includes the needs for oxygen, water, protein, salt, sugar, calcium, and other minerals and vitamins.

Ah… now you understand right?

a touch from God

It was a horrible start to my Saturday. I woke up to see the cleaning lady in our balcony. The cleaning lady makes her appearance in my female owner’s house once every few weeks. Every time she comes, all of us terrapins break out in cold sweat. This is because she would put us into a tank to keep us in (in case she tramples on us while she cleans). This tank is opaque and cramped, making us very miserable, stressed and claustrophobic. Today was worse, because I suffered a relapse – I had a prolapse again. This time, I felt uncomfortable because I could feel something sticking out of my tail but could not get rid of it no matter how hard I kicked. Coincidentally, Dona also suffered a prolapse. It must be the cleaning lady! My female owner’s mother saw our condition and tried to poke the prolapse back into our tail. Her nursing skills worked the last time for Dona and I thought I would be ok too. I certainly did not wish to go back to the vet again to be cut up and stitched back and doped with horrible tasting medicine. Alas, I was too tensed when she picked me up and I continued to have a prolapse (Dona was ok after the poke). By this time, my female owner had roused from her sleep and inspected us. Although she didn’t say anything, I could almost hear her heart drop and her thought bubble coming on “Prolapse again?!” I bet she must have felt demoralised. After spending so much on me, I still suffered a relapse few months down the road. Anyway, she took me out and left me in the feeding tank, separated from the rest. I believe she prayed for me, because by afternoon time, my prolapse had gone in. I was as good as gold! Close shave!

the best moments are now

Ask me what the best moment in my life was, I would tell you that there were two. The first “best” moment was when my male owner chose me to be his pet. The feeling of being specially chosen by someone and subsequently, belonging to someone who loves and cares for your every need is overwhelmingly heart-warming. My male owner has never, in my short 4.5 years on planet Earth, failed to make me feel special and loved. The same goes for my female owner. Although she may complain about me and not feed me for days, I know that it is due to a personality flaw, more than personal attack on me. Alright, I know I sound as if I am launching a personal attack on her, but you know what I mean right? The second “best” moment is now. Waking up everyday, knowing that each day brings with it surprises and new experiences. I know it sounds weird, coming from a terrapin which does nothing much every day, save to “eat, sleep and shit” (that’s what my female owner would say). My female owner tends to reminisce about the early days when we were so small and cute. Now we are even cuter (it’s true!), but not so small, and so, she would gripe about our swollen size (“so fat and heavy”). I tend to disagree with her, life is about growing and living right? So we should appreciate our physical size, big or small, because growing bigger and older is a sign of health and wealth. Indeed, the best moments are now!

a picture paints a thousand words

This is just a recent photo of me. My female owner probably wanted to show everyone how fat I am.

This is our new haunt - the shoe rack. We used to be able to go underneath the shoe rack as it was perched on four bricks. However, Nanook (on the right) got so big that she toppled the shoe rack (it had four racks) a few times. For our own safety, the shoe rack is no longer perched on bricks but placed squarely on the floor. However, we still find it an interesting place to be, as it is slanting.

Nanook and me, spending a lazy afternoon together under the trolley. My female owner managed to alleviate the trolley so that Nanook can go underneath it. My brothers usually leave us alone when we have our girl-talk.

Me resting under this four-wheel cycle which is more than 20 years old (Nanook is in the background)! My female owner used to ride it when she was a little girl. Because of her reliance on this four-wheel cycle, she took a long time to ride a proper bicycle.

Queueing up to be fed

Contrary to popular belief, my female owner fed us yesterday despite the earthquake that happened between my two owners. In fact she was extra thoughtful - she fed Nanook first. Nanook, as you would know by now, is the largest terrapin among the four of us. For some unknown reason, she ballooned proportionately, while I just fattened around the head, with my shell still constricted. Hence, Nanook, for her size, can still retract her head totally into her shell while I have to make a hasty retreat by moving backwards whenever I feel threatened.

Anyway, being the biggest means that she is usually fed the last. Why feed one terrapin and leave the other three looking in hungrily from outside the feeding tank when you can feed three together and leave the "fat one" outside to wait her turn? Besides the "fat one" eats the most and doesn't seem to know when to stop eating. Hence, for reasons such as these, Nanook is usually fed the last.

This has caused a dent in Nanook's self-esteem. She often wonders why she is usually the last. In fact, she can get quite moody over this and acts out by sulking in a corner, ignoring my owners' call to food.

So yesterday was a pleasant surprise for her, as she was fed first, together with Dodo. Dodo, for the records, usually gets fed first, because he runs the fastest and reaches the tank first. First come first served usually applies at my household. Ah, that's another reason why Nanook doesn't get fed first! She is always sulking in the corner. Oh, but the sad thing was, I became the last terrapin to be fed!

world peace

My owners are at it again. It's like an annual affair. At the beginning of the year, they would have a major disagreement about their relationship and each one seems worse than the previous one. How does it affect us? Many ways.

i) My female owner will visit us more, just to space out. Then when some mean or unhappy thoughts will come into her mind and she will act out, by poking us in any or every retractable body part. That includes the 4 limbs, tail and head. I get it worse, because my fat head makes it IMPOSSIBLE for me to retreat into my shell for shelter. And that gives her 1 more reason to be upset - that Nooki is too fat!

ii) My female owner, as she is, is already quite temperamental with her feeding. Although we are supposed to get fed every other day, sometimes she would (for an endless variety of reasons) choose not to feed us. So we go without food or water for 3 days. We may be resilient but hey, who would ever reject food right?

iii) My male owner will stop coming over and that means that our living conditions will deteriorate. He is the long-suffering soul who would scrub our tank to make it clean and clear from algae before feeding us.

iv) Less play time for us. Sometimes they would sit together in the balcony and talk about us while playing with us. With one person gone, at least half the fun is gone. Actually more than half, coz my female owner would oscillate between playing and poking us while he would just play with us.

May there be world peace.

an act of humanity

It’s a new year and it’s time for some reflection. Today’s reflection topic is: ever wondered how life would be if I didn’t hoodwink my male owner into choosing me for a pet? My owners are very dedicated to us (save for the occasional slip-ups in feeding days) and are not the kind of Singaporean Chinese who believe that terrapins should be released into the wild as an act of humanity.

What humanity are these people talking about? You rear us in small tanks with 1-inch deep water and feed us 3 times a day (no, not my owners, but the typical terrapin owner) and just as we are getting comfortable with being waited hand on foot, you pack us into your car and drive to the nearest reservoir to carry out your act of humanity?? By then, we would probably be quite round and heavy, making swimming to keep afloat a near impossible task, much less swimming around to look for food! (by the way, this usually happens after a few months, when we are bigger and "not so cute" and the owners are tired of looking after us.

My blood boils at the thought of such human logic! A pet is for life you know. How can you buy a pet and release it after a few months and call it humane? I don't see human parents doing that to their children! Oh, baby has grown up and learnt to walk. We should find an auspicious date to release him into the jungle for it’s an act of humanity to do so.

Alright, enough reflection for the night. I need to cool off and book my favourite nook for the night! Nanook, make way!

does life stop at 25?

I think my female owner is depressed. She just celebrated her birthday in Dec and claims that life stops at 25. No prizes for guessing how old she is now! At 25, she is at the prime of her youth. She is still young, financially independent and has the freedom to do whatever her heart chooses to do. Then why does she declare that life stops at 25? Human women! For terrapins which are bred in captivity, our life-span is about there – 25 to 30 years old. I’m only 4 years old. I wonder how life will be when I’m 25. Will life literally stop for me when I’m 25? That’s so scary! For now, I shall enjoy my life in the balcony, taking each day as it comes.

finally a sunny day

After a spate of rainy days, the sun finally decided to report to work. It was a pleasant change for us terrapins, (and I’m sure many humans) as the warm sun rays helped us to regulate our body temperature. For some strange reason, my female owner was at home even though it was a Friday. I later found out that she was on leave.

It was fun having her at home. Because she was free, she took away the wooden plank that separates the balcony where we stay and the rest of the house. This means that we can, at our own time and pleasure, climb over a short ledge into the living room, where it’s a gateway for us to explore new things.

See the photo below. That’s me on the ledge. Nanook is the bigger one showing her bum while Dodo is the smaller one.

Anyway, Nanook and Dodo had a field day exploring new grounds. This exposure to a simulating environment is very important, to keep us alert and happy. Our balcony is getting too small and boring. I mean, we have lived there all our lives! This is especially so for Nanook who is getting bigger and fatter by the day. She is certainly running out of shady spots which can accommodate her big shell and would jump at any opportunity to look for fresh places.

As for me, I took the chance to stone in my favourite spot in the balcony - under the trolley. I mean, how often will you get the chance to rest alone in your favourite hide-out without having to share space??

Alas, my bliss was short-lived. My female owner took it upon herself to teleport me to the living room. As what all terrapins with high EQ would do, I did a few courtesy rounds in the living room and when she was distracted, planted myself in a cozy corner to snooze my afternoon away…